The Jade Palace was a place of calm tranquility, constantly made contradictory by intense physical labor. It was a place of meditative peace, where its residents perfected their abilities to fight. A mountain palace, that taught people how to throw someone to the floor in three moves or less.

Po rarely thought about it that deeply. He knew Kung Fu inside and out by now. It made sense to him that self-improvement, be it physical or not, would require both loud, high energy exercise rooms, and more introspective quiet areas. The chef in him likened it to broth-less noodles and noodle-less broth. You could do one or the other, but it was much better balanced together.

Balance was always one of Shifu's, and by extension Oogway's, chief lessons. Inner peace, the acceptance of oneself, and the need to push forward we're all key ingredients in making the flavor of one's soul. It was what added heat and depth to the proverbial soup of consciousness.

It was a good thing that such lessons were everywhere in the Jade Palace, because at the moment Po felt about as balanced as a one-legged chair during an earthquake.

He ran through the halls and gardens of the palace, yowls and shouts escaping him as if he were being chased.The groundskeepers, by now well trained to the Dragon Warrior's ways, moved precious decorations and fragile plants out of his way, hardly sparing him more than a passing glance or a roll of their eyes.

It was as Po barrelled through the doors into the east wing, rounded the corner on the left, and shot down the hallway after making two rights, that he caught a familiar glimpse of orange fur. Said orange figure spotted him a moment later, barreling towards her at high speed. 'Tigress!" Po said, digging his heels in an attempt to brake himself.

Tigress' eyes went wide, and in a moment of instinct, braced for impact. Po's body was grabbed and turned around before being set down firmly.

Po stood still and blinked for a second. "Oh good, I found you!" His next words spilled out in a single breath. "I need your help, but I kinda need you to promise not to hate me first, because I feel like you might hate me a little bit if I just come out and say it, but I really do need your help and-"

"Po," Tigress said firmly. "Breath. Slowly." After Po did, and stopped shaking so much, Tigress continued. "Now, from the top, what were you saying."

Po sighed and hid his eyes. "This is gonna take a bit of explaining. Okay, so, you remember Temutai, Warrior King of the Qidan Clan, right?"

Tigress nodded. "That yak that you had to challenge for the princess, right?"

"Yeah, that guy. Big dude, big voice, ego more inflated than a lantern. So, I got a letter a few weeks ago from one of his guys. Apparently he got engaged."

"Temutai. Engaged," Tigress remarked drily.

Po shrugged. "I know, weird right? Guess there's somebody for everybody. Anyway the thing is, he has a sister apparently, and he wants her to marry someone in the Valley so he doesn't have to worry about trade dealings and stuff." Pink started to creep its way up Po's face. "Temutai wrote me last week and said that apparently I was his first choice. 'My sister is a warrior of the Qidan clan, so she must marry a warrior!' That's what he said, anyways."

"I. . . see," Tigress said. "You didn't accept, did you?"

Po scoffed. "No, no! You kidding me? Of course not!"

Tigress wanted to feel relieved, but instead her gut coiled. "So how did this lead to you needing my help?"

Po's face went from pink to red. "See, that's kinda the thing. I couldn't just tell him no: Temutai's an actual king, and an egomaniac besides. So, I had to find a way to tell him no, but gently. I knida just. . . wrote him back the first thing that came into my head." Po stole a quick glance at Tigress, whose face had grown from passively concerned, to hard and searching. Po took another breath. "I told him I was already married."

"Meaning you couldn't get married." Tigress nodded. Not the most impressive coverup, but the logic was sound enough, by Po's standards that is.

"Exactly," Po said. "I thought that would just be the end of it, but apparently Temutai found a groom for his sister somewhere else and wants me there when she gets married."

Tigress crossed her arms. "Easy enough. I still don't see what you need my help for."

Po adjusted the fur on his head, refusing to meet her eyes. "Temutai doesn't just want me there. He wants me, and my wife there."

Tigress mouth hung open, while her arms went limp. She dreaded the next few words, but she forced them out anyways. ". . . And this would-be blushing bride is. . ?"

Po inhaled deeply. "I told him I was married to you." Po then bowed his head over double and held his hands in front of him. His next words bubbled out like a waterfall. "I'm so sorry. I should have told you back when I got the first letter, but I thought it would be funny. It isn't, but I really need your help to bail me out of this. So will you please be my fake wife while we try not to offend a warrior-king!"

Tigress sucked in a breath through her teeth. Already she could feel a headache coming. She massaged her temple as she weighed her options. "Let me just make sure I have this straight. You want me to pretend to be your happily married wife for. . ."

"Three weeks," Po supplied.

"Three weeks, while you-." Tigress cut herself off. She shot Po an incredulous look. "Three weeks?"

"Three weeks, yeah. One week traveling there, one week at the wedding party, one week back."

Tigress sighed again. "Three weeks while you attempt to play nice with an egocentric warrior king so that he, his sister, and his people don't pick a fight against the Valley of Peace. Do I have that right so far?"

Po nodded. ". . . Yeah?"

"Po, you've beaten Temutai before: multiple times. Why should now be the one time you don't just punt him back to the Qidan plains?"

Po, knocked on the wooden beam close to him, noting how it rattled. "'Cause we're still cleaning up after the mess Kai left us. If anybody wants to pick a fight with the Jade Palace and the Valley, now's the time to do it."

