A/N Thank you everyone for your patience, I've had a crazy few weeks. Remember to feel the ambiance of this pic check out the playlists by the same name on Apple Music and Spotify Link is in my link tree. Love you all and enjoy!!

Evie POV Five years Ago

Every part of me burned. Every part of me ached. I thought that when we came out of the other side of this battle that I would be feeling something akin to happiness.

But I was not.

All I felt was loss.

"Mrs. Rogers?" A light feminine voice came from my side, it was one of the nurses. She had been exceptionally kind to me for the entirety of my stay. I was eager to get out of here regardless of her kindness. I was eager to get home and to attempt to try and live a normal life.

Little did I know that was not going to happen.

"Nurse Thompson," I smiled tiredly at her to find her brows drawn, the sky was still dark, the sun still beneath the horizon. "What is the matter?" I sat up straight in my bed as I noticed the tight look of tension on her features.

"Your husband," she cleared her throat, "Captain America..." she was nervous, and I didn't like her sudden trepidation, not when I'd never seen it before. Fear and dread began to crawl up my spine. "He asked me to tell you to ready yourself."

I blinked and took my lip between my teeth worrying that my worst fears were coming to fruition. "How long?" I asked and it was now Nurse Thompson's turn to blink at me.

"He just said be ready." She said as she shook her head.

I leapt from the bed ignoring the protests from my bossy nurse and began to dig through the small closest that was tucked in the corner of the room. A closet that Steve had placed a fresh set of gear into for me weeks ago. Not because I knew that we would need it but because we had learned a long time ago that it was never a bad thing to be prepared for anything.

I flung my hospital gown to the ground while the nurse stood stunned for a moment trying to process what was happening. Once she realized that my intentions were to leave, she seemed to jump into action.

"You can't leave yet; you've not been signed off by the Doctor." She said insistently but she did not try to stop me from changing. I slid my boots on over my suit and laced them quickly and efficiently and began to slide a harness over my black gear, the harness held tactical gear and weapons holsters, that would be filled once I rendezvoused with Steve.

"I don't think the Doctor will be able to stop me," I said through gritted teeth, dressing was much harder to do with the healing wound on my side, though the skin was closed, and the scar still pink my muscles still felt the ache, and still I awoke in the night with nightmares of being gored by Thanos. Over and over again the pain was just as fresh as when it had been first done to me, all those weeks ago now.

The nurse sighed and before I could do anything to stop her, she pulled me into her tight embrace and she held me so closely to her, "Thank you Mrs. Rogers." She whispered into my ear.

"What for?" I choked out emotions biting up inside of me.

"Trying." She whispered, before rushing me out of the room before I got caught by someone who would try to stop me from leaving.

My side ached painfully but once I pushed through the glass doors of the hospital entrance I came face to face with my husband, dark circles under his eyes, his beard ragged and unkempt, his hair so long now it curled wildly down his neck. When his eyes fell to mine relief washed through them and he pulled me to his chest and held me tensely for a few long moments.

"What is it?" I asked afraid I already knew what he was going to say.

"Thanos."

My stomach fell to my feet.

My suspicions confirmed.

"His ship entered our system yesterday."

I couldn't even question how he knew this, but I knew that there was nothing to be done. I had resigned to the fact that by the end of the day we would most likely all be dead no matter what we did. I squeezed my arms tightly around him pressing my face into his chest.

"Come on Sunshine," I looked up to see him smiling weakly down at me, "Don't be like that, I know we can do this."

Whatever this was.

I did not believe him anymore than he believed himself, but I allowed him to give me that sweet comfort because for the time being at least his arms were still around me. It felt like as long as I had him, I was invincible.

"Toni's gone." His voice seemed to echo in my head.

"Gone..." I let the word hang in the air almost as though I was trying to decipher the meaning of it.

I let my eyes rest on his throat. I watched as it bobbed once, twice before he answered. "She left, and no one can find her."

"She's pregnant." I said, my voice grave, as though this conversation held more weight than Thanos's imminent arrival.

