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How can I love when I'm afraid to fall
But watching you stand alone,
All my doubt suddenly goes away
Somehow.

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>>>>>>

He had his eyes so trained intently on the book like it was some kind of life saving procedure.  A pair of clark kents nerdy glasses rested fashionably on his face, framing his looks to look more handsome- like a handsome nerdy type of guy. His lips were pursed in total concentration while his eyes skimmed the lines of each page in interest, his fingers scribbling continuously on the rough book

Typical Seun

"Volumetric analysis! " a familiar alto honeyed tone disrupted his attention

"Seriously dude do you ever read things asides chemistry,gravitational waves and neutrons?"

He raised his face away from the book, adjusting his glasses to meet the slender girl looking at him incredulously, a  the coners of her lips twitched into what could be called a s smile as she stood beside his table, peering into his book

"Hey seatie"

She arched her brows at him in confusion, "seatie?"

"Like seatmate..." he explained goofily to Yara rolled her eyes at Seun's bemused expression, walking past him to settle on her chair. Seun assessed her every move, her every step even her unperturbed demeanour.

 Of course she was going to be unperturbed afterall, he was the one at the receiving end when she missed school for a full day straight and had the trio - George, who he remembered that day from the cafeteria,  Sarah- the girl who was jovial yet had almost murdered him on the first day of resumption with her whining when he stepped on her toes. Accidentally.  And Toby- the calm, free spirited guy with the tired eyes trying to keep his cool.

Ever since Wednesday, they had continuously  interrogated him on Yara's absence especially the one time he had just finished biology practicals in the lab and Sir Albert  made him stay back to help arrange the lab when the guys barged in with worry filled faces

"Hey! Sean  right?" George called quite doubtful of getting his name correctly

"It's Seun" Sarah corrected

"Right.  Seun, have you seen Yara Williams?" George asked

He shook his head negatively "no"

"Do you know where she might be?"

"No"

"Dude you're supposed to be her seatmate. How come you know nothing about her whereabouts? " George snapped  exasperatedly

"George you've got to calm down! "  sarah said softly trying her best to keep her tone leveled.  Seeing her bestfriend and George get so worried about Yara ruffled her nerves though,  asides sentiments this is a typical Yara's character we're talking about and this was something Toby wasn't used to because he didn't start junior high in Bluebell

" It's not so surprising to hear that seun  knows  nada about her whereabouts. Besides, it's a classic Yara's move to possibly ditch school and not give two fucks about who cares" Sarah reasoned, darting her eyes at the guys hoping they got the point.

Toby groaned, rubbing his palms against his temples "and you ?"

"Me?!" She thumped her palms on her chest
"No. I mean George. " he clarified, fixing the latter a tired look  "you guys were supposed to have some sort of piano lessons right? On Tuesday precisely"

"She didn't show up"

"Did you give her a call or something.  She seemed genuinely interested in learning "

George hung his head low "no I didn't"

"You of course fucking didn't" Toby muttered under his breath

"Hey…"

"Okay! Let's all chill, alright.."  Sarah  cut in whatever argument was trying to ensue. 

"It's not like Yara's been kidnapped or something. I bet she's fine and Toby..."  She averted her gaze to her best friend

"you don't feel too well so stressing out doesn't look good on you…you get? "

"George you've got Yara's number right?"  Toby asked

"Yes?"

"Give it to me" he tossed his phone swiftly at George who caught it quickly, muttering how rude Toby's tone was whilst thumping the keypad before handing over to toby who looked so exhausted out of his wits

Today was Thursday and here was Yara looking so unfazed about her absence from school. Looking as though it was absolutely normal to skip classes which it was to her.  She turned her face to him noticing his gaze linger on her, she cocked her head at him

"Are you going to stop looking at me  or should I just pluck off your eyeballs? "

Seun paled at the seriousness of her expression "You don't mean that. Do you?"

Yara  raised a brow, shaking her head slowly at him "nope. I was messing with you "

He breathed out in relief just when she added "or maybe i wasn't"

He froze again causing a light chuckle erupt from her. Did he really think she was going to scourge his eye sockets out of their holes? She shook her head bemusedly which made him smile warmly.. this was so typical of her just like the first day he became her seatmate

"Yara I don't mean to pry..."

"Then don't" she cut in causing a smile form on his face

"Why didn't you show up yesterday at school? " he went on asking anyway

"Why's that your business? "

" 'cause I'm you seatie and I care about that coupled with your friends hounding me about your whereabouts" he explained

She cocked her brows "friends? "

"Yeah Toby, George and Sarah " he stated

"Okay"

He blinked startling at her, quite hoping to hear something else something more than her sparse reply.  Something which was no way forthcoming except the poker face fixated on her expression

"Are they not your friends? " he prodded

"No"

"They seemed worried sick about you"

"So what?!"

