***A/N&TW***  Thanks for all of the reads, you're all amazing 😘😘😘😘 TW for shmexy stuff

Pepper and I sat silently for a while the quiet of the cabin house filled my ears with calm silence. Soon the sun crested over the trees and the thumping sound of small footsteps filled my ears. Pepper's face was lit with a warm smile as her daughter came barreling into the room and straight for her. Once in her mother's embrace the small chilled turned those haunting dark eyes in my direction they were filled with an ever-present familiar curiosity.

I smiled warmly at her which she returned shyly.

"You're pretty." She said, it almost sounded like an accusation.

"Thank you," I said unable to stop smiling at her, "So are you."

She grinned wide. "Are you Uncle Happy's girlfriend?"

Pepper chuckled, "No baby, she is not Happy's girlfriend."

She pouted.

"I don't have a boyfriend." I said.

She perked up, "That's good, boys are dumb anyway, except my Daddy and Happy."

"Ok, my baby," Pepper stood setting the child on the ground, "Are you hungry for breakfast?" She asked.

The little one jumped up and down and dragged her mother to the other side of the breakfast bar and fully into the kitchen. I watched contently as Pepper readied something for Morgan to eat.

"Are you hungry?" She asked me setting a piece of toast and jam down on the counter in front of the little girl.

I smiled and thanked her, my eyes moving back towards the child that was happily devouring her breakfast. I couldn't help the envy that plagued me. She had a piece of her husband, and I was left with only memories and hopes of what could have been.

You have him. You have them... A voice echoed in my head which I quickly stopped down.

"I have a confession," Pepper said, and she busied herself at the stove with a pot of oatmeal a guilty expression plain on her face. I didn't speak so she continued, "I spoke to Steve."

My heart plummeted.

"Oh?" I worried my lip unable to meet her penetrating gaze.

"Yesterday," she said, "he reached out when he found that you were gone."

I looked once again to the little girl who was sitting beside me, she looked up feeling my gaze smiling with more jam on her face then there was on the toast.

"I haven't told him you are here. Yet." She said mixing the pot as it began to steam, "I wanted to make sure that you wanted him to know you are here."

"I-..." I looked back up to Pepper who was offering me a sympathetic gaze, "Maybe you should tell him." I said with a sigh.

She nodded and added some fresh berries to the mixture, "If you are unsure Evie, I completely understand, if you need more time..."

I shook my head, "I'm tired of running from everything. I need to be a big girl about this and face them both."

She split the mixture between two bowls dousing them with a big splash of oat milk and a dash of cinnamon then offered me a bowl. "I will call him after we eat."

I nodded stirring the contents of my bowl watching the pale concoction bleed pink and purple from the berries.

A small voice broke my melancholy thoughts, "Wanna play with me after we eat, I can show you my tree house."

I smiled towards the little girl, "Morgan, I would love nothing more than that."

*~*~*

I had thought that I would be filled with dread with the idea that one or two of the men that troubled my heart was on the way to find me, but Morgan kept me busy. She tore after me through the trees giggling like a fiend. I found myself laughing with her as I tripped over a tree branch falling to the ground. She fell dramatically beside me, peals of laughter falling from her little mouth.

"You are the best," she giggled but she quickly sat up as I stay splayed on the ground her face suddenly serious, "Aunty Evie," a name she had very quickly adopted and it warmed my heart, "are you a superhero too? Like my dad?"

I swallowed thickly unsure how to answer.

"My dad was the best superhero," she said not waiting for my answer, "He could fly though the sky," she made the motion with her hand, "I'm going to be just like him when I'm big."

I felt relieved that I didn't have to answer, "I bet he would be really proud of you sweetie." I looked upon her with an adoration that warmed my heart.

She grinned, an expression that was all too familiar, I could see Tony in her, not the woman from my world but the man on the screen that I'd watched all through the night.

She was silent for a long moment, and I could hear the cogs working in her mind, "I heard momma and Happy say that your last name was Rogers."

I nodded reaching up to pull a leaf from the tangled dark locks of her hair.

"And you said you don't have a boyfriend." It was almost an accusation, there was a sharpness in her little face that took me back for a moment

Slowly I nodded again.

"Does that mean you are married?" Her eyes were round and eager. "'Cause Captain America's last name is Rogers. He was my daddy's friend you know."

