Rachel Amber Oct.18, 2015

So I'm back today because, I had a really good day at the end of the day, and I really need to spill it out in here.

Today in science, I got a text from Nathan. Ok, so don't judge me but his contact name is 'Secret Crush' with lovey-dovey emojis... I just had to. So he texted me and he told me he was going to sit with me at luch, which he did. I'm SO happy I we don't have lunch with Victoria. She'd be whoopin' my ass if she saw that he sat with me. But moving on. So yea, he texted me during science and told me he'd sit with me. I literally flipped a shit I swear... in my head of course.

So Nathan sat with me in lunch and you know asked me how I was and all that stuff. But I uh, was having another one of my moments where I left to go to the bathroom and... started cutting, ok? I'm sorry, but I just can't help it. So I did my thing and I was in the bathroom for about 15 minutes. So you know those co-ed bathrooms? Yeah, I was cutting in there. I was about halfway through my 'procedure' when, Nathan... walked in... And I should probably mention that I was crying because of the pain I felt on the inside, not the outside. I know it's probably a bad thing, but I'm used to cutting pains... So here's the story, and exactly how it happened.

OUTSIDE OF RACHEL'S JOURNAL

I start cleaning the pocket-knife blade with the rubbing alcohol, but then I start to cry. I just couldn't old the tears in anymore. 'Thank god I'm in here by myselc' I was thinking. I cleaned my arm with the rubbing alcohol and continued to cry. I start digging the blade into my clean, moist skin and keep crying. I'm crying because of the pain, I'm crying because of the pain I feel inside. I can't bottle up my tears anymore. I'm about halfway done when I hear foot steps into the bathroom. 'Oh shit!' I was thinking 'This is a co-ed bathroom!' I go into a moment of shock. I drop the knife and put my back against the wall. "Oh my god! Rachel!" Nathan says loudly, but not loud enough to be heard outside the bathroom. I start to cry as he starts rinsing off my arm over the sink. "Rachel, why are you doing this to yourself?!" He asked me. I start to cry even harder as he continues rinsing my arm. Until all the blood is gone, he conveniently took out some medical-wrap and tape. I'm guessing because he's an athlete he carries that stuff around like people carry around a pencil. He starts to wrap up my arm, I ask him "Why did you come in here?" He finishes wrapping up my arm and answers "I was worried about you because you were in here for a long time. And I needed to know if you were ok..." It's scilent for a few seconds when Nathan starts to wrap his arms around me. At first I think 'What do I do? Do I hug him back?!' I was panicking for a few moments when Nathan smirks and says "Cmon, I know you wanna hug..." I smile and blush and wrap my arms around him and hug him back. He pulls away and says "I want to try to help you." I almost freak and pass out when he says that. "Meet me after school, ok?" He said. I nod in agreement. We walk back to lunch together and say nothing throughout the rest of the period.

BACK IN RACHEL'S JOURNAL

So... YEAH I HAD THE BEST DAY EVER!! So I stayed after school with Nathan. He basically asked me why I cut and perform self harm. So I told him my story and he actually cried a little. It was SO cute. He told me he really, really wanted to help me. He told me he didn't know how though. I knew how, but you know... he's already got a girlfriend. He had an idea... and I flipped... again. OK so here's what happened. He kinda took out his phone forba little while and was on Instagram and on one of Victoria's friends pages he found a picture of her at the park with one of the other football players. They we're kissing in the picture. The caption was "Best couple ever!! <3" He showed no emotion. I asked him if he was mad. He told me he wasn't because he already knew. He also told me that he was breaking up with her soon. I said OK cool whatever. He leaned in for another hug. I freaked again and screamed a little. He asked me what was wrong. I told him nothing, really awkwardly. Then... oh my God you know... what he did... oh my God... he freaking kissed me. AH. It was like kissing an angel. AN ANGEL, OK? He told me he knew I liked him. Idk how he knew but he said ever since the day he ran into me, he had never seen someone so beautiful, and so quiet and calm. Well, of course I freaked when he ran into me but that was just because of reflexes. But oh my God it was so cute. He held my hands and told me he wanted to be in a relationship with me. I smiled and laughed. He seemed confused. I laughed because nobody likes me. I am the most ugly a person can get, in my opinion. And he told me he thinks otherwise. He told me I was beautiful and deserved to be loved and cared for by someone who really cares about me. And he told me he cared about me and my well being, so I accepted his kind offer. So now... I have the boy of my dreams as my lover, as my best friend. And honestly, I couldn't be happier. I told my mom what happened and she got so excited. So this has literally been the nest day of my life.

Well... I think I'm gonna go now. Ill write more in a few weeks. Nathan is calling me :)