I digress, but I must measure the state of my mental being first. I have graduated another level in laziness. My brain itself is tired, and thoughts are too lazy to come to it. My mind remains a blank slate at times, making me feel zombie-like. It feels as if my entire being is decaying. But no matter! This aboveground man has still some fire left in him, and is not going to be burnt out so easily by them. Who are the 'them', I haven't thought about it.

So, what emotion was I to pick up today? Love, fear, hate? Or greed? Yes, what's better than greed and ambition, something which can never be satisfied, and is possessed by almost everyone, as abiding to the norms of capitalist society?

What's better to distract yourself from the search of a real purpose, when self-advancement can be a purpose in itself? To improve one's own circumstances everyday--to earn more money, to get a new house/car/shiny rock piece (jewel), to get into a more prestigious position--to achieve some goal, abstract or realistic, requires a good dose of ambition. And that single-minded ambition can give enough focus for one's mind not to wander into dark areas. 

Even the accomplishment of the goal doesn't satiate that ambition, for its only for few that ambition won't lead to greed. The desire to do even better, to climb higher, even though you may be high enough, this greed puts humans back into the ambitious-drive mode. And once again, the grunts work hard towards their goal, until their fancy is taken by another one.

True, this type of lifestyle and mindset is stressful, and it may not lead to a satisfactory state of life. After all, one can't be satisfied and yet be very ambitious for more too. Yet, it keeps people upon the desired path, of working like robots until they become an exemplar of the "American dream". Ha, I could never spend my entire life working to achieve some immaterial post/title, or building up stacks of green paper. That is not how life is lived, or supposed to be lived, for me. But then I guess it doesn't appeal to everyone to go underground and write a meaningless book that will probably not be read by anyone...

There is no question of 'why' to these people either. Ambition goes unquestioned in society, for if you ask anyone why do they want a better standard of living, the obvious answer would be 'why not?'. Surely, anything better is better, and why settle for good when you can have 'gooder'. Betterment for the sake of betterment is something instinctual and unquestioned in the human psyche. Even now, I find it difficult to see why should it be a problem. Yet, throughout my life, I have learnt that nothing, absolutely nothing, comes without its pitfalls. 

Perhaps going in a frenzy of ambition and self-improvement should be a problem, as one would forget to live and enjoy life, and always be occupied with reaching the next goal. And long-lasting failure may crush their hopes. But few people fall in that category. The common man is ambitious, but not overly as to reach the frenzy level. But slight ambition might make the person susceptible to dubious short-cuts, as he is not ambitious enough to do the work, but is desirous of its rewards. But then, such things don't happen too often, and fortunately, criminals are a minority. Then what harm could ambition do to us?

But then, perhaps its not about us at all. Its simply about our Earth, the economy, the resources. This constant moving-up-the-ladder, the abandonment of old and acceptance of new, and the subsequent abandonment of the new when it loses its newness, is mark of an unsustainable lifestyle. Not only it leads to a colossal wastage of resources, but it also creates dissatisfaction and unhappiness in the mind, when our rate of advancement doesn't match our mind's ever-changing wants. And once we reach the plateau, there is bound to be a confusion of what to do, now that going above is no longer possible or worth it. For most, life continues on autopilot, and the ambition should give way to contentment. But we are so used to our continuous advancement, and the constant hope to acquire the means to satisfy our everlasting greed, that instead of contented bliss, people find themselves in listlessness, boredom or even discontented depression.

I'll repeat an old axiom, ambition is a double-edged sword. Use it to cut through life and its obstacles, but don't let it sink into and cut yourself. But then, one can't partake of the benefits without experiencing the drawbacks...only know that it is a part of our being that all must cast off someday, if one's mind is to live in peace, satisfaction, and pleasant happiness. I did it, I casted it off, but only too early, robbing myself of the means required to go underground...