『 chapter xxxiii: NOT ALL STARS SHINE. 』

JUNIPER WONDERED WHEN THE SORE ACHES that lived within her heart would cease. She reasoned that she was dead, she'd feel nothing about anything ever again. She wondered about things like that all the time, especially at times when it most inconvenient for her tender heart to dwell on such things. Like now. With her older sister; June doesn't think there is stronger person than Bella. She's a vast being, complex in her simplicity, beauty in its most living form. Bella doesn't have to live to be alive. She just is. Bella's the content morning sunrise and June's the sleepless part of a shadowy dusk. Bella had plans to live forever, once, when it was in her reach. Now that was gone. And June had plans to die without issue, also when it was in her reach. But Bella's eternity fled and June's death can only mean death for the one she's eternally bound to. It's downright unfair, June decides. Neither sisters get the future they might've envisioned for themselves. She thinks that in some alternative universe that maybe some other Swan sisters could plan joint weddings, what to name their firstborns, where they'll live.

                But these sisters wonder if they'll even live long enough to see tomorrow.

"I missed this," Bella says as they lay on the picnic blanket beneath them, breaking the silence. "Hanging out."

Patrick Verona is chasing gophers within view of where they sit, not close to the meadow, near the cliffs. June hadn't had a moment to herself for a while — it had been day after day of learning a new herb and a new way of concentration, being cultured through the ways of the tribe. Once, Harry and Billy had the wolves phase and June took her try at getting them to phase back into human form with a stir of her powers. She'd brewed a concoction that prevented them phasing which was the most uncomfortable thing to watch, five grown boys look like fish out of water when they couldn't turn into giant dogs. It was even to the extreme where ( at the behest of Old Quil ) the guys would occasionally break bones for her to practice on and June would be there to mend them, quicker than anything their accelerated self healing could do.

June turns to her sister, "Jedi trainings been intense as ever," She says quietly. She even has the bruises to show for it. Thankfully Sue's there, giving her those herbal pills she's taking by the handfuls now, they help with the pain, a little, maybe. "I've been avoiding Star and Leah and Lyanna for a whole week now; they're starting to notice."

"I thought they could know?" Bella asks with a frown.

"Only Star and Lyanna can," June clarifies with a shake of her head. "Since they're the ones who got imprinted on."

"Gotcha," Bella nods.

"And Star recently got her markings maybe like a few weeks ago," June hummed with indifference. "Like the ones I have on my back? She got them on her ribcage. No doubt they match Jared's. She swears Jared's got some voodoo on her. But since Jared hasn't told her, I'm stuck acting confused."

"How do you think she'll react?"

"It's Star," June winces. "Who knows?"

"And Leah can never know?"

June looks at her hands, "It's better that way."

"I saw her with Troy Sandoval the other day," Bella says offhandedly. "He works part-time at Newton's with me. She seemed ... happy?"

"Troy Sandoval," June murmurs the name, suddenly remembering the face. "Oh, yeah, I know him. He used to come to the diner a lot and Jacob got all pissy once because he was staring at me supposedly. But Leah's hanging out with him?"

"She was the one picking him up after work," Bella confirmed with a smile. "It was nice to see her, I don't know, smitten? If you can say that. They kinda ... well they kissed—"

"—WHAT?"

"—casually, like it wasn't their first time." Bella went on, shrugging a bit. "I didn't see much because I didn't want her to think I was lurking, which was I was. Anyway. She just looked genuinely excited to see him and all, it was nice seeing her smile other than scowl for once."

June takes the information in. "Leah's got a guy."

"Don't put labels on it," Bella laughs. "Maybe she's just having some fun, I don't know?"

"Leah doesn't have fun," June shakes her head. "Not that she's incapable of getting over Sam, it's just, I know her. Or maybe I thought I did. But what I'm saying is: Leah isn't reckless, when she loves, she loves. It's not fun for her. She wants what her mother has, what Sam always promised her when they were together."

"Maybe it wasn't meant to be," Bella offers. "Not everyone has a soulmate, June. Some of us just have a really epic love and it crashes and burns ... maybe Troy will give Leah everything that Sam couldn't."

"I just want her happy," June admits. "This whole Sam-Emily-Leah thing is the most fucked up scenarios since the boutique I love in Port Angeles stopped selling my fave lipgloss."

"Really?" Bella rolls her eyes.

"Okay maybe not that bad," June jokes. "But bad."

"She's grown," Bella says. "She'll find her way, no matter how long it takes. Anyway, what about you and Jacob?"

"We're good," June smiles to herself at the mention of her boyfriend. "It's easier this way, no secrets or hiding or anything. He's perfect, as usual."

"But — you're okay? You're not overworking yourself?"

