California, May 1st 2017

Roderick invited me to go to his mother's house for dinner.

I don't think I should accept it because his mother might not be that accepting about us.

Well there ain't no "us" yet. But you know what I'm saying.

Today I'm thinking of my mother, how I wish I could have her with me.

Maybe I'll go visit her grave and talk to her. I know she won't answer me but that's my way to cope with her absence.

I leave my house, now it's my house. My mother left money in the bank so they couldn't sell it to anyone.

She had everything already planned. She knew she wasn't going to last more here.

I asked Roderick to drive me to the cemetery where my mother's grave is in.

But I told him to stay in the car. As I want to be alone "with her".

As I open the cemetery gates I find a woman who seems to be in her early thirties, well dressed.

Quite posh to be more accurate. Stilletos and high brand handbag. She is standing right before my mother's grave.

I don't know her, I don't recall any woman like her in my mother's life.

She's crying, I can tell because she wipes softly her eyes with a yellow and brown handkerchief.

She put some flowers in my mother's grave. Amaryllis. Her favorites. How would she know?

My mom loved amaryllis and I never understood why. It wasn't until I searched about the symbolism of that flower that I knew why.

They symbolize beauty. And my mom was really beautiful, I don't think she knew I guess she just liked those flowers.

But now I can relate the flower to her. Beauty.

I get close to my mother's grave, where that unfamiliar woman stands before.

But she starts to walk out. I go after her and try to talk to her.

Jordan – Hello ma'am. Did you know my mother? Helena Wright?!

Mysterious woman – Hello young man. Yes I did know her. She was my mother as well.

Jordan – Really?! She never mentioned another child. She never told me I had a sister.

Mysterious woman – Well that's a long story. I'm really sad right as you might be as well since we both lose her.

Mysterious woman – My name is Jacqueline Wright. I'm your sister.

Jordan – Yes it's been pure hell living without her. How come you never visited her while she raised me?!

Jacqueline – Well, you know we had a few fights because I wanted to move to England.

Jacqueline – She didn't approve that, but I was sixteen by that time so I could do what I wanted to.

Jacqueline - I moved to England and started to work in a burlesque club.

Jacqueline – One time a man who always was there to watch my show asked me if I wanted to become a model.

Jacqueline – And that's what I do now.

Jordan – Oh I see that performing arts runs in our veins. But you could still see her.

Jacqueline – I could, you're right but I was transitioning to the modelling career so I couldn't.

Jacqueline – And now that I'm an official and professional model I decided to come visit her but came to know she passed away.

Jordan – I still don't buy it. You could make phone calls. Write letters.

Jordan – Were you that busy that you couldn't stop to contact your mother?!

Jacqueline – You're being a little harsh with me.

Jacqueline – I really tried but you should know, since you said that performing arts runs in our veins, that it's hard to get a free time.

Jordan – I know, I'm sorry. I'm projecting. I did the same.

Jordan – I lived with her since I was born until the day I graduated from high school and applied to NYU and started studying there.

Jordan – I was put in plays and a showcase, I was dating a guy back then, I completely forgot about our mother too.

Jordan – When I decided to celebrate the New Year's Eve with her I found a note that informed that she was hospitalized.

Jordan – I went to the hospital where she was at and she was suffering from terminal lung cancer.

Jordan – She died in front of me. I promised her that she would get away with this illness. But she didn't.

Jacqueline – It's not your fault, you did what I didn't. You helped her while she was still alive.

Jacqueline – I didn't see her since I moved to England. You grew with her and helped her in her last days. I didn't.

Jordan - You're right. But I feel a great guilt. I was blind in my pursuit for fame and I got nothing from it.

Jordan – I dropped out of NYU because I thought I knew better and could do better than what was happening there.

Jordan – I was the lead role of a play that lead me to a coma of a year.

Jacqueline - It's a tough business. It's a business only for people that have thick skin.

Jordan – I have thick skin, if you're trying to say I don't.

Jacqueline – Sure. I'm sure about that.

Jordan – Just leave. I don't want to be evil to you. So go home.

Jacqueline – I will.

Jacqueline – But this isn't finished sweetheart. Your world is about to shake again.

Jacqueline pats my shoulder and leaves.

I stand before my mother's grave and wonder why she didn't tell me about my sister.

I've been living twenty years without my sister.

I'm starting to wonder about my father as well.

She left with so many secrets, so many things to tell. I have to know more about Jacqueline.

I can't even have a proper mind state to "talk to my mother".

So I go back to the car, where Roderick is waiting for me.

It's been almost a hour since I got in here I guess. I was never good at measuring time.

I open Roderick's red car door and he looks at me with a condescendent look.

Roderick – So did you vent all you had to vent with your mother?

Jordan – No, actually I didn't. Well I couldn't.

Roderick – Why?!

Jordan – I found a woman in front of my mother's grave crying and putting some flowers around it.

Roderick – Who was she? Did you know her?

Jordan - Well that was what shocked me. She is my lost sister.

Jordan – I have a sister and I never knew about it.