Tigress bit her lip. As much as she hated to admit it, that much was true. Even now, Zeng was still searching for the Invisible Trident of Destiny among the Hall of Warriors' remains. They weren't particularly lacking in terms of manpower, but between the sudden influx of pandas, the wreckage that used to be the Hall, and the need to look after the Valley, they were stretched thin. Finally, she sighed. "If we're going to do this, we'll need to set our story straight. How long have we been fake-married?"

"Oh! Does this mean you'll help me?"

"No promises," Tigress growled.

Po rubbed the back of his neck. "Okay, let's say,  just about after the whole Shen deal. We both thought each other died, so we decided to not wait around for the real thing and got an official to recognize the match."

Tigress nodded, recalling the episode in question with a mix of fond pride, and despondent remorse. "That makes enough sense. We haven't seen Temutai since that time, so he wouldn't know otherwise. That still leaves us about five years married without kids, however. Would he find that suspicious?"

Po, whose face could not physically get any redder, laughed nervously. "Kids? Well I mean, I don't know if you would ever want kids, but I guess we would have talked about it at least. I just, hehe, kids." Po snapped as an idea struck him. "We can say you got hurt sometime and can't have kids." Tigress grimaced, but was spared as Po went on. "No wait, that's kinda personal. Would that be creepy to just throw out there?" He knuckled his forehead. "You know what, this was a stupid idea, let's just forget it."

Tigress' eyes widened. "Lei-lei," she said simply.

"Lei-lei?" Po echoed.

Tigress nodded, her eyes narrowing. "Lei-lei. We lead with her as our daughter, and if anyone pushes us, we go with your idea, and say she's adopted."

Po thought it for a moment. "Huh." He frowned. "No no no," he said shaking his head. "I'm okay lying to Temutai's face, but I don't want to drag a little cub into this mess."

"She's shown that she can look after herself well enough, as long as someone else is there." Tigress pawed her chin. "I suppose that's not exactly 'looking after herself,' but the point still stands."

"I don't think it does," Po said. "We didn't exactly have a choice about keeping her around back when Kai was running around, but that's not the same as bringing her with us to meet the big bad evil guy!"

"And yet, meet the big bad evil guy, she has." Tigress stared as Po huffed. "That's not what bothers you though, is it."

Po sighed, and shook his head. "No. No it's not." He looked her directly in the eye. "It's that we'd have to pretend to be her parents. Do you think that's a good idea to ask that of her? Of anyone? Pretend to have a family for three weeks, and then things just go back to normal?"

Tigress sucked in a breath. "Maybe not. But I think if we explain it to her, she can at least go along with it. Besides," Tigress said, "kids aren't a part of every happy couple's lives, are they? We can ditch the idea if we think it's too much."

"Yeah," Po said. "Yeah. Wait 'we'? So you're on board?"

Tigress allowed a smile. "I'll admit, it's not your worst plan. But I'm still not entirely sold. We'll have to iron out a few details." Tigress smile grew coy as she tilted her head. "You know, if you are serious about wanting me to be your 'fake wife' then I deserve a fake proposal, don't I?" She held up a paw and critically studied it. "I don't see an engagement ring, though. Funny."

Po chuckled. "I wanted to wait until I had your go-ahead before I got together all the jewelry and bits." He dug through his pockets before pulling out a small scrap of yarn. "Best I can do is pocket string." He held it out mirthfully.

Tigress theatrically turned her head slightly sideways. "I'm waiting. . ."

Po laughed. In the spirit of jest, he knelt down to one knee, holding up his single red string as though it were an offering to his ancestors. "Master Tigress," he said, not quite liking how his voice hitched. "Defender of the Valley of Peace, Hero of Weeping River, and All-Round Kicker of Butt," Po paused. Was his face burning? His gut churned like he'd had something just a bit too spicy. "Would you do me the honor of becoming my fake wife?"

Tigress held her paw out. "My Dearest Po," she said in a voice that was fit for opera, "it would be my absolute honor to be your fake wife." She gestured outward with her left paw, offering  it.

Po grinned as he tied the tiny bit of red yarn around her finger. Both laughed in a small way as he stood. Tigress inspected the newly-minted ring finger. Red string, her mind echoed. Her face suddenly felt full of embers. and she laughed awkwardly as she took a back step. "Let's. . . meet again tomorrow. We can go over the finer details." She half-turned. "I'll see you later."

"Y-yeah, see you later," Po said, watching as she shuffled down the hallway and around the corner with half of her customary grace. He stood, paw weakly held in a half-wave, for moments after.

It was only as he heard the sounds of someone coming from the same direction Tigress had left that he came out of his reverie. Viper and Monkey peeked out from around the corner, their own conversation indistinct.

"Hey guys," Po said.

The two of them looked from Po to each other, and then back again. "Po," Viper said leading, "why was Tigress bumping into every piece of wood from here to the training hall?"

Po's fingers knitted together as he laughed weakly. "Haha, ha, well, you see the thing about that is- Wait!" Abruptly he held out his paws. ". . . Do you hear that? I think I'm getting a universe message! Big Dragon Warrior China-saving business, gotta run, bye!"

Viper and Monkey both stared flatly as Po scuttled down the hall, the sound of breaking porcelain inevitably following a moment later. "Monkey," Viper said turning to face her companion, "are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

Monkey grinned as he faced her. "I think I am."