Seun let out a confused sigh…maybe Sarah was right about Yara not caring about anyone else. He opened his mouth to say something just when the religious studies teacher, a short fair lady  with a perpetual jovial expression walked in

"Good morning students.…"

>>>>>>>>

Friends? 

Whatelse sounded more ridiculous other than the word 'friends' and for all she knew, she didn't believe in that not after the sour results it yielded between she and April

Toby wasn't April

Neither George

But she was Yara and she wasn't used to giving herself second chances--

She stopped in front of the large mahogany door which had the notice card reading "Music room" on it. The soft tone emitting from the room reminded her of the one person who had her back always.

Sister Josie.

Josie loved music so much that she was ready to ditch every single thing just to play the piano and Yara would do anything to hear her play- sing even. And damn!!! Josie sang like an angel..most times Yara would tease her into asking between she and music who did she love most? It was a tricky question to josie and despite how passionate she was, she'd always say

"Music is like my life, Yara. And I love my life but I love you more than my life "

Reminiscing this absently brought a smile to her face. She sniffed, feeling small droplets of water touch down on her cheeks.

Had she been crying?

She mentally asked herself,  using her hands to dab her face slowly to stop herself from letting more teardrop when a familiar irking tone sarcastically sneered

"Omg look who's  best of friend we happened to run into on such a day?!"  

Fuck me.

She cussed under her breath, swirling around to give a proper look at the unwanted individual trying to ruin her day.
Of course.  Her two favorite people-- cue the sarcasm

April Waje in all her glory, looking all spruce and glamorous in the fashionable way she decided to rock her uniforms. Her hair was packed in the typical Ariana Grande's ponytail while she carried a large L.V brand handbag on her wrist  and  there was her lone minion- Zaria omah with her hair wrapped In a bun, a nude makeup framing her face as she  bored holes into Yara with her grayish contact lens

"Hey Zaria!  How's your neck?" She asked plastering a cool smile on her face as she watched Zaria fight back an expression which she couldn't decipher. 

"Better than you you'll ever be. Bitch!" She retorted out at Yara's unfazed expression

"Relax!! You don't need to get your nerves worked up baby. I'm just being that bestfriend "

"You really think you're getting away with that huh?" Zaria gritted out

Yara's lips curved up into a smirk "you got anything better to tell me?"

April approached futher taking calculating steps towards Yara who didn't bother to move an inch.

"Don't you think you're being overly confident about yourself when you don't even know how your fucking self would survive in school… just take a look 'round you bitch…"  she took a moment to stop, looking around her for effect as she shot back coldly at Yara

"The whole school hates you...of course no one would wanna fucking come around your trashy self who had her butts rot in juvenile, buy her fucking way into school, do drugs and shit and still walk around proudly like the shameless little lying whore which she is "

Numbness -- unable to feel. To speak. To react. Not out of anger or confusion or sadness.  Just simply lack of emotion. And that was the state those words had plunged Yara into for a nanosecond as she stared impassivly at the vague figures of both girls

They were vague not because they had suddenly disappeared from her presence after coldly reminding her of her ugly reality…the one she sometimes wished she'd wake up and sigh with relief about it being a bad dream/nightmare while hoping it never happened.  The harsh reality which she wished never had her in it. The one which she had ended her life before she even thought of living.

But they were vague because she was slowly sunking deep into her reality. Reality was something of the present. And for all she knew, it was relative. Something verified to exist. Not influenced by wishes or hope, dreams, beliefs, illusions or even imaginations

"What?! Cat  got your tongue this time around huh?!" Zaria scorned

The one thing about facing your realities was the fact that it spurred actions. Quickly. No matter how sunken or how broken life was.  And although she had a wave tsunami erupting inside her, tumbling her insides, shattering every remaining piece of her nerves which she tried subduing so as not to taint their perfectly made up faces with her fist. 