Jordan – My mother hid the fact that I have a sister.

Roderick – Wow that must have been overwhelming to you.

Jordan – It was. Well it still is.

Jordan – Her name is Jacqueline. Funny how my mother always gave her children names starting with the letter J.

Jordan – She is a model in England. And she's quite posh.

Jordan – She must be almost in her thirties. She dresses exactly like Jacqueline Kennedy.

Roderick – How do you feel about that?

Jordan – I don't know. We ended up in a fight.

Jordan – I wasn't even able to talk wit my mother. Well I know it would be an one way conversation.

Roderick – You must go after her.

Roderick –You both have still time to get to know each other and try to grow that sibling relationship.

Jordan – I guess so. I don't know now how to meet her.

Jordan – She told me she was going to a hotel but didn't mention which one.

Jordan – And I don't have her number.

Roderick – Yes that makes things harder. But eventually you both will end up together.

Jordan – I guess so. She told me she would visit our mother's grave as much as she wants to. So.

Roderick – See?! Done. It's fixed.

Jordan – Thank you for being so supportive. Would you mind to drive me home?!

Jordan – I don't want to make you look like you're my personal driver, but I could use a ride.

Roderick – I don't mind. But I won't do that. I won't drive you home.

Jordan – Why not?!

Roderick – Because I'll drive you to my house. You're going to spend the rest of the day with me.

Roderick – I told my mother to count with another person to dinner.

Jordan – I think that's really kind and a great idea. You're a perfect company.

Jordan – I like you a lot. I appreciate your existence. But...

Roderick – I'm here to cover your back.

Jordan – I don't want that. I don't want you to be the one who always defends me of everything.

Jordan – I have to learn to do that all by myself. I appreciate your help. But you're my friend.

Jordan – And that means more than just covering a friend's back.

Roderick – As you wish. Now let's go to my place buddy.

Jordan – Well then start the engine. What are you waiting for mate?!

We both laugh and Roderick turns on the radio so we go to sing along with songs.

Well mostly me, because he doesn't know much about pop songs. But he jams to them.

He's my soulmate but I'm not ready to take the next step in our relationship.

He fooled me and that hurt my heart and crushed every part of my already cracked heart. But I'm healing.

It's needed cracks so that the Light can get in.

My cracked heart will be healed by the Light that will get in it and give me hope and strenght to love without fear.

We arrive at Roderick's apartment and we have to go to the third floor. I like apartments.

The only thing that makes me like houses more than apartments is the freedom of doing whatever you want.

Like, in an apartment you can't put music too loud or sing. Let alone throw a party.

When you get old, even though there's elevators, you start to not want to go out that much since there's stairs and a bit to walk.

As Roderick opens the door, his mother soon comes to the door to welcome me.

Wendla – Good afternoon. I'm Wendla Schultz, Roderick's mother.

Jordan – Good afternoon miss Schultz.

Jordan – I'm Jordan Wright, how are you?

Wendla – I'm doing fine, thank you for asking.

Jordan – You're welcome.

Wendla – Would you mind for me to show you our house?

Jordan – Of course not. I'm actually curious, in a good sense, to see your house.

Jordan – I like interiors and decoration.

Wendla - That's really sweet. So here's our hallway.

The hallway is barely decorated. I guess Miss Schultz likes minimalism. But it's pretty.

Wendla – Now come with me so I can show you our living room.

Jordan – Sure.

I follow miss Schultz. She's quite heartwarming.

I thought she wouldn't be this nice because of the circumstances of the relationship between me and her son.

Jordan – Wow this is really beautiful. So amazing.

Jordan – I love the chandelier. I love gold, but this one in silver is really over the top.

Wendla – I'm glad you liked it. Roderick and his father didn't enjoy much of it, they said it's a bit dated.

Jordan – Well I'm not going to say they are wrong and you miss are right.

Jordan – But in my opinion I don't think it's dated. Chandeliers like this, in vintage style are timeless.

Wendla – See Roderick?! Jordan likes my chandelier.

Jordan – Yes mother. Nice.

Wendla – Would you like to seat down and I'll make some tea or coffee?! Whatever you prefer.

Roderick – Actually mother, Jordan is going to my bedroom. We are going to play videogames.

Wendla – You're always playing videogames.

Wendla – He's so obsessed for those games, I don't think it's good for him.

Roderick – Mother, please.

Jordan - I think your mother is right.

Jordan – But Miss Schultz let me tell you something it's quite common for guys of our age to obsess over games.

Jordan – It isn't so unhealthy as you might think. It even has educational purposes.

Wendla – Well if you say so. You know I kind of think that you are a great mind person.

Wendla – Everything you say is so meaningful and full of knowledge. Please make my son like you.

Jordan - I appreciate your compliment, but I guess your son is just fine as he is.

Jordan – That's what makes him what he is. If he was to act, talk and think like me he wouldn't be Roderick.

Jordan – Neither me because even though we can act like someone else we're always ourselves.

Wendla – You're right. Oh my god, you are really a genius.

