**A/N&TW** Sorry for the wait, its been a week that's for sure. Anyhow without further ado. TW's for language.

Steve stepped from the elevator with a grin on his face as he met James before I could even move. He clapped an arm around his friend's shoulders and pulled him in. His actions were too friendly, too jovial. I wanted to throttle him. My heart still pounded in my chest but now for an all too different reason, this time it was more for my guilt and anger than the lust that had just been crawling through me. I felt frozen in place but when the doors started to close, I hurried from my place still against the wall and into the apartment. I moved through the doors and to where the two men were speaking. My ears unable to process what they were saying through the racing of my mind. My hands fell limply to my sides the envelope was barely a thought in my mind.

What would I tell James?

I looked to him the strong angle of his jaw was upturned as he tilted his head back and laughed at something Steve said. His steel eyes bright and filled with happiness.

How could I tell him what I had just allowed to happen? His pink tongue darted from his mouth to wet his lips, I remembered that tongue tangled with mine, that smile only for me. I didn't want to see any of that disappear. Because they would. How could they not?

My heart felt torn, it had been some time since I'd felt this way and those long-forgotten memories threatened to come forward. I pushed them back down unwilling to remember that time. Unwilling to remember that this situation was not all that unfamiliar, and it was just something that I had buried so deeply that I could barely remember it most times.

I sighed.

The memory of two men filled my thoughts fighting and fucking and clinging desperately to each other in a way that most would shy away from. Clinging to each other, clinging to me, hating ourselves and loving every moment of it.

I cared so deeply for James, and I knew that he felt the same way, the connection we had was on another level and it was something that I already cherished to my core. I had put that all in jeopardy because that primal connection I shared with Steve. It was no matter that my brain told me no, told me to stop, to push him away my body betrayed me at every step. That connection with Steve fell somewhere between hate and lust and desire. I wanted him no less than I wanted James just in a different sort of way and it was not even in the same way that I craved my husband...

Guilt weighed down upon me again, because of where my last thought had taken me.

I had betrayed them both.

Again.

"You alright?" James' attention had turned to me, I must have been staring. His words bringing me back to the situation at hand. His face was set in concern, and he pulled from Steve's grip and moved towards me.

I nodded taking a step back feeling undeserving of his touch.

"What's that?" he asked looking to the envelope, then between Steve and me. Undoubtedly, he felt the tension radiating off of me.

It was Steve who spoke before I could even take a breath and James turned his head to face him as he spoke, and I felt thankful for the turn of his eyes away from me. "Sam, set Evelyn up with all of the documents she needs, I.D and the like."

James nodded and with a wide smile on his face that broke my heart he turned back to me, "That's great!"

I could only nod and James tilted his head to the side with a line forming between his brows angling his body to move closer, to ease whatever anxiety he sensed.

"I'm ok." I answered before he could ask. "I just need to rest."

"Why don't you go lay down for a bit," Steve said, his steel grip landing on James' shoulder, I could not help but notice the possession in his movements, in his words, "Then we can get something to eat I'm ravenous."

My stomach dropped at the connotation of his words, the double entendre, the way he said it was to tease me but all I could do was nod, and swallow down the guilt like a heavy stone in my stomach. I hurried down the hall to my room, afraid my face said more than it should, afraid I might hurt James because it was so unfair for me to do so.

"You sure she's, ok?" I heard James ask Steve when I got to my door.

"Oh, I'm sure she is feeling just fine, maybe just a little overwhelmed." He replied.

I could hear the amusement in his tone, and I wanted so badly to sprint back down the hallway and punch him in the throat. How dare he find my pain amusing. How dare he hurt his friend and how dare he be so smug about this entire affair?

I was not feeling fine.

Not in the least.

I closed the door to my room and sat on the edge of my bed my heart hammering again and the large envelope in my hands crumpled at the corners where I clutched onto it too tightly. How could I tell James what I had done? How could I tell him that I had allowed that to happen? He had taken Steve kissing me better than I thought, better than I would have. But how would he take this? This felt like it would be different.

I knew this would be different.

Fuck.

