Phil folded up the last of the paper bags, shoving them in a cupboard and heading out of the kitchen. He had just finished putting the groceries away when Steve had called, and now he was almost ready to head back out.

Steve and Phil hardly had any time at home anymore besides sleeping, as at least one them was almost always at the hospital during the day. Phil missed having the day to lounge around with his love.

Phil trotted into their bedroom, snagging one of the old notebooks scattered around, ripping out any used pages before tucking it under his arm. He paused, feeling the tug to go through the few written-on pages before he left.

The first one was gibberish, a shopping list it seemed. The second and third were about the same. There was some notes jotted down on the fourth that Phil figured were lyrics to something he had never bothered to pick up again.

If you've got love in your sights, watch out. Love bites.

And that's all he wrote, Phil thought, frowning. He liked it, the grand two lines it was.

He'd bring it to Joe and see if he could do anything with it for the new album.

There was only one piece left, and Phil flipped it over to see the used side.

"Huh..?" Phil found himself asking aloud, realizing this was not his handwriting.

It was messier than his own font, almost rushed, hasty fingers scrambling to pour out every thought in the skull before they dissolved into mist.

Phil began to read.

December 14, 1983.

Dear P̶h̶i̶l̶ my love,

Thank you. Thank you for everything you've ever done for me, helping me with a̶l̶c̶o̶h̶o̶l̶i̶s̶m̶ my addiction. I know it isn't over yet but I p̶r̶o̶i̶m̶s̶e̶ promise to you and all the guys that I will fight and get through this.

Phil felt himself tearing up.

"Oh, Steve.."

But if I don't, remember I love you. You w̶o̶n̶'t̶ shouldn't be reading this unless I'm dead, or you find it. But I won't lose this fight

There was a long paragraph so terribly scratched out Phil couldn't make out what it said. He desperately wished he could read it. The letter picked back up on the bottom.

I love you, Phil. If I make it through, I promise you I will marry you.
if you want to of course

With love,

Stephen Maynard Clark

Phil didn't know how to feel. All he knew is that Steve's signature was the most beautiful one he'd ever seen.

He wants to marry me.

Phil shoved the papers in a drawer on his side of the bed, grabbing a couple of pens and the notebook, pushing the piece of paper with the lyrics on it between the covers. He dashed out of the room, trekking back out to the car and making his way back to the hospital, but not before shoving the letter from Steve in his pocket.

The twenty minute ride gave Phil time to gather his thoughts. He felt wonderfully overwhelmed, but even with so much to ponder about his future he couldn't think straight.

The drive was over before Phil had cleared anything up.

Phil knew he wasn't supposed to have found that letter. I should just forget about it.

But he just couldn't.

Phil found his hands full at the door, so he knocked twice with his elbow.

Steve turned the knob, flashing a happy grin when he saw Phil.

"Hey babe." Steve whispered. "Be quiet, Rick fell asleep."

Phil nodded, stepping into their friend's room. The doctors had said he should only be at the hospital for another week, just so they could make sure everything would be okay. Finally.

Phil set down the book and pens down on the side table, suddenly noticing he and Steve were alone with Rick.

"Sav just left a few minutes ago. Joe called him. They're probably gonna fuck, but who cares. I'm just glad you're here." Steve smiled. Phil didn't bother commenting on the thing about Joe and Sav.

"I found this thing I must've wrote at some point. I wanted to get it to Joe, so I guess I'll have to give it to him or Sav tomorrow." Phil chuckled, showing Steve the paper.

Steve snatched it out of Phil's hands, his eyes widening.

"Phil.. I wrote this. What notebook were you going through?" Steve heart began thumping in his chest as he remembered the letter he had written almost two years ago. He had forgotten about it until just then.

"You.. wrote that?" Oh, fuck.

"Phil, show me that journal."

Phil pointed. Steve almost didn't want to look, but he recognized the fake leather cover immediately as he got closer.

"Fuck, fuck." Steve stepped back, landing himself in a chair as he buried his face in his hands.

"Steve, baby.."

"No, I know you found.. it. Just.. don't, bring it up. Don't."

Phil felt the walls of Steve's defense creeping up between them, and he was desperate to make it stop.

"Steve.. why are you acting like there was something terrible in that letter?"

"Because I'm sure it made you uncomfortable."

Phil was puzzled.

"What?"

Steve glared up at him, fire lighting his gaze.

"Don't act like you didn't fucking read it, Philip. The paragraph that was all about you, and how much I love you."

That must've been what was scribbled out.

"It was scratched out, and I couldn't read it. It was messy." Phil murmured, taking a hesitant step toward Steve.

"Then I did a good job hiding it."

"Steph', what did it say? It's not gonna weird me out, baby, I swear."

The tone of Phil's voice scared Steve into not protesting.

"Where is it?"

Phil tugged the page out of his pocket, nicely folded into eight creased rectangles when Steve undid it in his hands.

Steve squinted. He really had done a number on that part of the letter. Phil sat down in the chair next to him, leaning on the armrest.

"It says.. uh.." Steve cleared his throat.

Phil glanced at him expectantly.

"'Philip, I hope you love me as much as I do you. In my eyes, there is no one quite as beautiful as you, no one as elegant on guitar, no one I'd rather love until the end of my days. Your eyes remind me of the sky on a sunny day, bringing me happiness when I'm down, which is more often than I'd like to admit.. I like to believe you find nothing wrong with your body, but if you do, I am here to assure you that you are perfection. You are my angel..'"

Steve bit his lip, glancing up at Phil.

"Is there more?"

Steve closed his eyes, nodding.

"'...and I'd worship you on my hands and knees every day and night of my life if that's what it took to make you truly love yourself. I love you, Phil. If I make it through, I promise you I will marry you.
If you want to, of course.

With love,

Stephen Maynard Clark.'"

Steve half-smiled at Phil.

Phil was tearing up.

"Do you really mean all that?"

"Of course, babe."

Phil was grateful that Rick hadn't woken up yet. Only Steve was allowed to see him as this much of a wreck.

"I love you so much."

"It's not making you uncomfortable?"

"Of course not, Stevie. Fuck, oh my god.. I love you, I love you." Phil let the tears trickle down his cheeks, the smile unable to be held back any longer.

"I love you too, Phil. I meant every word I said there. I feel even stronger about you now that it's been so long."

Steve was blushing, bright red.

"Even about.. the last part?"

"I don't think either of us are ready for that commitment just yet, but yes, when the time comes."

Phil was smiling so hard he was sure his mouth would be sore later.

For one reason or another.

"C'mere, Steph'."

Steve scooted his chair in front of Phil's. Phil instead kicked it away, dragging Steve into his arms.

"I can't wait to get home. I wanna cuddle." Phil mumbled into Steve's neck, giggling as he felt the vibrations of Steve's laughter against his cheek.

"Yeah, 'cuddle'." Steve chuckled, his hands finding their way down to Phil's rump. Phil discovered himself enjoying the way Steve's fingers had squeezed his ass, blushing furiously. Phil began to wiggle around, indicating he wanted more.

"When we get home." Steve laughed, gently slipping out of his lover's grip to check on Rick.

"I'm gonna leave him a note. It's getting kinda late, anyway." Steve whispered, jotting down a couple words on a piece of paper, leaving it next to the bed.

Steve leaned over and pressed a kiss to Rick's forehead, smiling.

"He's gonna be alright." Steve decided out loud, grinning over at Phil, who was waiting with his hands on his hips.

"Oh, don't give me that look. C'mere, hottie." Steve laughed, and Phil gave in, trotting over and throwing himself on his boyfriend.

"Let's go home, babe."