So instead, she maintained her usual calm exterior which gave nothing away of the storm raging inside her. Only that kind of calmness was as menacing as a volcano about to explode

She flickered her gaze from April to Zaria and back to April, resting her gaze on her, she drew her lips into a  sardonic smile

" Guess you'll always be that bitter little pathetic two faced bitch who's going to keep rotting in a bigger hell than the juvenile  living with an abusive father and a mum who doesn't give a flying fuck about you. " Yara spat back. Her tone dripping venom. A satisfied smirk played on her face as she watched April get visible shaken at her words

"You didn't just say that…" Zaria seethed, averting Yara's deep glare at her

"Yes I did. What are you fucking gonna do about that? " she asked, clicking her tongue as though she just remembered something

"Oh I forgot! You'll do nothing because dear best fucking friend my foot Zaria,  you'll always be April's draft minion. And i tell you bitch! No one's ever going to notice you 'cos you pathetically going to keep hiding behind your fucking so called friend who I'm sure doesn't even give a fuck about you" Yara said caustically at  Zaria shot all possible death glared she knew how her

"So what?! You think you're fucking better than me ?"  April retorted. There was something about quite odd about her tone- it was the fact that it sounded like she was going to break down anytime soon

Talk about being an actress offset

"Why? Are you suddenly having a change of mind " Yara shot back sarcastically

April sniffed "you…you are so unbelievably… "

"Hey! April are you okay?"  A concerned tone asked

Yara felt her heart still its beat, slowly turning her head around to take in whoever had asked that question. She gulped. He was standing a few feet away. His school sleeves rolled up to his wrist which he dug one of his hands into his pocket trousers while using the other to hold a bottle of water. Messy curls framed his beautiful face and his eyes-- those ocean eyes bored deeply into her

He was looking at her

It fucking pissed her off because one minute he was looking at her and the next, he had April who had turned into a sniffing mess engulfed in a hug. It made her turn around to leave immediately tuning out the triumphant look April had on and Zaria's annoying face.

>>>>>>>>>>

How long had he been standing there?
How much did he hear?
Why did she even care  about what he was doing there

"Yara!! Yara!!! " she halted her steps, turning around to come in contact with him

Toby.

He was running.. why was he running to her when one minute he had April engulfed in a hug? She scowled resuming walking down the school's pavilion

There were a few students who could be seen around due to the fact that almost the whole of Bluebell's students were helping themselves out in the cafeteria. The rest of the students hanging around just minded their business

He eventually caught up with her,  panting in exhaustion

"Yara…"

"What is it?" Her tone came out more harshly than she intended --guess she was still hurt by what he did earlier

"I just want to talk to you" he said

She scoffed still walking  "about what? You wanna pick sides?"

"No Yara! I wouldn't do that and I don't know what is it between you and April and I don't know what's going on with you but I just want you to be okay "

She halted,  narrowing her eyes icily at him "And why would you fucking want that?"

"Cause you wouldn't pick up your phone when I tried calling yesterday. I was worried sick about you "

"Why?!You do you think you are to get worried about me?  Just because we talk or run into each other countless of times and you think you can try take advantage of that trying get worried about me?"

He sagged his shoulder " this is me caring about you, Yara.  And I wish you don't think of it as me tryna take advantage of you "he said quietly

"Well I don't want you to fucking care about me, Toby.  You don't even know me or what i did in the past and for all I care, I may be a bad person and for all you know, I'm just Yara. The sad girl who you're trying to save.."

"Who says I'm trying to save you?"

"What?! "

"Yara I'm not trying to save you-- only superheroes do that and I'm not one  and i'm not doing this because i think you're pitiful or pathetic- I'm just trying to be there for you while you save yourself "

She stared at him speechlessly. At loss of words. A lot of emotions taking a swirling motion around her insides that she thought she'd burst open soon..

"Are you reflecting already? " he asked. A playful grin rested on his face as he drowned in  the water he held earlier

She contorted her face into a mock frown masking the smile which was forming on her lips

"I wasn't... "

He gave a light chuckle "yeah you weren't. But since we're on the topic of reflection,  I'd like to tell you I wasn't  the only one who was worried sick about you..." he paused, taking sips from his water can at intervals

"George too, Sarah and even your nerdy seatmate, Seun. "

"Too bad but I don't think I'm supposed to actually feel grateful 'cos I never told any of you to get worried about me"

"Same goes for me…" he shrugged

"but maybe you should let them know you're alright"

She said nothing in reply, entwining her legs with each other

"How about you go on a drive with me tomorrow after school? "

" I don't want to"

He smiled "I'm not gonna ask a second time"

She cocked her brows at him "who cares if you do?"

"You will…'cos it's tempting " he said with a relaxed grin sprawled across his face

She scoffed "yeah dream on "

" You'd eventually change your mind and i'll wait till you do after school tomorrow " he said in strong conviction that she'd accept to go on a drive with him. He was right. It was a tempting but she was convinced she wasn't going to ever have a change of mind

  >>>>>>>>>>

hey guys!! I'm so sorry this is coming so late. Happy new year btw❤❤ so I wanted to  also tell you guys that some of the quotes which I write before starting my chapter do not belong to me.  Incase you'd wanna use them for something else

Anyway, tell me what you think about this chapter and don't forget to vote alright? Thanks for reading

Ujurita xoxo
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