『 chapter xlvii : C(OLD) ONES. 』

BACK TO THE IDES OF MARCH, JUNE THOUGHT they should change it to the Ides of May — or June, even, no pun there — because Julius Caesar was long dead and it was her doomed day that was coming. But June wouldn't think about that now. She had been thinking of that for months and months and years and a lifetime before that. Right now, she was alive. She didn't want to spend the last days of her life mourning the fact that she had to give the spirits back the little one she had growing in her stomach. No, she didn't want to tell anyone else what they don't want to hear. So she just pretended, smiled at Jacob's face whenever he looked longingly at Star and Jared and the excited whispers they shared when the topic of their unborn child cane up. It should hurt, June realized, it should hurt more than she was willing to admit and willing to cry out. She can't look in in Jacob's eyes and tell him, puppy, I'm gonna tell you something you don't want to hear. If she did, she'd cry and hold his hands her hole she said, You're gonna hate me and never look at me the same way again, you're gonna be disgusted and hate me, you'll hate me so much—

       She couldn't show if she was hurting either way; she has to smile in the face of the only boy she's ever loved. Loves.

            "June," Jacob calls out as he comes out from the bushes, tying the waistband of his shorts.

           She turns to him, a smile blossoms on her face as she sees him. "Hey," She responds. He gives her a kiss. "How's the battleground look?"

They stood in the middle of the clearing that was meant to be the staple point of her scent, the newborns already had it engraved in their minds due to Riley breaking in a grabbing her jacket ( which, if she didn't die, she wanted back, because fuck she spent an arm and a leg for that leather coat ) and would stop here once they arrived. She felt weirdly in tune with the earth around her — it's a strange feeling because, only a few weeks ago, she was on the early stages of nurturing life only for her to know better and subsequently leave her not pregnant anymore. Nature tended to turn its back on things like that but it didn't leave her, thankfully, she was gonna need all the willpower and force of the nature around her to get through this fight.

           "Even ground," Jacob nods, his eyes scanning around them, ever alert. "High enough and far away from town ... I'll admit Cullen picked a good place."

          "Was that praise I heard, Black?" Edward's voice comes out as he walks, hand in hand with Bella.

        Bella smiled to June and Jacob, "I heard it."

        Jacob scoffs, "Hardly, leech."

        "Woah, woah," June mocked. "No name calling around here broski's. This is neutral grounds. Next one to say dog or leech or cujo or bloodsucker gets a smack around the face. Babe—don't give me that look, I'm looking at both of you male trash."

       Edward nods. Jacob crosses his arms but nods.

       Beaming, June clasps her hands together in joy and smiles. "Magnificent." She sees Edward and Bella turn to talk to Jasper who just arrived.

      "Okay, like we planned," Jasper says, nodding. Quil comes out of the brush and smiles at Bella shyly, who has a odd twinkle in her eye. "Quil will carry Bella to the campground and Jacob will follow behind with June."

  It was a precautionary measure. The wolves smell masked Bella's intoxicating human scent that the newborns would just be repulsed by the scent and turn the other way. June watches as Bella is picked up bridal style by Quil, Edwards jaw clenched a bit but he seems to have the same curiosity to Bella's reaction to the wolf as June did. They disappear in the brush and Edward spares her a glance before nodding, following Jasper to speak more of the battle plans.

       "Ready, beautiful?" Jacob rugs her hand softly.

       They begin walking, the air somewhat tolerable for once in a long time. The sun is barely poking out but it's covered by the clouds, she wonders if the Cullen's are shining like a jewelry store right now? June and Jacob are hand in hand and don't do much talking until June remembers something.

She looks back to Jacob, pointing at him, "Did you get your letter? The one to pump you up?"

         At the mention of that, June watches her boyfriends face brighten significantly, his smile so perfect and endearing, she wishes she had a camera to capture it. "I did — you ever thought about being a writer?" He raises a brow. "You called me charming and kind and selfless and have the ass-kicking ability of Creed? I mean, the adjectives go on. You even said I'm brave ..."

