"The past is never dead. It's not even past."-William Faulkner, Requiem for a Nun

Gabby

One of the hardest things I've ever done in my life, was walking away from Hayden Price. It's not something I regret, because it was necessary for me to better myself. After everything my father had done, I didn't know who I was. I was emotionally and mentally scarred from the many years of physical and verbal abuse. Which apparently caused what my shrink called, "Battered Person Syndrome".

After that day in the park, I knew I needed help. I couldn't go on feeling like I wasn't worth anything, like I didn't deserve happiness. Even though Hayden always treated me unconditionally well, that feeling was burned into my psyche.

It wasn't a way to live, not if I wanted a normal life. Well, as normal as I could. Most definitely, not if I wanted Hayden in my life.

It wasn't even just Hayden that I wanted to improve my relationship with. I wanted to be a real sister to Alex, not just a caregiver. Not just someone who made sure he had food and didn't get beat up by our father. But a real sister. He took it a little hard after I ended it with Hayden, mainly because I took off and stayed away for a little while, trying to get my life back on track.

Luckily, I had been far enough along in school to just take my final exams and graduate early. Then I started seeing Dr. Klein twice a week. She helped me understand a lot of issues I didn't realize I had. For starters, my nightmares, trouble sleeping, irritability, and irrational thinking was due to PTSD.

She also walked me through the steps to help me get past the abuse. One of the hardest was accepting my role in the abuse. Not that it was my fault, because it wasn't, but that I was afraid to do anything about it. It also helped me see that now, as an adult, I refuse to allow that to happen again. From anyone. Once I got past this step, I started to feel freer.

Another hard thing for me was forgiveness. I had trouble understanding what the doctor wanted. But she explained it to me in a simple way. She said I didn't have to actually speak to my dad. Forgiving the accuser is a way for me to move on and look forward. I ended up writing this down, then tearing it up. I started to use journaling as a way to help me ease my troubled mind and put it on paper. After all of this, I realized that I wasn't to blame for any of it. I realized that I was so much stronger than I thought I was. Most importantly, I was ready to live my life again.

About a month ago, she told me it would have been a good idea for me to reach out to Hayden. Hearing her say that was like a punch to my gut. Of course, I still loved him and wanted to see him, but I was terrified.

Since our split, I'd asked Alex multiple times if Hayden was doing okay, and his response was almost always yes. But I never asked more beyond that. So now, hearing that I was ready to reach back out to him made me wonder if he even wanted to see me.

For all I know, he may have moved on or might even have a girlfriend, and I can't blame him for it if he does. So, this brings me to this exact moment, as I'm sitting in my car outside of his apartment in Athens, Georgia. I've been sitting here for two hours trying to get up the courage to get out and knock on his door.

"Don't be a coward," I said to myself. "If he's moved on, then you need to know."

Don't be a coward.

Don't be a coward

DON'T BE A COWARD.

"Okay," I said to myself yet again as I unbuckled my seatbelt and finally got out of the car. "Here goes everything."

I started walking towards his door, and the closer I got, the more my heart started to pound. When my feet stopped on the welcome mat, I raised my hand and hesitated before knocking.

Knock-knock-knock

When there was no answer, I took a deep breath and tried again.

Knock-knock-knock

I leaned forward as I heard a man's muffled voice on the other side of the door, still not sure who it was.

Knock-knock-knock

As I heard the door unlock, and the door knob turn, I sucked in a breath.

The door finally opened and I heard, "Dammit, Brad, did you forget---Gabby?"

Hayden. There he was, standing right in front of me. His expression was pure shock, which wasn't really a surprise since I'm sure he wasn't expecting me.

"Hi," was all I could manage to say as I let out the breath I forgot I was holding. By the disarray of his hair and the squinting of his eyes when he opened the door, I could tell he had just woken up.

He frowned, cocking his head to the side as he asked, "Am I dreaming?"

