California, Los Angeles, July 5th 2017

It's been a while since I got away from my sister.

I am now working as a librarian with Roderick. Isn't it so sweet?!

To work with someone you love.

But I guess this thing of working together and going outside together all the time is kind of frustrating.

I love him, don't get me wrong but it's a bit suffocating because I used to live by individualism.

To be free to do what I want when I wanted to.

Now I have schedules to achieve, I can't be my truest self around Roderick.

It's a fact that I changed and that in relationships you're supposed to be yourself and be free and proud.

But there are things that we should keep to ourselves.

We have the right to be whatever we want when nobody is watching.

And lately I haven't been able to do it.

Roderick wants to talk to me. And by the tone of his voice, it's serious.

I'm not ready for a proposal. So let's see what he has to say to me.

It's our lunch time and since we work right next to our homes, we decide to lunch in one of our homes.

This time we choose his house. Well his mother's house.

She's at work. So there's nothing to worry.

Jordan – Oh god, people can be total dicks to librarians.

Roderick - Tell me about it.

Jordan – I had to grab a history book that was in the shelf of novels.

Jordan – Why are people so lazy to put the books in their right genres?!

Roderick – What I hate the most is people who borrow books but don't give them back on the time we set.

Roderick – I know they love the book but they have to do it so.

Roderick – I hate sending letters after letters because people don't return the books they borrowed.

Jordan – Yeah it's a pain in the ass.

Jordan – But I like this job. I feel like a dog running in a field.

Jordan – I'm surrounded by books. And how great it is to look at those shelves full of books yet to read.

Jordan – Yet to find what stories and lessons are in them.

Roderick – You're really passionate about it.

Jordan – I guess when I like something, I like it a lot.

Jordan – I put my whole heart in it.

Roderick - I'm sorry to ruin this beautiful conversation.

Roderick – But it's time for another conversation.

Jordan – Oh god. Just say it.

Roderick – I have to tell you something.

Jordan – I hate people who run around the bush.

Roderick – I'll be quite frontal about it.

Jordan – I'm waiting.

Roderick – Okay.

Roderick – I scheduled you an appointment at the Asylum in New York.

Jordan – Oh really?! Why?

Jordan – Do you think I'm mad again?!

Roderick - No, don't overreact.

Jordan – Then explain.

Roderick – I scheduled you a psychiatric appointment.

Jordan – But I'm perfectly okay.

Roderick – You are going just to vent your problems.

Jordan – What?! There's nothing to vent about.

Roderick - Stop faking. I know you're suffering.

Roderick – I've been noticing that you need a little time for yourself.

Roderick – You haven't healed completely.

Roderick – You have been going from problems to problems to solutions. But you haven't achieved complete peace.

Jordan – And why it had to be in that asylum?!

Roderick – They know about you there. That's the reason why.

Jordan - I promised to never go back to New York and now you're making me go back there.

Roderick – It's just for one session.

Jordan – Alright. Let's do it.

Jordan – But what about the library?

Roderick - I ask them for two days off for me and for you.

Jordan – Just two days, no more okay?

Roderick – Okay, let's eat. Our last shift is about to begin.

Jordan – Sure, I'm hungry as hell.

Midtown Manhattan, New York, May 6th 2017

We are in New York. I will not lie to myself, I still feel good here.

This is a beautiful city. Full of light, hope and sounds.

But there was a time where this was the place I belonged to.

Now I am here for another purpose.

I'm going back to the psychiatric clinic. The awful place I had to be in for a year.

Roderick tells me to enter the clinic and he follows me.

I'm doing it. I accepted his advice and now I just have to fulfill it.

He sits in a chair while I go talk to a receptionist.

Jordan – Good morning miss.

Jordan – I'm Jordan Wright, I have an appointment with doctor Mike.

Receptionist - Good morning Mr. Wright.

Receptionist – He is waiting for you. Please proceed to the second floor.

Jordan – Sure. Thank you.

Reception – You're welcome.

I walk out of the receptionist desk.

Jordan – Roderick, let's go.

Roderick – Okay.

We walk towards the elevator and we enter it.

Roderick presses the button of the floor for me because I'm shaking. My anxiety is peaking.

I close my eyes and do the breathe in breathe out exercise.

Then I feel a hand filling the spaces of my hand.

Roderick – It's going to be alright Jordan.

Jordan – But what if they hospitalize me here?!

Roderick – Don't worry about nothing, it's just a conversation with a professional.

Jordan – What if everything I thought on my coma did really happen?!

Roderick – Calm down. Those things were just things your mind fabricated.

Roderick –You must have watched too much "American Horror Story".

Jordan – Only you to talk about tv shows in the middle of my breakdowns.

Roderick – What can I say?! It makes you feel better doesn't it?!

Jordan – It does, actually.

