Maybe it isn't so bad
waking up every morning next to you.
You open your eyes and I see nothing but blue.

Now they were in a real predicament.

They had gone to where they'd be staying.

And unbeknownst to Dazai and Chuuya their older selves lived together.

Osamu went inside first -rather suspiciously, may I add- he closed the door with a pathetic attempt at being inconspicuous. Nakahara chuckled a little at his partner's actions, causing the two younger ones to peer up at him in confusion.

"Put your ears up to the door." Nakahara simply said in response to their perplexed faces. So Dazai and Chuuya did as they were told, Chuuya couldn't help but snicker, he could hear Osamu muttering curses to himself accompanied by little bangs and even more muffled curses.

Osamu opened the door and slumped over tiredly "Hah~ that was terrible, you do that next time Chuu!" He complained, surprisingly enthusiastically.

"There isn't going to be a next time dimwit," Nakahara responded, flicking him in the nose before sashaying into their home. Dazai stared at his older self and saw the small tint of pink that covered his cheeks at Nakahara's actions, he didn't understand what was so endearing about getting flicked in the nose and figured it was probably just a joke or some misunderstanding of emotions.

Chuuya was walked in, followed by Dazai and then finally Osamu closed the door behind them. "Oi, you forgot that room," Nakahara spoke as placed his coat on the back of one of the couches, tilting his head towards a door to the right.

Chuuya and Dazai both looked in that direction, there was nothing special about the door, it was just your regular old door.

"Oh yeah! Do we still have the key?" Dazai could hardly believe that he'd forgotten something, he'd lived his whole life covering his tracks and whereabouts, how had that habit suddenly and so simply become nothing?

Nakahara pointed over to nearby the couches, "yeah, in the cabinet drawer by the rocking chair" Osamu nodded and went over to where Nakahara had told him, taking out a small silver key, he walked over to the door, locked it and then placed the key back into the drawer.

Dazai narrowed his eyes at the key and then looked at his older self but he could tell that he wasn't going to get an answer.

Chuuya, of course, didn't get the hint.

"What's in that room?" Chuuya asked, with a raised eyebrow. "It's not one of those types of rooms right?" He continued, his cheeks tinting with pink, Dazai would have thought that it was rather sweet if it wasn't for the fact he knew what the older was hinting at.

The older two looked at each other, not getting what the younger was suggesting, Dazai sighed, wanting to dig his own grave, this was embarrassing "He means a sex dungeon," he clarified, using his left hand to rub his forehead in slight embarrassment.

Chuuya turned towards him with an angry and incredibly flustered expression "Do- do you have to put it like that?!" He bellowed bashfully, Dazai would have also found this it amusing if a myriad of questions as to why his older self and older Chuuya would have something like that -in their home.

However, he kept his expression hard and continued, "That's what it's called Chuuya what do you want me to say?"

Chuuya spluttered in disbelief, eyes widening in surprise, "I DON'T KNOW!!! MAYBE ANYTHING BUT THAT-" Chuuya screamed in embarrassment "God, why are you blunt at the worst of times?"

Their older selves looked at each other with shocked expressions then broke out into a peal of hearty laughter, making Chuuya even more ashamed that his mind had even gone in that direction.

Chuuya tried to justify himself "I'm just saying! It sounds like something I'd be into it so-" he murmured, this was not what he was planning to admit to Dazai but here was.

"You'd only be into it because you don't know what it's like to go through something nice," Nakahara responded finally, crossing his arms and looking at Chuuya with a somewhat sad smile.

The younger ginger tried to speak but was interrupted before he could even muster a syllable "Sex doesn't have to be painful Mini-Chuu," Osamu interrupted waving his pointer finger around, "having sex and making love are two different things," the older brunet continued, sounding quite wise actually.

The choice of the wording made the older redhead slap him on the back, his cheeks flushing.

