Trigger warning: panic attacks and slight mention of self harm but nothing super graphic or anything.

When jungkook first went to SOPA he was happy. He thought it would be great to be in school with tons of other trainees that he could relate to, all with a familiar interest. Unfortunately, it wasn't quite as fun and positive as he had expected.

Everyone else were trainees or idols at companies like jyp, yg, sm, or stone, or other big companies. When they asked what company Jungkook was from, and he said 'bighit', they all just laughed. That was when Jungkook realised that things wouldn't be as fun as he had thought.

From then on, things didn't get any better. If anything, they got worse. He would get people telling him that he's nothing, that he'll never get big and bts will be a flop.
"Bangtan Sonyeondan? Ha. What a stupid name."
"Bighit? Never heard of them."
"Good luck debuting under a company no ones ever heard of."
Those words hit him heard. It felt like a knife through his chest every time. It made him regret choosing bighit, but he didn't want to regret it. He loved his hyungs so much, and he knew had he gone somewhere else he would never have met them. But if he had gone somewhere else, he wouldn't be constantly ridiculed everyday for it.

But he kept it inside. He didn't tell a single soul about what they were saying to him. Because he didn't want anyone to worry about him. He had too much more to be worrying about than some stuff that some people were saying to him. It wasn't a huge issue right? It'll pass.

But it didn't. It just got worse. And worse. The harsh words turned into threats. Eventually, those threats became a reality. Things got physical.

They would hit him round the head, they would throw things at him, some would even punch him hard enough to bruise. But it was nothing bad yet, right? It was normal, surely. He would wait for the others to go to bed before he would shower, just so they wouldn't have to see the bruises that covered his arms and torso.

That was until one day, when Hoseok couldn't get to sleep, and saw Jungkook, bruises on his arms and torso. He couldn't help but speak up.
"Jungkook..." he said quietly. Jungkook was startled and stared with wide eyes.
"...where did all those bruises come from?" Hoseok said, worriedly sitting up, about to stand up.
"I-it's nothing hyung... don't worry." Jungkook said, quickly throwing a shirt on.
"You expect me not to worry? You have bruises all over you Jungkook, I'm pretty sure it's not just 'nothing'" Jungkook was getting nervous now. Even though Hoseok was just worried, he came off almost angry. Poor Jungkook in his sensitive state didn't like his angry tone.
"It's... from where I've been practicing... I must have fell." Jungkook says, hurriedly wracking his brains for an excuse.
"You can't get bruises like that from falling at practice Jungkook..." Jungkook couldn't take it anymore. He cracked.
"JUST LEAVE ME ALONE HYUNG!" He shouted and left the room, slamming the door. It woke everyone up, and they all wondered what had happened, but by the time they could ask, Jungkook had left the dorm. On his own.

He wondered around the streets aimlessly, breathing heavily in the grips of a panic attack. It was dark. He couldn't see where he was going. But he didn't care. He just wanted to escape for a while.

Eventually after wondering around for a while, he was staring to get cold. He was only in a shirt after all. His teeth were chattering and tears were streaming down his face. He wanted his parents. He wanted his mother, his father. He wanted them to come and hold him tight and tell him everything was ok. But they were on the other side of the country. He felt like he had no one. Yeah he had his hyungs, but he hadn't even known them for that long. He was a sobbing cold mess, walking around in the middle of nowhere. He crouched down, wherever he was, and sobbed his little heart out. Until he was interrupted by his phone ringing.

He pulled out his phone and saw the caller ID. Namjoon. His breath hitches a couple times, and he answers it with a sob.
"Where are you Jungkook? Why'd you leave?" Namjoon said, half angry and half concerned. Jungkook sobbed and stuttered out "I-I...don't know."
"Just- look around you." Namjoon was getting worried now. Jungkook out there on his own suffering. "What do you see?"
"T-there's a book store... across the street." Jungkook says, finally paying attention to his surroundings.
"Ok just stay right there Jungkook we're coming to get you, don't worry." With that namjoon immediately hung up, gathering everyone to put on their shoes and coats and they ran to Jungkook.

They turned to see Jungkook crouched down, clutching onto his phone for dear life, sobbing violently. Taehyung was about to run to him and scoop him up and tell him it's ok. But Namjoon stopped him.
"He seems like he's having a panic attack, we need to be slow and cautious." They all nodded and slowly approached Jungkook. Namjoon softly called his name, but got no response. He crouched down in front of him and called his name again. Still no response.

After Namjoon hung up, Jungkook felt the fear rising again. He wanted to stay on the call with Namjoon, so he knew he was safe, but he didn't even get the chance to ask before he hung up. From there he spiralled out of control. That horrible feeling of tightness in his chest got worse, and he felt like he was choking. He closed his eyes and locked himself away from the outside world, but in reality that's the worst thing he could have done. The ringing in his ears got worse and worse, meaning when Namjoon came to find him, he couldn't even hear him.

Namjoon stayed cautious, not touching him, knowing that it could startle jungkook. He just kept calling Jungkooks name until he finally heard him. He looked up with glossy eyes filled with fear.
"Jungkook, breath with me ok." He said, taking deep breaths while holding Jungkooks hands gently and staring into his fearful eyes. They stay there for a while until Jungkooks breathing slowed down to a manageable speed.
"Let's get you home yeah?" Namjoon says, helping him stand. Jin notices how Jungkook is shivering from the cold, and promptly takes off his own coat, placing it over the youngsters shoulders.
"Thank you hyung..." he says, his voice still soft and shaky.
"No need to thank me Jungkook. Take a coat with you next time. We don't want you getting a cold"

As soon as they get home Namjoon sends everyone to their rooms so he can talk to Jungkook privately. He had heard from Hoseok exactly what happened. He was worried.
"Jungkook, listen. I heard from Hoseok what happened-" Jungkook was about to interrupt before Namjoon stopped him.
"I understand, I know you probably don't wanna talk about it, and I'm not gonna sit here and interrogate you. I just want to ask one thing. Those bruises... did you do that to yourself?" Jungkook looked up with surprise. A part of him thought it would be better to say yes than to admit that he was being bullied. That would just make him look weak. But the more he thought about it, he knew his hyungs would probably worry more if he told them he was doing it to himself.
"No, hyung...."he says, looking down at his hands.
"Ok, that's all I needed to know. Do you wanna talk about it? I'm not going to force you, but I want you to know, you can tell me anything. All I want to do is help you, yeah?" Jungkook nodded and took a deep breath.
"It's school. The people at school...did it." Jungkook mumbled quietly. He was so scared of how Namjoon would react.
"Jungkook...how long has this been happening for?" Namjoon says, using his logical brain to search for a solution.
"Idk basically from the start. It started with them saying...mean things about me being with bighit and stuff, saying I wouldn't get anywhere. But now it's...gotten worse." Jungkook says, his voice getting shaky just thinking about.
"Jungkook..." Namjoon said with a sympathetic sigh. His heart hurt so much for the poor boy, suffering in silence this whole time. "Why didn't you tell us? Have you told your teachers?" Jungkook shook his head, starting to cry again.
"I'm sorry Jungkook, here..." Namjoon said, holding out his arms. He just wanted to squeeze the poor boy tightly and tell him that everything's ok. Jungkook graciously took his offer, and hugged him tightly. This is the physical affection he had been craving for so long. He let himself go, sobbing into namjoons chest.

"That's it. Just let it all out."