My eyes flashed up to his and he had a look of surprise and horror on his face all at once. I nodded ignoring the sadness crawling up my own throat then looked quickly away from him unwilling to see any meaning behind his fear. "How long have you known?" He asked.

I pulled away from him, "Since before we left," I replied then I took a deep breath and walked away from the hospital. I did not know if I was going in the correct direction but still uncaring as long as I was moving, moving because I did not want to have this conversation, "She told me when I convinced her to help us."

"Why didn't you say anything?" His voice tight, laced with anger.

"She asked me not to." My voice shook.

"But why wouldn't you tell me?" He said his voice growing louder his anger laced with fear.

"She was my friend once." I balled my fists at my sides to keep my shaking hands still.

"And I am you husband!" He had shouted grasping my bicep and spinning me to face him.

I wrenched my arm away and pressed the heels of my hands into my eyes as though it would ease the pain that resided within me, that it would ease the tears that threatened to fall. It did not, and I felt worse for it. My lips moved of their own accord, "That didn't matter to you before, did it?"

He froze, stunned by my words,

I continued anger coursing through me like a wild current, "It didn't matter to you that you were my husband? Did it?" My tone was filled with accusation.

"Sunshine..." his voice was filled with sorrow.

I shook my head, "Now is not the time Steve," I tried so desperately to push my emotion aside, "let's just worry about the threat at hand, we can discuss whatever this is later."

Present Day

I followed Steve into the kitchen my new phone held lazily between his fingers before he slid it into the back pocket of his jeans. Bruce lumbered into the kitchen behind me asking again about the blood sample I'd agreed too earlier.

I sighed, "I don't know Bruce, I feel like..." I started.

"It will only take a minute I promise." Bruce walked towards the table that already had a large silver briefcase sitting upon it.

"If she doesn't want to do it Bruce, she doesn't want to do it." Steve's voice was hard, and his eyes were even harder as he glared at the green giant.

Bruce's shoulders slumped forward in defeat, and he sighed, "Alright." He sat in one of the chairs and I was surprised it held his weight

I pulled my lip between my teeth guilt budding within me, he had not asked for much and I could understand that he'd not really pushed me for it either. I sat down in the chair next to his and took a deep breath, "Ok, do it."

He looked up at me and a smile lit across his face, "Are you sure?"

"Just do it quick," I said with a tight smile on my face, "before I change my mind." And before James comes back, I thought to myself. Regardless that it was to help me out. Regardless of if I had previously agreed to it previously. The thought of a needle made my skin itch, weary of the memories that might flood back with the prick of my skin. Memories of being under Hydra's thumb and everything that they did to me there.

I felt a warm hand on my shoulder as Steve moved closer sensing my unease, he didn't need to say anything he just pressed his body closer to mine.

It told me all I needed to know.

I'm here.

Bruce busied himself with opening his large metal case and secured the items he needed, I couldn't help but stare at all the items inside. My heart rate picked up. I must have looked overly concerned because I felt Steve's hand move to the underside of my chin guiding my gaze to his.

"Hey," his voice was soft and soothing, "eyes on me, ok?"

I nodded minutely not taking my gaze from his as I felt Bruce tie the tourniquet around my bicep. The pinch of the elastic bit into my flesh and I clenched my teeth. When he saw me tense, he moved his hand from my chin sliding it to the back of my neck, his thumb traced my bottom lip where I had once again pulled it between my teeth, a nervous habit.

"Relax sweetheart," his voice was soft and low, "I told you, I've got you."

Immediately I felt my body relax. As I was melting into his touch, I was unable to feel anything Bruce was doing.

Not the tightening of the tourniquet.

Not the prick of a needle.

Nothing.

It would remain that way as long as his touch was on me. "Almost done," he spoke, "you're doing so good," Steve's voice was like honey as he whispered to me, and I felt my breath hitch at his praise. I squeezed my thighs together as I felt my body begin to buzz, long ago had I become accustomed to this sort of foreplay my body reacting without my consent. Time seemed to still as his eyes bore into mine and yet my mind went blessedly blank.

