A/N: thank you everyone for all of your support and reads I appreciate you all so much! So without further ado here is the next chapter. Enjoy!
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CW** smut

There was a sharp inhale of breath when we entered the room, and the pain suddenly stopped as swiftly as it came on and I gasped with relief. My hands and feet tingled with the sudden ease of pain my head curled into James's shoulder as I took a shaking breath finally able to fill my lungs again. He held me close to his chest and angry words hissed from his lips, the tone of his voice I hadn't heard in a very, very long time. "I should have fucking known."

I looked up tilting my chin to peer at him then following his gaze. There I found Steve and Doctor Strange standing over a glowing Eye of Agamotto.

I held on to James as though my life depended on it. Although the pain had stopped it still radiated from my bones in aftershocks of agony. My eyes met with Steve's across the room and his face had gone pale and drawn but he remained frozen to the spot his mouth parting in disbelief. I reached my arm out for him to come closer and he began to do so but before he could reach me James turned his body blocking Steve from me with his body.

"No." He said his voice firm and filled with rage daring Steve to argue.

I opened my mouth to speak but James continued before I could even form the question on my lips. His words were directed at Steve, "If I had known what you were doing up here all these weeks, I would have never allowed it."

I tried to pull myself out of his grip, but it only tightened onto me his fingers digging into my ribcage where he held onto me. I gasped because of the pain it caused, but he was so caught up in his own anger at his friend that he didn't seem to notice.

"Bucky," Steve started his voice calm like he was speaking to a wounded beast, "I was doing what I had to. To find her."

A growl reverberated through James's chest, "You were hurting her!" He roared.

There was silence for a moment his loud cry of anger seemed to echo off the walls vibrating my ear drums. Steve was too stunned to speak because of his friends outburst.

I squirmed to get out of his grip, "Let me down James," I said, "there is no more pain." I lied because my bones still ached.

His eyes flashed down to me from where they had been glaring over his shoulder at Steve. They softened a fragment as he set my feet down on the ground even though I knew he didn't want to. When my feet hit the ground, I had to concentrate to keep my knees from wobbling the book still in my grip. Yet they did none the less. Both men lurched for me but stopped when I raised my hand out in front of me. "I'm ok." I said my voice tight.

I couldn't be angry at Steve for what he had done, I could only assume he was using the Eye of Agamotto to find me. It had after all led me to the room where we were now.

James didn't move from my side still placing himself between Steve and I and I couldn't help the love that flashed through me at the action even if I thought it was uncalled for, Steve had only been doing what he thought was the only way to find me.

I placed my hand on James' arm squeezing it lightly I looked up and met his gaze telling him silently that it was alright. I dropped my hand from his arm before I stepped towards Steve. James's body went tight as though he expected Steve to hurt me and the love that had just been in my chest suddenly turned into hurt. How could he think that Steve would hurt me?

His friend...

I stepped closer to Steve but when I looked up at him his eyes were still trained on his friend, his blue gaze filled with his own hurt at James's actions. He looked down at me and I could see the regret in his eyes for his actions, James' words hitting their mark, even if I thought it was unwarranted.

"I'm ok." I said quietly and I reached out placing my hand in his squeezing it within my own. Before I could even take a breath, he stepped towards me wrapping me in his embrace.

"I was so scared Evelyn," he whispered into my ear, I could hear the shake in his voice as he spoke.

I swallowed thickly as I recognized the emotion coiling his words, "I was too." I wrapped my arms around him holding him just as tightly.

The sound of a throat clearing pulled me from our reunion, then Strange spoke. "What is that?"

I pulled back and turned to Strange, surprised to see his state of dishevelment, he looked just as bone achingly tired as I felt, "I'm glad that you are here actually." I pulled myself from Steve's grip and took a step towards Strange much to James' chagrin.

I held out the book to him, "I am supposed to give this to you."

"What is it?" he asked as he extended his arm to take it.

"As far as I can tell it is a spell book. Stephen, the Stephen from my world, carried it with him wherever he went. I found it in Mordo's palace." I said my voice aching in my throat.

"Mordo's palace? His eyes went wide.

"Yes," I stepped closer to the table resting my palms against it to hold myself up. The adrenaline that had been coursing through me had now fully run its course and my bones were weary and my body ached with exhaustion, my limbs felt like lead weights hanging off my torso. "In the demon realm. He was-" Darkness edged my vision, I cleared my throat trying to speak again, "he was-" I stumbled, and the world spun around me. Then everything went dark, strong arms captured me just before my head slammed to the floor.

