A Brief Interview with the Worst Dressed Sentient Being in the Known Universe

- The Starlight Hotel Lounge, private corner booth.

Q: Now that we're good and blasted can I ask you a few questions?

A: Sure. But I won't tell you the truth, I'm not that messed up.

Q: Oh, but I think you are.

A: I'll be the judge of that, or history will.

Q: Why did you steal the Heart of Gold?

A: Isn't it obvious?

Q: Where did you get those boots?

A: Reynaldo Carlos and Sons Western Wear.

Q: So you've been to Texas recently?

A: No, I haven't.

Q: Then how do you explain those hats?

A: I found them.

Q: Unlikely. Ok, forget that, what are your plans for the future?

A: Same as the present.

Q: You mean sit around drinking?

A: Well, this is a very nice place.

Q: By the way, how is it that this hotel looks like it was constructed in 1960's Miami?

A: Isn't it the 60's?

Q: I'll ask the questions, but now that you mention it, the dress of the patrons does seem a bit beyond retro. Did you send us back in time with that last drink order?

A: I'll never tell.

Q: Come on, just look at that telephone on the wall and tell me it isn't 1964?

A: It might be.

Q: I knew it! How did we get here?

A: That should be obvious, we've been together all night.

Q: I'm confused. Do you think we should order another drink?

A: Definitely.

One drink's time passes...

Q: I feel better now. Did you want to go for a walk outside and continue our conversation?

A: I would say yes, but we'd be killed immediately.

Q: How, there is a nothing out there but a pool, a diving board, and some pastel colored buildings. What could go wrong?

A: Clearly this is your first Vogon poetry retreat.

Q: Do you think that women is giving me the eye?

A: Absolutely. I'll be right back.

He never returned. I staggered back to my room and fell asleep in my clothes. In the morning I awoke covered by a beach towel wearing one bright red cowboy boot, my left shoe was missing. A single ten gallon hat lay on the bed next to mine. My digital recorder captured next to nothing and I remember even less. It was the first and last time I ever saw Zaphod Beeblebrox.