"Like Jacob would let me," June snorts a bit, smiling at the mention of her wolf. "He's basically there constantly asking, is this safe, Sue? and You sure you're good, June? I could kiss him to pieces sometimes. He worries too much."

"I'm glad," Bella chimes with a smile. "If you don't look out for yourself, it's good that Jake's there to make sure."

"I know my limits, B." She says with assuring look.

Bella looks unconvinced, looking up at the sky. "Again, I'm glad he takes care of you."

June doesn't say anything at first. She can't lie to Bella. She knows her sister hears through the thin walls of their home, the restlessness of her younger sister. Bella knows June spends most of her time at Jacob's house ( granted so does Charlie to escape the estrogen fest when Daphne invites Sue Clearwater and Valeria Cameron to their home ) but Bella notices how June will sneak out of the house at all hours of the night, so her insomnia or nightmares don't wake up their baby brother or their parents. Bella learns that June sleeps at Jacob's, Billy unlocking the door for her every night even when his son isn't there but patrolling, since he knows how much June needs her rest and the only place she can get it — nightmares with magic side-effects included — is at her boyfriends house.

     "You're serious about cliff diving?" June asks suddenly, craning her neck to Bella.

Her older sister nods, "Well, yeah. Since you went without me the first time and the bikes still aren't done," She says with a small smile. "Maybe if you and Jacob let each other breathe in y'alls free time, they would be fixed."

          June laughed genuinely, "I'm not giving up the chance to make out with my boyfriend to fix some bikes," She grins at her sister's expression. "Plus, when he works on them, I just want to kiss him more."

Bella gives her a flat look.

"It's not my fault he's hot." June shrugs.

"Anyway," Bella chuckles. "Yeah, I want to cliff dive."

June thinks about it. "I'll ask Jake to come up with us; tomorrow sound good?" She settles on.

"Deal," Bella beams.

"You're insane, I swear. All to hear his voice?"

"It's the only way."

"Bella," June says in that voice that drips with the next words that follow. "I'm all for people grieving in their own way. But he made his choice; you can't live your life according to him. Maybe it was for a reason."

"You don't understand," Bella decides. "This is my way of ... getting over him. You and Jacob had that rough patch but then he never left, he couldn't, not when you're the other half of his soul. You dealt with the pain your own way, this is mine."

June knows she can't argue with that logic there. June's way of grieving was throwing bangers and drinking ( a habit she picked up from Star ) and it wasn't necessarily the most healthiest way but it helped her a whole lot. She couldn't tell her sister, her older sister for that fact, what she could and couldn't do. They stayed there near the bank for a while until they began the trek back towards the truck.

June suddenly gets a text.

FROM—STAR LEVINSON.
    : jared told me everything. the jort club turn into giant dogs?????????and you're the mother theresa of the their little crew????? am I crazy??????

June gasped, staring at her phone screen for a moment as she processed what it told her. Bella looked at her expectantly, June shook her head and let out a small breath, "Speaking of Star," June holds up her phone as she says in a small voice, "Jared finally told her. Just now apparently."

FROM—JUNE SWAN.
      : ur not crazy. it's true. ill explain to you later, yeah? sorry I lied :(

FROM—STAR LEVINSON.
     : s'kay. & copy that o' wise wolf princess.

"Well," Bella claps her hands together as she stands up. Her older sister looks down at her. "At least you don't have to worry about Star hating you when she finds out."

"Oh, great, Bells, you assure me so well."

"Forever, Watson."

"Same here, Sherlock." June grins.

•—•—•—•

JUNE SWAN WAS NOT STAR LEVINSON AND SO she had no advice to give a distraught and down in the dumps, Jared Cameron because she had never been in this predicament with Jacob. The pack all gathered at Emily's cabin, the boys were making a barbecue, finally cooking for once at the behest of June and Emily. Even though Star was now apart of the supernatural-soulmate-club she was not, however, taking her situation as June and Emily had. No, for some reason that June wasn't gonna question, the tough Star Levinson decided that just because some spirits decided to put them together, it doesn't mean they are supposed to be together. And when Jared explained in depth what imprinting was all about, Star took the brother, friend, protector thing in full stride and told Jared that she didn't need someone to be with her if they had no choice. Jared, already heartbroken by means of the imprint, readily agreed they be nothing more than whatever Star wanted them to be.

"She'll come around," Emily chimes softly, resting a hand on Jared's shoulder as she sets the table up. "Star's just tough, you said. She won't be able to deny the imprint for too long."

June wants to snap at Emily, you don't know her. You don't know Star when she's made her mind, not everyone is as weak and me and you and can actually restrain herself from feeling forced to be with our significant other—

"She won't," Jared mumbled. "You didn't see her face. She was mad, Em, mad at me and mad that I only started liking her because of the imprint."

