Kystan's POV

My resolve crumbled. What Liza was doing got to me and I hated it. I should have had more self control because after all I am the one who broke up with her, but I snapped when that guy tried to touch her. It was not gracious of me to shove that guy and I hate that I did.

After walking out of that bar, I got in a nearby café where I had a good view of her car. I watched as she walked up the street looking for me, and when she sat in her car and cried. I wished that I could go over and tell her I love her and wipe away her tears and maybe kiss her as affectionately as I can manage, but I couldn't.

I saw her drive away before I left the café and made my way home to be miserable alone.

I am actually relieved that her internship is over, I wouldn't have been able to bear seeing her everyday. I think now I should just focus on the fashion week and also my upcoming trip to Rwanda.

*************************************

I shed no tears the following days, I guess the realization has set in and it's for the best that I accept what is, no matter how much I don't like it. Besides, I have nothing to do before the semester starts in a few days. I end up going to my parent's house for a few days. They are really happy to see me, I can't get myself to tell them I broke up with Kystan so I make sure to avoid the topic at all cost.

The next week school starts and I make myself focus all my energy on that rather than sulking over Kystan. I spend all my time on books, fabrics, assignments and lots and lots of lectures. During the day, I fill up my schedule but at night, I occasionally lay staring at the ceiling wondering what would have happened if I had just opened up.

A month passes by with no contact. I talk to Luca a lot, but in all those times Kystan is never present. I guess it's better that way because I can't bear to look him in the eye now that I actually got over the initial shock and realized it was my fault we didn't make it in the end.

On Wednesday, I receive an email from Abercrombie and Fitch. I eagerly open it. Apart from constantly asking Cynthia about the place, I haven't been there since that day.

It's just a reminder informing me of the London Fashion Week. It's always been my dream to go to the London Fashion Week, and as an aspiring English fashion designer that's as good as it gets. The next day, I go to Somerset House where the event will be held and I am shown the ins and outs of the entire location, what to do where, where to go incase of emergencies and all that. Afterwards, me and Cynthia have lunch together and then I go back home.

Friday finally arrives. I spend the morning doing my assignments so that the whole weekend I'll be able to enjoy with no overdue hanging over my head.

I take my time in the afternoon to prepare because I want to look my best when- I mean if- I appear on stage. I opt for a neutral look as I am doing my makeup and then put on a red suit I made myself; it comprises a pair of fitted pants, a mid-thigh length trench coat with no sleeves and many bomber pockets, and a long-sleeved beige silk shirt. I add beige shiny loafers I bought for the occasion. I remember to take my backstage pass.

I drive to the venue two hours earlier to prepare. I enter the busy backstage area. There are fabric scraps everywhere, accessory trunks, shoes.

I stand there awed by how casual it looks here to bump into prestigious world class designers, some of them I'd go as far as to call my idols. I stop myself before anyone sees me gawking so openly and make my way through the crowd until I find my own people. I go straight to dressing my models; lucky enough they are good to me and my experience is easy enough.

When there are only twenty minutes left before the show starts, the rush begins. People start shouting for things they want, shouting models names, it's total chaos. I finish dressing my assigned models fifteen minutes before time and send them to the coordinators. Then I am free to roam wherever I like.

Like the true fan I am, I go around introducing myself to some of my idols and even getting autographs if they agree to give them to me. I get a few business cards, I am on cloud nine right now. When I've made my way through as many famous people as my fragile heart can manage before it bursts with happiness, I head to the edge of the stage to peek at the crowd.

More rich and famous people are seated in the crowd. I scan through all the faces I know, but then I am called backstage again to go take our seats in front of the screens backstage. It won't be as amazing as seeing it with my own eyes, but it's better than seeing a rebroadcast, like I would have done.

I take my seat and the show starts. Fashion houses like Chanel, Dior and the likes start the show, A&F is scheduled to go on fifth after Dolce and Gabbana. I sit with anticipation for the moment when we will go on. I can't wait to see Luca and Asher on the catwalk for the first time ever. During the fourth showcase, I receive a phone call. The people around me scowl at the loud ringtone, I excuse myself for a moment. The screen saver shows that it is Jade, I contemplate not answering but I pick it up anyway.

"Hello." A man's voice answers from the other end. Who is this?

"Where is Jade?" I ask with worry gripping me.

"She had a cardiac arrest, you are one of her emergency contacts. Are you a parent or her relative?" The man asks. I stopped paying attention when he said 'cardiac arrest'. I am out of the building in a second, running towards the backstage parking.

