ARNAV RAIZADA

"Can we talk? Like adults?" I laughed, actually it was true, all this while we were just acting like kids, it was high time we sat down and talked.

"Sure." She patted on the empty space beside her, gesturing me to sit, so I walked closer to her and settled down, I looked at her and I swear this was going to be hard, but not as hard as I thought in the beginning, I came here with a complete different plan but now I just decided to modify it.

"A lot has happened since we first met, whatever I said to you back in the classroom today was true. We both are adults Khushi and I think we both know what we feel for each other, and the only way to get out of this mess is honesty, so here I am with my honesty.

I like you, a lot... more than I should like you. I don't know why it happened, how it happened with you and not anyone else, maybe destiny, I don't know, but the one thing I know and I'm sure of is that I am not the right person for you.

I am not the right person for anyone, I don't do it on purpose but somehow I always end up hurting everyone that's close to me, I won't get into details but I know one day or the other, I would hurt you too, and I don't want that for you.

You know why everyone in the university hates me? It isn't because I am powerful and I can ruin their lives, it is because I made them believe I can do that, the only reason being, I don't want anyone to ever get close to me because at the end of the day, things just go wrong and I'm tired of it.

I am tired of giving myself chances, and I am tired of seeing everyone that I love be hurt because of me, every time it happens, it makes me hate myself.

I don't know what you think about me, or feel towards me, I am just here to tell you what I feel, and I don't want to feel that. I tried to push you away, I tried to do horrible things to you so you would dislike me but despite it all you don't, and nothing seems to keep the both of us away from each other, so I figured, if I'd ask you to do so myself maybe it would work.

Please, if possible, just hate me, stay away from me, do whatever you can, just don't get closer to me, please."

"What if I tell you that I maybe like you too? I mean all this while I just thought it was lust but I don't think it's that anymore, I think I like you and I..."

"It won't work Khushi." I said as I stood up angrily, I was hoping she would understand me, I dint want to complicate this, I had to be honest so she would stay away, not come closer.

"Why not? What is it that you fear? What could you possibly do to hurt me?"

"I could do a lot, you'll find yourself happy with me for a couple months, and then out of nowhere I'll just start hurting you and I won't even know it, and just like that, from liking me you'll go to hating me.

Now do you really want to go through all that for nothing Khushi? It's not worth it, so please try to understand me and just stay away from me." I looked at her hoping that now she would agree to what I was saying, it was for our own good wasn't it?

"Don't you think if it was that easy to stay away from you I could already have done that Arnav? I have never done things like this before for any guy, when it comes to you, for some reason I just cant stop thinking about you or having all those desires, and like I said, at first I really thought it was lust only, but if it was just that, it wouldn't last long.

Now that you've told me you like me, I want to be with you, I wouldn't want to be with you if I was lusting for you, I know myself better, and I know I haven't felt this thing before... but somehow I did for you." She looked at me sadly.

Instead of understanding it, she was trying to make me understand. Well try your luck Khushi, I don't think I would.

"Your problem is that you would hurt me without even knowing that you are hurting me and at the end there would be no point of it all right? But have you thought of it this way Arnav? Maybe if you do anything that I feel would hurt me, I would tell you that you're doing something wrong and maybe if I tell you, you'll know and you won't do it.

And who told you that even if it ended, it would all be for nothing? We would have gained so much from it, things don't happen for no reason, everything in life leaves you with a mark and even if it doesn't work out, it will leave us with a mark, an experience, and I guess it's all worth the try."

"But I don't want to hurt you Khushi, why are you willing to put yourself in a position where everyday you'll be wondering if today is the day I'm going to hurt you?"

"Because I am not scared of getting hurt Arnav, there's no way I'll be worried. For once you just have to believe in yourself."

"That's the problem don't you see? I believe in myself and I know the things that I would do. I came here hoping you would understand me Khushi, I am a terrible person, a terrible person that likes you but you have to ignore him because he isn't worth it, please do that." I stood up in frustration, I couldn't have this conversation anymore, I was done with it, if I stayed here any longer, I knew she would convince me but I dint want to be convinced.

"Arnav stop." She rushed behind me, grabbed my hand and pulled me back.

"Why should I stop Khushi, I'm trying to make you understand something but you don't want to understand me!" I shouted angrily, I saw her flinch and almost take a step back because of my harsh voice but she dint.

"You see, this is what I'm talking about, I'll hurt you Khushi, please understand me." I looked at her in defeat.

"I really want to understand Arnav, and yes deep down I know that this is a bad idea, and that I should stay away, it's for our good but I don't want to. My problem isn't that I cant stay away, it's that I don't want to stay away.

I like you Arnav, I've never liked anyone this way before, and you like me too, we have a chance, why not try it?"

"Oh come on now, you like that stupid friend of your, Jai. Remember you kissed him and wasn't he your boyfriend?" I rolled my eyes. God I hated that guy.

"I just lied okay, he's just a friend." She giggled.

"Well then he should maybe be more than a friend, you deserve better Khushi, I am nowhere near better." I cupped her face and looked at her into the eyes seriously.

She just looked at me silently for a moment without saying anything and then out of nowhere, she grabbed my face and before I knew, her lips were on mine.

Oh No Khushi! Please don't make this any more difficult that it already is.

But damn, kissing her felt so good, I dint want to stop.

I was really trying, to control myself, to not kiss her back but I don't know what it was about her, I gave in just a few seconds later, I was pushing her to the wall, pinning her there and kissing her like there was no tomorrow.

Oh God! Why was she so beautiful?

Her lips tasted like love.

No they shouldn't.

Put a hold on your thoughts Arnav!

"Khushi." I pulled myself back and looked at her in shock, she can't do this, she can't try to convince me like this.

"Please Arnav." She grabbed the collar of my shirt and looked at me in a way that even when I dint want to give in I somehow just did.

"Nothing can ever happen between us Khushi." I said.

"Fine, then let's do this, maybe after we're done I'll realize it was just lust."

"But for me it's not lust..."

"But maybe for me it is, this is the only way to figure it out Arnav. I am not telling you to date me, let's just do this and maybe I will forget about you." She continued kissing me all over my face, I was so turned on but I wasn't even sure if it was the right thing to do.

"Come on Arnav, what are you scared of?"

"Khushi I... I can't do this... I'm sorry." I turned away from her.

"You don't want to be with me, you don't want to sleep with me, then what the hell do you want Arnav?" She shouted at me angrily.

"Please Arnav, I know I can't convince you to be with me, but at least give me this. You know I sound so desperate right now, and it's all because of this stupid mixed feelings I'm having, why can't things just be clear?"

"Khushi, if we do this, it will just hurt your feelings later when I'm gone, the whole point of me wanting you to stay away is because I don't want to hurt your feelings." I cupped her face and looked her into the eyes, she stared back for a moment and then suddenly she pushed me away.

"You are right, be a coward, run away from your feelings." She said angrily.

"I am sorry Khushi." I turned around and walked away hoping this was the last goodbye between us.