Unknown POV

Thanos was pissed and Mordo was sent back to the demon realm licking his wounds, he was lucky he was still alive. If it had been up to me, he would be dead. The fool was too busy working his own agenda, he had his own backhanded way of doing things in the shadows and the subterfuge of it all had been his own demise. I had seen how long he kept her in his palace, how long he toyed with her.

He didn't know her, not like I did, He didn't know the way he handled her would never work, it would only give her more resolve and determination to escape. In the end I had been one hundred percent correct. Like always.

And now we were worse off than we had ever been before. She knew we were after her now and she knew why. Thanos had sent so many others to collect her and they had all failed. He should have sent me from the very beginning. She would be long gone now, and the stones would be back where they belonged and all of us could be living like Thanos intended.

In a peaceful, more self sustainable future.

I grit my teeth.

Mordo said she had them by her side now.

I scoffed.

Why was I really surprised?

I slammed my hands into the controls of the command ship. A ship I'd commanded for years now after being summoned back to the Mad Titan rather than living my life like he had promised.

My peaceful future had been ruined all because of her.

I would make her pay.

For everything.

Evelyn POV

I woke while being carried down a corridor and I had to stamp down the initial instinct to fight, fear that I was still in the demon realm surrounded by enemies all ready and willing to kill me. But I quickly realized I was held in a warm caring embrace, the arms that held me were gentle and familiar, the scent of him filled my senses.

"James," I murmured opening my eyes to see him looking straight ahead his jaw tight with fury.

He glanced down his eyes softening only for a fraction of a second before they returned to their previous icy grey.

"Are you alright?" I asked noticing there was a bruise under his eye that hadn't been there before I passed out.

He nodded tersely, "I'll be fine once you get home."

"To the apartment?" I asked readying myself to demand he put me down. "Please put me down."

He shook his head his grip on me becoming bruising, "No."

I didn't ask him to clarify what he meant, I crossed my arms across my chest and watched as we entered into the crowded streets outside. Heads turned in our direction, but no one questioned or stopped us. We were going in the opposite direction of the apartment we had been staying in and I wondered where he was taking me. I was about to voice my question again when a car stopped beside us, and he reached out and opened the door sliding me inside and following me quickly into the back seat.

Curiously I looked to the driver to find Steve, a matching bruise marring his face as well. Both men were stone faced, the fury radiating off the pair of them in waves. I wondered what had transpired when I had been passed out.

"Hey," Steve's voice was soft, and I couldn't help but feel surprised when James moved me closer to his side when his friend spoke.

"Hey," I called back wetting my lips I continued, "What's going on?"

Steve's eyes met mine through the rear-view mirror and he shook his head not replying to my question. James wrapped his arm around my shoulders pulling me even closer to him. He pressed his lips against my hair and whispering sweet words into me, "Don't leave me ever again baby, I was so lost without you. I was so fuckin' scared." I let my hand fall to his knee and squeezed it gently.

My stomach dipped, a swell of emotion filling me, "So was I James."

Before I could protest, he pulled me onto his lap holding my body so close to his I could feel his heart beating in his chest. It was almost like he couldn't hear me because he kept whispering into my hair, into my neck, into my skin pressing his lips into me.

His words made my insides ache. Because I had been scared, scared I would never see him again, that I would never see Steve again. All the pain and all the agony and all of the secrets felt suddenly like it was all too much to take. The need to share what I had learned burned like a raging fire, "Please," I whispered, "I need to tell Strange everything, there is so much that we need to do."

He shook his head, and I could see the tremble in his lips when he spoke, his voice quiet his forehead tipped against mine, "No," the emotion in that single word took me back, "the only thing that is important is making sure you are alright. I swear to you Evie, once I make sure there is no part of you that is hurting anymore, then we can talk about it."

The pain in his voice lanced through my chest. And I could do nothing but agree with him.

"I just found you," he said not waiting for me to speak, "I won't let anything, or anyone take you from me." I saw his eyes flash over my shoulder to the driver, "And I mean anyone."

My stomach fluttered at his words, "ok." Was all I could muster.

I leaned my head against his shoulder his arms around me as he glanced down to me on his lap. I watched out of the window, letting my mind go gloriously blank for the first time in weeks, his scent lulling me into a sense of security that I didn't realize I had been missing so completely. The scenery outside of the vehicle changed from a city scape to endless highway, I had long since lost which direction we had begun moving, the moving vehicle lulling me into a dreamless sleep.