How should I answer this, I wasn't sure her little mind would be able to comprehend any part of my story, or if Pepper would even want me too.

"I've met Captain America." I said carefully.

"Is he your friend too?" she wiggled her eyebrows and I coughed to hide my laugh.

"I- I'm not sure Morgan." I lay on the ground looking up at the blue sky through the thick green foliage of the surrounding trees.

She moved closer to me her knees digging into the side of my ribs with how close she sat. She pursed her lips and picked up a piece of my hair and twirled in around her fingers her dark eyes troubled, "I didn't mean to make you sad."

I turned my head towards her trying to put on a brave face, "I'm not sad."

Slowly she nodded, "I know sometimes grown ups say stuff to kids so that it makes them feel better, but if your sad its ok. My mom is sad that my dad is gone." I inhaled a sharp breath, but she continued to speak, my eyes moving to her face studying her small features. Far to wizened for her age because of what had happened, she continued talking unaware of my concern for her, all she thought of was me and my broken feelings "you can be sad Aunty Evie, and it's ok if you are."

How strange to hear these sage words from a child? I let my head fall back onto the dirt and chuckled, "I think you might be right Morgan."

She giggled and turned her head suddenly and I heard Pepper calling for her in the distance, "I think my mom is calling me."

I nodded standing up, "Let's go back, I think it might be time for lunch."

Before I could say anything else she sprinted off through the trees her dark hair trailing behind her small body. I couldn't help the sadness that swept over me again. I had always imagined one day having a daughter of my own to share moments like this, but I knew it would never happen, it couldn't... Slowly I made my way back towards the house not realizing how far we had gone out into the trees. When I broke the tree line my feet planted themselves in the soil because of the vehicle I saw parked in the drive beside Happy's SUV.

It was Steve's.

Although the man himself was nowhere to be seen, I should have known he would find his way here as soon as Pepper called him. I'd left the house with Morgan before she could make the call to him. Afraid of what I might overhear as part of their conversation.

I couldn't make myself move any closer to the house knowing I would find him or James in the house. Instead, I found myself walking to the edge of the lake again sitting myself upon the earthen ground at its banks. The sky was clear of clouds and the sun shone down warming my skin. A perfect day. The complete opposite of what I was feeling inside.

Dread.

This short reprieve with Pepper and Morgan had been bliss, you could even call it a reprieve. I wasn't sure if I really wanted to go back with him or if I wanted to stay here, because here I knew I would be happy with Morgan and Pepper. I didn't know if I wanted to let myself go back into that apartment stuck between two men that I cared far too deeply about, men that I was unwilling to chose between. I sat with my legs crossed resting my hands on my knees looking blindly over the lake.

It was sometime before I heard footsteps approach and when I looked over my shoulder, I was relieved that it was Pepper.

She smiled softly, "Hey..."

"Hey..." I called back. My voice hoarse.

"Do you mind if I sit?" She asked and when I nodded and patted the ground next to me, she sat her long legs out in front of her she leaned back on her palms.

"They were really worried about you." She said after a few moments.

"So, they're both here than." I said with a sigh, fear lanced through me.

She nodded, "They beat the hell out of each other too."

I whipped my head in her direction, "What?!" Fear now replaced with anger.

She grinned and looked over the lake.

I didn't look away from her waiting to say more. When she didn't speak, I huffed, "What a bunch of children."

She laughed, her head tilted to the sky, "That's what I said to them."

I shook my head, "You know as a little girl I used to fantasize about two men fighting over me. Both of them vying for my affection but now that it's happening it just pisses me off." Maybe it was the generation I was born, maybe it was because I was taught that when we do something like that it makes you more wanted, more desired. But in actuality it was neolithic.

"I don't blame you for being pissed." She agreed with a grin, "but I can tell Evie they both care for you a lot. I know last night you said you were concerned that this was all too fast. That you felt like you were betraying your husband's memory." I looked away from her and bit my lip to stop the tears from welling in my eyes again. She continued "but I think that maybe the universe brought you here for a reason, you know?"

"If you start saying anything about fate I'm going to get up and walk away." I said blandly, fate had failed me many times over, "I stopped waiting for fate to come knocking on my door a very long time ago. She can't just show up now. Not when I don't want it." I stood up and moved closer to the water, sad I had my boots on when I so desperately wanted to step into the water and feel the coolness on my bare skin.

