(shit 👌the amount of studying I had to do before writing this chapter- 😃 fuck you dearest father ❤️ -Sincerely your least favorite daughter ❤️)

(TW ⚠️SELF HARM⚠️TW)

(Tommy's POV)

I wake up on the couch cause the sun is blinding my face.

Everything was a bit blurry.

I get up feeling like I haven't slept in 80 years.

I go to the bathroom and wash my face brush my teeth and comb my hair.

I walk down stairs to the kitchen.

I see deo sitting at the counter with a cup of I'll assume coffee reading a book.

I sat across from him and I get to thinking about video ideas.

Maybe I could do another one demand go?- no that always ends badly.

I keep thinking.

I was brought back to reality cause deo has spoken.

"Tommy are you ok?"

I sigh.

"Yeah just thinking about video ideas."

"I'll help you come up with them but in the main time what do you want for breakfast?"

I didn't feel like eating at all.

(Credits to mi amor aka rat_pp for helping me come up with filler tingz 😳)

"Well what did you have for breakfast?"

"Nothing unless coffee is considered breakfast"

I sighed well now I have to eat since he waited for me.

He put the book and mug down.

"How about we go out for breakfast?"

I slightly smile and say.

"But let's make it light I don't feel like eating too much"

He nodded.

"Just tell me when you're ready to go"

He picks his mug and book back up.

I get up and head to the bathroom and take a quick shower to freshen up.

I dry my hair as quick as possible and it's obviously very messy.

I put on some black skinny jeans.

And a white botton up shirt and put on a sweater on top.

(Picture of the sweater because yes ❤️

Ik it's kinda strange but I love this sweater)

I grab my shoes and my phone and go down stairs.

I stumbled slightly as I put on my shoes while going down the stairs.

I pant for a bit.

"Ready-"

"Ok" he said I don't know how but he managed to change into a grey hoodie and a jean jacket.

He put his book away.( Not before adding a book mark 😃)

And put his now empty mug in the sink.

We of course put on some masks.

I put on a mask that was a creepy smile.

Deo had a half black half orange mask.

(. Pictures for imagination 🙂

I actually have  this one I wear it everyday I bought it for halloween :)☝️

Wear your masks pls)

We open the door and go outside leaving.

I take my mask off my nose and mouth to breath some fresh air.

The cold winter breeze hit my face gently and small bits of white snow fell down all around me.

I put my mask back on.

We start walking somewhere.

I realise I forgot to ask where we are going.

"Deo where are we going?"

"A restaurant I heard it has some really good croissants"

I slightly nod and walk next to deo.

(ᵗⁱⁿʸ ᵗⁱᵐᵉ ˢᵏⁱᵖ ᵗᵒ ʷʰᵉⁿ ᵗʰᵉʸ ᵃʳᵉ ᵃᵗ ᵗʰᵉ ʳᵉˢᵗᵃᵘʳᵃⁿᵗ)

I sat down across from deo.

"What do you want to drink?"

"Hot chocolate?"

"Alright I'll be right back."

He goes in the restaurant.

I pull out my phone and scroll through twitter.

I see that today's Niki's love or host.

And I also see a dm from her asking for me to be a guest.

I reply with sure even tho it would be 2 AM for me when love or host starts.

I shut off my phone and put it in my pocket.

I see deo come back with two croissants and two different cups.

He give me mine and take off my mask to take a bite of the croissant.

But i instantly get hit in the face by the smell of the coffee.

"Really coffee? Again?"

"You can say anything Mr. I drink a coke every day"

He chuckles a bit and I do the same.

(Tiny time. Skip to when the croissants are gone-)

I pick up my hot chocolate and take a sip.

My nose feels cold but I ignore it.

Suddenly I hear from giggle.

"What?" I asked genuinely confused.

He responded in between laughs.

"Your whole nose is tinted pink."

"It is?"

"Yeah"

Well my nose is probably gonna be super stuffy while streaming.

(Time skip brought to you by me being very tired even tho it's really early still )

Me and deo were back home.

It was a little bit later then expected since we decided to also go to the mall.

But it was fun.

I go upstairs and take off my shoes.

I put my phone on my desk and changed into more comfortable clothes.

(Aka just some normal black trousers and a sweater)

I would have to start streaming soon so I just log on to the dream smp to see who's on.

I see that it's tubs, wilbur , techno,huge Q, and niki plus jschlatt.

I get everything set up and start streaming.

( Nothing interesting happens here so lemme skip real quick)

It was about 12 PM and i had ended stream 30 minutes ago.

To be honest I was just sitting spinning in my chair thinking for most of this time.

I was really bored and I didn't feel like going on twitter or reddit.

So I did something that I don't do so often.

I turned my LEDS to the color that relaxes me most violet!.