I tucked my hair behind my ear, unsure how I felt about that question. "Um, no. It's me."

When he remained silent, I took a deep breath. "Can I, uh, come in?"

That seemed to pull him out of the trance he was in. Shaking his head and stepping back to open the door more, he said, "Yeah, of course."

I stepped inside and didn't turn around until I heard the door shut behind me.

Hayden

Gabby was here. Gabby was HERE. I still wasn't a hundred percent sure that I wasn't dreaming right now. I've had this dream so many times, I was scared to think that it was real.

I shut the door behind her and stood there as she turned around and faced me. "Are you real?" I asked in a low voice.

She gave me a small smile as she reached out and took my hand. "I'm real."

I glanced down at our joined hands before reaching out and pulling her body against mine in a hug. I knew I caught her off guard by the sound have her light gasp. But after a moment, she relaxed, her body melting into mine.

I knew nostalgia came over both of us as we released each other, clearing our throats. "How long are you here?" I asked.

She seemed put off by my question, like she wasn't sure of the answer. "I don't know, actually."

How about forever? "Would you like to stay for dinner?" I asked, playing it safe.

She smiled at me and that's when I noticed a huge difference with her demeanor. She seemed...lighter. Like she wasn't carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders.

"I'd love to. Do you mind if I freshen up? It was a long drive."

I walked into the kitchen, opening the fridge to see what I was going to cook. "Sure, guest bathroom is down the hall."

She grabbed her bag and headed in that direction.

I was opening cabinets, trying to find the frying pan when something dawned on me.

I walked towards the bathroom when I saw her standing in Brad's doorway. No doubt she was seeing some of the women's lingerie his "lady friends" forgot here.

"Gabby," I called, startling her as she jumped and turned to me.

"Um, sorry, I was just looking for the, uh, you know...the-"

"Bathroom?" I asked with a smile.

"Yes," she said with a laugh, her cheeks heating with embarrassment. She started walking to the door across the hall when I said, "By the way, that was Brad's room."

She met my gaze before shutting the bathroom door, clearly understanding what I was trying to tell her. 

I returned to the kitchen, my earlier question forgotten. I decided to make her some chicken pasta with alfredo sauce, since I knew she liked it. Well, at least she used to. 

I heard the shower cut on and tried not to think about the fact that she was naked in my shower right now. I had the chicken frying and the water for the noodles boiling, when it dawned on me that I never actually cooked for her before. 

"Thank you," she said from behind me. "Wow, it smells delicious in here." 

When I turned to look at her I nearly dropped my jaw...again. I couldn't keep my eyes from scanning over her luscious body. She was wearing a black pair of yoga pants with a pink tank top. The one thing I noticed was the curves that now filled out her body nicely. Very nicely. 

When we were together before, I always worried that she wasn't eating enough, and now...holy fuck. 

"Hayden, the water." She said with a smile. 

"Oh, shit!" I exclaimed, going to the stove and turning the heat down. I turned and gave her a sly grin as she sat on the bar stool. 

"So," she said with a laugh, "when did you start cooking?" 

"Gabby, you know who I live with, and he can't boil an egg. One of us needed to cook to survive." 

I had my back to her, stirring the noodles when I heard her laugh again. A shiver went down my spine and I closed my eyes, listening to the one sound I didn't know I would hear again. 

"He's lucky to have you," she said. 

"Psh. You have no idea," I replied as I drained the noodles. "Alright, noodles are done. Sauce is done. Annnnnnnd, yep. Chicken is done." 

I gave her a knowing look. "I hope you brought your appetite."

"Oh, I'm famished," was her reply. 

Gabby helped me put the food on the table, taking her seat. I went to the kitchen to get us something to drink. "Alright, we got wine, beer, coke or water." 

"Wine, please." 

Probably a good fucking idea. I poured us both a glass before joining her at the table. 

She took a couple bites of her pasta before letting out a moan. "This is delicious, Hayden." 

