(☝️ idk how to feel about this)

(Tommy's POV)

I woke up in my bed, not remembering what happened yesterday or how I got in bed.

But I somehow got really good sleep, without any nightmares or any awfully loud voices.

I got up and took a shower, while brushing my teeth I remembered something, something I don't want to remember.

(🚂choo choo Trigger Warning train ⚠️ VOICES, MEMORIES, SELF HARM⚠️)

I was in a bedroom waiting for someone,an when they came in I couldn't recognize them, but they seemed familiar.

"Hey Thomas you wanna go outside?"

"Sure 1̸̢̲̯͚̳̠̺̽̎̐̂͆͌̎̽́̊͐6̶̨͇̺̤̗̹̲̖͔̀̀ͅ ̸̨̳̲̪̫̝̀͆̔͒̃͛̀̀͜7̸̥̀̏̒͂̋̈́͝͝ ̵̨̳̝̗̝̤̯͂̍͛̅̓̈̏̏̓̓̚͠ͅ2̶̛̼̟͒̀̉̅́̓̂͒1̴̞̜̼̤͉̝͙͓̯͋̽̔̌̾̓̔̀̅͗̈́̃̚͝͝ ̵̭̙̱͕̲̙͚͉̼́̒̐̀́̅̉̉͗̔͗͘͜͝1̶͖̫̭̜̖̀͛̍̚3̶̞̻̼̮̋̿̌̀̈́̓̅̇ ̴̤̭̀̅̀͊̉͗̈́̚͝1̷̡̡̠̞͎̱͍͔̤̊͛͋͊̀͜1̷̗͚̳̼͙͔̭̱̥͎̀͌̆̃̐̈́͒̊̀͂̋̍̃͘͜͝.  "

(Memory over here --------)

My Eyes Widen, What the hell, what happened? I know that was a memory, but why is their name blocked out?

I should think about that later,but right now I should spit out the toothpaste that's in my mouth.

I finally finish brushing my teeth and check twitter, (oml my time line is so messed up-).

I Finished Checking my social medias, and decide to check my messages.

I laugh a little, even if it wasn't genuine I check my other messages, and when I am done, I receive a message from schlatt.

I have no clue how he did that, but I decide to just work on Editing til I start stream.

(Timeskip pls I need to get better at writing filler things)

I had just finished stream where dream blew up logstedshire, and I snuck in techno's house.

( Huge timeskip to 24th of December but hey here's a picture of smudged eyeshadow innit

😌)

I start Remembering them again, it's hard because I forced myself to forget most of my memories with them .

My mother Calls me down stairs, I do go downstairs and she asks me "do you wanna help make Christmas cookies?" I fake smiled and nodded "sure" .

( 😌👍 Image from google )

We finished the cookies, I am pretty proud of them.

"Do you need me to help with anything else?"

"Oh- no thanks, you can. Go now"she smiled and I nodded, I went to my room.

It's about 1AM, and I just realized that I almost completely forgot about Christmas, it's kinda creepy in my room right now.

I mean I have my LEDS set in lilac, but  for some reason I am not comfortable having a cut out of Blob dream watch me sleep.

I get up and put the cutout in my closet closing the doors, by now I know my parents won't be home when I wake up.

They haven't bought any presents, I did but they arrived with my new camera so they didn't care that much, plus they'll be out till 4PM buying gifts for extended family.

After attempting to sleep and failing, I take some sleeping pills and hope that does it.

Eventually it does, and I fall asleep to "great" nightmares, it was mostly just
Me getting chased again and again and also can't forget tunnel vision.

I wake up to a very loud crashing sound, it sounded like glass so I immediately got up, I went downstairs and went to the source of the noise.

I go to see walter next to a broken vase, it was my parents favourite vase, I sighed and made walter walk away from the vase.

I know that when my parents came back, if they found out that walter broke the vase they'd yell at him.