"I don't think you have a choice." Her tone was sad and filled with understanding, "it's ok to be happy you know. Just because he's dead doesn't mean you can't be happy."

I turned back to her when I heard her breath catch. I found tears rimming her eyes and she pulled herself up to stand with me. Grasping onto my hand tightly, "come on, Morgan is alone in there with those two, chances are she is tormenting the life out of them."

*~*~*

As we strode through the door, I could see the three men and the one little girl sitting at the table. Happy was trying to hide his amusement behind his napkin as Morgan looked openly hostile towards Captain America.

"I hope you are behaving Morgan." Pepper looked around the room assessing what she might have walked in on.

"Oh," Happy spoke up with glee. I met his eyes rather than looking at the two other men. "She has questions why these two men have made her favourite Aunty so sad. I believe the good Captain was just about to answer."

My eyes flashed to Steve much to my surprise his eyes were already on mine a flush high in his cheeks. I looked away quickly to see James eyes too were on me. I took a deep breath and sat next to Morgan at the large table the two soldiers across from us and put my arm around her shoulder placing a kiss on her forehead, "I told you that I'm ok Morgan, besides isn't it time to eat?"

Her little hand reached over to cover mine where it lay on her shoulder, "I've got your back Aunty Evie." I tried to hide my smile as she openly glared at Steve.

I pulled her onto my lap and slid her plate in front of her. "Enough of that and eat your lunch ok sweetie girl."

She leaned back into me and started eating the food off of her plate, picking up a strawberry she pushed it into her mouth before glaring at the Super Soldiers one last time.

"You're, ok?" It was Steve his tone was tense and laced with worry.

I looked up at him and nodded but didn't say anything. I didn't want to get into this in front of Morgan.

"Hey baby girl," Pepper read the room, "why don't you and me and Happy take our lunches out to the fort and have a picnic?"

She practically leapt off my lap and ran out the door leaving Happy and Pepper to carry everything that they needed.

"Take your time." She whispered to me as she took Morgan's plate from in front of me. I nodded and watched them walk away and out the door, my stomach fluttered with worry. I turned back to the table taking the tall glass of lemonade in front of me and brought it to my lips. I would not be the first one to talk.

"Evie." It was James, his voice was quiet, strained like he was in pain. I'd heard that tone so many times over the years. I let my eyes slowly move over towards him to find his face was set in the same pain that threaded through his voice. "I shouldn't have gotten so angry." His tongue ran slowly across his bottom lip as he carefully thought about his next words, "I was being unfair, and I wasn't thinking about your feelings at all I was only thinking about my own."

I didn't speak. I grasped the glass tightly in my hand I could feel the groan of the glass as it threatened to shatter in my grasp.

"Please forgive me." I could hear the emotion in his voice, and it was too much. I slammed the glass down and pushed myself away from the table. I needed to give myself more space. It was not just his words, but it was the way he looked at me, the way Steve looked at me too.

My heart ached.

I don't know if I can do this.

"Don't go," it was Steve and he had stood from his seat moving towards me, "let him talk, please, let me talk."

"Now you want to talk?" My heart hammered in my throat, my own anger falling from my lips now, replacing all my worry, "all anyone has done since I've been in this world was tell me what to do, where I can go and who I can have feelings for." I tried as best I could to stop the tremble from my lips, "Are you going to tell me how I'm supposed to feel now too?"

Steve halted his approach on me and turned to stand near James, his hands falling on the back of the chair where James was sitting. I almost didn't want them to talk to me at all, but my heart pushed me to keep going. Not talking about things in my world had gotten us to a place that brought me here after all.

I sighed and moved towards the table again, but I could not sit, I stood opposite them my hands clenched into fists at my side, "Say what you have to say then."

James looked up at Steve and I saw the trepidation in his eyes, and my instincts wanted to move to him. To tell him that he didn't need to rely on his friend, but the memory of the anger that had been on his face the day before flashed before my eyes. I didn't want to see that look, I hated that look, I fought with myself not to leave and find the trio that had just left and was now enjoying a picnic outside and forget all about this mess.

The question was however, would I be willing to listen and undoubtedly forgive them?