"I am coming immediately." I toss my phone into the passenger seat, and start driving. I drive through the street paying no heed to the street limit only rest when I am at a hospital. As I am walking up to the entrance I sidetrack; I did not ask which hospital Jade is in before I came rushing. I go to the reception desk anyway and ask for Jade Patterson, they ask me how we are related and I have to lie that I am her sister for them to let me through. They confirm that she is actually here and direct me to the second floor in room 345B. I wait for the elevator but it takes too long, I look for an emergency exit instead, and spot it on the left end of the corridor. I pass through that way, running, until I reach the second floor.

I am out of breath when I reach the door, my eyes are a bit blurry from the exhaustion. I almost don't see Asher hunched over on a nearby bench. I make a mental note to talk to him later, right now Jade needs me. I enter the room and see her figure lying in a bed with many IV tubes sticking into her skin. Seeing her like this is so ironic; Jade is such a strong, cheerful person, not vulnerable and weak.

I walk over and see her staring at the ceiling. When she sees me she tries to get up to hug me but I make her lie back down. I swoop down and hug her, taking care not to hurt her. She hugs me back with the little energy she can muster. "I am glad you're okay." I whisper into her ear. She nods in answer.

I grab a chair and sit beside her while holding her hand in silence. I felt my world crumble when they said she had a cardiac arrest, I couldn't help but fear that it was fatal, I might not have survived that loss.

"I thought you were going to die." I voice my thoughts.

She looks at me with understanding, "You know me better than that." She answers. Even in her weak sickly voice she can't help being smug.

"I am thankful that I do." I answer. We are silent for a moment; her eyes start drooping. "Do you need to rest?" I ask.

"Not yet. Talk to me for a while."

I ask her the nearest thing I can think of, "How do you feel?"

"I am worn out. Like I was an old machine that is in the process of rebooting after crashing." I manage to laugh at her joke. Bed-ridden Jade is not so different from healthy Jade after all.

"Do you know that Asher is out there?" I ask in a hushed tone.

She looks towards the door like she can see through it, "I know." She answers softly, her expression turns to one of desolation. I can tell that she doesn't want to talk about him right now. I see her close her eyes and in a few minutes her breath evens out and she is asleep.

I walk out of the room to let her sleep without disturbance. I take a seat beside Asher. "You're here." I say more of a statement than a question.

He looks at me, "I am." He looks deathly worn out.

"Have you talked to her?" I ask.

"She won't let me." He answers in a pained voice.

His pain is so palpable. He looks even more miserable than Jade. I wish I'd take back the words I said to him that time a month ago. I do the next best thing, "I am sorry for what I said." I say earnestly.

"I am sorry too." He apologizes as well, I don't even know what for.

"Did you do the fashion show?" I ask him.

"No. I bailed out." He answers. Everything he is saying is slowly winning me back onto his side.

I nod in approval even though he doesn't see me. "You should get some rest." I tell him. "You've been working all week, I can stay with her tonight."

"No, thank you." He answers and then lays his head, face down, onto his open palms again. We lapse into silence each of us with our own thoughts. After an hour of no activity, I call Luca. He doesn't pick up. I call again and it goes to voicemail. I have only one other person I can call.

He answers on the first ring. "Liza." He says with surprise.

I can't get any words out even though I am the one who called. It's been over a month since I heard his voice, and it brought back many memories. I clear my head and answer, "Hello."

"Hi." He replies. I can hear commotion in the background, he is still at Somerset house.

"Jade is in the hospital." I go straight to the point.

"What happened?"

"She had a cardiac arrest." I answer.

"That's terrible." He exclaims with concern.

"Yeah, I know." Silence falls between us again, "I thought you'd want to know." I say in a low tone.

"Thanks for telling me. I'll be right there." He says in a hurried tone. I hung up immediately.

To be honest, I hadn't thought hearing his voice again would affect me in such a way. My traitorous heart starts beating fast at the prospect of seeing him. I should have gotten over him by now.

I get up from my seat head to a public balcony, I will myself to calm down and possibly act indifferent when he actually comes. I don't know how long I spend there, I regain my consciousness of my surroundings when I hear some loud murmuring from down the hallway.

I leave the balcony immediately and hurry there until I remind myself that I shouldn't be this excited to see him. I slow down and walk leisurely until I turn the corner and there he is. To be frank, Luca and Cynthia are there as well but ...

Our gazes meet for a moment and neither of us can take our eyes off each other, it's like we are both trying to convince ourselves that the other person isn't a figment of our imagination, that's on my part anyway, I don't know about him.

Luca accidentally bumps into Kystan, breaking our eye contact. I clear my head and walk up to them. They brought balloons, flowers, and some treats for Jade. I peek into Jade's room to be sure she is awake, and she is, so they enter. I stay behind with Asher but after a moment, I return to my spot at the balcony.

I absently stare at the moonlit sky. After what feels like forever, there is another person besides me. I look up and butterflies flutter in my stomach, they shouldn't be doing that!

