AN// Hey everyone! I just wanted to make a slight warning for this chapter because it may be triggering to people and I just want you to be prepared. It's not terrible, it may make you sad and I'm sorry for that because I didn't plan on this part of the book to be like this. When I write, I try to imagine myself in their shoes and not as this is my book but it's theirs in the sense of it being their life story. So I'm sorry for sad chapters but blame Luhan! No, don't blame him, he has enough on his shoulders! Everything will get better, please remember that.

A week went by and Luhan felt better but not much. He hadn't received any texts or calls from Sehun and wasn't quite sure if he wanted any. He tried to convince himself it was all just a dream, a weird, messed up dream, but the scratch marks and hickies tell him otherwise. As if he wasn't stressed enough with his current situation, now there's one more thing floating around his head and distracts him from everything he's trying to concentrate on.

To top that all off, Jungkook is teething, meaning he's being much more fussy and is leaving Luhan's nipples painfully sore.

Luhan's parents hadn't realized how overwhelmed he was and believed he was doing great so they decided to work a few more hours than they normally did to help bring in some more money. Although Luhan appreciated having them help pay for things, he really did need more help.

Luhan loved Jungkook, he loved him more than anything, but he began hating himself more than he could have ever imagined. He hated himself for letting his emotions make him loose sight of what really mattered senior year. He didn't realize just how much he'd miss being around people. He didn't realized that he wouldn't be able to just run to the store to grab something real quick. He didn't realized that he would never be able to sleep though the night again, or take a shower when he wanted to.

Everything was now revolved around someone else's needs. That meant he couldn't just schedule a hair appointment for himself and go knowing that it could take longer than he expected and not have someone waiting solely for him to be done. He wouldn't be able to go get lunch with friend and catch up with them, not that they'd probably want to because they all have new friends from college.

Luhan thought his senior year would be the best year of his life, but it was far from that. He felt like an idiot for wanting to wait until senior year to go to prom because he believed it would make the experience less special if he went junior year. He didn't get to go at all and is embarrassed for how sad it makes him.

He didn't realize just how shitty he would feel about himself either, and now feels even less about himself as he thinks about everything he's missing out on. Why does this have to feel so lonely? Why doesn't his parent's comfort seem to truly make him feel better anymore? Why does he have all of these thought that he knows he shouldn't have raging though his mind every second of the day? Why does this hurt so badly?

"Hey, baby, how are you feeling?" Luhan  heard his mother say from the door which startled him more than he was prepared for.

"I'm fine." He sighs as he's chuckled at.

"Are you sure? You look really tired, why don't you go back to bed?" Jin suggested.

"No, no I'm fine, you shouldn't have gotten up. You have to work early, I don't have to go anywhere." Correction, I can't go anywhere.

"I know, but you really look tired-"

"Mom, it's fine, I'm fine. I just haven't been sleeping well.. That's all." Luhan tried to explain but knew that wasn't the case.

"All the more reason to go try and catch up on some sleeping-"

"Mom, I just.. I haven't been able to sleep and if I'm gonna be up I'd rather be doing something productive."

"How about you go take a long, hot shower, and I'll get him some medicine because it's his teething keeping him up." Jin explains as Luhan sighs.

"That's why?" He mumbles as he continues swaying Jungkook back and forth.

"Let me see him, and do as I say, alright?" Jin says as he carefully take's Jungkook from Luhan and shoos him to the bathroom.

It had been a while since Luhan last took a long shower, and was almost immediately reminded why he hated taking showers now. Although his baby bump is gone, it left a horrible scar on his lower stomach. The skin on his stomach hasn't gone back to normal either which left it looking old and like a deflated balloon. His body was covered in stretch marks, and seeing himself like this destroyed him. It destroyed his confidence much more than he could have imagined it would and he felt so helpless. He wanted to scream and cry for help but he couldn't. He didn't want people to know he was weak, he didn't want to feel vulnerable and felt like he was on the verge of something.

He didn't want anybody to know he was. He didn't want to tell anyone what he was feeling. But he felt the strongest pulling on his heart, wanting him to do something he knew he couldn't take back. He didn't want to do it, he knew he could never do it, but maybe it would be better? No, it wouldn't be better, not for everyone else. He just wanted this to stop. He didn't want to feel this pain in his heart any longer, he wanted it gone. The only way he could think to make it stop, would be to make it stop permanently.