Similarly to his older self, Chuuya's face reddened to the point it nearly matched his hair. In any other circumstance he would have run into a room and shut himself in there until everyone convinced him he shouldn't be embarrassed about it, but he didn't know this house so he couldn't exactly do that.

Dazai, on the other hand, was debating asking a question, he was suspicious about this, his older self had answered the question for Nakahara, did that mean he too was speaking from experience? If he did who had he had that type of sex with? Who had Nakahara done it with? Was it a coincidence that they both seemed to have experienced it and they just so happened to live together?

Dazai decided to ask, what was there to lose?

Well maybe other than whatever will to live he had left.

"You sound like you're talking from personal experience. Are you?" Dazai asked, Chuuya turned his gaze from the floor and over to Dazai with an awestruck expression, he couldn't help but think that Dazai was insane.

Dazai observed their older selves, watching closely as the two adults looked at each other with brief smiles

"Yes, I am."

Dazai, as you know, is a very intelligent individual, however, he's never had any experience with dating, any form of sexual intimacy had been from quick fucks he's had. Any form of love, compassion, care, and sweetness that came with relationships was beyond him, he didn't even have healthy friendships.

All he knew was what he has seen in media and he knew better than to believe it, as a lot of it was whimsical stupidity, he would know considering every Mafia movie made it seem like the boss was some handsome man who would die for the main protagonist when in Dazai's case, his boss was into little girls and looked...musty.

So to hear that his older self has not only experienced being in love but has conveyed that love with his body in a way that made it seem like wasn't it wasn't just a frantic clash of teeth and clawing at an orgasm was mind-boggling.

Chuuya felt too abashed to say anything else and Dazai was busy tearing apart every bit of information in his head, then piecing it all back together over and over to come to a satisfactory answer, but it led him to the same conclusion and, quite frankly, he didn't want to believe it.

Thankfully, both the older men decided to leave it at that.

It was Osamu that spoke again, "anyway you should take off your eye bandage, your dryness will get worse," the taller spoke, deviating the conversation.

Chuuya looked like he was processing the information given to him, in disbelief.

Nakahara struggled to watch his younger self not understand what was going on because of his lack of human affection. It was painful and saddening.

Meanwhile, Dazai looked offended that his older self would even suggest he take off his bandage, it was one thing that his older self was showing his whole face, but he wasn't sure if he wanted Chuuya to see how red and dry his eye was.

"I have eye drops if you want," Nakahara spoke up, looking at Dazai with a soft smile, an attempt to soothe him and tell him it was okay. Dazai would have normally refused but he found it hard to bring himself to say no. He pursed his lips in uncertainty, "I can help you if you need it as well." The older ginger added, he didn't want to take his bandage off but a part of Dazai also had to reluctantly admit that he didn't want to refuse either.

"Fine," he whispered, letting his gaze drop to the floor.

Nakahara nodded and then motioned for Dazai to follow him, the brunet inhaled deeply and followed Nakahara with no further protests.

When they made it to the bathroom Nakahara closed the door behind them and then turned towards Dazai, sighing sadly at him, "It's alright, don't worry," Chuuya soothed and Dazai murmured an okay in response, forcing his body to relax. "Alright, sit on the countertop," The older spoke as he looked through his cabinet for what he needed.

"Why the counter?" Dazai asked, immediately thinking that it was because of the latter's height.

"I know what you're thinking, nimrod," Dazai couldn't help but laugh even if he was feeling insecure, letting Nakahara continue "It's so I can reach your face comfortably " He finished.

Dazai didn't say anything and just obediently sat where he was told, swinging his legs childishly while looking down at them. Nakahara then took out the eye drops and then straightened himself out, reaching his arms towards the back of Dazai's head, with a gentleness that almost made Dazai want to tear up.

Dazai couldn't help but stare at the ginger's face as he reached over, he felt comfortable and warm, Nakahara was handling him like he could break any moment, not in a condescending way but rather a reassuring one.