I looked down at the rumpled envelope in my grasp and with shaking hands I opened it, upturning its contents onto the bed next to me in hopes to clear my mind.  A few small items immediately fell out. A driver's license, a passport, government issued insurance card and a few other items that slipped to the floor. Before I picked them up, I scanned the other forms that included a birth certificate, previous home addresses that were completely fictional just like most of the information on all of these forms. A smile spread over my lips when I saw that Sam had indeed remembered my actual birthdate, and I let my fingers slide over the date fondly. I noticed that unsurprisingly the year was incorrect, but I supposed, the less explaining I made of my past the better. There was also a form that held all the details of a new bank account. On that form I was surprised to find a small sum of money in the account. Not enough to purchase anything substantial like a house or a car but there was enough money that I could purchase any items I might need, to allow me to get by while I found a job. I knelt down onto the floor beside my bed to find what had fallen from the envelope, I found a bank card, a credit card and a certificate for a cellular telephone and a note from Sam telling me when and where I could pick it up. I had everything I would need to start a life.

I was in his debt undoubtedly.

I could feel emotions coursing through me again and I did my best in order to quell them. Now was not the time, there was already so many other emotions bubbling through me I couldn't afford to let more of them carry me away. My entire being had been on high alert for so long that it seemed that now my body could relax, my mind could not.

Slowly and methodically, I gathered all of my papers and placed them in the drawer of the bedside table and when I opened it there was a loud thunk in the otherwise empty drawer. I narrowed my eyes and cocking my head to the side as I looked inside. There laying in the bottom of the drawer was the stone from my spell, I had forgotten all about it. One of the others, most likely James, had put it there because I did not recall putting it there. I picked it up, the weight of it pressed into my palm, the cool stone warming instantly in my hand, no remnants of magic left inside. I placed the papers inside the drawer and closed it, moving back to my bed.

I worried my lip and sat down crossing my legs beneath me, the words of the incantation were bright on the tip of my tongue. I pondered if I should repeat the spell. It had after all kept me safe before therefore it should most likely do so again. I clenched the stone in my hand and closed my eyes readying myself.

"Darling," A haughty voice drawled from my bathroom, "If you had wanted to replace the spell perhaps that is something you should have been doing rather than playing with your two new toys."

My eyes popped open to come face to face with Mordo, his eyes were the deepest brown, nearly black and they appraised me with an amused sort of interest. There was a sharp sort of look about him, a black beard adorned his face, his plush lips were turned up into an outwardly friendly grin, but there was a keenness behind that smile. Like a tiger, he wore his ferociousness like stripes clear for all to see the danger he wore with pride. The grin was knowing as though he most definitely was aware of something that I was not, and he was very eager to keep it from me.

I stood abruptly from the bed, squaring my feet, "How did you get in here?"

He patted the sling ring tucked into his belt in answer, "You have been so very hard to get alone Evelyn, how should I be expected to have a civil conversation with you when you have two ever present guard dogs at your side."

"Why would I have a civil conversation with you when it was you who sent demons after me to kill me?" I eyed the exit and my stomach tumbled when I realized that he had placed himself between the exit and me.

He pursed his lips and narrowed his eyes at me tilting his head to the side and he was silent a moment before he reached up and stroked the beard upon his face as he pondered, "You really have no idea do you, Strange never told you."

I observed him for a moment, just waiting unsure if I could completely understand his tactics, "Strange? Doctor Strange?" I frowned he must have meant the Stephan Strange from my world, "Enlighten me then what is it that he didn't tell me?"

He stepped closer and fear speared through my body, I saw what he had been able to call through the portal and he could most likely do it on a whim, I was in real definite danger, "You have something," he continued, "Something, that I don't think you even realize you have. I wonder how it affects you?" He pondered out loud, "If you would even survive without it?"

I blinked.

A grin slid onto his face, making him appear to be almost friendly, "Interesting," his clasped his hands behind his back and began to pace slowly before me, "you clearly know nothing," the grin grew and he paused to peer intently at me his dark eyes so intelligent, "I wonder Evelyn, I wonder if the Strange here knows, if he even has an inkling..."

"Evelyn!" Bucky's voice rang from outside my door, the knob began to rattle, I was sure I had not locked it behind me.

"James!" I called looking towards the door than back to the man standing in my way, "Mordo is in here!"

Mordo raised a brow and tsked, "And here I thought we were just having a nice conversation."

James began to pound on the door from the other side, Steve's voice joining his, "What's going on? Evelyn!" I heard Steve shout his voice loud, commanding, and angry.

"See?" Mordo teased, "Two guard dogs separated from their master."

I stepped towards him to grasp his collar and toss him into the wall knowing that I had back up if I needed it, but my hands passed right through him.

I gasped.

