I'm under a lot of pressure.

I am a child born into a perfect family in everyone's eyes. So I also have to be perfect in their eyes.

- "Sofia! Why haven't you cleaned your room?! How many times have I said this?!"

-"I..I.."

My mother scolded me a lot. This is also a habit. Even though I have good academic performance, I am still a girl. I'm not good at housework.

- "Look at your brother? If he's talented, you're even more useless! If I knew that, I wouldn't have given birth to him!"

Then my mother angrily left. Even though I was scolded many times, I still couldn't get used to life like this. Family conditions are very good, both parents are good, but I still feel uncomfortable. Feeling lost in my own family.

Well..I don't know how to describe my psychology anymore.. I'm just a 12 year old child. I also need love from my family. Surely you see I'm weak? That's right, I'm in my teens. During puberty, my psychology is very sensitive but i have to be patient.

-"Oh my god, Sofia, are you being scolded by your mother again? You're so useless."

My brother, 2 years older than me, spoke up, his name is Alex. He dropped out of school because he was rebellious, but he was loved by his parents because he was a boy. My family belongs to the tradition of respecting men and looking down on women.

-"I know"

-"Are you angry? Anyway...a useless girl like you will sooner or later die in pain. Maybe you should feel lucky that I'm still talking to you."

I didn't say anything more. I remained silent, an overwhelming feeling of disappointment about my brother rushed in. It's summer now so I don't go to school.

We have to say all those negative thoughts, right? Let's clean up the room.. otherwise we will be beaten. My mother will always be very harsh on me. If she checks in later and I don't do what she wants, she will beat me or not let me eat.

It's true as I said. While I was cleaning the room, my mother walked in. Seeing that I hadn't finished cleaning the room, she immediately grabbed a whip nearby and approached me. I know what happened..

Pop! Pop! Pop!

That unpleasant sound echoed throughout the room...the sound of my mother's whip hitting me. It was very painful, very burning, but in the end, it was only because this was my fault. I had to learn to accept the truth.

-"DAMNED CHILD! I SWEAR IF I KNEW I GAVE YOU BIRTH AT THE TIME, I WOULD HAVE ABORTED!!"

Every word my mother said was like a knife cutting into my heart. I tried not to cry, just whimpering. Actually, I was very hurt by those words. I... want a family that cares for me. Or is..it's okay to not have a family. Are you wondering about my father? I don't want to mention him..he's ten times more evil than my mother..he hit me very hard, shouted at me very loudly ..

Do you know why I don't want to die? I have a crush on a classmate!...I've been through my mother's beatings so I'm in a bit of a better mood..Ah yes! That classmate is very cute, he's kind. He helps me a lot. He is also the one who indirectly soothes my psychological wounds. I know.. if this gets out, I won't be okay!..

-"Go down to eat, useless little sister. Father is waiting for you."

Hearing the word father made the back of my neck stand up, I was very haunted. Haunted because one time he smashed a glass beer bottle on my head, almost killing me..

His face is very fierce.. the scar right over his eye makes him even more scary. I'm so scared..

-"Sit down!"

Before I could say anything, I heard someone scolding me. I just nodded and obediently sat down at the dining table. Even though I really wanted to eat quickly to escape this situation, I couldn't.

-"Do you know that you are a freeloader? You don't study as well as other people's children and you're also lazy. You're really a girl who's not as good as a dog."

-"I'm sorry"

My voice trembled, both hurt and scared, that feeling... seemed to make me think I should not have been born into this world.