I sat back with a proud grin on my face as I took a sip of my wine. "Thank you, I do have to say I'm a pretty good cook." 

She laughed a little and asked, "Where's my favorite nickname maker? I'm surprised he doesn't smell this from wherever he is." 

"He's on a date right now." 

"Good for him," she said, looking down at her plate. "How about you?" 

I bit back my smile, I knew what she was asking me, but I wanted to have a little fun with her. "Yes, I too, would like to believe that I'm on a date right now."

Her cheeks heated as she looked up at me, just like I expected. "Hayden, you know what I mean." 

My face sobered as I remained silent for a moment. I wasn't going to lie to her. "I went on two dates. But, if I'm being honest, I was completely uncomfortable the whole time. Both times I barely made it through my meal before asking for the check. And, to answer the question I know you're not going to ask me, nothing happened. I haven't been with anyone since you." 

She held my stare for a moment, her finger tracing the top of her wine glass. She didn't say anything when she took a big gulp. 

"What about you?" I asked, nervous about her answer. Even though we were both free to see other people, it would still hurt like hell. 

"No dates. No one...since you." 

I let out a long breath when she answered. I put my hands on the table and gave her an honest smile. "Okay, enough of this heavy shit. How about we go get some ice cream?" 

Gabby was totally onboard with my ice cream plan. I brought her to this whole-in-the-wall place I went to sometimes when I needed to clear my head. It was downtown so we started walking around, trying to catch up on the last year. 

"So," she said, taking a lick of her strawberry ice cream cone, "tell me what you've been up to." 

"Well, I've decided to go into construction. I also work as a mechanic."

Her eyes widened at that. "A mechanic? Really?"

"Yeah," I said, catching some of the ice cream that was dripping down my cone. "Is that weird?"

She gave me a once over and took her lip between her teeth, "Weird is not the word I would use." I knew she was thinking out loud with that statement. I smiled at her before she cleared her throat and asked, "Construction, huh?"

"Yep, I like working with my hands." Yeah, I was flirting with her, but what can I say? It was long overdue, and she was looking hot as hell tonight. 

"I see. I'm sure you are—very thorough."

"Oh, yeah, most definitely."

She laughed and looked at her watch. "It's getting late, I should probably go."

I definitely did not want her to leave. Then something occurred to me. "Wait, where are you staying?"

She didn't meet my eyes when she mumbled, "A motel in town."

Oh, hell no. "Gabby, you know I hate motels. Stay at my place. I'll sleep on the couch."

She looked up at me and seemed to think my offer over for a few minutes. "Yeah, okay. Thank you."

We drove back to my apartment in a comfortable silence. The whole way home I wanted to reach over and grab her hand. But I honestly didn't know how she felt about me. I assumed she came back here for a reason, but I wasn't going to pressure her. 

We got inside the apartment and Brad still wasn't home. He was probably staying at his girl-of-the-week's place, and that was fine with me. I changed into basketball shorts and a t-shirt, about to head back in the living room when Gabby was at my doorway. 

She fidgeted with her fingers as she said, "It appears I forgot my pajamas. Can I- Can I borrow one of your t-shirts?"

The thought of her in one of my t-shirts made he harder for her than I've been all night. "Yeah," was my throaty reply. I handed her a shirt before stepping out of the room to let her change. 

The "Hayden," I heard from the other side of the door had me worried.

Opening the door, I frowned. She was wearing my shirt but her back was to me. "Gabby, you okay?"

"What is this?" Her voice was so low I almost didn't hear it. 

I walked towards her as she turned to me, and that's when I saw what had her attention. It was the copy of Anna Karenina she got me for Christmas. 

She looked up from the book to me, waiting for my response.

"You know what that is."

She ran her finger down the her very overused spine before she flipped through the pages, finding all the parts I highlighted and folded down. After that day in the park, I read this book countless times. I guess I was just trying to find Gabby in it. I highlighted parts that made me think of her.