I didn't even notice that Bruce had packed everything away and stood, I didn't notice that he spoke to Steve, I didn't notice that he had strode uncomfortably out of the apartment tilting his head and offering the pair of us a sad sort of expression.

I know that as time stood still that I found my body slowly rising from the chair and moving towards him. I needed more of his touch, more of his presence around me and he seemed to be just as entranced with me as I was with him and though there were no words that passed between us it was like or bodies were having an insistent silent conversation. One of earnest desire of incessant need. I wanted to feel bad, I wanted to think of James, but for now in this moment I just needed to think of myself.

Yet Steve never moved any closer. He held me in the circle of his arms, wrapping me tightly in his embrace, tucking me under his chin, but not allowing anything more than that to happen. My body cried out in protest, but my mind and my heart warmed at the action.

"If I allow you to go any further," he interrupted my thoughts, his voice low, "You will end up hating me or worse, yourself, because regardless of whatever this is," he took a deep breath, "it is still undefined. But Evelyn, you have defined something with James, and I know you don't want to hurt him, I don't want to hurt him either."

His words made me burn for him more and all I could do was snake my arms around his waist and press my face into his chest.

"You're right, I chose to start something with James," my voice was muffled as I spoke into the fabric of his shirt inhaling his scent, "and I care for him so much, but Steve, I care for you too. I care for you in a different way than Bucky. In a different way from my husband."

I looked up at him to find that his eyes were on mine too. A troubled expression splayed upon his face, but it was easy enough to decipher. He didn't like the way that his emotions were so intrinsically tied to my own, that no matter how he tried to push me from his mind, from his heart, from his body he just couldn't seem too. I had felt the same way. And I couldn't help but put some understanding into it.

"It's ok," I said. It was my turn to comfort him, "We can figure it out together."

He gave me a tight grin.

If James agrees.

Again, it was easy to read what he was thinking because I was thinking it too.

He pulled me in tightly once again and I was sure I felt the press of his lips on the top of my head before he let his arms fall from me. As he took a step back from me, I was surprised to find that my legs felt unsteady without his steady arms around me.

I opened my mouth to ask him to come back when the door to the apartment slammed inward. In a flash Steve was in front of me pulling my body behind his as he shielded me from whatever threat might be in our midst. My heart slammed in my throat at the sudden intrusion, and it did not stop when I realized that it was James that had entered. I never saw him as a threat but the sheer magnitude of anger that radiated from him was enormous.

I made to move around Steve and towards James, but Steve's hand came none too gently around my wrist pulling me back behind him. When I made to admonish him, I saw the tight line of his jaw and I turned my eyes to James who glared so dangerously at Steve that fear spread through me. I had seen this sort of animosity before, and fear burned ever so much brighter inside of me.

"Stop," my voice was barely a whisper, but I knew to their ears it was just as good as shouting, "Please don't fight," my emotions were pulling at me so suddenly I was becoming overwhelmed by them panic rising swiftly, "Please, I need us to talk calmly. I need us all to talk."

James's eyes flashed to mine, and I saw the hurt bleed into his anger betrayal plain on his face, "You are choosing him?"

I shook my head. "I- I don't want to."

"Then don't," his anger fell, and pleading entered his tone, a tone I'd never heard from his lips, he was begging me, "choose me, be with me, stay with me."

My lip quivered but I didn't speak, I dared not to because I knew I would start to cry.

James took my silence as a denial so when Steve spoke James' angry eyes bore into him once again.

"Buck, let her talk-"

"Don't fucking BUCK, me Steve. Is this what you wanted all along? I thought you said you would let me have this. I thought you could be happy for us, but now I can see that was all a bunch of fucking shit, wasn't it?"

"It's not like that." Steve's voice was quiet, filled to the brim with guilt. Yet at this point I don't think Steve was really sure about his own emotions either. He knew he felt something new for me and that he was willing to do anything to allow himself to taste it, even if that meant that I would never be solely his. Yet he had been through enough in this universe that he could see that this, whatever it might be it was his only opportunity to grasp a happiness. That this thing between us might not fit into a box, a box that none of us could have foreseen eighty years ago.