Steve POV

I watched her as she lay against Bucky's chest and a rush of burning jealousy rammed through my chest so swiftly it stole my breath. But it was for the best I keep my distance right now, if I didn't want to fight the beast, I eyed Bucky wearily through the mirror. It had been so long since I'd seen that furious rage in my friends eyes, never at me, not since he was no longer the Winter Soldier. Once he realized that Strange and I had been calling to Evie through the Eye of Agamotto I had physically felt the trust between us vanish into thin air. The way his eyes would find me filled with that distrust sent another sting of emotion barreling through me once again. Bucky had never stood up to me the way he did in that room. When she had blacked out and I had reached for her he had lunged for me. I'd barely lain her on the floor before he was on me. I let him get the first few punches in but when he didn't relent, I fought back, all civility lost on both of us. If not for the magical intervention from Strange, I wasn't sure we wouldn't have killed each other right then and there.

"We're leaving," Bucky had said roughly lifting Evelyn in his arms and turning from the room, "We will be in contact once I know Evie is well enough to carry on, with what ever the hell this is."

He'd left the room and with a curt nod to Strange who held the book she had given him tightly in his grip his eyes never once finding me.

I had however, followed behind him knowing where we were headed, we parted ways for me to get the SUV.

I turned my eyes back to the road, my grip like steel on the wheel of the vehicle my eyes darting back to the rear-view mirror once again. This time I saw angry steel blue eyes meeting my own, "You could have killed her," Bucky's voice was hard and filled with rage, there was no room for argument in his tone.

I swallowed thickly knowing that I had no legs to stand on, even if I'd thought it had been the only way to save her. I could have at least warned him, "I should have told you." I admitted my thoughts out loud.

He scoffed adjusting Evelyn's head against his chest, her eyes were closed and her even breathing told me she was asleep, "You didn't tell me because you knew I wouldn't allow it."

I inhaled deeply, my chest burning with shame, and anger, "I thought I was doing the right thing."

Bucky grit his teeth his eyes burning into me like twin flames, "It's not just about you Steve, for fucks sakes." He pulled his fingers through his long hair, and I noticed for the first time the dark circles under his eyes, "You don't always know what's best."

"And you do?" I could feel my own anger ramp up, be it guilt or pride I couldn't say, perhaps a combination of both. "I needed to find her."

"So did I." He was trying hard to keep his voice quiet so as not to wake her.

I gripped the steering wheel even harder, "And what? Looming around like a beast was going to help locate her? Tell me Bucky," I spat his name, "what were you doing other than walking around like a lost puppy?"

"Oh, fuck you." He hissed at me his arm wrapped around her protectively. "At least I wasn't trying to prove something."

"Prove something?" I said incredulously.

"Yeah," he said his tone filled with fury.

"What exactly was I trying to prove?" I said trying hard to keep my eyes on the road and not on him through the mirror.

"That you could find her before me," he seethed, "That you are better for her than I am?" He said his tone had gone soft, and despite myself my eyes flicked back to his once again.

"Buck..." all of my anger leaving me.

"You are though," he said defeat filling his tone, "She was yours in another world Steve, you could have been hers as soon as she laid eyes on you here."

I shook my head as he spoke his fears. "If that's the case you were also hers. Maybe you couldn't see it, but I could, I still can. What ever happened between the three of them in her world I have a feeling was just as fucked up as this. She wants us Buck, and both of us want her."

Silence hung heavy in the vehicle, the only sound for a few moments was the light sound of her breathing.

I continued, "I want her." My tone firm, "you want her too, right?"

The sound that left him was strangled, "More than anything."

"Then let it be. Let us both have her," I cleared my throat, my heart beating so fast against my ribs, "Let her have the both of us."

Silence followed my words and to be quite honest my mind had gone numb at them as well. It was as though someone else entirely had spoken them. This was only ever a thought that I had played with in my mind, being together with the two of them. It had been compounded while she had been missing. I was an old-fashioned guy, sharing the woman I cared for deeply was not something that I took lightly but, I'd seen the heartache it had caused Evelyn whenever she spoke about our counterparts from her world. Whenever she felt torn between the two of us here. Two men she loved very, very much, that she had been forced to choose between. I didn't want to lose my friendship with Bucky, nor did I want to lose her, and this was the only way I believed we could all be happy. "She would never suggest it." I said finally breaking the silence, "She would never want to hurt either of us by choosing one over the other," perhaps it was selfish because I was certain she would choose him over me, "I don't think I could ask her to choose either. It would break her." Or me, I thought, "And honestly Buck I think it would break up our friendship if she did." Because I would never be able to watch her with him.