When she stopped at a certain page, I smiled, knowing it instantly. As her eyes scanned my favorite quote, I said, "'I've always loved you, and when you love someone, you love the whole person, just as he or she is, and not as you would like them to be'." 

She looked up at me with watery eyes. I took the book from her, setting it down on the dresser. I cupped her face with my hand, caressing her cheek with my thumb. "It's been one year, three months, and nine days, since I've seen you. Since I've kissed you. I've missed you so much, baby."

Before she could respond, I pulled her to me, crushing my mouth to hers. Heaven, was all I could think as she opened her mouth to me, stroking my tongue with hers. She brought her hands up my chest, wrapping them around my neck and I ran mine down her body until I slipped my hands under her thighs, lifting her so her legs were wrapped around my waist. 

She deepened the kiss and moaned into my mouth as I walked with her to the bed, laying her beneath me. I pulled away to trail kisses down her neck, her hands buried in my hair. I reached for the bottom of the shirt she was wearing, her body lifting up so I could take it off, throwing it to the floor. I sat back on my legs and looked at her. All she had on was a pair of lace panties. 

As I continued running my gaze up and down her body, she took her lip between her teeth. A habit of hers I am really starting to like. I was sitting between her legs, and I ran my hands slowly up her thighs, stopping when I got to the top of her panties. I never broke eye contact with her as I slid them down her legs. I leaned forward now, claiming her mouth again as I positioned myself over her.

I reached down between us and slid a finger deep inside her. "Oh, God, Hayden," she moaned against my mouth. 

Fuck, she was soaked. Unable to take much more, I placed my cock at her entrance. She wrapped her legs around my waist, and that was all the approval I needed. I slammed myself inside of her, her cry of pleasure was music to my ears. I rested my forehead in the crook of her neck as I continued thrusting myself in and out of her, unable to stop. Feeling her body wrapped around mine again felt like a piece of my life fell into place.

"Fuck, I've missed you," I breathed against her skin.

She lifted her body in time with my thrusts, trying to take as much of me inside her as she could. She raked her nails down my back, surely leaving scratches I didn't care about. When her breathing started getting shorter, I knew she was close. I looked in her eyes when I started going faster. She moaned my name as her body gripped mine, getting lost in her climax. 

When she whispered, "I love you," in my ear, it was my undoing. I released myself inside her and didn't move as I tried to catch my breath. 

She was smiling up at me and, in all honesty, it was the happiest I've ever seen her. I kissed her softly, trying to stay inside her as long as I could. 

"I love you, too," I said in a low voice. I fell beside her on the bed, pulling her close to me as I finally drifted off to sleep. 

***

I slept better than I had in a long time. Being with Gabby again was more than I could have asked for. The smell of bacon and eggs wafted into my room from the kitchen. Gabby wasn't in the bed with me, so she must be making breakfast. I pulled on some basketball shorts before following the delicious smell. I stopped when I got to the kitchen, leaning against the frame, arms crossed over my chest. Gabby was wearing a pair of my boxers and my black t-shirt, with a messy bun on her head. She was humming while she cooked and I can't say I have ever found her more sexy, believe it or not. 

I walked up behind her, wrapping my arms around her waist and kissing her cheek. She let out a giggle as she stirred the eggs with the spatula. "Good morning, Golden Boy."

"Good morning," I said against her skin, feeling ecstatic hearing my old nickname.

The sound of the front door opening had me taking a step back. Brad walked into the kitchen, no doubt following the smell of bacon. He stopped dead in his tracks, looking from me to Gabby repeatedly. "Holy shit! The Gabb-e-tron is back?" 

He pulled her into a hug and spun her around. "Hi, Brad," she said with a smile. "It's good to see you, too."

Brad smiled at me, sending a silent message of how happy he was for me. He clapped me on the shoulder before looking to Gabby. "So, how long until breakfast is ready?"