We arrive at the second floor and we go to the psychiatry aisle.

When we arrive there I go talk to another receptionist about my appointment and she leads me to the doctor office.

Roderick follow us.

Receptionist - Uhm sir?! I have to ask you if you don't mind, to stay in here please.

Receptionist – Patients aren't allowed to go to appointments with family members or friends.

Receptionist – Only if they're underage or the doctor tells it so.

Roderick – Okay, I don't mind. I totally understand.

Roderick (to Jordan) – It's gonna be alright.

I look at him with sweetness in my eyes. And I go to this psychiatrist office.

Now I have to vent with a doctor about my life.

As I haven't do it with Jordan or Sam. Gosh I hate psychiatrists.

Receptionist – Here's the office of doctor Mike Greenson.

Roderick – Thank you.

The receptionist smiles at me and leaves me at the door. I breathe in and breathe out.

And knock on the door. I hear nothing for a while.

Then I hear a sweet young male voice telling me to come in.

I open the door and I'm shook. My psychiatrist is a tanned muscular young man with perfect brown hair and germanic features.

I can't even cope. I guess he's probably wondering I am cray cray.

Dr. Mike – You may sit, Mr. Wright.

Jordan – Thank you.

What a stupid answer, thank you.

Oh my god this is going really well.

Jordan – So am I supposed to answer your questions about myself right?!

Dr. Mike – No, not at all. I like to use the free association method.

Jordan – I'm sorry I didn't quite catch that.

Dr. Mike – I'll explain. The free association method is when the patient tells the psychiatrist what they want to.

Dr. Mike – You can tell me about whatever you want and I will advise you from what you tell me.

Jordan – Got it.

Jordan – So can I start now?

Dr. Mike – We're not getting younger.

Jordan – Sure.

Jordan – Well, first of all I was always a mental ill person.

Jordan – I was diagnosed with multiple personality disorder, anxiety and depression.

Dr. Mike - That's quite a lot for your age. You're so young.

Jordan – Right?!

Jordan – I've always been successful but I never felt that I achieved everything I set.

Dr. Mike – Maybe you are too hard on yourself.

Dr. Mike – You expect too much of yourself, set hard goals because it gives you a thrill to fulfill them .

Dr. Mike – But then you can't achieve them. And then you feel like you're not enough, right?!

Jordan – I guess that's pretty much it.

Dr. Mike – Then you have your answer.

Dr. Mike – Don't expect much. Don't set goals that you may not achieve.

Jordan – I guess so.

Jordan (starting to cry) - I just want to be loved by everyone. I seek for everyone's validation.

Jordan (crying) – I never feel loved even when I have someone's love.

Jordan (crying) – I have the need to get the love of everyone that cross my way.

Dr. Mike – But you can't and you won't Jordan.

Dr. Mike – May I call you just Jordan?!

Jordan (with sultry) – Sure doctor.

Dr. Mike - You know what?!

Dr. Mike – I guess you were misdiagnosed.

Dr. Mike – You don't suffer from anxiety and depression.

Jordan – I don't?!

Dr. Mike – No, you just changed the pattern of your mood.

Dr. Mike – You started to talk with sadness almost crying and then changed to a flirting mood.

Jordan – Did I do that?! I didn't even noticed.

Dr. Mike – Jordan, you suffer from Histrionic personality disorder.

Jordan – And that consists in?!

Dr. Mike – Basically you tend to overreact and dramatize everything that happens to you.

Dr. Mike – You go from extreme happiness to extreme sadness.

Dr. Mike – Always on the run for the seek of approval and you tend to want to be the center of attention.

Jordan – That suits me. It's exactly how my life is going

Dr. Mike – Also you tend to flirt or have seductive behaviour.

Jordan – You're a god. And I don't believe in god.

Dr. Mike – Please, I'm just a psychiatrist.

Jordan – There's any cure or treatment for it?

Dr. Mike – Medication for the symptons not for the disorder itself.

Dr. Mike – But there's also a treatment that sure would help you.

Dr. Mike – It's called cognitive therapy.

Jordan – Is it expensive?!

Dr. Mike – Not at all. It's just as cheap as this appointment.

Dr. Mike – But with a professional of that area and sometimes involves family members and partners.

Jordan – Oh thank you doctor Mike. You really helped me.

Dr. Mike – Don't thank me.

Dr. Mike – I liked to meet you. I hope that cognitive therapy will help you.

Jordan – Thank you. It was a pleasure to meet you too.

Jordan – Have a good day.

Dr. Mike – I sure will.

I leave the office and go to the receptionist desk to pay for the appointment.

Was this doctor crazier than me?! Was he flirting with me?!

Well I flirted with him first so. This is really awkward.

But now I have answers about me.

I know about me and now I know how to upgrade me.