The ginger sighed and began slowly taking off Dazai's bandages. He did it slow enough for Dazai not to be uncomfortable but not fast enough for him to panic and want to back out.

There was silence, the only thing you could hear was the slow and careful unwrapping of bandages and their combined slow breathing.

"You shouldn't be embarrassed about my younger self's opinion," Nakahara's soft voice reverberated through the bathroom, Dazai's ears rang, as the silence broke, he had dissociated momentarily, feeling too pleasant and it caused him to space out, all he felt was Nakahara's hands on his face.

But he didn't mind being dragged out back onto the land after drowning in the merciless and silent water.

He looked into Nakahara's eyes, they were oceans, vast but so full of life, Dazai wondered if Chuuya's eyes were the same and if they were why hadn't he ever noticed.

Perhaps he could drown in them instead of the Tsurumi river.

Nakahara smiled faintly, and it made Dazai positively glow, only to realize what he was feeling and then avert his gaze away out of shyness.

"He does care about you, you know? I was him after all," Nakahara continued.

Dazai looked back at him, with an unreadable expression, until he finally sighed "I know you don't hate me, I just don't want you-"

"-to know how bad your mental health is because it will worry me, cause that's how I am," Nakahara interrupted

"yeah..."

The ginger smiled and ran his hands through the younger's hair with a fond smile "I should thank you,"

"For what?"

"You may have had your annoying moments...Times where you were a terrible person, not just to me but to others as well. But you always did your best to protect me from the worst of you. I never realized it until I was older."

There was silence as Nakahara let the last bandage fall silently off and onto the younger's lap.

He placed his hand on Dazai's cheek tenderly, rubbing his thumb gently on Dazai's undereye, smiling sadly. Dazai gulped in response, the skin under his bandages had been covered all day so it felt sensitive to touch, he then opened his eye gently, it was red and looked sore but for the most part, it wasn't horrible.

"Thankfully your eye isn't too bad. I'll just add two drops, you trust me right?"

Dazai rolled his eyes "What a stupid question."

"Thought so," Nakahara smirked then tilted Dazai's head upwards, he moved his hand down to give his hand a gentle squeeze as he used the other to pour two drops into Dazai's eye.

Dazai didn't so much as flinch, the only movement he made was his rapid blinking until his vision returned and his hand squeezing Nakahara's, he hadn't even realized he'd done that, how odd.

The ginger ruffled Dazai's hair affectionately, almost wanting to hug him when he saw the confusion plastered all over the younger's face.

"You don't always have to act strong, especially with me, and I mean younger me too," Dazai's auburn eyes widened in surprise, he was beginning to hate how it seemed that not only did his older self know exactly what to say to make the gears in his head turn and consider how he played his life up until now, but it seemed Nakahara knew what to say to get him to open up, he knew what hurt him and all his secrets he would have never dared to reveal.

He was sure of it now. He and Chuuya were more than friends in their future, he just didn't know what label it took yet. He'd find out, sooner or later.

When they got out of the bathroom Dazai was greeted by Chuuya and his older self cooking together, it was an oddly peaceful scene, with Osamu showing him how to properly dice the meat they had taken out together. Surprising considering all Dazai ate was canned crab and right now the only thing he could cook was an omelette.

"What are you two cooking?" Nakahara asked as he went a threw the used bandages in the bin.

"Crab pasta~" Osamu replied, oh...well it was reassuring to see that Dazai hadn't fled too far from his roots after all.

"Seriously? We had that a week ago." Nakahara replied as he sat down at the kitchen table, head in chin, eyes trained on Osamu.

"Yes Chibi, me and you did, our younger selves didn't, and anyway there's another reason, right Mini-Chibi?" Chuuya looked at him with a coy nod and a flush to his cheeks, clearly, they had a private conversation as well, just as Dazai and Nakahara had. Dazai was morbidly curious as to what it was but he still felt apprehensive about having taken off his bandages.

So he just stood there, unsure of where to sit, how to move and nervous and he hated every second of it.

