1 Year, 3 Months, and 9 Days Later

Hayden

Today was May 20th. The end of my freshman year at UGA was here, and I found myself driving towards home.  

I promised my mom I would come visit for a few days. I made the occasional trip every few weeks, but other than that, I focused on school. I decided I wanted to study construction. The idea of building something fascinated me. 

Brad came with me to UGA, and has no idea what he's majoring in. No surprise there. Luckily, his family had money for his tuition and he actually turned down a football scholarship. Idiot. Then again, I did the same. Football wasn't for us. 

Which brings me to the first person I haven't seen in over a year. My father. He actually took off after everything. He left the sawmill and moved out of state somewhere. My mom was a wreck, but we got through it together. She got her old teaching job back and I was on financial aid and working at a mechanic shop. 

So much has changed, I thought as I parked my car at Bonfire-fucking-Pointe, and I got that same deja vu feeling as I walked the normal trail to our usual spot. It's been a little over a year since I agreed to give Gabby her space. I haven't seen her or talked to her since…that day.

She wasn't here. Then again, I wasn't expecting her to be, but there was always hope. I just wanted to be in an "our" place for a little while. It was the closest I could get to her right now. 

"Thought you'd be here." 

I turned around and smiled as I saw Alex standing behind me. We've both hung out about once or twice a month since last year. He's going to be a senior in high school and was doing great. Jenny's seemed to be a good fit for him as well. 

I pulled him into a hug as I asked, "How are you, Alex?" 

"I'm okay. Same old, same old." 

Time for the same magic question. "How is she?" 

He gave me the same half smile. "She's okay. Doing better. You know, I'm surprised you actually stayed away." 

He wasn't kidding. "Me too, actually. Hardest thing I've ever done in my life." I laughed before confessing, "You know, I can't count the number of times those first six months that I got in my car, started it, and debated coming to see her. Brad called me lovesick."

Alex laughed at that. "Yeah or whipped." 

"Shut up, man," I said, punching him in the shoulder. 

He sobered before asking, "How long will you be in town?" 

I gave a half shrug. "Two or three days." 

"Cool. Let's hang out before you leave?" 

"Yeah, absolutely. Be good, okay?"

He scoffed as he turned to leave and said, "Always." 

I turned to look back at the water when I heard, "She asks about you, too." 

"What?" I asked, looking back at him. I couldn't have heard that right. 

"Gabby. She asks about you, too." 

I didn't say anything as he walked away. I never moved on from Gabby. Don't think I ever could even if I wanted to. I went on two dates during our "break" and it didn't even make it to a good night kiss. Nope, there was only Gabby. She was the one for me. 

If she's asking about me, does that mean there's hope for our future?

***

I got to my mom's a few hours later. I ended up staying at the lake more than I planned. I saw her open the front door as I got out of my car, and excited expression on her face.

"Hayden, welcome home. How was the drive?" 

"Eh, a little longer than usual. There's quite a bit of traffic today," I said when I hugged her. The eight hour drive was a bitch, but it was worth it to see my mom.

"Well, I'm glad you made it. It's been too long since you came to visit me. By the way, you can let Brad know I have his order." 

I scoffed at that. Brad's order was three lasagnas he wanted me to bring back to our apartment. "Yeah, for sure. Just make sure to send them with a box of tissues." 

"Hayden, that's not nice. So, how's Alex? He called me this morning to see what time you would be here today, I know he wanted to see you."

After everything happened, my mom grew closer with Alex. He came over a few times a week to check on her, or just hang out and spend some time with her. I was so grateful to him for that.

My mom used to ask me if I have heard from Gabby, or if we were going to get back together. After about four months, I begged her not to bring Gabby up again. I couldn’t handle it. So, she hasn't. 

Kind of in the same way, I don't bring up my dad to her. At this point in my life, I don't have any interest in seeing him. Especially after what he did. 

Looking back to my mother, I said, "Yeah, I saw him earlier. He's doing good." 

"That's wonderful, Hayden." She gave me a kiss on the cheek before she set the table for us to have dinner. I knew the instant I walked in, she made my favorite. Spaghetti. And I was starving. 

***

I was walking up the stairs to my room after dinner. My mom and I talked about how my job was going and what classes I would be taking in the Fall. 

I took the mechanic's job as a way to make some money. I had no idea how much I would actually enjoy it. I like fixing things, taking them apart and putting them back together. That's one reason why I decided to go into construction. Even though Brad insisted on paying for our apartment himself, I wanted to contribute anyway I could.

When I reached my bedroom door my hand hesitated over the knob. My mind flashed back to those few months after Gabby ended it with me. I had trouble sleeping in my room after that, and spent most nights on the couch. I told my mother I just had trouble sleeping, but the truth was, being in my bed knowing Gabby wouldn't be there any more made it nearly impossible. 

It became a little easier as the months passed, and when I would come to visit my mom I would stay in my room. 

Tonight however, as I sat my duffel bag on my bed, it felt a little harder than usual. Needing to get some air, I pulled out my cell phone and sent Alex a text to see if you wanted to hang out. 

***

The strong smell of hazelnut and coffee grounds overrode my senses as I sat at a table and waited for Alex. He agreed to meet me at Starbucks and thankfully, they were open late.

I couldn't stop myself from glancing across the coffee shop to the empty table by the window. The table where I joined Gabby for coffee the night I asked her to go to the bonfire. 

