last official chapter!

***

minho couldn't exactly say that he was liking these visits to this private psychiatrist clinic that his mother and woojin had gotten for him, but over the weeks, he'd grown to tolerate the psychiatrist called dr. kim in general, and the man's affinity for air conditioning.

at first, minho had hated this arrangement, and how much time he had to spend at the man's office on the first day, having to endure the doctor's invasive questioning and tests in front of his mother until he finally handed out his verdict as to what was actually wrong with him.

minho felt nothing less than a monster as he'd seated through the doctor describing in crude detail what exactly he had, listening to the man talk about the abnormalities of his brain. the more he'd listened to the man talk, the more his self-hatred grew, especially when he'd discovered that his father -- a person who had been nothing less than evil to him and his mother, and who had been mentally unstable to everyone -- was the one majorly resposible for all the torment he'd been going through as of recent.

when he'd first heard the doctor's words, he didn't feel like lee minho anymore. he'd felt like a physical embodiment of a range of mental disorders, the words schizophrenia, depression, and anxiety tattooed all over his forehead for the whole world to see. he didn't feel like a human deserving of any love, just a pathetic nutjob who could never be fixed, and who would eventually end up in an insane asylum.

later that day, he'd experienced a mental breakdown in his mother's home, but after one call, woojin'd arrived, comforting him and telling him that everything was going to be okay -- that he was going to be okay.

minho could remember how his heart rapidly raced as woojin had searched up all the things that he thought were wrong with him, only to feel himself gradually calm down when woojin showed him several articles and testimonials from people who were just like him. he witnessed how they struggled just like he did, how they got better in the process, and how they eventually went on to live normal lives in the end.

woojin had told him it would be like that for him as well, and even though minho didn't really believe him then, he'd regained a lot more hope for the future right then.

and then there came the extensive pescribed medications, the prolonged doctor visits, and the behavioural therapy. he had to talk -- a lot -- even under the scrutiny of his mother and his other close friends' eye many times. and when he spoke, he'd cry so much, the only thought running through his head being that everyone would all think he was crazy and hate him to no end. he thought they'd become scared of him and stay away from him forever. after all, he'd been nothing but reckless these past few months, pushing all their buttons and taking advantage of their kindness.

but...they didn't. seungmin, felix and changbin had been shocked when they'd first heard the news, of course, but they didn't leave him. they didn't push him aside and think of him as a psychopath with an illness that was unworthy of their attention, but instead they showered him with their love and care, and always made sure to visit him almost daily at his mother's house to make sure he was okay, as well as bring along all the notes he'd missed from his classes.

they still treated him like lee minho, their absolute best friend who was crazy talented at art and was an amazing dancer, and for that, minho felt nothing short of grateful. often times he felt like he wasn't deserving of any of their kindness, but whenever they were around him, they never failed to reassure him that he meant a lot to them. they didn't ever want to lose him, not again.

everyday, minho's friends would leave him these sticky notes with a wide array of colours and cheerful stickers.

'you're doing good, minho!' one would read.

'remember that we love you, and you deserve the world!' another would read.

'i love you so much, my #1 chicken buddy'

'smile more, minho! you deserve nothing but happiness!'

'you're amazing, talented, and don't forget about your visuals as well. although i think i'm the ultimate visual (or binsual, if you refer to me as that), i still think you're pretty close. also, don't apologize for anything. you'll always mean a lot to me, and your happiness is mine as well. don't ever forget that :)' was what changbin had written him one saturday, but that didn't stop minho from calling him over and hanging out, just like they'd done when they were younger.

and although minho could never love his friend the way he so desperately wanted to, he grew to understand that it was okay; that they were okay, and that their friendship mattered too much to the both of them to ever break apart.

but sometimes in the middle of the night, dark thoughts would roam his mind again. and then he'd be afraid about the future, about if he was actually going to be okay, fixed. he'd wonder if he was ever going to be himself again.

during those moments, minho would be scared he'd turn into someone like his father. he'd get so worried and terrified, because he knew his mind was unpredictable, and anytime from now he could lash out again. he could become a danger to everyone else, even himself.

at those moments, minho would hate what he saw in the mirror. he'd look inside himself and see someone who could be capable of becoming the spawn of the horrible man who was known as his father, an offspring with the same life-altering disorder. and then he'd cry, feeling so out of control with himself and his emotions -- like a ticking timebomb.

but, luckily, those moments never lasted long. as time progressed, they grew less and less evident, until minho couldn't even remember them anymore.

soon enough, the seemingly eternal darkness that had surrounded him all about like heavy clouds had dispersed into nothing, and the gentle rays of the sun began to peek through once more.

slowly but surely, minho started to love himself again.

***

the sun was gradually setting, the sky a dazzling orange and a royal blue. the breeze that seamlessly flowed through the air was neither too rough or too weak, and it was just... perfect.

small empty boats oscillated over the calm waves of the rippling sea shore, forming this serene atmosphere that minho loved.

lately, he'd found himself coming to this beach to think whenever he had the time, especially when the sun was just setting. it gave him genuine peace of mind, and provided a space where he could just be himself.

and right now, he was back again. his friends had planned to come along as well, but minho had suggested for them to meet up at this restaurant instead, as he had something he'd been wanting to do for a while now.

the golden hue from the bright skies illuminated minho's skin, making it glow in this ethereal shade of yellow just as soon as he pulled out the device in his pocket.

the reflection from the sun's orange rays glinted off the cracked, coarse screen of his phone, and for a few seconds, minho watched it, recalling all of the memories it'd given him. although a majority of them had not been pleasant in the slightest, a bittersweet feeling wove itself within his chest.

i guess this is it, huh?

minho's head felt light, clear of any disturbances, of any negative thoughts or emotions. he felt weightless, as finally, he'd gotten that peace he'd craved for. he'd gotten to rest.

it took less than a second for minho to throw the phone as far as he could into the vast sea in front of him, and it took even less for the phone to sink, completely disappearing into oblivion. completely disappearing from minho's life.

and minho was glad. now, he was free. he was okay.

for the first time in what felt like forever, minho felt like he could breathe.

for the first time in what felt like eternity, minho was finally able to get some closure.

he'd struggled, but then he'd overcame everything, coming out victorious.

he'd won.

minho cracked a relieved smile, one that lit up his whole face, and as several birds flew through the darkening skies, he gave one last glance to the sea, before turning around and making his way back to where his friends and family were located, waiting for him.

2 unread messages from 'jisung' !

[jisung: goodbye, minho.]

[jisung: until we meet again.]

***

a/n: okay guys this is not the end yet. there's still a bonus chapter and an explanatory one coming up

thoughts?