As if Chuuya could sense his partner's anxiety, he turned to look towards him, eyes widening a little bit at Dazai standing awkwardly in the middle of the room.

Chuuya had never seen Dazai without his bandages on his eye, save for older Dazai -but he didn't count. Chuuya could see his partner's red-eye and how it was slightly swollen, it made him realize that he didn't wear those bandages for no reason and a foreign feeling of agitation at what could be lying under the rest rippled through him.

Pushing those... unusual feelings aside, he focused on Dazai, he could almost see the nervousness seeping out of him and decided that oddly enough he hated it, so he took a deep breath and walked up to Dazai and for the first time both Chuuya's blue eyes met Dazai brown ones.

Dazai recognized those eyes, but at the same time, he didn't. There were two things he knew. First, Chuuya's eyes were just as -if not more- beautiful than Nakahara's. Second, he wanted to drown in them, be completely submerged in them and never break the surface once he was underneath.

Chuuya found that he didn't care what Dazai had under those bandages of his, bad or good, he was still his trusted partner, not much could sever that, so when he was finally standing in front of the brunet he spoke, "You look like shit," he breathed out, it seemed like a mean thing to say but it had no ill intentions, no bite to it, rather it was soft and reassuring, telling Dazai it was okay that he had his flaws, even if they were more concerning then most of the populations. Dazai's eyes widened allowing Chuuya to catch a rare glimpse of emotion swimming through his eyes at his words.

Dazai swallowed, feeling his heart thump once really aggressively against his chest, why was his heart doing that? It hadn't done that before, so why now? Nonetheless, Dazai broke into a small smile

"Gee thanks," he murmured

Chuuya grinned "no problem," he replied sarcastically, almost harshly, though it was completely dismissed when Chuuya grabbed onto his hand gently and led him to the kitchen.

He let go of his hand and then shuffled between his older self and Osamu, looking up at the older brunet expectantly "We'll start right now! Go away hat wrack me and Mini-Chibi are going to cook!" Osamu exclaimed, ushering Nakahara out of the kitchen.

The older laughed, waving his hand dismissively "yeah, yeah, I got it,"

Nakahara went to go and finish some paperwork in the living room, leaving Dazai to follow him unsure what to do with himself. "We have an office upstairs with some books, you can go and pick one to read if you're bored, we've got genres you like, horror, psychological, comedy-"

"Do you have any about love?" Dazai interrupted, looking at a Chuuya with a pleading expression as if he was begging him not to as any questions.

"Love?" Nakahara paused and searched his face, before continuing "Yeah, a few," he finished.

"Happy ones?" Dazai pressed.

"Yes...?." Nakahara responded, questioningly, Dazai thanked him and then turned to go and look for something to keep him occupied, but he was stopped.

"How come? You've never liked love before unless someone dies." Nakahara questioned, even though the younger had silently pleaded with him not to.

Dazai wanted to lie, he wanted to lie and say he was just trying something new, but he couldn't, he couldn't bring himself to lie to Nakahara and he didn't know why. "I'm looking into something."

That would have to suffice.

Thankfully the ginger didn't question him about it, though he had a feeling he already knew and if what he was inferring was right, things would get very interesting.

Dazai stared at the books thoughtfully, there were some good choices but he needed one that had multiple scenarios of the character falling in love, he needed to know if it was love that he was feeling around Chuuya. He felt so on edge every time he was around him in the last hour or so and it never used to be like this, he had used to be so comfortable around Chuuya, so indifferent to him, but now he was noticing things he hadn't, he's beginning to feel things he'd never felt, towards anyone.

The only feeling he hadn't felt in his life was love. So, that would be a good place to start.

In the end, he found a book that seemed to be a good match, it was pretty simple, an office love story. It was a good comparison actually, the two characters were the upper echelons of a big paper company, they were rivals, who could sell more paper. So naturally, it caused some tension and minor hatred between them. Eventually, they were put into an office together, forced to share an enclosed space, they had to get along with one another despite their not so subtle hatred for each other.