       June nods confidently, "Because you are."

       He ducks his head in shyness, "No."

       She cocks her head, observing the doubt she sees swimming in his eyes, "Yes, you are." She holds his hands and sees the pain. "Jay ... you know you can tell me anything, right? We're each other's. Tell me."

She knows she's a hypocrite. She'll ask what's wrong with other people and expect them to pour her heart out to her, but she can't even do the same to her own soulmate. Who literally has the other half of her soul. She's a selfish girl, indeed. Jacob stops on his walk and June does to, going forward to face him. She watches the play of emotions and the vulnerability seeping in his face and she wonders if she's ever let herself look that way in front of him. Did she even owe him that?

        "I'm scared," Jacob confessed. He presses his forehead to hers. "The truth is, June ... I need you to tell me I'm worthy. That I'm doing enough, that I'm deserving of you. I need to know I'm doing a good job keeping you safe? I'm terrified of failing you."

June looks at Jacob's face. So this is what it feels like to have something to lose? She makes a soft, strangled noise before latching herself onto Jacob. He immediately takes her embrace. She holds him. She holds him. She leans back and peppers kisses on his face.

           "I—" Kiss. "—Love." Kiss. "—You." Kiss. "I love you. I love you. I love you," June tells him. She has tears in her eyes after. "I'm proof that you're more than enough. I'm breathing because of you." She sees the frown and she quickly adds, "Because I wasn't alive before you. I was living. Cheesy, I know, I've read way too much Oscar Wilde. But it's the truth, too."

          "I'm sorry I didn't let you know how I was feeling," He says, cupping her face. "I didn't mean to keep that from you. You're right; we're mates. We go through things together or not at all."

        June feels emotion clog her throat, "Yeah."

       Jacob nods. "Anything you want to tell me?"

       "I wish I met you before all this, after, maybe even somewhere in between," June wants to say to him wholeheartedly. "Not now."

      But instead, she smiles that famous June Swan smile, one that had been kept away and locked until extreme uses like a fire extinguisher or something, looks him in the eye and says,

       "Just that I love you."

•—•—•—•—•

THE FINAL COUNTDOWN COULDN'T HAVE BEEN more awaited. It was like June was back, a year and a half ago maybe, in Sully's diner, the cat clock ticking and mocking her with each move of its wide eyes. Back when she was only a girl with a selfish wish to die because her life was boring and death seemed cool enough. Now, she's died a thousand times since then. She doesn't like death. It's boring. Living is much more fun, hurts more too, but June thinks she favors with the latter. She's become a girl who's not willing to die for the sake of dying but to save the futures of her friends, of her family, from the reign of terror the ancestors will rain down on them if June messes up her fate like Melanie Capote did. Sure she was paying for someone else's mistake, but didn't everyone?

         Mistakes trail down. People become the living embodiment of second chances; June always wondered why she and Melanie had the same face. Besides being blood, June looked at it as the second chance of Melanie Capote. A chance to make everything right and let an eternal teen spirit rest.

     "Bella must've be freezing her ass off," June said in thought as Jacob and she sat in the tent atop the mountain that was currently a winter wonderland. "She's human. And Edward's a icicle. Who's fucking idea was this again?"

       "Quil's with her," Jacob assures with a tone that makes her raise a brow.

        "Is he ..." June nods.

        Jacob looks up at her, startled. "What?"

        "Nevermind."

        "OK."

       "You know something." She narrows her eyes.

       He immediately shakes his head, "What?" His voice gets higher. He coughs. "What—no, no, nah, I don't know anything. Hey, do you know where I can get some good jeans?"

       "You don't wear jeans, jort king," She hissed and pointed at him. "You know something! Jacob!"

      "OK. OK," Jacob sighed, rubbing his temples as he sighed at her. "Quil might've ... sorta ... imprinted on your sister."