He nodded but didn't speak.

I turned my eyes to the road, the sky now dark as I pulled onto the dirt road hidden among the bushes. This place was hidden away, no one would know it was here if they drove past the hidden drive. Pepper had given us this place, it had been one of Tony's properties it was an old lakeside cabin, similar to the one she currently lived in with Morgan. She'd offered it up after Evelyn had left the hospital-like facility we had brought her to before. It was small and easily defensible especially with three super soldiers living inside. Pepper had stocked it herself ready for when we found Evelyn.

The gravel crunched beneath the tires of the SUV as we slowed to a stop and once I turned off the engine neither of us moved. I turned my body. My eyes met Bucky's for the first time without the mirror between us. They were guarded and his hold on Evelyn was tight, like he feared I would take her from him.

Silence stretched between the pair of us, neither one of us eager to break it. Bucky took a deep shuttering breath, and he squeezed his eyes closed his head tipping back to rest upon the back of the seat in defeat, "Ok."

"Ok?" I asked hopefulness laced in the word.

He opened his eyes, staring up at the ceiling, "But she decides if that's what she wants."

I turned back around my heart suddenly jackhammering inside of me, fear anew, hoping with all hope that is what she would want.

"Ok." I called back

Evelyn POV

I woke up my cheek pressed into a warm hard chest. Equally warm arms wrapped around me in a protective cocoon. My eyelids felt heavy, like I had been asleep for a week, my body felt fully rested in far longer than I cared to recall. I pried them open, to find myself laying completely atop James' body. We lay on a plush grey sofa, that barely held him. One of his legs was bent, his black boot resting against the wooden floor. His breaths were even, and I could tell he was sleeping soundly. When I made to move off of him his arms tightened around me not allowing me to move. With a content sigh I turned my head placing my ear against his chest looking around the room. It was night. I could see trees though the windows that were on either side of the brown wooden door not far from the couch. There was an old television against the wall the screen flickering with some movie I'd never seen before. A matching grey chair was beneath one of the windows a figure slumped in it, one foot resting on the coffee table that sat between us.

Steve.

He too was as sound asleep as James, soft snores falling from his lips.

My chest tightened for a moment all of the memories of the past weeks flooding me. I calmed my breathing unwilling to wake the two super soldiers who no doubt had as little rest as I'd had. Slowly and steadily I disengaged myself from James without waking him and stood. I pulled the blanket that lay across the back of the sofa onto him so as not to miss the warmth of my body and wake him. I looked around the room now able to see better where I was.

It was a cabin, that much I could ascertain. There was a small kitchen area to the left of where we had been sleeping a wooden dining table in front of the other front window. There was a hallway beside the kitchen which I believed must lead to a sleeping area. I moved there hoping that I would find a bathroom and I was not disappointed. There along with two bedrooms, was a small bathroom with a toilet, sink and a claw foot tub with an added shower attachment the surrounding shower curtain was pushed to the side, and I smiled when I saw that there were yellow rubber ducks with shower caps adorning it.

I moved to the toilet glad to find it, once done I washed my hands, and I found a note on the small counter. A smile moved onto my features.

Evie,

I tried to stock this place with everything that you need, its not as modern as our cabin, but this is where Tony would go when he needed some time alone. I hope they found you well, I am eager to hear from you soon.

Pepper

I folded the paper and pushed it aside, the shower calling to me. Silently I closed the door to the bathroom and turned the silver knobs on the shower taps putting my hand under the running water. The pipes groaned and chugged for a moment, the water leaping out a stream of rusted brown water before clearing. Pulling the shower curtain closed I pulled the leaver to turn on the shower and shed my clothes. Eager to be away from anything that was a reminder of my time in the demon realm.

I stepped under the streams of steaming water I sighed with relief as I could feel all of the dirt and grime wash down the drain. I washed my hair twice, taking my time to make sure that there were no traces of that awful sulphuric smell left behind. I washed and scrubbed, the obsession of cleaning that terrible place off of me was nearly manic. I was so caught up in it I didn't hear the door to the bathroom open and a strangled scream fell from my lips when I heard a voice speak softly.

"Hey Evie," It was James, I could see the worry and fear still lingering in his eyes when I peaked out from behind the curtain.

"James," I smiled at him calming my beating heart as I reached out and touched his cheek with my wet hand, I didn't think he would mind.

