silence.

it bounced off the walls of minho's mind, drowning and cradling him in an eternal slumber.

he couldn't move, couldn't feel anything. he was trapped, but yet, he felt free.

he was numb, paralyzed, but yet he felt like he was floating on clouds, finally able to rest. he felt like he was finally able to feel content.

beep.

the one sound impaled through the calming silence that had once encompassed his mind, shattering all the peacefulness into tiny, unmendable shards.

beep.

that sound came again, but it was much louder this time. it struck through the serene atmosphere, bringing about a startling realization that this moment wasn't going to last, that this moment wasn't going to be reality any longer.

beep, beep, beep, beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeep --

with a sharp intake of breath, minho's eyes snapped open. his chest expanded at the action, before caving in as he loudly exhaled. panic gushed through his veins at a rapid pace, and terror clouded his vision.

all he could see was white -- white room, white walls, white ceiling -- and his hands instinctively reached upwards and clamped themselves around his throat because he couldn't get enough air into his lungs.

a foreign hand shot out and grabbed onto his arm, restricting his movement.

"m-minho, you're awake!" someone spoke, and minho should've recognized the voice, yet he was too focused on the hand that held him in place.

"mr. lee, it's going to be okay." the man who held him, a tall middle-aged doctor with kind eyes, spoke.

minho couldn't reply. his body felt frigid, and he felt deprived of oxygen. he felt like hiding away with all the worried yet relieved stares from his friends that fell on him at every corner, and his throat felt dry and parched. he must've looked like a mess right now.

"mr. lee," the man started again, but minho yanked his arm away.

"w-where am i?" he parted his cracked lips to ask. his voice scratched against the back of his throat, and he winced at the pain.

"you're in a hospital room. you got hit by a moving vehicle at night two days ago, and you lost some blood from your right arm and abdomen as well from the collision. nothing major though. you also passed out as a result of the concussion you obtained from the hit," the doctor explained as-a-matter-of-factly, since minho's friends were too shocked to speak.

minho hated how they all watched him like he was some weak, helpless animal. he hated it so much.

he didn't reply to the doctor, instead focusing on regulating his rapid heartbeat. he still couldn't breathe properly.

he wasn't at peace anymore.

"for now, you need to rest. your body is still recovering from the shock and..." minho blocked out the doctor's words, not even sparing his friends a glance as he fell back into his lumpy hospital bed, turning his back to the world. turning his back to everything.

he just wanted to experience that peace again.

***

many hours passed, but yet they felt like days melted into months bleeding into years. minho laid still on his bed, barely paying attention to felix, changbin and seungmin whenever they came to visit thim. he couldn't bear to witness the look on their faces.

you're such a mess, they must've probably thought, and he had to agree with them on that. he was an unstable, emotional mess that no one probably wanted around, and he always found himself in sticky situations that made him a liability to everyone else.

he felt hollow and dead inside, and no matter how much he despised that, he couldn't change how he thought of himself at that point in time. he felt nothing short of empty.

"...changbin..." he'd spoken out loud during his fourth day at the hospital at his friend. the shorter male was the only one who always stayed the latest with him.

it was evening now, and he'd just barely ingested his dinner.

"yes?" the male immediately replied, his voice betraying how worried he actually felt for the dark haired male. "are you okay?"

minho nodded, his pale hands fisting the material of his thin tshirt. "yeah, i am. i just want you to do something for me."

"...yeah?"

"can you get me my phone?"

at this, changbin froze from where he was seated on the chair across from minho's hospital bed.

"i..." changbin paused, "i don't think your phone's working again. you had it with you when that...incident happened, after all."

but minho didn't want to hear any of it. he just knew that he wanted -- needed -- his phone, and that he needed it now.

"please get my phone for me, changbin," minho answered. he reached out his hand and placed it over changbin's own, interlocking their fingers. he felt the shorter male tense under his touch, and he internally chastised himself for using his friend's feelings for him to his advantage. "please."

jisung was right, he was disgusting.

changbin inhaled a quick breath before clearing his throat. the tips of his ears grew pink, and minho became ridden with guilt. "i -- okay. i'll try and retrieve it."

minho flashed a small smile at his friend, noting the way changbin briefly tightened his hold on his palm. he didn't pull away though. "thank you."

"it's okay. anything for you."

minho felt emptier than ever.

***

jisung: good morning, minho

jisung: i hope you're still doing okay
seen

jisung: i still don't know where you are
seen

jisung: please reply
seen

minho: i'm here.

jisung: minho!

jisung: minho, are you okay?

minho: recovering.

jisung: i want to apologize for standing you up

jisung: i'm so sorry

jisung: i don't want you to push me away

minho: i fucking hate you, jisung.

minho: i despise you.

minho: you ruined my life, made me sad and angry at myself, and made me put myself in harm's way, just for you.

minho: you're so fucking
bad for me.

minho: and yet i still keep coming back.

minho: and i want that to end.

jisung: please don't leave me

jisung: i'm sorry
seen

jisung: you need me, and i need you
seen

jisung: i'm incomplete without you
seen

jisung: minho?
seen

jisung: minho, please.
seen