I was willing to do the same, I realized, but neither of us could say what James wanted. This man had for so long fought to be accepted by the world, that he had never dreamed love could be in the cards for him.

Would he allow that love to be shared by another man?

I had not even pondered the question before, and I wondered if I could even ask it. The woman raised a century ago would have died of shame before even deliberating that question, let alone seriously hoping for it like I was now. I grasped tightly onto Steve's arm practically holding myself up with how hard I held on to him, because I felt dizzy with emotion.

"Please." I repeated my earlier plea, "Please."

"Please what?!" James had zeroed in onto where I held Steve before those slate eyes jolted back to my own, chills spread down my spine.

"Please," I could only repeat the same word over and over again, "please."

I could feel Steve go to move his arm around my shoulders to hold me up, because I was so wrought with emotion, my heart hammering with fear of losing one or inevitably both of them. I could feel his own heart hammering inside of his chest and I looked up to him to see that his blue eyes filled with concern.

He turned back to Bucky. "She wants you Bucky, she wants you with everything she's got," His voice was quiet, filled with earnest, "but, she wants me too."

I heard the deep emotion pouring out of him and I couldn't help but let a spark of hope ignite in my chest, a hope that James was willing to stay and listen, that he was willing to agree. Yet there was a part of me that was so doubtful, doubtful because I had known the man from my universe who was so unwilling to do the same. A man that wanted me as a possession, as a prize, as something to lord over his friend.

"Is it?" His voice was a barely a whisper and I couldn't tell if it was from hope or sadness, or even a combination of the two. "Is that what you want Evie?" There was a harness in his tone that was unmistakeable.

I nodded because I couldn't force the words out, because all of this was so hard, all of this was not something I'd imagined after being pushed through that portal. All I had hoped for was to come to a world that wasn't ravaged by Thanos. I hadn't thought that so soon after losing my husband that this thing between the three of us could have even developed. Perhaps that's why it did, but I couldn't force James into this, even if Steve was willing.

He sighed and moved from the kitchen area to the common room, a room I seldom went, two large plush couches and a matching grey chair surrounded a glass coffee table a large television screen hung over a faux fireplace, neither of which I'd ever seen turned on. I wasn't sure if I should follow him, but there was a slight gentle pressure on my lower back as Steve guided me into the room. There I found James seated heavily upon one of the couches his head cradled in his hands, his elbows resting upon his knees as he looked at the floor between his feet.

Moving away from Steve I walked towards him and knelt in front of him letting my hands fall gently onto his forearms, the metal of his bionic arm, the dark metal cool surprisingly warm beneath my touch. I heard Steve seat himself on the chair giving us space, yet not too far from us. He sat silently cradling his face with his fingers as he leaned on the armrest of the chair crossing leg over his knee.

"James," my voice had taken a silken tone, the tone it took with only him, "I won't do this if it hurts you." I looked over to Steve who only nodded.

"I don't even know what this would be?" His eyes flashed to mine, "What exactly are you asking me Evelyn?"

My heart pounded as he spoke my full name. "I want all of us. I want that to be ok. I want to want you and I want to want Steve too. I don't want that to be laced with guilt. I want you to want that too and I want Steve to want it." I said it slowly, but my heart raged in my chest as I spoke the words out loud and a part of me couldn't help but feel a scandalous thrill about it. "We all care for each other, don't we?"

James looked over to Steve whose expression had remained stoic the entire time, "Do you want her to be with me?" He asked his friend.

"I want her to be happy Buck." He replied as if it were just that simple. That my happiness was the solution to all of our problems.

James' eyes moved back to mine, "Am I not enough?"

My heart split in two, "No, James that's not it at all," I looked down to my hands and how they griped him so tightly, "You have always been enough. I can't deny that I feel something for the both of you, something that goes beyond lust, beyond desire, maybe love, but not yet maybe someday." I thought I felt him tremble at my words and then I moved my hand to the collar of his shirt and let my fingers slide to the warm metal that lay beneath. I pulled out the tags that had lain against his heart since Steve had given them to him. He watched where they lay upon my open palm and I heard Steve shift closer as he saw what I had pulled out from under James' shirt, "I know you love your friend James. I know that you have both been through so much. I know that we have all been through so much and I don't want to be the one who breaks you, either of you. I can't be the one who takes you away from your friend. So, I will be happy to have known you as a lover but inevitably glad to be able to call you, my friend."