James pushed away from the chair and stood moving towards me, "Evie," he began as he moved and I forced myself to stay where I was, "I need you to understand that I am really truly sorry. I was angry, I had no intention of you leaving."

I scoffed, "That's not what it felt like," I said as he moved even closer. I saw the shadow of a healing bruise on his face. I turned my eyes on to Steve my eyes pin-balling between the two, healing bruises, bloodshot eyes, a cut under Steve's lip. My eyes flashed to their hands and bruised cut knuckles were what I found. They did fight. And I was even more pissed because of it. "Did it make you feel better?" I asked.

"What I said made me feel ashamed." James said his voice quiet and careful.

"That's not what I meant you idiot," I snarled, "when you beat the snot out of each other, did you get all the male satisfaction you could out of it?"

James stopped his approach. I turned my attention to Steve and saw where his large hand pressed dangerously rigid into the back of the chair.

I shook my head, "I'm not a prize to be won, you know that right?" I moved away from James. "You can't fight over me like there will be a winner. That sort of thing has never gotten anyone anywhere, ever!"

"Stop Evelyn, and listen, will you?" Steve's voice was hard and left no room for me to do otherwise and I had to bite back the retort on the tip of my tongue as he continued, "Yes, we fought, but we fought about more than just you, it was about a lot of things that we have just left unsaid for a long time."

James turned to Steve, and I watched as the anger flared in his steel eyes.

"Why did you leave?" Steve's voice was direct, and I could feel the intensity of his words as they bore into me.

I swallowed thickly, "You have all been so worried about asking me about what has happened to me, rather than what I might be able to do to help you. Still, there is so much that you don't know. So much that I regret so much because it hurts, and sure, maybe I was glad that you never asked." My mouth felt parched as the truth came out, "because selfishly, I wanted to move on, move away from the awfulness of my world but as it turns out, it looks like my past is bound to repeat itself and I cannot allow that to happen. I cannot allow myself to put a wedge between you." I moved towards the kitchen and standing next to the countertop I braced myself against the cool granite, "I loved Steve, I loved James, I loved them both so much more than I should have, but it was never enough and even still too much."

"It doesn't have to be that way," James moved to me faster than I thought he would and there was nothing I could do as he stood behind me wrapping his arms around my waist my back pressed tightly against his chest. He leaned his head onto my shoulder his face buried in my hair. "I won't force you into anything you don't want, never Evie, I want you to be happy."

My heart clenched.

"I don't think happiness in in the cards for me."

"Bullshit," Steve's tone was hard, but I still couldn't look to him. "This world is not yours."

I squeezed my eyes closed begging the tears that were aching in the back of my throat not to fall, begging the emotions swirling within me not to budge, but to remain deep in my gut where they boiled like molten lava.

"Don't leave Evie," James' voice was soft, "please."

I tried to hide the sob, but because James was wrapped so tightly around me, he felt it and he held on even tighter. He held me up keeping me grounded just like he always had in this world and in my own.

"I don't want to hurt either of you." I said as the tears slipping from my traitorous eyes.

"That's part of life though," I heard Steve approach, his large form sliding beside me his hand falling over mine where it was gripping the counter so hard the stone was groaning beneath my touch. "I don't want you to hurt, just like I don't want Bucky to hurt." I opened my eyes looking up to him, where I found him looking down upon me with an expression that held far too much emotion, far too much understanding. Far too similar to the face that looked upon mine for so many years, yet so different, I believed him I realized. "I've given up so much, my entire life, I have sacrificed myself, the things I want, the people I want..." I could hear the emotion plain in his voice, "I don't want to do that, I can't do that anymore, I might be selfish, but I want to go after the things that I think I deserve."

I don't deserve either of them.

That voice in my head was so loud willing me to walk away, willing to push them both away. Another quieter part of me also wanted to reach for both of them, and never let go.

"Why?" My voice was so quiet, but I knew they heard me, "Why me?"

I could feel James' heart beating in his chest that was pressed so tightly into my back, "Because you deserve to be happy too."

"You deserve to have a life that is not filled with heartbreak." Steve said and I looked up at him to find his blue eyes filled with sorrow and understanding and so much emotion that I couldn't unpack before he turned to the door and walked out.

Part of me wanted to follow another part of me wanted to let him walk away and never look back. But James' voice broke me from my own confused thoughts, "I should have never said what I did, I should have never assumed that you were mine."