I shut off my lights and grabbed my phone and played some music.

( For example jesus in LA slowed and space cadet slowed :D )

I cleaned my room.

I also did my bed and organized my closet.

To be honest I was kinda proud of myself.

Somehow I didn't feel the time pass by and I look at my phone and it's       2:35 AM

To be honest it's fine.

Love or host has only been going on for about 35 Minutes.

I shut off my music.

I sit in my chair and spin to my desk going on stream.

As if on Que I get a DM from Austin .

Austin

You still up for being a guest? Room Code : 026402H

I type quickly.

Me

Yes I am

I go on.

Austin introduces me.

And wilbur sighs and leaves for a bit.

Now it was my turn to ask some questions.

"Ok ok so what's your subscriber count?"

A few people laugh including austin but he says "shudup Tommy nobody cares."

To be honest it kinda hurt.

Wilbur came back.

And I started doing the usual overtaking so austin mutes me.

To be honest I was kinda nervous for my next stream so I start to dig my nails into my palms.

A few minutes later austin unmutes me.

I start talking again but I stop when I feel pain in my plans.

"HOW DARE YOU MUTE ME AUST- ow!"

I look down at my palms and my eyes widen.

They were bleeding.

I didn't think my nails could dig deep enough.

They must have noticed that I have gone quite as wilbur said.

"You ok Tommy?"

I respond "yeah yeah I just accidentally bit my tongue"

Wilbur responds with an "oh.. ok"

( A bit later 🐱)

"Well no offense I just don't think you have an aesthetically pleasing room wilbur"

"Oh and you have a very aesthetically pleasing room?! "Wilbur said

"Tommy why don't you show us your "aesthetically pleasing" room" austin said with a tint of sarcasm.

But I am me so I am very competitive.

I open face cam and show off my recently cleaned room.

I could tell that they weren't expecting me to do so.

I grin a bit knowing I surprised them.

( Tiny bit later)

I hear footsteps coming up the stairs and to my room.

Keep in mind i still had face cam on.

Well deo busted through my door wearing black glasses and comes next to me.

He whispered "can I speak to Austin real quick?"

I replied with "sure?"

I gave him my headphones and he spoke into the microphone.

"Austin please monitor your chat it's not really the best at the moment"

I could tell from deo's tone he was serious.

I open austins stream on my other monitor to see what he was talking about.

The chat was.

@uglybish

Ew tommy's here

@pollypocket08

I came here for Niki's love or host and not seeing him 🤢

@sosplsjelp

Pog

@ewhomie

Ew it's the worthless useless unloved child

So the chat was trash talking me.

Again.

I sigh.

I was actually used to it.

Austin said "yo chat can you stop trashing Tommy like we know he's trash already."

That honestly really hurt me.

I frowned for a second but went to my normal face after remembering that I had face cam on.

But since deo could read me like a book he knew that austins words hurt me even if they were a joke.

"Ok for everyone on this stream if you don't stop trashing Tommy I will make him leave even if he doesn't want to."

Everyone that showed there faces were shocked for a minute.

They didn't expect deo to actually care.

Austin said"ok okay calm down."

The chat was now spamming.

@poggypogpog

Overprotective deo overprotective deo overprotective deo overprotective deo overprotective deo overprotective deo overprotective deo overprotective deo overprotective deo overprotective

@hiiamuooglay

overprotective deo overprotective deo overprotective deo overprotective deo overprotective deo overprotective deo overprotective deo overprotective deo overprotective deo overprotective deo overprotective deo overprotective deo overprotective deo overprotective deo overprotective deo overprotective deo overprotective deo

@bigs'sbiggestfan

overprotective deo overprotective deo overprotective deo overprotective deo overprotective deo overprotective deo overprotective deo overprotective deo overprotective deo overprotective deo overprotective deo overprotective deo overprotective deo overprotective deo

@barkarufgrr

overprotective deo overprotective deo overprotective deo overprotective deo overprotective deo overprotective deo overprotective deo overprotective deo overprotective deo overprotective deo overprotective deo overprotective deo overprotective deo overprotective deo overprotective deo overprotective

Deo noticed and grinned.

"Chat let's get #overprotectivedeo trending on Twitter and I'll be in tommy's next stream."

I physically shake my head.

(After love or host 😺)

Deo hugs me.

"I hope you know that you're a great person Tommy"

He lets me go and I smile nodding him.

He leaves Me room.

I sit down and check my indirects again.

One of the catches my attention.

rukiwastaken

Wait READ?-

YOU READ MY INDIRECT AHHH-

I am literally crying your my favorite streamer thank you for existing ❤️

I smile.

I like one of thier tweets which was.

@rukiwastaken

Dream stans are so fucking toxic.

I go on instagram to see my dms there.

I see that I have been added to a very full group chat.

