Jungkook's asleep, my parents have left for work, and I sit alone in my room. Tears continue to stream down my face and I can't stop them. I try to be quiet even though no ones going to hear me and check on me.

He did it again.

My chest hurts worse this time. It's making my shoulder blades and neck hurt as I sit with my pillow in my lap. I hold it tightly to my chest as I look down at my lap. I feel so worthless, so unimportant, and I'm so hurt that he would do it again.

But it wasn't him. I know him, and this man wasn't my Sehun. He wasn't the man who held me tightly and assured me everything would be fine during my pregnancy. He wasn't the man who helped me, or cared for me, he was someone else.

Last time he said he did some "stuff" with some of the other workers and I'm wondering if he did it again. Why would he do it in the first place?

I can't focus much. My brain isn't letting me try and put pieces together. It just goes straight back to my pain.

My body aches and burns. I can't get the feeling of his sloppy kiss off my neck, I can't get the feeling of his clammy hands touching my body and holding down wrists. Every time I close my eyes I find myself staring into his dark and dilated eyes as he pulled my clothes off me.

I feel terrible.

...

Once again Sehun has gone MIA and this time I truely wish he'd stay away. My pain slowly turned into anger as days went on without so much as a text message. I tried to hide my pain this time. I didn't want my parents to worry, and I knew how it felt anf know how to handle myself better.

I hated him. I hated him so much and the longer he stayed away the more I did. I hid my feelings and tried stop them but I couldn't. I wanted to yell and scream at him while banging my fists against this chest but the longer he was away the more I began to worry.

It was three days away from being a month since I last saw him and this hurts worse than I could imagine. Everything was gloomy, everything seemed so empty, empty because he did what he did and didn't even bother to see if I was alright.

I had a schedule but I was falling behind in my classes. I worked slowly and took much longer breaks than I should have when pausing my work to take care of Jungkook.

Jungkook was who brought me joy. Every time I saw him he made my heart flutter. He was so perfect and so pure, he kept me strong and loved me back which was all I could ask for.

But when my baby got tired the love weakened and I'd carefully put him in his crib and wait for him to wake. My heart had been aching from putting Jungkook to bed when I heard a knock from the front door.

I went downstairs and opened it to find Sehun with a bouquet of flowers and a soft smile on his face. I froze and stared at the welcome mat he was standing on. I didn't know what to say or do because I wasn't expecting to ever see him again.

"Hey, baby." He said in a soft tone while taking a step forward.

He felt like a stranger and I instinctively flinched and gripped the door handle harder.

"L-Luhan?" He stuttered before the door shut.

My hand locked it before I stepped back and stared at the brown wood. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know if I wanted to let him in. I didn't know if I wanted to ever let him in again, into my life, and give him my trust. I didn't know if I could trust him again after this. Do I dare let him in?

His knocking brought me out of my head and back to reality as I started at the door.

"Luhan?" He called as my heart raced. "Baby, please open the door!"

Dare I open the door? Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. Do I dare play Russian roulette with Sehun who has his finger on the trigger?

How can I not?

"Hi.." he says softly, "I got you these." He adds as he extends his arm with the flowers.

If I take them he'll assume I'm taking this as his apology, but flowers aren't going to change what he's done.

"I messed up, Luhan. Really bad, and I didn't know what to do." He mutters as he lowers his arm and looks at the ground. "I... I wanted to call you, but I couldn't, and I miss you, and Jungkook."

"How could you?" I whisper as I fight back my tears.

"What?" He asks, as he steps slightly closer to hear me better.

"How could you?" I repeat louder as I look up into his eyes. His immediately dart away and to the ground as I wait for his reply.

"Luhan-" he begins but it sounds like he's just going to make something up.

"I don't want an excuse, Sehun." I huff as I quickly wipe the single tear that tried to slide down my cheek away.

"I don't know, and I'm sorry I don't have a better answer. I've just, I've been so overwhelmed by everything, and I thought..."

"Thought what." I growl, already hating what he has to say.

"I thought it would help, and I know it's stupid, I'm stupid, and I hate myself for what I did, but I'm better now. I don't expect you to just forgive me, but I want to come back, I want to see you and Jungkook. I miss you both so much."

His explanation is trash, I know it is, but I miss him too. As much as I wish I could just slam the door in his face and tell him to get lost, I can't. Instead I find myself with my arms wrapped tight around him as I take in his sweet cologne that I've missed so much.

"Don't you ever fucking do that again, jackass." I bark against his neck as he squeezes me back just as tightly.

"I won't, I swear I won't ever do anything to hurt you ever again." Sehun whispers against my ear before burying his face in my neck. "I've miss you so much."

"I hate you so much." I grumble, "but I missed you too."