Kystan silently joins me in stargazing. After a minute or two, he speaks, "How have you been?" He asks. It is a simple phrase but to me it is like he is telling me he is still interested. I might be overthinking this.

"I am fine, I guess." I answer frankly.

I feel his gaze on me but he turns away instantly. "How are your parents?" He keeps on making small talk.

I can tell that he is stalling, "They are fine. They kind of miss you." I answer, and I miss you as well, but I don't say it. "They don't know that we broke up." I add in a low tone.

"My friends don't know either." He interjects. None of us says a thing afterwards. I didn't tell Jade or Cynthia that we broke up.

"I am leaving soon." He says. I look up in shock. "I am going to Rwanda in November."

"Oh." That's all I can manage to say. That is only two weeks away!

"I would have told you earlier but we-"

"Broke up." I fill in the sentence for him. I regret at this turn of events.

"Yeah." He doesn't look any happier now either. I am not sure if I am glad or not.

Another lapse of silence passes between us; it is enough time for me to work up the nerve to stand on my tippy toes and kiss him.

All the while I am praying that he doesn't push me away. He doesn't, instead he responds and kisses me back. I am so happy that he isn't disgusted by my straightforwardness. Somewhere deep down, I feel a hope that I had stashed away bloom again. I always had hopes that maybe someday we would get back together but I didn't pay it much heed. Right now, under the moonlight, standing on a hospital balcony, I think it might happen.

We part and hold eye contact for a moment. My cheeks turn rosy with embarrassment. I don't know whether to apologize or to kiss him again.

As I am contemplating that, Asher appears in the entrance. He informs me that Jade wants to talk to me. I walk back to Jade's room feeling disappointed for having that moment interrupted.

"Jade." I call silently before entering.

She hums in response. I step into the room fully and go to her bedside. I take a seat. "They said I can't go home until next week." She says sulkily. Her energy level has increased greatly, her eyes have gained a vivacity that wasn't there when I first came, she sounds even less raspy.

"Such a bummer." I say, "It's for the best though." I add.

"I know but I had gotten a London Fashion Week pass for the first time in my life." She answers.

Hmm, interesting. "Did you buy it?"

"Of course not." She answers like it's the most outrageous thing one can do.

I have her cornered now, "Then who gave it to you?" I ask.

"A friend." She answers vaguely.

"I can't afford to get it for you, I know Cynthia didn't give it to you either.'

"You're not the only friend I have." She says as though that would convince me, it doesn't. "Fine, it was Asher." She finally admits,

"You still talk to him?" I ask her. Judging by the way she refused to even see him, I never thought they even talked at all.

"It was just twice." She says but I don't believe her.

"You can talk to him if you want to. Just don't let him hurt you again." She beams at me like she has wanted me to say that for a long time.

"Do you want me to get you some food?"

"No, I am good." She answers and grabs a box of biscuits from the bedside table. I get up and leave the room. Instead of going to the first floor where the cafeteria is, I first go back to the balcony to see if Kystan is still there. He isn't.

I feel dejected; I wish he had stayed because I want to see him a lot, more than I had led myself to believe and he is leaving the country very soon. I won't be able to make things right.

On my way down, I keep glancing left and right in the hopes that he is still down here somewhere, but he isn't. My appetite is lost in the process. I just go back to Jade's room to talk.

This time, I don't mask my sadness before I enter. I take a seat beside Jade and try as hard as I can to smile reassuringly but I can't. I start talking., "I never told you, but Kystan and I broke up." I say.

She doesn't look surprised but rather she looks at me sympathetically, "I figured." She answers. "You have been downcast for the past month, I kind of figured something wasn't right and then, you and Kystan didn't do anything together anymore, me and the guys knew instantly that you had broken up."

"Why didn't you tell me?" I ask with surprise. I can't believe I was so easy to decipher.

"We wanted you to have your time and tell us when you're ready." She answers. "Thank you for telling me." She adds.

"Ugh, I hate myself." I say. "I don't want to be this closed off anymore." I put my head on the bed. "Kystan wouldn't have broken up with me, if I'd just opened up to him."

She puts her hand, the one without the needles, on my back, and starts rubbing soothingly. "It's okay, you just have to trust us. We are your friends and we love you wholly." I feel something in me loosen, it's like I've been waiting for someone to tell me that all my life.

"I want to patch things up with Kystan." I declare. I haven't told this to anyone else, I always thought it sounded desperate to want to get back with an ex, but I don't feel whole anymore without him.

"What's stopping you then?" She asks like it should have been the most obvious thing in the world.

"Nothing." I say with certainty.

"But first, you have to help me go to the toilet." She says. I raise an eyebrow at her

"Jeez, you just had to ruin the moment." I help her get out of bed without disconnecting any of her IV tubes.

******************************************