I turned in his arms so that he was facing me, and I nearly fell to the floor with the grief that was clearly on display in his stormy eyes. A sadness that I had seen before and knowing that I was the one to cause it again broke a dam inside of me. I wrapped myself around him because more than anything I needed to feel that connection, I needed to feel like there was at least one person in this world that I could feel like this with.

"James," the tears spilled from me, and he pulled me into his chest. I buried my face into him the smell of his cologne filled my senses, his arms pulled me yet even closer and still it didn't feel like enough. "I can't lose you." I mumbled against him, and I heard his heart skip.

"You haven't." He mumbled burying his face into my hair, nuzzling the crook of my neck with his nose. "and you won't, I won't let anything come between us and if that means I have to accept that you and Steve have a connection too, then so be it. My life had been complicated for so long, maybe that's just how it's supposed to be."

There was so much I wanted to say, so much that I wanted to confess but how was I supposed to do that without setting expectations between all three of us, when I was only certain that James was willing to put all of his worries aside for me? When I myself didn't know exactly what it was that happened between Steve and I. Was it revenge on me for interrupting his happiness? How could I even ask him when we could do nothing but fight every time we spoke. Let alone the looming threat of Mordo over our heads.

"James," I whispered his name like a prayer.

"I know," he said his arms tightened around me.

Steve POV

The way her eyes looked into mine, it was like she was afraid of what she might find there and for once we could agree. It was one thing to want her physically, but I found that there was something else brewing there too something I was unwilling to admit. Something that would change everything.

I stepped out of Tony's house and onto the porch. The last time I'd been here was for Tony's memorial and I never thought that I would be back. It hurt coming here. Part of me wondered if he ever regretted the choice he made. But Tony always made every choice with calculated intention. It was like he knew he wasn't coming back, when we left that day. I felt the acrid regret simmer low in my gut that wasn't just for Tony.

Everything Evelyn had said in that house was true but so were my words. I needed to make sure she was safe, but it was never my intention to hurt her, the woman infuriated me like no one else, but she was one of the few left that didn't bend to my will. She did not come here for that. Her intentions were not for me at all yet somehow our lives seemed to become entangled none the less.

I sighed and stepped off the wooden steps and looked out over the lake. The sun was high in the sky large puffy clouds were blowing in on the early summer breeze and I couldn't help but feel the storm that was brewing echoed my life.

I cursed myself as I moved towards the lake, because I still couldn't put a finger on what it was that I was feeling, what had me feeling so torn. I admit that I was beside myself with worry for her safety, and every moment that she was gone my breath had not quite felt right in my chest. When I closed my eyes, I could see her there in that elevator her face flushed beautifully under my touch and god, how she responded to that touch. I took a deep breath and stuffed my hands in my pockets. Angry that my thoughts had immediately gone there, this woman had a chokehold on me like none other.

A little voice broke me from my thoughts. "So, are you the reason my Aunty Evie is so sad?"

Startled I looked down at a miniature version of Tony stark. Those dark eyes seemed to know my deepest secrets without me having told her. "Uh-" was all I managed before she continued.

"I thought Captain America was supposed to be a hero," she eyed me sceptically, "not someone who makes people cry."

I was stunned by the words this child was saying to me.

"It's not like that Morgan," I knelt down to her eye level unsure why I felt the incessant need to make her understand.

She narrowed her eyes and folded her arms in front of her, "Then what's it like then, huh?"

I picked at the clover that was growing at my feet taking one of the small flowers between my fingers, "I don't know."

"Hmphf," she scoffed, "my daddy always said he hated to see me or mommy cry and that he promised never to be the reason." Her eyes got sad, "but now..."

I reached out and put my hand on her shoulder for comfort, "your dad was a very brave man he is a real Hero you know."

"I know that." she rolled her eyes and I swear Tony was laughing at me somewhere out there, "even though he promised to be back, and he broke his promise I know he did it for me. Just tell aunty Evie your sorry. "

I laughed I couldn't help it, this five-year-old was well beyond her years, "I already did that."

A voice from behind me spoke, "did you tell her you were sorry for her? Or for you?" I looked up to see Pepper. Guilt washed over me like a wave as she continued, "because there is a difference, as one who was always on the receiving line of Tony's apologies, I can tell you there is a big difference."