        The information sunk in. Oh fuck. Oh. Oh. Wow. June might've been suspicious of the sudden tension between Quil and Bella earlier, there was never any other indication before today that Quil was interested in her older sister. Firstly, not everyone was like Jared though and didn't make a fool of themselves when approaching their imprint. But the obvious glimmer in Quil's eyes was apparent and the subtle endearment in June's older sisters was there, too.

       "No fucking way," June finally said.

       Jacob nods, "Quil kept it a secret from us for a while ..." He says with resignation. "He knows how much your sister is in love with Cullen. She almost killed herself for him ... Quil knows what fight to pick and he doesn't want to do this now. Timings not right."

        "It is ever?" She says rhetorically. "But I get him. I wish he would've told me."

         "He knows you would've told Bella," Jacob laughs.

         "Not even! I can keep secrets!"

         "Babe, I love you, but you can't."

         June wants to roll her eyes for the irony but she just relents, "Fine, pardon me for wanting to tell my sister this life changing situation!"

        "Quil will tell her. Eventually." Jacob says assuringly. "The imprint is hard to ignore." He meets her eyes, mischief in his. "You know that."

        June flushed, "I do. But Quil better do this soon," She says with a murmur. "While she's still human — I don't know if the vampire-werewolf couple statistic is that high."

        Jacob's eyes flare, "I forgot she wanted to be one of them."

       "She does," June confirms. "Hence the worry."

All of a sudden, her phone buzzes.

TEXT FROM—EDWEIRD CULLEN.

She giggles at the contact name. Good one, June. But then she sees the message and her heart drops a little, IM OUTSIDE. June looks up at Jake, who already has an idea who it is, "He's outside. I'm assuming he wants to talk."

Jacob nods tightly, "It's cold. Don't be long."

June kisses him before she unzips the tent and climbs out, the chill air hitting her cheeks instantly and making them turn red. She sees Edward standing as still as a statue and if she didn't know who he was, she might've been fooled that someone left a marble statue of Adonis on top of a mountain. He meets her eyes though, and life comes back.

"Juniper," He greets. "How are you?"

"Good," She says wearily. "You?"

Edward nods, "I've come to talk to you."

"Obviously," She snorts, shivering.

"Can ... he hear?" Edward gestures to Jacob who's in the tent.

June frowns. She waves hand and the looks back at him, "Now, only what I want him to."

Satisfied, Edward begins. "I need you to convince your sister to pursue that wolf that has imprinted on her."

June blinks. Is he really asking her what she thinks she just heard him ask? She knew Edward was off the fucking scales sometimes but this was a whole other level of crazy. So obviously Edward knew about Quil imprinting on Bella and was know asking June to help him make Bella fall for Quil, in the midst of a battle that Edwards' family is risking their lives for a suicidal girl and another stupid girl whom they believe will soon become family to them. June was out of words for once.

"You do realize what you're implying right? Getting Bella and Quil together? Edward, y'all are engaged to be married!" June hissed at him. "The air up here is really messing with your little bat brain because you're legit going bat shit crazy and that's even an intended pun, by the way—"

         "Which is exactly why I need Bella to like him." Edward looks her in the eye. "I never wanted her to become like me — just for the sake of never having to say goodbye, to never lose her? Who's to say we'll really have a forever?"

          June bites her lip, "OK."

         He smiles somberly, "Thank you."

         "Anything to keep Bella human," She says with a small shrug.  "No offense to you, I know you love her regardless but when she's with you, she doesn't feel her best and she is the best dammit."

          "I know that as much as you," He says with a soft breath. "You and I have that in common — Bella used constantly compare herself to you."

           June blinked, "No, no she didn't."

           "I'm convinced the WWJD bracelet she wears doesn't stand for what would jesus do? But rather, what would June do?" Edward smiles at his own joke.

"Funny," June says flatly, but smiles.

"I learned from the lamest."

"You looked in the mirror? Oh wait, you can't see yourself anyway."

"You see? Lame." He chuckles.

The air turns serious again. "Are you sure about this though?" She asks lowly. She meets his eyes, "If you're really gonna go through ... what was the point of all this, Ed?"