Wendla – Where you got all this knowledge?!

Jordan – I don't know, I was born this way. And my mother always teached me to upgrade my knowledge.

Jordan – I'm still learning, as we all are. But my mother was the one who gave me all this knowledge.

Wendla – I heard she passed away. So unfortunate. But she's guiding you in another dimension.

Jordan – Sadly. Too soon. But the law of life says that parents die before their children.

Wendla – With time your grief will be less painful.

Jordan – Thank you for your kind words.

Roderick – Now mother, if you excuse us, we're going to my bedroom.

Wendla - Go, go. I don't want to stop your fun.

Wendla – But please come to the table at the time we always eat, okay Roderick?!

Roderick – Okay mother. I'm just going to my bedroom. I'm not going to Mars.

Wendla – Don't sass me. You know that doesn't work out.

Roderick – I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it.

Wendla – You may go.

We go to Roderick's bedroom and I was shocked.

I was waiting for a jock themed bedroom. But no, his bedroom is quite empty.

There's just a great desk with a big computer where he plays videogames.

I was enticed by his quite fascinating bookshelf. He also has a balcony right next to his bed.

Jordan – So are we really going to play videogames?

Roderick – No. It was just an excuse I told my mother.

Roderick – But if you want to use my computer you're free to do it.

Jordan – Don't play around. Why do you want me in your bedroom?

Roderick – Well I wanted for us to talk more private. And since I already came to your house now it is your turn to come to mine.

Jordan – Is that so?!

Roderick – Do you still love me?

Jordan – I knew it. I knew it was about love.

Jordan – Roderick, I tried to understand what you did from your perspective.

Jordan – But now try to understand from mine. How would you feel if I did the same to you?

Roderick – I would feel hurt and betrayed.

Roderick – I see your point.

Roderick – So we are never getting back together?

Jordan – Never say never. Let's stick by this.

Jordan – Can I go to your balcony? I want to get some fresh air.

Roderick – Yes. But please don't mind if I don't join you.

Jordan – Why not?

Roderick – Please don't ask about it.

Jordan – You mentioned something so now I think I have the right to know what happened there.

Roderick – You don't have the right. But I'll tell you because you've suffered a lot and I've always supported you.

Roderick – How I wish I had something to do the same to me at that time.

Jordan – You're scaring me. What happened in the balcony Roderick?!

Roderick – Look at me.

Jordan – I am.

Roderick – What are your impression of me? Forget everything you know about me.

Roderick – And try to get a first impression of me like you didn't know me.

Jordan – You look like someone who's tough and resilient. But you're a sweetheart as well.

Roderick – Right. I look tough. A true man, by what society tells a man is, right?!

Jordan – Right?!

Roderick - Well that's a mask. I'm tough though, but I'm not that tough.

Roderick – I didn't like my appearence and my mother didn't help like she was supposed to.

Roderick – I tried to kill myself by jumping off my balcony.

Jordan – Really? You?!

Jordan – You're the toughest person I met and who don't mind about what people say about yourself.

Roderick – Do you really believe that?!

Roderick – Everybody cares, even if it's just a little, about what others think of them.

Jordan – What stopped you from jumping?!

Roderick – You did.

Jordan – I'm sorry I know this is a strong issue but I think that's so cheesy. It was really because of me?!

Roderick – Yes.

Roderick – When you say I'm the toughest person who you ever met. You're wrong.

Roderick – You are the toughest one.

Roderick – You always had ambition and hope.

Roderick You suffered with your mental illnesses and with people in high school making fun of you.

Roderick – And you never, ever went down. You stayed and you came back stronger.

Roderick – I admire that in you. I don't know how do you do it. But it's impressive.

By this time I'm crying both of happiness and sadness.

Happy because he thinks I'm really tough and sad because he tried to kill himself.

I never saw a weakness in him.

I could help him not to reach to the point of taking his own life.

But when people put on masks you never know what really goes on with them.

Jordan (crying) – You shouldn't have done it. I'm glad you didn't make it.

Jordan (crying) – Because look, you are a tough person.

Jordan - You really are Roderick. You live life in a peaceful way, without the desire of artificial things.

Roderick – Thank you. But why are you crying?

Jordan – Because I didn't think you'd be a fragile person.

Jordan – When you love someone you put them on a pedestal and think they're perfect, flawless.

Jordan – You helped me so much and I never helped you in return.

Jordan – I just talked, talked and never stopped to hear about you. I'm so sorry.

Roderick – You're not guilty. Please don't think this is your fault. So you still love me?

Jordan – I do. But I'm still fearing you will fool me again.

Roderick – You're at my house. My mother likes you and she doesn't like everyone.

Roderick – If she likes you, you're a good person. So why would I fool you again?!

Jordan – You're right. But you know, when you're fooled you start to fear you will be fooled one more time.

Roderick – Let's take things in a slow pace. For now, we are friends with benefits.

Jordan – I can work with that.

Roderick – Now let's eat. It's time for dinner and my mother doesn't like when I get late to the table.

Jordan – Sure, let's go then.