I hoped it didn't sound like an ultimatum because it was far from that.

He blinked then his eyes turned to Steve before he squeezed them tightly closed.

I heard Steve get up, moving closer he pulled me up from the floor and guided me to the couch beside James, "I'll give you two some space." I reached out to take his hand as he began to walk away causing him to pause. I squeezed it in my own and let it fall from my grip when he smiled softly down to me before he walked from the room.

James and I sat in silence, I didn't want to leave him, but I didn't want to push him either. I knew that this wasn't an easy thing to decide. Hell, it wasn't an easy thing to ask either. Maybe I was being selfish, maybe I should have just chosen between them. How would I have done so? I knew I wouldn't have chosen either of them were that the case.

I leaned into the corner of the couch after a long while of silence. James still had not moved. I let my head fall towards the corner and I closed my eyes feeling the press of his thigh against my feet. It had been a long dramatic day and my exhaustion swept over me suddenly and sleep carried me away.

   I dreamt of the dark twisting caverns of the Hydra compound. I dreamt of the chairs that held me down and the needles that burned and ached when they pressed into my skin. I dreamt of the torture I'd endured, the torture that I had witnessed and then I dreamt of the torture I had inflicted. My heart ached for what had been taken from me.

James then Steve.

My future.

My love.

My heart.

Now I was a beast, and nothing left of that sweet girl remained. I was just this creature that felt as though the love of only one man could never be enough. A creature that needed two men for each half of her fractured soul.

Now I stood on the precipice, a churning boiling tide far below, behind me the sunny brownstones of Brooklyn Heights. A place that no matter what any of us wanted we could never truly go back to. The only way forward was to take a plunge into this uncertain future, and I wasn't sure if that was something that I could do. I looked down and the water of the Hudson that seemed to hold the faces of every man woman and child that had ever fallen by my hand or because of me, perhaps even is spite of me and my heart shuttered in my chest. I cried out as the ledge began to give way. Chunks of earth began to fall into the water below.

"Shh," A soft voice spoke into my ear, warm and gentle. I clung to it, "It's alright, I've got you."

I moved towards the warmth allowing it to seep into my icy bones before falling into a quiet dreamless sleep.

Bucky POV

I didn't move when she sat down and got comfortable.

I didn't move when her head tilted back onto the back of the couch exposing the soft column of her throat.

I didn't move when she started to whimper quietly in her sleep, nor did I move when I heard Steve come to the doorway and regard me. I could feel his hard glare, but I couldn't look up. I couldn't move

I didn't even move when she cried out or when Steve sighed and moved towards her picking her up and cradling her against his chest.

I didn't move when I heard his whispered words "Shh, it's alright I've got you."

I didn't move when she sighed lightly or snuggled into him.

I didn't move when he left the room and walked down the hall.

I didn't move when I heard his door open and place her in his bed.

I didn't even move when he closed the door.

I sat for a long time.

The silence so loud in my ears and my mind so full of thought that it felt empty.

Then I moved.

I slammed my fist down into the glass table shattering it into a thousand pieces.

I moved from the room because I was too afraid to answer her.

Too afraid to want what she wanted, too afraid to realize that it didn't disgust me. I wanted it too. I just didn't know how to say it.

I wanted her no matter what I had to do to have her, and it scared the living shit out of me. Instead of wrapping my arms around her and telling her just that, I froze and fell into my own awful mind and stayed there waiting for everything to be taken care of for me for it to happen despite of me.

I ached.

I grieved.

And I celebrated.

I stood outside his door listening to the sounds of the sleeping people behind it, finding that I wished I held the courage to run the unknown and go in there with them too.

I turned away moving to the door to the apartment and headed to the roof. I needed to clear my mind, but I was unwilling to leave completely.

Unable to leave either of them.