It was called we hate you.

I read the messages.

(TW ⚠️ mean stuff :( ⚠️TW)

Gogy._.simp

Lol you're so annoying Tommy you literally annoy me all the time and when ever I see you I want to puke I hope you for in hell.

Prxtty_stany

Ew your existence is annoying and I don't even know you 🤣

Kickmeout

I just really hate you I genuinely hope you have a bad day and stop existing already.

Kickmeout

You literally are a trash human being you're so mean and literally so dumb.

Kickmeout

I don't even see why your fans like you? Like???? Am I right or?

Prxtty_stany

You're right lol

Gogy_simp

YESSS you're so right

(TW ⚠️ over ⚠️ TW )

I close instagram. To be honest I was tearing up.

I start sobbing quietly.

I message tubbo.

Me:

Tubbo I am gonna talk to you soon like on discord or something so be prepared.

🛁bo

Ooo ok! :D

I shut off my phone and through it on my bed.

I grab a tissue box since I was crying and my nose was runny.

I call tubbo on discord.

( Toobs POV🐝🛁)

I was streaming.

I was on minecraft playing with Karl and Quackity!

I was building something until my phone buzzed.

"Oh yeah and then i- oh sorry one second chat."

It's a message from Tommy!

Innit👺😈

Tubbo I am gonna talk to you soon
Like on discord or something so be prepared.

Me:

Ooo ok! :D

I put my phone down.

"Ok chat quackity,Karl tommy's gonna call me soon so I was wondering should I do a bit?"

Chat was filling up with ideas.

@tonitonight

Do a bit where you're stupid like you take everything to literally and out of context.

@ppsobig

Do a best friend but! Or that you're like moving near him or something

Then a donation popped up.

@kikithequeen has donated 12£!

Do a bit where you don't wanna be friends with him anymore idk-

I gasp for a bit and look at chat and Quackity and Karl for approval.

Chat was like.

@usernotfound

YESS-!

@DAGOAT

YES YES YES-

And big Q and Karl said.

"You should do it! It seems harmless and fun!" Said big Q

"I don't know maybe you shouldn't. You don't know why he's calling you.". Said Karl.

I sighed and decided to go with it.

He starts calling me and big Q and Karl mute.

"Hey tubs"

"Hey tom" I say trying to sound more mad.

"I wanted to talk to you about- is something wrong? You sound angry"

"Yeah everythings fine but I wanted to say something tho."

"Ok..... Go ahead."

"Tommy you're a really mean person! Like you're so rude to me! Jokes or not! I feel like you actually mean it when you insult me! It sucks! Just think how I feel!"

Of course that wasn't true.

Tommy always asks me how I feel and makes sure that if don't like a bit that he does he stops doing it with me.

And he's also a really good and supportive friend.

"Like actually I don't understand anything that you do and I also don't find your "jokes" funny!"

"You're a really bad friend Tommy and i- you know what I don't even wanna be friends with you anymore! I am way better off without you! Go find someone else to mentally abuse! I hate you!"

"......"

The other line was deadly quiet.

I could hear some very loud sniffling.

"O-oh-, sorry tubbo- y-youre right I am a really bad friend i- I need to go-"

He hung up.

I feel so bad.

Big Q and Karl unmute.

And chat is filled up with sad faces.

I sigh.

I try to message him to tell him it's a bit but he temporarily blocked me.

Oh god I feel guilty.

(Tommy's POV)

I was balling my eyes out.

I go to my bathroom and go to my mirror.

I open it and look inside.

There's my anxiety meds. And  my depression meds and oh! What I was looking for.

A super sharp knife I kept in there.

( TW ⚠️ SELF HARM ⚠️TW)

I go back into my room and roll up my sleeves.

I look at my past cute that we're almost gone.

I reopen the with the blade my hand shaking in the process.

I keep cutting and cutting.

Cause I deserve this pain.

Everyone including my best friends hate me.

They all just feel bad for me.

my parents don't love me.

No one does...

I look back at my arms the both almost looked dyed red from all the blood falling.

But I didn't care I deserve it.

I was in so much pain.

Tears were running down my face and hitting the ground.

Breathing was getting hard.

I was losing alot of blood.

Everything began getting blurry.

And everything goes black.

(A/N)

OML FINALLY I AM DONE I AM SO SORRY FOR THE DELAY BUT HOPEFULLY THE LENGTH MAKES YOY FORGIVE ME-

THIS IS THE LONGEST THING I'VE EVER WRITTEN-

yeah I am tired af but hopefully you enjoyed the angst :)

Oh yeah what are your theories I am curious.

Anyways thanks mi amor for helping me write this ❤️

I am working on a discord server :)

Anyways

Word Count:2735

I- 😳

Oh

And remember

Vote to be pog!😳✨🐝💞💞