The memory replayed itself in my head as I remember walking into the Starbucks that day after getting into an argument with my dad. If I remember correctly, that was the first time she ever really smiled at me.

As I felt my knee start shaking under the table with impatience, I heard the bell sound alerting the baristas another person has entered. I look up and see Alex, who scans the room and finds me instantly.

He smiles and walks over, taking the empty seat across from me. "Hey, Hayden. Thanks for the invite." 

"No problem," I said, glad that he was here. "So, how's school been?" 

He gave me a half shrug, "Eh, it's okay. Ready for it to be over." 

I laughed at that. "Believe me, bro, college is harder. Enjoy it while you can." Speaking of college…"Have you decided which school you want to apply to?" 

He perked up at my question. "Actually, yeah. I'm thinking about Columbia." 

I raised my eyebrows at his answer, "In New York?"

"Yeah," he said, his voice full of excitement. "They have a great writing program there and it's an awesome school! Not to mention, the city is huge." 

I couldn't help but smile, feeling proud of this young man who has grown so much since I met him. Even with everything he went through, he was trying to make something out of his life. 

"That's awesome, man. I'm proud of you," I said, meaning every word of it. 

***

Two days later, it was time to leave Richmond. I shook my head as I put the three lasagnas in the cooler in my trunk. Thank god my mom froze them. I was not looking forward to an eight hour drive back to my apartment with that smell. 

"Thanks, Mom," I said giving her a hug. It always sucked when I left, I felt bad leaving her alone. 

"Drive safe, Hayden, and let me know you got home alright." 

She was always the worrier. "I will." 

I got in the car and started driving back towards UGA. I drove about an hour before my mind drifted back to one night about four months after our break-up. 

I had just gotten settled in the new apartment with Brad and spent most of the night pacing a whole in my bedroom floor. I had been trying not to think about her, trying not to miss her. 

Everything she said the last day I saw her kept repeating itself in my mind. I know what she said, but I couldn't keep myself from wondering, if I had done something differently, or said something differently...would she still be here with me now? 

People always say, “You’re young, there’s plenty of fish in the sea,” blah-fucking-blah. I didn’t want anyone else. I wanted her. She was it for me. She was the one I pictured when I thought about my future. 

“Fuck it,” I said as I grabbed my keys off the desk, and headed straight for the front door. I bypassed Brad, who was on the couch watching some horror movie with a blonde he met. 

“Hayden,” he called, but I kept walking. I knew what he was going to say and it wouldn’t be the first time. “Hayden!” He called out again, the sound of his footsteps getting louder as he started catching up to me. 

I got the key in the car door just as I felt him grab my shoulders, spinning me around to face him. “Hayden, stop. You can’t do this.”

I tried to shrug him off me, but he wasn’t having it. “Hayden! Listen to me, man. I told you before, this is for her.” He grabbed my face in both his hands, trying to get through to me. “You hear me?”

If I was being honest with myself, no, I wasn’t hearing him. Just like the other times this happened. “I need to see her, Brad. I miss her. I need to make sure she’s okay.”

Brad had a soulful look as he said, “Hayden, man, I know you miss her, okay? I know you love her. But, she needs this. You talk to Alex all the time. You really think if something was wrong, he wouldn’t tell you?”

I knew he would. But, that didn’t change anything. It didn’t feel right not being with her. I calmed down after a couple minutes, but I still couldn’t say anything. I could barely think straight.

“Come on,” Brad said, taking the car keys from me. “Let’s go inside. I’ll send this chick home, we can watch some Futurama, and order a pizza.”

I let out a long breath I didn’t realize I was holding. Nodding in agreement, I followed him inside.

A car horn brought my mind back to the present as I gripped the steering wheel and glanced at the clock radio. Four more hours till home…

***

Brad was waiting for me outside of our apartment. The second he saw my car, he had a cheesy grin on his face and was rubbing his hands together. Like always. This guy and his fucking lasagna. 

I parked the car and he was at my door, waiting for me to open it. “Where is it?” he asked. 

“In the trunk. You know, one day all these calories are going to catch up with you,” I said with a shit-eating-grin.

“Psh. That day is not today, brother. Not today.” He retrieved his lasagnas out of the trunk and headed to the front door. Over his shoulder he said, “Hey, by the way. I have a date tonight.”

“With Vivienne?” I asked as I followed him inside. 

“Nah. Her name is Julie. We’re going to a movie in an hour.”

I shook my head at my best friend and his parade of women. “Alright, just remember. No glove, no love.” 

He turned to me with a faux glare. “Dude, I told you that condom shit happened once!”

I laughed as I went to my room trying to wind down. This trip was a little more stressful than most. 

I laid on my bed, exhausted from the long trip, not to mention the mental torture over the past few days. I closed my eyes and let the sound of my ceiling fan relax me. It wasn’t even five minutes before there was a knock at our front door. 

“Brad, can you get that?”

Still no response, followed by another:

Knock-knock-knock

I groaned as I got up. “Brad, what the hell man?”

I glanced at the clock and frowned when I saw seven-thirty on it. What the hell? I must have fallen asleep without even realizing it. 

Knock-knock-knock

I sighed as I walked to the door. Turning the knob, I said, “Dammit, Brad, did you forget-”

I paused where I stood. I assumed it was Brad at the door, forgetting his keys again. But, it wasn’t. It was the last person I expected to see. 

“Gabby?”