It starts as a low hum in my gut, slowly spreading upwards into my chest. My heart feels heavy as my pulse quickens. When it moves up into my throat, it clings so that nothing else can pass through. Blood rushes to my ears and heats the sides of my head.

Then come the voices in a whirlwind of past mistakes, hurts, regrets.

The disappointed faces, pained eyes, hot tears all merge into a wave that crashes into me.

As it subsides and curls back into my gut, I'm still standing, shivering with the cold certainty that it will return.