He didn't.

He placed his hand over mine, leaning into my touch.

"I'm alright," I said needing to ease his fear.

"I know." He said his eyes on mine a flame of hunger flashed in his irises. That heat was contagious because I felt it burn through me as well heating me inside and out. I pulled my hand away and cleared my throat, "There is room in here if you'd like to join me." I felt embarrassment flame my cheeks suddenly wondering if he would even want that knowing I had been with Steve before all hell had broken loose.

A grin slowly curled at the corner of his mouth, "Yeah?" His brows rose and he reminded me so much of the boy I'd known all those years ago.

I nodded.

My mouth suddenly dry. I couldn't look away as I watched him begin to undress, I stared hungrily at him an ache beginning between my thighs which only grew as he shed each piece of clothing. When he was finally gloriously nude, he moved towards me and I stepped back allowing him to step under the hot streams of water with me. I watched as the water moved down his perfect body.

How I longed to be the water against his skin if only to be able to feel that much of him all at once. I reached for him, my arms wrapping around his waist pulling him against my hot wet skin, my breasts soft against his hard chest. I could already feel the solid length of him press against my abdomen his fingers moving tentatively against the skin of my back, sliding down my body to cup my ass.

I sighed against him, moving my fingers up into his hair pushing the now wet strands out of his eyes. There was such a vulnerability there, one that broke my heart, as if he still expected me to turn him away.

Never.

I would never have him away from me if I could help it.

"Kiss me," He said, "Please Evie, kiss me."

How could I say no?

I slanted my mouth against his and eagerly opened to him, his tongue moving with my own, as though we had practiced it a thousand times. It was a kiss for the ages, one that you only read about in books, or see in the movies. It was filled with so much emotion and spoken so many words that had yet to be spoken, it filled me with such a flood of emotion that I could no longer contain it.

I loved him.

Not the idea of him.

Not the man that I knew in my world.

This man.

This James Buchanan Barnes.

I loved him with more love than my heart could dare suggest.

And I told him so, "I love you," I whispered into his lips and his eyes shot open his mouth pulling from mine and for a moment I was filled with fear that I had misspoke, that it was too soon for him, that he could never feel it.

A wide beautiful smile parted his lips, "Fuck," he said, "I love you too." His breathing was fast, "I love you so fucking much Evie." His mouth came down on mine and it was so much more than before, water had burst from the dam of emotions within him. His arms went to the backs of my thighs, and he lifted me, his hands holding me up by my ass as I wrapped my legs around him, "Say it again." He said into my mouth as he nipped and kissed at my lips.

"I love you." I gasped as I felt him at my entrance, teasing me with his heat.

"Again," his eyes filled with lust and desire.

"I love you." I said again this time he slid easily into my already wet pussy.

He closed his eyes and I saw his jaw clench when he hissed, "Again Evie, say it again."

"I love you James Barnes," I angled my hips down onto his cock grinding against him, "I love you so fucking much."

He moaned then took my nipple into his mouth sucking so hard I gasped reaching up for the shower curtain ring, holding myself steady as he began to thrust into me. The way his cock seemed to hit that perfect spot up inside of me with every thrust made it hard to keep myself quiet, gods I wanted to scream. His hands held my hips guiding mine to come crashing down hard against his. His mouth moved from one nipple to another before burying his face between my breasts placing kisses on my sternum. My orgasm came quick, his name falling from my lips and I could tell he was not far off.

"I don't want to be done yet," he said as his hip now thrust into me unevenly, his release fast approaching, "I always want to be inside of you, you feel so fucking good."

I felt my body quicken at that, the call of another orgasm at merely hearing those words fall from his lips was quickly approaching.

"I'm gonna cum again," I said biting my lip, using one hand to hold myself up the other moving into his hair angling his face up to my mouth, "if you kiss me, I'll cum again." I admitted, the orgasm only moments away.

His eyes rolled back into his head, "F-fuck." I felt his hips stutter again and his mouth fell against mine again our teeth clashing at the force of it, I felt his release begin, the heat of it paired with his searing kiss catapulted me over the edge once again. "That's it baby," he said into my ear, "that's my good girl."

He set me down on my feet and he moved close pulling me against him, I rest my head against his chest and I could hear his heart thundering.

"You should wash before the water gets cold," I said softly.

He hummed noncommittally and reached for the shampoo none the less. I watched him as he washed not wanting to be away from him. His eyes never left mine, even when he rinsed the soap from his hair, his gaze was intense, but I supposed, so was our relationship, whatever it might be.