Turns out Dazai had gotten lucky with picking out this book, the main protagonist, though nothing like Dazai in terms of personality, was very much alike in the way he was (presumably) falling in love.

It started off simple enough, the girl (his office buddy) was extremely stressed, stuff was going on in her personal life and she wasn't able to keep up with it at work. The man took pity on her and did her work for her when she went out to eat, when she came back she was surprised to find her work done, out of suspicion she checked if he'd something sly, but he hadn't.

The smile she gave him was beautiful, with watery eyes and trembling lips.

The man's heart, well, it was beating faster than normal.

From then on he'd get her coffee, he'd get her food when she was too busy to eat, he'd do her paperwork when her life became hectic and thanks to that a careful friendship began after that, the both of them doing odd jobs for one another.

Dazai could recognize how they were slowly falling in love, the little jump of their heart at the beginning and how it got worse as time went on, the butterflies in their stomach when the other laughed or displayed their little habits of nervousness. It was gradual but they were falling absurdly in love with each other.

Dazai would have said he wasn't falling in love with Chuuya, but there was a problem with that.

When the man was starting to fall in love, his heart did little skips, that was all. Just like Dazai.

Dazai would have come up with another excuse to say that maybe he was just surprised to see how future Chuuya acted with him causing him to confuse them but even then it didn't explain his barely dying heart suddenly springing into life.

Also... if his older self and Nakahara were together, Osamu wouldn't have gone to the past to fall in love, it would have happened purely by chance, which meant that he may fall in love regardless.

"Oi Dazai, come eat!"

Dazai snapped the book shut and took it with him, when he got back home he might go and buy it, it wasn't half bad.

Dazai walked downstairs, not expecting to feel his heartthrob stupidly in his chest when he saw the proud expression on Chuuya's face as he looked at the freshly baked bowl of pasta.

The brunet would be lying if he said it didn't smell good, well no he wouldn't be lying, it didn't smell good, it smelled amazing, his mouth watered happily as he sat down on the other side to Nakahara and next to Chuuya.

"Mini-Chibi did it mostly on his own," Osamu quickly said, flashing the younger ginger a smile.

"Congrats to the cook then," Nakahara smiled looking at his younger self proudly. Chuuya turned to Dazai expecting some sort of feedback only to find Dazai already scoffing it down like he'd been staving. Dazai froze, looking at him with heaps of spaghetti falling from his mouth, he blinked at Chuuya then slurped the remainder that was left dangling. "It's really good," He murmured almost shyly, watching Chuuya's face explode with red.

"Don't be so disgusting at the table! Kyōyō would be appalled!" Chuuya scolded, slapping the brunet around the head in disapproval. The older two burst out into laughter, at their interaction, especially considering they knew what those reactions really meant.

The rest of dinner was casual talking, jokes and plenty of bickering.

It was comforting, it was like they were a little family, though it was odd considering they were technically the same people, just from different periods of time.

But it was time to reveal the truth. "Oh, by the way, you two will have to share a room-" Nakahara began.

"-and a bed!" Osamu interrupted, a mischievous glint in his eyes,

Nakahara didn't say anything about it though, opting to scold him instead,

"Oi don't cut in idiot, we have to ease them into it."

"But lov- Chuuya~ look how funny their expression are!" The brunet sang as he squished his cheeks in over-exaggerated fanboying.

"Shut it."

Dazai even in his dismay didn't catch that slip up his older self had made (whether it was intentional or not, he wasn't sure) was his older self about to call Chuuya love? If they were a couple Would they actually use silly names like that?

That aside, he was going to have to share a room and a bed with Chuuya?!? How was he supposed to cope with that? Not with the uncertainty of his feelings, it was going to confuse him even more.

"You're lying," Chuuya replied, expression as red as a red camellia.

Nakahara sighed, sympathetically "No we're not."