I stood up and Pepper directed Morgan to go find Happy before she turned to me, "that woman in there, has been through so much more than anyone realizes, and she is so overwhelmed by emotions she doesn't know what to do." I could see the anger in her eyes directed at me and I knew that Evelyn must have told her what I'd done.

More shame than I'd ever felt before filled me.

"She just wants to be happy. She wants to put all that pain behind her, let her talk, ask her what she wants and just be there for her." Pepper smiled faintly, "I know you are a good man Steve Rogers, so does she. She doesn't need a super soldier she doesn't need Captain America. She doesn't even need another husband. She just needs a friend," she looked over her shoulder to the house, "or two."

Evelyn POV

It was a tear-filled goodbye.

Morgan held on to me tightly making me promise to return, Pepper watched with tears of her own, partially for me and partially for the emotional reaction from her daughter. As Pepper embraced me, she whispered quietly in my ear, "Are you sure this is what you want?"

I knew she meant returning with Steve and James, "No," I replied. My voice low, "but there are more important things to take care of."

I had meant Mordo, I could not put either of them in danger by staying here any longer than I had, even though I longed for the solitude of this place.

One day.

She pulled back and pushed my hair over my shoulder, "You are always welcome to come back Evie."

I nodded, knowing I wouldn't be able to say anymore words if I opened my mouth to speak, I was certainly going to burst into tears. I turned to face the two soldier who stood at the ready beside the black SUV and I took a deep breath as I moved towards them. Steve had returned shortly after he'd left the kitchen with Pepper, and I knew that she had said something to him just by the expression on his face.

Steve sat behind the wheel and James opened the passenger door for me, but I opted to open the rear passenger door and slide in closing the door behind me. When he sat next to Steve, I buckled my belt and looked out the window, doing my best not to look at either of them in the rear-view mirror. Choosing instead to watch the disappearing view of the peacefully looking lake from my window.

There was a heavy silence as we pulled down the gravel road and all at once my exhaustion caught up with me, forty-eight hours without sleep had hit me like a hammer and I fell asleep. When I awoke, we were just pulling into the parking garage. I felt like I had been hit by a truck, my head throbbed, and my body ached.

"You two go up," Steve said not taking his hands off the wheel staring straight ahead, "I have something I need to do."

So, James and I stepped in front the vehicle and went up to the apartment. He had yet to say anything to me since we embraced in Pepper's kitchen and for the first time everything between us felt awkward and forced. Neither of us knew what to say to the other. I gave him a tentative look and took my lip between my teeth, but still, he did not look at me.

"I'm going to go to bed," I announced and made my way down the hall before he could speak. When I approached my room my steps slowed, the door was still destroyed and as I entered my room a string of curses left my mouth, "What did you do to my room!" I shouted.

There was not a solitary piece of furniture left in one piece.

I turned to move back to the common room when James rounded the corner a guilty look on his face, "I'm so sorry, I forgot." He looked lost for a minute.

"You fought in here?!" I asked stepping further into the room, broken pieces of furniture and glass crunched under my boots.

He lifted an arm to the back of his neck in a nervous way and offered me a slight shrug as he spoke, "Neither of us were really thinking clearly."

"I can see that." I said blandly. I sighed, "Where am I supposed to sleep now?"

"Take my room and I'll stay with Steve until yours is fixed up." He offered.

I wasn't in the state to argue. I was exhausted, it had been a long time since I'd slept and slept restfully. I opened the door the James' room, and his scent filled the air. The soft scent of his cologne filled my nose. The smell of the books that lined his shelves. His bed was neatly made, and the window was cracked open so the cool air wafting through the window giving the undertone of the fresh night air. The scent filled me with memories of the Winter Soldier, it screamed of him.

Were they good memories or bad, I could not say

I moved to the washroom and shed my clothes. I turned on the shower and stood under the streams of hot water allowing them to pelt my skin unforgivingly. I let the heat run over my body as though it could not merely wash me clean of the dirt and grime but also absolve me of my sins. I washed, lathering my hair with his shampoo. I washed my body with his soap, surrounding myself completely in him and for a moment I allowed myself to forget the pain and only live in the memories I had of him.