"Astral projection." He smirked, "Come now Evelyn, I know you don't think I am that foolish, do you?"

The door began to splinter off of the frame and exploded inward, the two super soldiers outlined by the broken entryway ready for a fight. The shattered pieces of door flew inward hurtling through Mordo's astral form, part of the metal zipped so close to my face I could feel the sting of a laceration appear upon my cheek. I put my hand to my cheek, and Mordo spun towards the door, the soldier's eyes falling upon him.

"Well, it looks as though our conversation has come to an end." He tipped his head in my direction, "The information you have provided me has been invaluable."

I pulled my brows together, "tell me, what it is that don't I know!?"

He grinned right before his image dissolved, "Now what would be the fun in that?"

James rushed to my side, his hands finding me, patting my arms his eyes dancing over me to ensure I was alright. His eyes fell to the cut on my cheek, he pulled my hand away so he could get a better look.

"It was his astral from, he couldn't hurt me, I'm fine," I kicked a piece of the door that was at my feet, "Unlike my door." I brought my hand up to my hand to cover James' where it was hovering over my cheek, it stung but it would heal fast enough.

I looked to Steve whose jaw was tight, then he started to speak anger laced in his words, "What did he say to you?"

I pulled away from James, "He says I have something inside of me and that Strange knew about it, my Strange." I clarified, "Whatever it is, he wants it. I just don't know what it is, and I have to find out."

Steve frowned and moved closer taking my chin in his grip tilting my face up and to the side so that he could inspect the damage. He spoke, "You're already starting to heal."

I pulled my chin from his grip glaring at him, "I don't care if it doesn't, I need to know what he wants before it's too late because I am more than certain I'll have to worry about more than just a little scrape."

I moved past him towards James whose face was set in concern. James pulled me into him offering the comfort that I needed without saying. I pressed my face into his chest letting him wrap me up in his soft comfort. Momentarily forgetting that I should not be allowing this. My ears perked at the sound of Steve moving closer.

"Keep her safe Buck, while I go talk to Strange again," his face softened when I turned my head to rest my cheek upon James' chest to look at him, "I will get to the bottom of what Strange knows." His eyes lingered on mine for a moment before he turned all the muscles in his well-defined back tense beneath his tight t-shirt.

I didn't doubt him, and I almost felt sorry for Strange because I knew the look on his face meant that he would be getting answers to his question one way or another.

"Evelyn," James said his voice rumbling through him rising me from my thoughts.  His arms tightened around me, and I felt him press his cheek onto the top of my head, "You gotta stop scaring the fuck outta me, ok?"

I grinned into him and hugged him tighter, "Not sure I can do that," I tipped my chin up to see that he was looking down to me his face etched with deep concern, and I let my eyes linger on his face, "I'm sorry."

He held my gaze for a long time pulling back so he could better take me in, "You are going to be the death of me, aren't you?"

I smiled and buried my face into his chest again unable to say anymore words because I feared what I might say. I fell further into him allowing him to hold me. Allowing myself to sink into his embrace. "I don't want to be." I mumbled.

He sighed. "Let's get you something to eat."

Bucky POV

I couldn't say for sure but there was something in Evie's expression that told me she was uneasy and whatever it was she didn't want to share it. And I knew that it had nothing to do with what just happened with Mordo. I didn't want to push her, and I was unsure if I even wanted to hear what it was. It had been so long since I'd had someone that I really felt like I had a connection with that I wasn't sure if I could bare to know.  Something had happened while she was gone with Steve. I wasn't blind. I could see through the hostility. I could see the way he would look at her when he thought no one else was looking. I was there when he incessantly checked in on her when she was hurt. I saw the resolve in him to help her.

There were so many other things that the world needed Captain America for right now that it even seemed odd to me at how close he was staying. Especially for a man who had been so willing to give it all up to go live in the past. Especially for a man who had first looked on her as though she was the reason that he could not have the future he had been so desperate for.

I took her out to the kitchen and sat down at the table my eyes followed her as she busied herself making coffee and tidying the counters. A job that didn't need to be done.

"Come and sit." I bade. "Let me make you something to eat."

"I'm not hungry," she replied as she filled the sink up with soapy water. I could hear the lie. I'm sure she could hear it too.