"Why- why can't one of us sleep in one of your rooms? Then- you kn- know-" Chuuya stuttered in disbelief, unsure of what else to say, trying to ignore the unsteady beating of his heart at the prospect of sharing a bed with his partner.

"There's only two bedrooms in the house. And ones a guest bedroom." Osamu finished trying to keep himself from bursting out into laughter, he missed Chuuya being so dramatic, it was seldom for his partner to get embarrassed like that nowadays.

Dazai looked at the table; saying he was confused was an understatement.

What the hell?

Why were the two rooms?

Why was only one of them used?

That made zero sense?

Right?

No, it did. Two people. Living in a house together, with two bedrooms and yet only one was used. They had to be a couple. There was no other explanation. But still, Dazai had to see it for himself before he truly believed it.

"Kill me," Chuuya groaned as he slammed his head onto the table. Their older selves had gotten up and began cleaning together, leaving their dead, sullen and miserable younger selves to process their life-altering predicament.

Dazai hummed in response to what Chuuya had said with a heave,

"Well, it's not like it's the first time I've slept next to you," He admitted absentmindedly, Chuuya's head shot up, staring at his partner with wide eyes. Even their older selves had turned around.

The two adults looked at each other, perplexed, Osamu had only admitted to showing Nakahara any type of affection a year or so after they saw each other again, even once a deep trust had formed between them, Osamu hadn't admitted to anything, so the fact his younger self was, at the tender age of seventeen, well, it was nothing short of extraordinary.

"You what? When?" Chuuya asked as he ran his hand through his hair with a disbelieving frown.

"Sometimes when you fell asleep on the couches in headquarters, I'd push you around and get comfortable and then I'd sleep next to you and wake up before you did or in the car," Chuuya was just as stunned as his older counterparts were. "What? Stop staring at me like that. I know I'm handsom-" Dazai didn't know what other joke to throw in, he didn't know what else to say, he'd admitted something he swore he'd take to the grave.

Chuuya cut him off as he got up, "Shut the fuck up. I'm leaving."

"Wait a second, kiddo." Nakahara spoke up, making Chuuya sit back down obediently, "We have some rules to set out." Nakahara started, crossing his arms like a mother scolding her children.

"What are we Six?" Chuuya retorted making Dazai elbow him, the ginger turned towards him as if he was about to bite his nose off.

"Shut up and listen to him will you?" Dazai snapped, getting irritated at Chuuya's rudeness.

Again another surprising feat.

"You two can't leave the house unless you're going to a secluded area, no where near Mafia occupied streets. If you need anything just text us and we'll get it," Nakahara spoke, his partner nodding in agreement next to him.

"So we're supposed to stay stuck in a house together for two weeks? And sleep in the same bed? And you're expecting one of us to not be dead by the end of it?" Chuuya questioned, Dazai had to admit it seemed almost impossible, putting up with Chuuya for a while was one thing but a whole two weeks? And you had to consider the confusion and his weird feelings, everything was bound to start overwhelming him eventually.

"Well we can't have you running around outside, it puts you and us in danger. And yes you two will be fine. Right Dazai?" Dazai's eyes flickered up towards Nakahara, his eyes swimming with uncertainty, he found he wanted his praise and if that meant keeping his mouth shut and keeping the arguments with Chuuya to a minimum, he'd do it.

"Right," Dazai answered, averting his gaze downwards at the marble table underneath.

"I'm gonna go shower, maybe I'll try drowning myself," Chuuya muttered as he walked out.

"I'm the suicidal one, slug, don't take my hobbies and make them your own."

"It's not my hobby, you shit."

Chuuya sauntered away as if he was a corpse, causing the older two to chuckle "Your room is at the end of the hall to the left, bathrooms to the right!" Nakahara's shouted

"Try not to slip and die Mini-Chibi!" Osamu added gleefully.

"That's exactly what I'm gonna try!" Chuuya called back as he walked upstairs.

