February 10th...3 Days Before the Cabin Trip

Gabby

The past few weeks have been running through my mind all day. Ever since Hayden got cleared of the assault charge, he's been ecstatic. He's been taking me out, having me and Alex over for dinner with him and his mom. 

It's honestly been amazing. I couldn't count the number of times he would look at me with such...love and affection. It was like the world stopped when he did that. In that moment, nothing was around us. 

When we made love, I felt him giving a little more of himself to me each time. He was trying so hard to move us forward, in the right direction. But something was still holding me back. Alex tried talking to me about it so many times. He tried to help me understand. 

It was like I had no control over my thought process. I was still having the nightmares of...that night. Still woke up in a sweat, worried my father was behind me. I could still hear his voice in my head, yelling at me to do what he says.

I went to my dresser, looking at myself in the mirror. My eyes went to the gold necklace that once belonged to my mother. Hayden had it fixed for me for Christmas and I've worn it ever since. 

I clutched it in my hand, closing my eyes, trying to feel my mother's presence. How do I get past this, Mom? Unfortunately, like all the other times I've done this, there wasn't a response. Just silence. 

I looked to the duffle bag I had packed on the bed. We were supposed to leave on our trip to Tennessee in three days. I knew this was coming, and I thought I had it all figured out. However, even as I'm standing here, thinking about these past seven months, I don't have a clue. 

I jumped when my cell phone in my pocket vibrated. I didn't need to look to know it was from Alex. He's been on my case all week.

Hey, Gabby. You okay?

He always seemed to know when there was something wrong with me. It was like a sixth sense he had or something. 

Hey, I'm fine. Stop worrying about me and enjoy yourself. I love you.

You, too. Was his reply. He was out to a movie with a girl from school. Ryssa, I think her name was. He never really had an interest in girls, thanks to our father. That seemed to change after the 'event' happened. 

I grabbed my duffle and looked around the room for a minute. This really was home, now. A real one. Jenny was a godsend and I was so grateful to her for taking care of us, especially Alex. 

Flipping the switch, I walked to the kitchen. Jenny was standing at the stove making some soup. "Hey, sweetie. Where are you off to?"

When I first came here with my memories returned, a question like that made me tense up. I had a hard time opening up to her and was always on the defensive. Now, I know she was asking because she cared about me. 

"I'm going to meet Hayden. We're getting ready for our trip."

"Oh, that sounds like fun. Well, dinner will be here when you get back," she said, turning to me with a warm smile. 

I held back my emotions as I hugged her tight. Her surprise was expected since I only hugged her once before. After a moment, she returned the hug, wrapping her arms around me. 

"Thank you," I said. "For everything."

I turned and walked straight to the front door. I knew if she saw my face, truth was out. I got to my car and hesitated before I put the key in the lock. 

You need to do this. I threw my duffle in the back seat before pulling out my phone and sending Hayden a text.

Hayden

I just got out of the shower when I heard my phone ding, letting me know I received a text message. The house was quiet today. My mom was off with her friend shopping, and Gabby was staying home. Brad was M.I.A., most likely trying to find a date for this weekend. While my best friend was a great guy, he was terrified of being vulnerable. Commitment was not a friend of his. But he wasn't a cheater either. He called himself a "serial monogamist". 

    Throwing my towel in the hamper, I walked over to my phone, smiling when it said Gabby's name. 

Hey, Golden Boy. Care to meet me at our spot? I need to see you.

Reading her text had me frowning. There was something off about it I couldn't put my finger on. These past few weeks with her have been some of the best. I was surprised when she didn't put up a fight with me taking her out to dinner or to the movies. She was all for it, not to mention the many sleepovers we had. 

I finally felt like we were moving forward. Roy was nowhere to be seen ever since the restraining order. My dad hasn't been around pestering me. My mom was happy teaching at her old school, and Alex was actually doing well.

Even with all that, I still couldn't shake that feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach. 

I looked at myself in the mirror for a moment, glad my face finally healed up from the black eye I had. My ribs were still a little sore, but they healed nicely. 

My phone chimed again, a reminder that I didn't actually open the text all the way. I grabbed it from the dresser, sending her a text back that read: 

Hey, baby. Sure. I'll be there in 15 min.

Sliding my phone in my pocket, I grabbed my keys and left. 

Refusing to ride in silence, and let my brain wander, I turned the radio to the classic rock station. I hoped the sounds of Metallica coming through the speakers was enough to drown out my worst fears. 

***

The crisp February air greeted me as I stepped out of my car at Bonfire Pointe.  I saw Gabby's car parked across the parking lot, a clear sign she was waiting for me. 

I took a moment, looking around at the other people here. There was a dad throwing a baseball with his son, behind them was a young boy chasing a girl around the swings. 

They were happy, carefree. At least in this moment. Looking away, I started heading towards our usual spot. The beating of my heart got louder the closer I got, becoming a pounding in my ears I couldn't ignore. 

The only other sound I heard was the crunching and snapping of twigs and leaves under my feet.  The sound was a torturous countdown to the impending reality check I knew was waiting for me. 

Crunch-snap-crunch

Crunch-snap-crunch

Every thing went silent when I reached the clearing. I no longer heard the sound of my heart beat or of the leaves and twigs. Just...silence. 

Gabby was straight ahead of me, leaning against that same fucking Oak tree. She turned around as I drew nearer, hearing my footsteps. 

She smiled at me but it lacked the usual gleam in her eyes. Her smile told me every thing I needed to know. Just like that, every thing became real. 

She was standing in front of me know. The terrifying truth in her eyes. "Gabby, don't-"

She put her finger to my lips, silencing me. "Wait, before we say anything else." 

She pressed her lips softly against mine and I immediately responded to her. I couldn't deny her anything.

She kissed me slowly, methodically, like she was trying to remember it forever. 

I wrapped my arms around her waist and thats when reality seemed to return to her. 

She pulled away, turning from me to hide the tears she didn't think I saw. We stood like that for a few minutes, but I couldn't stay quiet anymore. 

"Gabby, you don't need to do this." 

She turned to me with a sad smile. "Hayden, I love you. So much. But, I need to figure some stuff out." 

I didn't want to hear what she was saying. My heart started that deafening pounding again. "Did I do something?" 

Her eyebrows raised at that, "No, of course not. Being with you has been the best thing that's ever happened to me! I wouldn't change any of what we shared." 

"Then why," I asked, knowing my voice was betraying my emotions. 

She took a step back from me. "Hayden, I had to take care of myself after my mom died. I had to take care of Alex. My father...well, you know. Then with everything else..." She took a deep breath. "I just need some time." 

"Time?" I heard the words coming out of her mouth. But my brain didn't want to register. 

"Yes, Hayden. I can't be that girl anymore. The one who keeps looking over her shoulder. Everything that happened since my mom died made me...lost. I need to find out who I am. I need to work out my inner demons." 

I understood and knew she was right. I didn't like, of course. I still pictured a future with her. Her father caused a lot of damage and she needed to be happy for herself before amuthing else. 

I looked up at her, knowing exactly how my face looked by her reaction.  I cleared my throat. "How long," I asked, already knowing what her answer would be. 

"As long as it takes, Hayden." 

I couldn't look at her when I asked, "Will I ever see you again?" 

She came up to me, cupping my face in her hands and wiping my tears with her thumbs. She looked me in the eye, making sure I believed her when she said, "Of course you will. Our story isn't over yet, Golden Boy." 

I let out a ragged breath as she stepped back, away from me. She grabbed her bag and I couldn't do anything except watch her walk away from me.