She may not have an appetite, her mind might be in a dozen other places, but I had been keeping careful watch over her intake and she needed food. The last few days she had consumed very little food and above keeping her safe from this Mordo character, she needed to be kept safe from herself. I could already see how she would fall into her own thoughts, how she would allow each and everything that happened to get under her skin. How she would dwell upon it and set blame firmly on herself. I knew this because I did the same thing and I knew how easy it was to take all the blame in the world onto my shoulders.

"Let me get us a pizza," I followed her form as she moved around the room.

She paused at my words turning to me, "You don't have to do that James, you don't have to baby me."

I clicked my tongue and looked away from her, unable to let myself see the way her green eyes were so wide filled with fear. Fear for what I couldn't say, and I knew if I asked, she would not answer, "Let me take care of you Evie," I swallowed thickly. I wanted to take care of her so badly, I wanted to make sure there was nothing or no one in the world that would hurt her. Not like she had been hurt, like I know I'd been hurt.

"Fine," she sighed, "pizza sounds really good."

I couldn't help the grin that filled my face, I hadn't smiled this much since before the war. I chose not to say anything I just pulled open my phone and opened the app that Steve had shown me not long ago and went to work at trying to order for us without looking completely inept.

I felt her come and sit on the arm of the chair at my side and look over my shoulder. My heart started to pound. Her thigh was pressed tightly against my arm, and I could feel the heat of her burn into me through the fabric of her jeans.

I let my eyes trail over her, taking in all of her, her curves and edges, the scent of her like cinnamon and spice.

She was fucking perfect.

I looked up at her and she had her nose wrinkled as she looked down at my phone, "James, please don't tell me you want pineapple on that pizza?"

I looked down at the order, I had been so distracted I'd added pineapple to perfectly good peperoni pizza, but I couldn't help but look adoringly. The crinkle of her nose and the slight way her lip had turned up in a slight sneer.

"No, sweet thing. No pineapple." I said softly, breathless suddenly.

She smiled down at me and then leaned her head atop mine, I felt warm all over, "Anything else?"

She made a noise that I took as no, the sound of it sent a thrill right to my cock. I shifted in my seat and finished the order. I set my phone down and she didn't move.

"You gonna tell me what's bothering you?" I asked.

I felt her tense, "No."

If not for my sensitive ears I might not have heard it.

"You sure you're, ok?" I wet my lips, "Did Steve say something to upset you?"

She scoffed and stood up walking away from me.

Now for the first time in my life I wished I was a mind reader, "Talk to me sweet girl."

She turned to me, and she had tears in her eyes, my stomach dropped. I stood from my seat my phone forgotten and I moved towards her, but she held her hand out and the way she looked at me broke my heart.

"I don't want you to hate me." She said, "I am so ashamed, I feel terrible James I don't want to hurt you."

I wrapped my arms around her, and she fought me the whole time, her body tight with sadness and regret and I could only imagine the worst.

Before I knew it the words were falling from my lips, "Did you and him fuck?" I couldn't help the hardness in my voice, the anger burning low in my guts.

She stiffened in my arms, but she stopped fighting and I held my breath waiting for an answer. I let my arms fall away and she turned to me grasping at my shirt when I tried to turn from her.

"Please," her voice was thick with emotion, "please don't, I need you, James."

My heart fucking broke, and I wasn't sure if it was for her or if it was for me.  I couldn't say anything because all I could imagine was the two of them together, it all made so much sense and why would she choose me if she could have him, the man who was the love of her life in another world.

How had I allowed myself to fall so completely so fast. Was I that desperate for someone to love me, for someone to care for me? Was I just blind because for the first time in longer than I could remember someone had shown me any kind of affection? Had I just been a place holder in her bed?

All my muscles seemed to twitch beneath my skin, I felt suddenly like I was too big for my body and the heat that I had been feeling towards her had so swiftly cooled.

"Do you need me, Evie?" I felt the coldness enter my tone.

She practically recoiled from me, "Don't you dare push me away."

"Then tell me, tell me did you fuck him?" I yelled and I surprised even myself with the emotion that shook my voice.

She shook her head and the tears rolled down her face, "I didn't fuck him James," rage blossomed suddenly in her eyes, "but he did finger fuck me in that elevator and you know what? I fucking liked it!" She was so angry, and I don't know what was worse. Her anger or my own.

I turned away from her and started down the hallway to my room to get away from her, I couldn't listen to anything else she had to say. Maybe it was my pride maybe it was something else entirely. This was my own fault for falling so fast, this is why I had protected my heart and turned off all of my emotions.

I slammed my door and locked it.