After a moment of silence, Dazai was led by his older self to presumably their bedroom (after he picked up his book and tucked it under his armpit) he was then given a heap of clothing.

"All of those should fit you and Mini-Chibi, I'm sure you can figure out which ones to pick that won't anger the feline upstairs," Osamu spoke as he gave a pat to Dazai's head.

The young brunet walked back to the room and settled down comfortably, letting his back press against the wall his legs bent slightly so he could rest the spine of the book in the dip between his legs.

He then suddenly remembered that Chuuya didn't have any spare clothes with him in the bathroom, so he got up, and pondered a little bit about what pyjamas he should give the ginger.

Once he decided he slung them over his shoulder and walked over to the bathroom, which was just a few meters from the room.

Dazai knocked on the door nervously "What?" Chuuya's eerily calm voice responded.

"Are you finished?" Dazai asked, placing his hand on the doorknob hesitantly.

"Yeah...why?"

"I've got your clothes."

"Give them then," Dazai cracked open the door, just enough to slip his hand and the bundled up clothes in his hands through.

Chuuya peeked half his face around the door, looking at the brunet with flushed cheeks "Thanks."

Dazai nodded, looking away "S'fine," he then turned away and walked away quickly, leaving Chuuya to watch his back from the crack of the door.

When Chuuya came back, Dazai put his book down and then got up without a word.

Chuuya eyed the book suspiciously, he went to pick it up and scoffed, it was the farthest thing from what Dazai would normally read, in fact, Dazai barely even read, to begin with, he preferred to play video games or paint.

Chuuya sat down and skimmed through the book, it wasn't bad. Not the best book but it was passable. Though he did find it interesting that it was a romance, Chuuya wasn't sure if Dazai was even capable of loving another individual, but then again he couldn't blame him, Dazai was incredibly emotionally constipated and it wasn't like he had a therapist on hand.

Chuuya decided he'd read the book as well, he liked romance especially if it was developed well.

Dazai came back from the shower a few minutes later, changed and wrapped in new bandages, he didn't say anything as he threw himself face-first into the mattress next to Chuuya.

There was silence, Dazai turned his head and looked up at Chuuya who was looking down at him, eyes torn away from the book.

"What?" Dazai asked a certain tiredness present in his voice

"You've been acting weird," Chuuya spoke, finding it all overwhelming and confusing.

"So have you."

Silence enveloped them again. Chuuya closed the book, reaching over Dazai to place it on the bedside cabinet, it was a decision on Dazai's half that Chuuya was to sleep next to the wall, he had a habit of spreading himself out, almost dancing when he slept, it wouldn't be the first time Dazai woke up in the middle of the night because he had heard a loud thump, only to get up and go to Chuuya's room and find him on the floor, it was rather amusing, it's just Dazai didn't want to deal with that right now.

Chuuya then got up and switched the light off, darkness completely enveloping their room. The ginger had his back towards Dazai, facing the wall, Dazai on the other hand lay with his gaze on the ceiling.

"Dazai?" Chuuya spoke suddenly, his voice filled with what some would call insecurity, Dazai only hummed in response, "I feel...I feel overwhelmed," There was a pause as Chuuya carefully crafted the words in his head "nothing is how I expected it to be. It's scary," he wasn't sure why he was confiding in Dazai, it wasn't like he cared or even wanted to know.

With that thought in mind, Chuuya didn't expect Dazai to continue the conversation. Let alone agree with him.

"Yeah, it is a bit scary isn't it?" Dazai replied, voice quiet. Chuuya's heart began to tap lightly against his rib cage, surprised and the raw emotion in his partner's voice.

Dazai thought it was best to be sincere with Chuuya, considering how confusing all of this was and how he knew that the shorter was having more trouble dealing with all this than he was.