The touches the caresses the feel of him in me and around me. I closed my eyes and bathed in the recollections as well as the water. After a time, I tuned off the shower and wrapped myself in the soft white towels and moved into his room.

Opening a drawer, I drew out a soft blue T-shirt and slid it over my damp skin. The hem hit my mid thigh and I stepped towards his bed and pulled back the covers. Sliding between the sheets I lay down pressing my face into the cold of the smooth pillow my arm moving beneath. There my fingers brushed against something hard and smooth. I pulled it from beneath surprised to see a green leather-bound journal. Part of me screamed to put it back and forget it existed but another louder part of me told me to look.

When I opened the book the smell of leather and expensive paper wafted up at me. In neat tidy lines I found his handwritten words.

When I look at her it's like I see my beating heart out in the open world, raw and broken. I see in her eyes the same thing I see in my own when I look in the mirror. But rather than being disgusted by what I see, I see beauty. I see a woman who by all rights should be broken, but all that I see is hope. Hope for me, hope for her, hope for a life.

A life that I hope she would want to share with me.

...

Her skin is softer than it even looks, I can't get the perfection of her out of my mind, the way she melded with my body. It's like she knows what I need before even I do. The sound of the pleasure leaving her lips, the touch of her fingers against my skin. The way she looks at this fucking metal arm like it doesn't matter. That it doesn't change me, that it's just a part of me like any other limb. Like it is not a machination of death. She holds it just like it is a part of me that I should not be ashamed of.

...

When I see her hurt it hurts me...

...

I don't want to think about his lips on hers, it makes me want to lose my god damned mind. I was calm about it, when she told me he kissed her but inside I was a raging lunatic I wanted nothing more than to run down those stairs and punch him in his perfect face. If not for the way she looked at me like she was afraid, afraid I would do just that, I would have. I know she feels the same way about me as I do about her.

...

I was a fucking idiot to think that she could want me, that she wouldn't want him. It was right in front of my fucking face the entire time. She loves him despite all of the shitty things he has said to her, about her. It's like she doesn't see him when she looks at him but the man she loved from her world. Still, she let him touch her.

I feel broken all over again.

...

There was one more entry, but I couldn't read it. My insides hurt for him. I had spent all this time worried about how I felt. Yes, I knew I'd hurt him, but I was so angry I'd felt so betrayed that I'd not really taken a moment to think about what he was feeling. Not really. Not after the way he had treated me when he found out.

Guilt bled through me again and I closed the book and slid it back under the pillow. Just then the door opened, and I turned to meet James' weary expression.

"You, ok?" He asked.

I sat up in bed the blankets falling around my waist and I let him see the emotion plain on my face. "I never told you I was sorry," I started. My hands wrung together in my lap, "I am sorry James, I really am. I'm so sorry that I hurt you."

He stepped into the room his body taught, his long hair falling over his eyes so I couldn't gauge his reaction. He closed the door behind him, and the click of the latch echoed through the room. I swallowed thickly.

"Don't apologize anymore," he said his voice strained with emotion, "no more apologies ok sweetheart."

Emotion latched onto me, and I silently begged him to come closer and to my relief he complied. He came to stand at the edge of the bed his arms limp at his sides.

"Stay with me." I suddenly spoke. My request surprising both of us. "I want you to stay with me."

He nodded and sat on the end of the bed and pulled off his shoes. He sat on the end of the bed for a moment after that, unmoving like a statue his muscles coiled tight unable to look at me.

"I'm not asking for anything from you James," my voice was quiet, tentative, "I just need you to know that I do still care for you very much."

More than I could say out loud.

He took a deep breath. I could see the tension in his shoulders, and I crawled over to him from where I was sitting and pressed myself into his back. His t-shirt rode up my thighs the cool air against my bare backside as I did so. I wrapped my arms around him and buried my face into the crook of his neck, he smelled of sweat and cologne, the metal of this new arm didn't give off the scent like the one Hydra had given him and for that I was almost glad because then I knew for certain that he was a different man then the one who destroyed me in my world. Slowly his hands came up to cover mine and he leaned into my embrace.

"Evie," his voice was gentle but still vibrated through his chest and into me none the less. "I will never stop apologizing."

I held onto him even more tightly, "Don't." I hoped my words would get through to him, "Please." I had to move forward. I'd learned that in the short time that I was with Pepper and Morgan. It was what I deserved.