Once we were cleaned, he shut off the water and pushed open the curtain and passed me a towel from the pile. I wrapped it around my chest and reached for a second towel to wrap around my hair as I moved towards the counter where Pepper had placed some toiletries for me.

I heard him sigh. He was drying his hair a scowl on his face where it had become tangled where I had moved my fingers through it before.

My stomach dropped, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing baby," he said, "Just my hair, there hasn't really been time to cut it since everything you know?"

I bit my lip and turned back to the mirror putting on face cream.

"What baby? What's the matter?" He asked, his tone soft.

"Nothing," I felt embarrassed, "It's just, I- I used to cut your- I mean, my James's hair."

"Yeah?" He asked hopefully a smile growing on his face, "You wanna cut my hair for me baby?"

I nodded.

Damn, Every time he called me baby, I wanted to turn into a puddle on the floor and in the last sixty seconds he'd said it three times. I wondered for a moment if you could cum just listening to someone talk.

"Ok," he said, wrapping the towel around his waist and opening the cupboard under the sink, "I'm sure there has to be some tools around here somewhere. He stood up a moment later with a kit and a triumphant look on his face, passing it to me.

"Now?" I asked surprised.

He nodded, stepped up to me his chest flush against mine.

"Who knew telling you that I loved you would give you this much piss and vinegar." I teased.

He continued to smile, "I love you."

"I love you too," I couldn't help the smile that crept onto my face, "Now take a step back if you want me to cut your hair." I shoed him away and opened the kit getting myself set up.

*~*~*

By the time I was set up James had found me some clothes. As I put them on, he watched me, I could feel everywhere his eyes touched and I couldn't help but feel a lightness spread from my chest outward. Intense heat blazed there too, because his eyes would linger, with more audacity now than they had before, like he was finally allowing himself to be caught looking at me,

"Eyes up here big boy," I said when I was ready to begin cutting his hair. His eyes slowly dragged up from where he was noting the hardened peak of my nipple through the thin t-shirt.

He cocked a brow, his hand reaching out to pinch my nipple gently between his thumb and forefinger, "This better."

I slapped him playfully away, "Hands to yourself," and I bent closer to where he was seated in a chair he'd dragged it to the bathroom, allowing him to see down the front of my shirt, "For now."

He sighed letting his tongue run slowly over his bottom lip his eyes moving from my breasts to my face, "Fine." He said pouting like a child.

I set to work and was surprised how easily cutting his hair came back to me, I had done this when we were kids, I had done this when we were captured by Hydra, I'd done this when we'd been freed. I'd done it until he'd been snapped away by Thanos. Happiness filled me at being able to do it again. James watched me through the mirror as I transformed him back into the man, he'd seen seventy years before. He was handsome yet as I cut away the long strands of hair, I couldn't help but notice the sadness reach out of his eyes again. We didn't speak, I just watched him as he rediscovered the man who he'd thought had been gone all those years ago. Lost in the war and ravaged by Hydra only to emerge as someone he no longer recognized.

When I was done, I removed the cape and brushed the hair off of his face. "All done." I whispered.

He turned his head and looked up at me, his arms reaching for me and pulling me into his lap. He buried is face into my neck. I could feel his sharp breaths, the trembling in his touch and I knew he was taken by images of the past, of what perhaps could have been if not for Hydra.

"It's ok." I soothed, caressing the back of his head holding him to me as he tried to calm his breathing.

"Thank you, Evie." He said finally speaking into my chest not looking up, "Thank you, so much baby."

James held on to me like I was his only lifeline and I held onto him just as tightly, the sky was starting to blaze orange with the oncoming sunrise. Emotion left me raw and splayed open like my heart lay on a silver platter as a feast for crows. I felt the tears rimming my eyes and my chest hitched.

I moved myself onto his lap and he wrapped me in his embrace curling his arms around me I cried into his chest as he hummed a lullaby that stroked at my memories, memories that somehow stayed just out of my grasp.

I cried and the tears seemed seamless and without reason.

I didn't know if I cried out of relief or if I cried out of regret. Perhaps I even cried of mourning. Maybe I cried from happiness or maybe worry of the battles to come. The tears were cleansing yet still I felt as though I was standing on a precipice a darkened pit forming in my guts. It was as though we just swam across a raging river, arriving on the opposing bank only to realize we had not made it across. Now we stood on an island only halfway across and the rapids ahead of us were far worse than the ones from which we had just emerged.