Chuuya turned around so that he was facing Dazai now, his eyes watery and wide, glued to the younger's face. So Dazai continued what he was thinking, he wasn't going to sugar coat it in lies and deceive Chuuya into thinking that he was fine, that he was unaffected "I mean...I was so sure. I was so sure I'd be dead, I didn't think...that I'd have a future and that I'd be happy in it, or that by the looks of it, that I'd make you happy."

Chuuya had never considered that, it must all be unbelievably confusing to know that the one thing you thought you'd never have in your grasp, is yours for the taking.

"We...we don't hate each other do we?" Chuuya whispered, Dazai turned on his side so that their faces were only inches apart, his heart racing against his chest, there was no use in denying it, he couldn't say he hated Chuuya, not when every fibre of his being wanted to reach out and cup Chuuya's cheek and place a kiss on his forehead.

"No, I don't think we do, " He whispered, Chuuya hasn't figured out what they are in the future yet and Dazai still had to convince himself, but Dazai already had a feeling that slowly but surely, he was indeed falling very much in love with Chuuya.

The two boys' faces flushed at Dazai's words, both of them thankful it was dark so neither could see their embarrassed expressions. Dazai decided he wanted at least some part of him to be gently touching Chuuya, so he moved his hand to where Chuuya's were -clutched against his chest- and gently held onto it.

Neither said anything as they drifted into sleep and instead they just let their overwhelming feelings pull them into exhaustion until finally, they both fell asleep side by side, clutching the other's hand.

******

"Well, I'll be damned," Osamu whispered, as he peeked his head around the door.

"What?" Nakahara whispered back, from the corridor, he wanted to go straight to bed, but alas his partner was way too curious for his own good. Osamu motioned for him to come and take a look, so, Nakahara sighed, walking to the room the spare bedroom. His eyes widened in surprise unable to stop a smile from spreading onto his face,

"Wow... they're holding hands."

"I told you they'd fall for each other, didn't I~?" Osamu teased but unlike Nakahara's younger self, it didn't irritate him very much.

"Yeah I just didn't think it would happen so quickly," he replied, watching content as their younger counterparts slept peaceful hands clutched together like they were clinging onto a lifeline.

"Tch, Chuuya always doubting me." Osamu turned as he closed the door and pouted.

"I didn't doubt you!"

"Did too."

"Did not."

"Did too."

"Did not."

"I love you," Osamu spoke making Nakahara's breath hitch, he smiled and leaned up pressing a kiss on his lover's lips and then took his hand

"...I love you too, now let's go sleep, Mori's gonna kill me if I turn up late again."

"Yes my love~" Osamu sing sang, pulling the shorter into a little dance, grinning against his hair,

"S-shut it!"

"Aww Chibi still gets shy~!"

******

The next morning Dazai was the first to wake, he was face to face with Chuuya, still, though their hands were nowhere near each other anymore.

The brunet's tiny little heart skipped as he remembered how they spoke last night, a genuine and gentle, heartfelt conversation, Dazai felt oddly liberated getting (almost) all his feelings off of his chest, he hoped that would be the first of many conversations like that.

Chuuya stirred and reluctantly and peeled his eyes open, Dazai swore he had passed out for a moment. Even when they had both just woken up, Dazai still felt like he was staring into an entire ocean, they were swirling with emotion as if all his uncertainty was creating fierce yet beautiful waves. Chuuya's eyes widened a little as he saw the brunet starting at him, he averted his eyes bashfully, "Mornin'."

"Uh- Morning," Dazai whispered back his voice coming out huskier than usual, unbeknownst to him it was sending Chuuya into a crisis. And even though everything felt rather uncomfortable, both of them quite liked waking up next to one another.

They got up without saying anything else and ate in mostly silence, but thankfully after adjusting to everything, they went back to normal, Dazai went and spent his time reading in Nakahara's office, whilst Chuuya lazed around and watched tv, it was odd for them not to have to worry about work or Mori or anything else, they just had to keep themselves occupied and sometimes keep each other company, nothing more, nothing less.

It was, surprisingly, a very good feeling.