June noticed how Emily pauses, even if no one else did, because Emily knew first hand what it meant to have someone start liking you just because this moronic wolf claim decided it was what was supposed to be.

"Maybe June can talk to her?" Emily's voice was hopeful, her eyes moving the young healer.

Jared looks up at her. His eyes are incredibly dull and his face just looks like he's barely forcing himself to stay awake, as if staying awake is the hardest thing to do for him. June didn't know what happened to a wolf who's been dejected by his imprint, but she supposed seeing it now, it wasn't easy.

"I already talked to her," June interjects. She looks to Jared, her face soft. "But ... she's made her mind."

"Persuade her —" Emily begins.

"Star's not us, Emily," June grits out.

By this time, the guys all flooded the room through the back door and heard the ending of the exchange. They stare at her with surprised eyes. June finds Jacob's eyes first and she sees the dark cloud that casts over them. Put on the spot, June sets the utensils she had in her hand on the table and turns, walking outside. She hears Jacob follow her but she doesn't face him yet. They make it all the way the ends of the forest that Emily's backyard stretches upon. June's hugging herself even though she couldn't have felt warmer. She says nothing at first and neither does he, all they can hear is each other's breathing and it calms them for whatever their minds have to say.

"You've always liked me, right?" June asks finally.

Jacob goes around her to face her, "What?"

"Before you imprinted on me," June stresses, a panic rising in her chest. "There was ... you didn't like anyone else?"

Jacob looks like he's been slapped. Like if the insinuation of it now could be any more of an insult, "It was always you, June, you know what. Why would you even ask?" His voice is harsher than she's heard it.

"I don't know!" She exclaims, shaking her head.

"If this is about Star and Jared," Jacob sighs. "Sure, Jared's bummed that he doesn't have what Sam and Em have, what you and I have or what Embry's finally getting with Lyanna. It doesn't work that way for everyone, you know this."

"Star's not gonna come around," June says loftily. "She has too much hate for love because of her dad, she does the Cupid thing because its easy money but she hates when people throw the word love around like nothing. That's why she won't give in with Jared."

         Jacob looks troubled on behalf of his pack-brother, "Is that how you see it, too? Giving in?" He asks skeptically.

June blinks, "What?"

"Do you think you gave in with me?" Jacob walks closer.

June meets his eyes, "I chose you long before you ran on all fours." She cracks a small smile. "I didn't need the spirits to tell me that you belonged to me. That your soul is tangled with mine. I don't know what I would've done if I wasn't meant for you."

Jacob's closer, "What a cruel world that would've been."

"Too cruel," June agrees.

She feels everything and nothing as Jacob kisses her. It's like each crease in her lips fits perfectly within every one of his. They mold together well, there's not another pair of lips in the world that will kiss her as tenderly as he does. June doesn't ever want to feel anyone else's lips. She moans breathily as Jacob's strong hands lift her, wrapping her thighs around his waist as his back corners into a tree that's right behind him. Jacob's lips trail burning marks down her jawline and her collarbone, his teeth nicking the spot on her neck, foreshadowing a ceremony that would bind them forever. It's hypersensitive now. Her warm hands go under his shirt and he shudders under her fingertips, her own body succumbing to his touches as he hiked her dress up, his hands touching the canvas of her body.

"Jacob..." June breathes out, her hands in his hair, pulling softly at the roots as he moved them to the soft floor of the earth. His hands were firm as he grips her thighs, causing another ripple of sensation. "Woah, slow."

Jacob stops, looking into her eyes. "Oh, June, I'm—"

"If you say sorry, I'll punch you," June laughs, then flushed as she pulls her dress down, seeing the way Jacob looks at her. She fixes his hair a bit. "We were getting ... carried away."

"It's easy to lose control," Jacob nods.

"Way too easy."

They look at each other.

"I know you basically attacked me," Jacob's face is smug.

"Me?" June accuses as she pushes him down. She leans over him as she pins his arms. "Last I checked you had your hands on my ass."

"Can you blame me?" Jacob easily released himself from her grasp, his eye brow raised.

"Not really no, I mean," June pecked his lips. "I'm me."

Jacob laughs loudly, lifting both of them up as he sits. He pulls her into his lap and she leans back on his chest. He kisses her temple. "Oh your humility. I knew I loved you for a reason—" he stops immediately.

June's eyes widened at the word, turning her head to face him. "Did you just say you loved me?"

"...Yes." Jacob watches her features.

June blinks. Fuck fuck fuck FUCK— "You do." She confirmed what he already said. FuCK June don't say DON'T TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM BACK, you know better than this you're going to DIE, you FUCK—

But she knew she couldn't not tell him. June might not get another chance to tell him. Victoria might come in the middle of the night, completely stealthily, and drain the blood from June's body and that was it. And this was Jacob. He's loved her since they were kids. He stayed loving her through her boyfriends, through the guys she's have on her arms while he's just watch after her. It's Jacob.

