Chapter 4

Step 4

Conversation Skills

"A good speech should be like a woman's skirt; long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest."

― Winston S. Churchill

Try to make at least one person happy every day. If you cannot do a kind deed, speak a kind word. If you cannot speak a kind word, think a kind thought. Count up, if you can, the treasure of happiness that you would dispense in a week, in a year, in a lifetime!

Lawrence G. Lovasik

I often come across my clients who say

"I do not talk much because I am scared that by mistake my words would hurt someone"

"I did not talk because I believed everyone shared enough."

"I believe in listening"

"I am a quiet person, not a gossip monger"

Well all the parables are true.

BUT but but

Are you sure you are not using this to hide your insecurities?

Social anxiety disorder is a common illness that is related to shyness, fear of rejection and mostly due to past history of bullying, broken family or family conflicts or $exual abuse.

But this isnt a disease or a medical problem, it is only a state of mind that can be reviewed

 Again I have also come across people who hesitate for simplest things

Be it to ask for best deals

For the directions

And even the basic communication of placing an order is difficult for them

Enquiries go a big no no...

If you are giving the name of 'Silence is golden' then my friend you need me; you need to read this book.

Well there is an ettiquete to be followed while conversation.

And the biggest mantra of successful communication is "Listen"

To be a good orator you need to a very good listener.

I often come across people saying that they gel up well with me, they enjoy spending time with me, they find me interesting and entertaining.

All that I use with them is listen to them.

We akll have something be it a nerd, a snob or a leader.

That is exactly the reason these social websites have been extremely successful.

And I would rather not skip your favorite whatsapp, line, viber and so on.

Funny though it may seem we prefer writing or texting whatever we want to say rather than communicating verbally although the former one has a materialistic proof if the ill words have been used by

The very satisfying reason behind this being that we fear of judgements, reaction of others or may I add rejection by others.

A very god friend of mine is very talented and active, a good speaker too but whenever she suggests anything which is rejected by the other she turns into a snap back mode.

It is a very normal thing to be disappointed but to keep your mouth shut and deprive yourself of further knowledge is unacceptable.

Now how does communicating or convretion adds to our knowledge.

Fact :

I once stumbled into a photographer in one of my rail journeys.

And I am talking of an era when digital cameras were only invented and introduced, not been started to sell in the markets.

Yet the manufacturing companies were propogating the product to their potential customers.

After communicating with him I learnt that money that I was about to spend in the vacation should be saved to buy a digital camera and surprisingly within six months digital cameras ruled the world and the role cameras were out of pictures.

Thanks to the stranger photographer he saved my thousands of rupees[indian currency]

Fact 2: Conversation between peers will help you and guide you about the latest and promising study courses available in the market

My neice was very confused about the choice of university.  She had surveyed and googled all the sites and was left utterly confuse .

It was then I forced her to use her conversation skills with her teachers, seniors and peers and then after talking to them she was easily able to shortlist a few options.

She is now doing animation designing in one of the promising institutes with a ready job at the end of the course.

Fact 3:

My friend had recently shifted into a new apartment and she was dumbstruck about the new city with new cultures and traditions.

She called me up panic and depressed of being lonely and disoriented.

I advised he to calm down and knock the door of her neighbours, exchange few words, invite them for tea and talk.

Soon she was a member of a social circle of the city. She is so busy now that she hardly has time to talk to me

Yup so conversation is important but how should we communicate.

So here are the do's and donts

DO's:

1.    Always be polite in your conversations

2.    Your voice or pitch of your voice should be audibly loud and not shrilling loud

3.    Use a lot of magic words in your conversation like please, thank you

4.    Be liberal with appreciations. It does wonders

5.    I often start a conversation or a letter with a word or two of praises. It attracts positivity and attention.[after all we all are humans and crave for compliments]

6.    Please speak the truth. You need to trust your own words that you are speaking.

7.    Your eyes should speak for you. They should be in direct contact with the person you are talking to.

Trust me it will only show your confidence even if you are shit hell of nervous.

8.    Smile is one of the best defense mechanisms, keep it handy.  Incase of any verbal or linguistic mistake use your weapon  'smile' and apologize humbly.

9.    Touch therapy: keep it handy be it a brush of fingers, shaking hands before the start or end of a conversation, a small hug or even pat on the shoulders.

An experiment was conducted in a library and the librarian was asked to simply brush his finger or two at the person collecting the book, most of the times he did not even have eye contact with the former one.

But later when the views of the readers were taken they were very happy with the library and librarian even though no words or gestures were exchanged.

Don't's..

1.   Don't speak before listening to the former one.

2.   Try avoiding gossiping. It is the worst reflex enemy, would always slap you back.

3.   Avoid speaking on topic you have little knowledge on. Instead show your enthusiasm in learning it more. It never is , never was and never will be a crime to not know something. It is an opportunity to learn. Keep the doors open.

4.   Use minimum hand moments. Mere alteration of your tone, a little stressed on important words would do the doing. Actions while speaking is now old fashioned.

5.   Don't play or text on your mobiles and the new habbit of staring continuously on the mbile screen looking for messages is RUDE in capital letters

6.   Don't not appear sleepy or bored while you are talking.

Conversation is a skill, an art but for me it the basic it is when two people talk or exchange words.

Whenever there is exchange there is give and take, there is gain.

So let your words flow because...

Words are all you have to take a heart away:)

Next step: Think Big

If you have ant queries or suggestions regarding the same please state in the comment box below