I didn't like when they yelled at walter or Betty, I am pretty sure I am gonna end up taking the blame for them.

I end up just petting them while editing, I did clean up the vase's remaining pieces, the pieces scratched me a bit but that's alright cause I deserve pain.

I was forced to turn up my music while editing, for some reason there were moving trucks but eventually they left.

And when they did my parents returned, I came down, obviously
They noticed that the vase was gone.

"Toms where's our vase?" My mother asked, from her tone I could tell that she was sober, I feel relief flow through me.

"I accidentally broke it, I was going to the kitchen and I hit the table it was on" my mother sighed and my father was okay? He was calm.

"Ok Tom's good on you for cleaning it but please be more careful" my father said.

I nodded"yes father" I said and went back to my room, I am glad that went well.

I receive a message.

I go up to my door and open up the door for Eryn.

He immediately hugs me.

"TOMS how are you bud?!"

"I am good! "

"Good to hear have this it's your gift I am in a rush bye!!!" He said as he gave me the box, "bye?" I reply closing the door.

I go up to my room and look at the box.

Its very pretty, I open it and it's a choker?

(

CHOKERINNIT CHOKERINNIT CHOKERINNIT CHOKERINNIT CHOKERINNIT CHOKERINNIT CHOKERINNIT CHOKERINNIT)

I Put it on, and I really like it, I send him a thank you message.

I decide to look  and organize my desk, it's been awhile since I've did that.

After awhile of cleaning I had gotten to the bottom of the drawer, I found something that looked like an old case, I picked it up.

Oh my God! It's my old phone, it's been so long, by some miracle I remember the password.

I check everything, I was checking my screenshots, when I saw some old messages from a blocked number.

Blocked Number

You do deserve the pain that you have

No I don't!

You deserve so much pain

I don't know why I was even friends with you

I immediately feel awful, I put the phone back and go down stairs, I ask my mum where the matches are.

I grab them and go to my room, I am gonna write down each and every cut I deserve.

I rip off a piece of paper from my notebook, and grab a Pen.

I start writing.

16 cuts for still being alive

11 cuts for being a burden for being a burden to everyone

21 cuts for making deo worry about me

17 cuts for disappointing my parents

23 cuts for not streaming for a few days how dare I make my parents worry and wait

64 cuts for still missing them

152 cuts

5 cuts = 1 burn

30 burns I'll add the 2 extra cuts as burns I deserve pain anyway

I put my pen back in my desk, I grab the matches and I was about to light one until.

I realised I have no idea where I am gonna burn myself, I can't burn my hands my fans will notice, cause I usually where short sleeves.

After a bit of thinking I decided to burn my stomach,  I lift my shirt from my stomach, I grab a match and light it, I put the fire on my stomach til the fire went out.

I repeated it, and I could see burns start showing on my stomach, I feel tears stream down my face.

I deserve this pain.

( Time skip pls I am rushing I have 8 mins to finish this chapter-)

I had finished my burns and I returned the matches, my mum looked at me and said.

" I heard we have a new neighbor, take some cookies and give it to them as a welcome gift" I reply with "yes mum" I take a plate of cookies and put on shoes.

I put on a coat and go outside, I head to the house next door, and knock I hear a "who is it?" I reply with "I am your neighbors son I have cookies" the door opens and before I see anyone I get pulled in.

I feel them push me gently, but I am weak so I fell, they closed the door and looked at me.

"Hey Tommy"

I look up at them and I can't believe who I see.

A/N

FINALLY I FINISHED WOOO

FIRST OF THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 100K+ READERS I GOT A CAKE

It's very yummy

HERES A CONVO BETWEEN ME AND MY FAVORITE WHITE BOY

P.S I did make a list of things to do when I meet you ♥️❤️♥️❤️

HAPPY NEW YEAR :D

Anyways

Word Count:1416

Oh

And

Remember

Vote to be pog 🎷🐛