Evelyn POV

I was fucking furious, not just with myself but with this whole fucking thing. At this moment in time, I was seriously wishing I had never set foot though the portal, I'd sooner be dealing with Thanos and his army rather than any of this bullshit.

Without a single thought in my head, I ran into my room pulling out all of the papers Sam had given me, the rune stone and a few changes of clothes shoving them all into a knapsack that I found in the bottom of my closet. I then hastily moved back through the apartment and pushed through the exit and slammed my hand in the call button for the elevator. In my furious rage I couldn't even stay still enough to wait for the elevator to arrive. Bursting through the door to the stairwell I descended the stairs in a blur. The tears dried quickly in my eyes and as I reached the bottom floor I tore through the front doors of the building and found myself on the streets my heart like a jackhammer in my chest.

Fuck this.

I took off at a run, strange looks following me down the street as I ran. Fuck James, fuck Steve, fuck Mordo and fuck this fucking world. The afternoon sun blazed in the sky and sweat began to bead on my skin my t-shirt sticking to my back. Nothing stopped me, I picked up my pace super soldier speed pushing me forward onlookers watching wide eyed as I sped past them in a blur.

I ran.

I ran and I let my fury reign and it felt good. I found myself slowing my pace as my feet fell onto green grass. My eyes falling onto the sight of this world that would forever haunt me.

The Brooklyn Bridge.

The park was dotted with tourists their phones and cameras all pointed in its direction. All ready to document this happy time in their lives, seeing a piece of architecture that just screamed New York. At least in this world, in mine it was a monument of sadness destruction and the failure of a hero. I stood there with my arms limply at my sides just looking at it my heart broken into a thousand equal pieces.

Alone.

This is what I deserved.

I sat heavily on the grass the backpack clunking to the ground behind me. I pulled my knees up to my chest and just looked at the bridge. The symbol of everything that had gone wrong in my life, the symbol for why I was now here.

*~*~*

My jeans felt damp when I stood, the grass had cooled as the hours had passed and now, I had to go. Where? I did not know. The tourist crowds had thinned, and I was by myself in the park finding that I could no longer look at the bridge, or myself.

I kept picturing the painful emotion on James' face, my heart pinched knowing that I was the cause of it. I was the reason that he was hurting, that his friend had hurt him.      I squeezed my eyes closed and fisted my hands at my sides, anxiety spiking through me.

"You know there are a lot of people looking for you." A voice called from behind me.

I turned to find the friendly face of Happy Hogan. A face I didn't realize that I'd actually missed seeing.

A grin slid onto his features, "So turns out that I exist in your universe?" he took a step towards me. "I'm glad to hear it. What would the world be without Happy Hogan?"

I found my feet planted, unable to move and unable to speak.

"There is a tracker in the bag," he offered, "Stark tec." He explained. "That's how I knew that you were here."

I deflated.

"No one knows I found you yet, there is someone that wants to talk to you though." He said and he pointed towards the black SUV parked through the trees on the side of the road.

My shoulders tensed and it didn't slip past him.

"It's not Steve Rogers, and it's not Bucky Barnes," he said.

I was finally able to let my jaw work again, "I think I'd rather see them, than who I think might be in that car."

His brows rose comically, "Oh yeah? Now you've got me curious, who do you think it could be?" he motioned for me to start walking in the direction of the car. "It's just Pepper." He spoke when he noticed the tension in my body.

"Should I know who that is?" I mumbled as I followed at his side, "I keep hearing that name, but I have no idea who that is."

"Really?" he said very interested in what I had to say, "That's so interesting to me, so what about Tony? Did you know Tony?"

I sighed.

"Of course, I know Stark." I couldn't help the venom that laced my words.

"Tony was a hero you know that right?" his words were laced with an anger of his own now. Protective of his friend.

My feet planted and I turned towards Happy. "Was?"

"Yeah," his shoulders were tense, "He was a hero, he died in order to defeat Thanos."

"He?" my mouth went dry.

He blinked. "Anthony Edward Stark, you know Iron Man." He said like I was dense.

"You're fucking kidding me, right?" I said my voice brimming with incredulity.

He laughed. "No. Tony and I go way back."

I was silent and my feet suddenly felt like I was trudging through mud.

"In my world Antonia Maria Stark was Iron Lady." I couldn't help the sneer that fell upon my face, and I shook my head as I met his brown eyes again shaking with fury, "She was the reason that Thanos destroyed everything and everyone I loved."