minho chewed on his lip as he stared at the phone his hands were fiddling with. the hard wall dug uncomfortably into his back, and the floor felt too cold to be seated on, but minho couldn't care less.

he felt like a mess, and although that feeling was one he was already all too familiar with (unfortunately), this time he was tired of feeling that way. he was tired of the same repetitive and negative emotions that threatened to swallow him whole, and he just wanted it to end.

minho felt like giving up once again, but this time, he knew for sure that he couldn't. he couldn't give in into those thoughts -- those urges that pleaded with him to get rid of himself so that he can finally stop feeling so sad and angry all the time -- no matter how hard it got.

minho knew he couldn't let his friends see him like this, so lately he'd been avoiding them as much as he could, mostly because he didn't want them to see how worse he'd gotten. the only person he actually talked to as of recent was woojin, and though the male wasn't as close with minho as seungmin, changbin and felix were, minho still felt like he could talk more freely with the older about whatever went through his head. the older male was comforting like that.

minho barely moved when his phone buzzed with several text message notifications at once, as he was well aware of who exactly was sending them. but as usual, he ignored those texts, carding his fingers through his hair to try and make himself a little bit more relaxed, even though it proved fruitless as he felt too much anxiety at the moment.

minho hated how weak and susceptible to his emotions he could be. he hated it so much. when had he turned into such a freak? why was he behaving like this? why was he so moody all the time?

another message entered his phone. it was from jisung, once again. minho didn't even bother looking at it, as he knew the message would only dampen his spirit. jisung only ruined his mood and mentally tortured him, and now minho had had enough.

1 unread message from 'jisung' !

[jisung: fucking answer me minho or i swear you'll wish you were never born]

minho suddenly found it hard to swallow. it felt like all his organs were being deprived of the oxygen they needed to survive, and he felt like any moment from now he was going to throw up.

his unstable fingers almost dropped his phone as he pressed on the call app, wildly searching through his contacts for a specific name. his mind raced, his head pulsating with a growing migraine. he felt like he was in danger.

1 unread message from 'jisung' !

[jisung: i'll fucking kill you, minho. if i can't have you, no one can]

minho's fingers trembled just as he dialed woojin's number, inhaling large breaths at a time because he felt like he'd lose consciousness if he didn't. his lungs felt they were being crushed into tiny little pieces, so much so that breathing became an action that hurt.

his migraine surrounded his head, pounding against it. a blinding heat flashed behind minho's vision, and he felt like he was being burnt alive.

"...minho?" woojin's voice seeped through the receiver, but minho could barely hear him with all the commotion that took place inside his head. "minho, are you okay?"

minho sniffed, his eyes prickling with a new set of tears. those tears prevented him seeing properly, and no matter how much he wiped them off, they still didn't go away.

"minho," woojin's voice was more urgent now, obviously picking up on the unmistakable sound of the younger male crying.

"i want to die," minho replied, his voice sounding absolutely defeated.

"no, minho. don't say that. you can't die," woojin answered. he sounded alarmed, and minho immediately felt horrible for ruining the older's evening.

"but what if i want to?"

"you're not going to do it, okay?" woojin said, "there's no way i'm going to allow you to. i'm heading over to your college, meet me at the front. please don't do anything impulsive, okay? i'll try and get to the school as quick as i can."

minho slowly nodded, even though he didn't feel like doing anything strenuous right now. "...okay."

***

minho exhaled a shaky breath as he and woojin were cooped up at one corner in front of a 24/7 convenience store, staring at his full plate of uneaten kimbap on the table in front of him.

he couldn't bring himself to eat anything, as he'd lost his appetite.

he relaxed his body into the soft material of woojin's coat, relieved that he wasn't feeling as cold as he previously felt anymore.

"you should probably eat some of it," woojin spoke, pointing his chopsticks at minho's food. "i bet you're hungry."

"i'm not hungry," minho cringed at how frail he sounded. he stared into the store, observing the people that walked around the area, generally oblivious to his and woojin's presence. "i'm just really tired."

"all the more reasons for you to take something. at least a bite," woojin gently instructed. when minho looked at him, he smiled, even though his eyes conveyed that brief emotion of worry.

minho felt like gagging as he placed one roll of the kimbap into his mouth, slowly chewing it before forcing it down his throat. his stomach whined in protest, and once again he felt like he was going to throw up. he hated feeling like this.

woojin hummed, satisfied that minho was at least making an attempt to eat the food, and after he witnessed the younger male slowly eating his third roll, he decided to finally speak.

"earlier tonight, you told me you wanted to die."

minho swallowed hard, not anticipating whatever the silver haired male was going to say next. "i did."

the worry in woojin's eyes grew. "you remember what i told you before, right?"

minho nonchalantly shrugged, internally groaning because of the fact that they were going back to this conversation again. "i did, but i'm fine."

"minho -- "

"woojin, i'm okay. i just felt a little bit sad, that's all."

"minho, you would've been dead by now if i hadn't be there that night to stop you," woojin argued, and the younger male winced at his bluntness. "i'm sorry for being so harsh, but it just needs to be said. we've only known each other for a short period of time, but i do actually care about you, minho. and i care about you enough to know that you deserve to feel better about yourself. you can't keep doing this to yourself."

minho's heartbeat grew quicker. "i'm not getting into therapy, woojin. i'm not fucking crazy."

"i know you aren't crazy -- you're far from it -- but i've heard the things you've told me, minho. and i know you need some support. i hate seeing you so sad all the time, and i don't want to lose another person that means so much to me. not again."

minho couldn't stop the numerous thoughts that weaved themselves into his mind. thoughts of talking about his destructive thoughts with some faceless, emotionless stranger and being forced to ingest pills that were supposed to 'make him feel better' planted themselves inside his head, and minho despised the image they painted.

he couldn't even begin to imagine how his friends and family would react if they found out he was visiting some therapist because he had supposed mental issues.

he wasn't crazy. no, he definitely wasn't.

"minho..." woojin spoke, alerting the dark haired male's attention.

"i -- i can't," minho replied. "i don't want to."

"i just don't want you to put yourself in harm's way again."

"trust me, i won't." minho took out his phone, wanting to check the time when yet another text message popped in.

1 unread message from 'jisung' !

[jisung: if i'm going down, then you're coming with me. i'll make you regret ever ignoring me]

***

a/n: this chapter was pretty bad, i'm sorry

thoughts?