I pressed my lips against his neck and a shuttering breath fell from between his lips, "If you don't mean it then don't." He said, "don't do it because you feel sorry for me." He began to try and move my arms from him, but I wouldn't allow it.

"I don't, not in the way you think." I said my tone calm, serious.

He turned slightly so he could look me in the eye, and I could see whatever resolve he had was very quickly crumbling. "Evelyn, is this a good idea?" He asked as he traced circles on the back of my hand with his right thumb his flesh hot against mine.

I stood up and moved around him crawling onto his lap the roughness of his jeans was torturous on my bare thighs. I moved my hands to cup his stubbled cheeks as his hands settled upon my hips. I didn't speak I just slowly leaned into him giving him the chance to push me away if this was not what he wanted. I paused when my lips where only a hairs breadth away from his and I looked up into his eyes which were dark with want.

"Tell me to stop." I whispered, an echo of the last time we were together like this.

"I can't." His voice sounded rough.

I pressed my lips against his, they were warm and soft and pliable to my own, answering in their demand. I pressed closer to him my breasts pushed into his chest bare beneath his T-shirt. The heat of him was moving into my bones. Sweat began to form on the flesh of my lower back where his hands pressed into me pulling me yet even closer. He opened his mouth, his tongue slowly tracing over my bottom lip begging me to give him my mouth, so I complied. I opened for him angling my mouth over his and in an instant, he was on me. It was as though a dam burst. I found myself pressed into the mattress his muscled body pinned me in place.

The blue shirt I wore rode up past my hips bare for him, the press of his hard cock beneath his jeans pushed into me none too gently and I rubbed myself against him because I wanted more. His hands reached for the hem of the shirt and pulled it over my head. I immediately moved my hands down to the hem of his shirt and eagerly he helped me rid himself of it. My hands moved to his chest tracing the angles and curves of him sliding them ever so slowly lower and lower down his abdomen until they fell to the waistband of his jeans.

His eyes never left me as I unbuttoned them, taking each moment to try and calm my racing heart but as the rustle of fabric hit my ears when he aided me in sliding them along with his undergarments down his thighs to the floor, my breath caught.

"James," I whispered enraptured by the soft press of his skin against mine, it felt like divine torture a torture that I would gladly endure just to be with him like this. "Please." The word came out as a plea.

I wanted to close my eyes to engrain the feel of him against me like this, but I fought with myself to keep them open because I didn't want to look away from him.

He hovered over me, the chain around his neck was cold as it brushed against my hot flesh, the dog tags that belonged to Steve. Still, I did not let this stop me, still I wanted to have him more than I wanted the air I breathed. More than the thought of the owner of those tags.

He sunk between my thighs, I was wet and ready for him, the head of his cock hotter still than my own flesh as it dragged across my core and before there was any more moments to push him away, to overthink, he was inside of me. I gasped as I let my walls press in around him, pulling him in. The stretch of my pussy around his cock was like coming home, a sensation that I'd never felt before.

His breath was ragged already, and I could feel his heartbeat beneath my hands. Slowly I moved my arms around him pulling him yet closer angling my hips up to meet his. It was slow, achingly slow that we took each other, each thrust of his hips against mine was like a declaration.

Need.

Lust.

Want.

Love.

He pressed his chest against mine as he held himself up upon his elbows and I arched up into him as his cock hit that spot within me that send delightful shivers up my spine.

He was gentile even though he knew he didn't have to be, he was perfect. I felt my orgasm swiftly approaching and I wrapped my legs around his waist and pressed my lips against his. He devoured my mouth slowly, methodically as if he to were engraining this moment into his mind.

I came suddenly with an explosion of lights behind my eyes, the euphoric sensation washed over me as I called out his name as I did so, "James," my voice was hoarse, "Yes, James, don't stop."

And he obeyed. I arched my back as another wave washed over me and this time, I pulled him down with me. He too called my name as he came undone, his thrusts erratic and unforgiving but I revelled in it. The sound of his naked flesh against mine was like sin incarnate. I moaned into his mouth as he pressed his lips onto mine as he cried out, a mangled stifled moan that I would not soon forget.

He let his weight fall upon me his head sinking to the crook of my neck, whispering words I almost didn't catch, "Don't leave me." And I knew then in that moment come hell or high water I would not.