        Jacob's loves her and he's kind and selfless and when it matters, he can make her laugh. Which is always a great feat for June Swan these days. And she loves him for it. She loves him.

She loves him, she loves him, she loves him.

And she tells him.

"I love you, too."

The softness of Jacob's face is beautiful. He's beautiful. Her words only show more of that human side he has that she loves as much as she loves him. His eyes crinkle like he's gotten the best news he's ever gotten in his life, like a blessing has just been given to him. She doesn't know how right she is.

"Yeah?" He says brightly.

"I love you," She nods. "I know I'm a mess and stuff and I know how you're always feeling like I'm your mess but I love you, Jacob, and I'll make sure you know it. I know I can do things that might make someone doubt it, but don't, for my sake."

"I don't doubt it," Jacob says with a small smile. "I know how I make you feel." He says smugly. His hands trail up her silky thigh again. "I can hear the way your heart pounds when I'm near you ... I hear the way you say my name when I kiss you right here," He kisses her right above her collarbone to show her, she shudders and he smirks. "It's the most beautiful sound in the world."

June is breathless at his words. She stares at him. He stares back at her. That ache in her heart comes up again.

"You really do take my breath away," She murmurs.

He smiles, "Imagine how I feel every time I see you?" He chuckles and it's a deep sound that rumbles in his chest and makes her snuggle into his arms.

"You see me almost every day."

"Exactly," Jacob chimes. "I can't breathe."

"Cutie," She mumbles.

"It'd be better if you went to school here." He murmurs unconsciously.

"Then you'd really get no oxygen," June giggles. "Speaking of school, how is it for you? With patrolling and watching me and the tribe and ... everything?"

"It's not easy," Jacob admits with a furrow of his brows then sighs. "Not in the least bit, I'm failing English and Physics."

June looks up at him, glad he admitted, "I can help you. We can study and stuff. I'm always at your house anyway." She tells him eagerly. "And this way we can pretend to be normal for once."

"You'd do that for me?" Jacob asks her with tenderness. She nods at him eagerly. He smiles. "Are you sure? I know you're at my house but all you do sleep because I know don't want to wake Willie with your nightmares at your house ... speaking of, you've been doing better at night."

June looks down, "I have," She agrees even if she feels like she's running on two hours of sleep. "And I'm sure, Sue's helping me train every weekend now. I don't wanna toot my own horn but toot toot bitches, she says I'm doing amazing."

Jacob laughs a bit, "As long as you're got overworking yourself, ocean eyes." He squeezes her chin. 

"I feel fine! Peachy keen!" She exclaims cheerily. She shows him her arms and he evaluates the fading bruises that come from using her power. In truth, she had doubled the doses and so what used to work with one pill can only be countered with four. "The herbs are magical, let me tell you."

Jacob kisses her palm, intertwining their hands. "I'm glad." He says earnestly and she can hear the relief in his tone, the way he subtly pulls her closer, just unconscious little things he does that make her feel safe. "And I'll take you up on that offer for studying."

"We're just studying." June clarifies.

"We're doing whatever you want to," Jacob waggles his brows as she laughs. "If that means studying or something else ... hey, who I am to stop you?"

"Such chivalry," June hums.

"You know, I think it's been a while since I've taken you on a proper date," Jacob makes a face as if he's thinking. "I don't want the pack getting the idea I'm not good at romancing my girl."

"Oh yeah, you're mr. smooth."

"Thanks, babe." Jacob chimes.

June rolls her eyes, "Anyway, I'm all for being wooed."

"Get ready to love the hell outta me," Jacob tells her with a cheeky smile. "More."

"Oh my god, why are you like this?" June covers her face with her hands as she laughs out loud.

            Jacob winks as he shrugs then intertwined his hand in hers, pulling her him. They walk back the whole way to Emily's place and everyone, used the moody ways of June, greets her with a smile and Emily tries her best not to give her opinion on the Jared/Star situation again. No matter how much they were wolf girls, and wore the title proudly, it didn't mean every imprint would, too. June sits at the table and watches everyone interact — Paul's bawdy laughter and Jared's weak attempt at humor, followed by Embry and Sam's eye rolling and Emily's giggling. It'd be hard to say goodbye to these people. Harder to leave than she thought.

Her phone rings. She check the contact, and it's Bella. But the message is what sends her blood rushing to her head.

FROM BELLA:
    — figured you were busy. went to the cliffs. text you later love you.

June drops her phone as she runs out of the house.

note: vvvv late lmao && only two more chapters of this part :)))))))))) it's been a long one but oh whale