"I've lived a long time," He says. "But you two are the first beings in a long time to make me feel another day is worth living, as sappy as that is, is the truth. I owe you both a lot ... if anything happened to both of you, I'd have no reason again. So that's why I fight. Selfish, isn't it?"

"No, you could never be selfish," June looks at him for a long while. "Stupid, yes. But selfish? That's reserved for me."

"I accept the title of stupidity," He says mockingly. "I might be; letting your sister go, hurting her all those months ago, confusing her with our ... strange circumstances ... I might be the stupidest man to ever live."

June doesn't think Edward's all the stupid; he's just young. Like her. He might be a hundred plus years old but he died at seventeen. He didn't lose that youthful mentality, that confusion, that hunger for more and the distaste for settling for less. He and she are no different from any other teenager in the world.

          "The fights today." She says lowly, just thinking about it.

          Realization hits him, "Oh." Edward nods to himself. The sun is rising again, it's still early morning. He smiles, "If this is really goodbye, and I might die, maybe I should kiss you again—"

"Again?"

June's blood freezes and it isn't because of the cold weather. No, not the weather. She raises her eyes to see Jacob standing right there, his eyes murderous, purely red.

"Juniper," Edward says lowly, he extends a hand. "I think you should get behind me—"

"Don't tell her what to do," Jacob snarls, she can see he's shaking, moments away from phasing. "June, get away from him—"

"Jacob, calm down,"

"Who the fuck do you think you are?" Jacob practically roars at Edward who's stayed still. "What did you mean again?" His eyes shoot to June.

She could lie to him. She could. But hasn't she lied enough already? She could do that. It'd be okay and he'd believe her because she's his mate and why on earth would she lie to him? But she's lied so much and she sees Edward's posture, almost yelling at her to just lie so that they might prevent some catastrophic event like Jacob losing control and killing the both of them.

       But June doesn't lie, "Its true."

The surprise is clear in his face, more so than the betrayal. He wasn't expecting this. If anything, a lie would've been better. Neither was Edward, judging by the wide eyes he had, he expected her to lie just as well. June can see the wheels turning in her boyfriends head, the hate and the anger and the confusion all rolled into one.

            Jacob stilled, "When?" He asked tightly.

            "When Bella and he got back from Italy."

            A sarcastic smirk takes place on Jacob's face and he glares at Edward, "One Swan girl isn't enough for you?" He sneers, going towards him like a hunter. "You gotta almost kill one and then steal the other? For what? Because she has the face of another girl who's death you're responsible for?"

          "Jacob, understand—" Edward begins. "It was a moment of confusion, yes, Melanie is the reason for my actions, but that's over now and I wouldn't—"

          "No, you understand," Jacob says with a yell. "Once this battle is over, you better hope you're no where near me. I'll be ripping off the heads of a few vampires today ... I don't have a mind to stop."

          "Jacob," Juniper squeaks out.

         He turns to her, his eyes hurt. "Never keep anything from each other, right?" He said ironically.

         "I was going to tell you."

         "When?" He snaps.

         Never. I hoped I'd die before I'd ever let you hate me. "Soon," She says. "After all this."

         "Did you kiss him back?"

         There's a silence. Edward speaks, "She had never said so many curse words to me before; she had all the willpower to smack me but she didn't want to break her hand ... I read her thoughts, Jacob, she was outraged and all that kept running through her mind was you."

       Juniper looks down at her feet.

       Jacob looks at her. "I need some time to think."

       "I get it."

       "If you'd have told me sooner—"

       "You would've killed him."

       "And I have every right!" Jacob yells. "You're mine, Juniper, half of your soul is in me and I have yours. You're mine, nobody takes what's mine, especially not you!"

        "That's not all I am," She scowls.

        "Juniper, that's not what I meant, don't try to switch this on me—"

       "It is though," She's angry all of a sudden, her heart racing. "You're no different from your great-grand uncle. From Ephraim. You think your imprint is some property — god forbid anyone touch it. God forbid they have a mind of their own, feelings of their own! I'm not just yours Jacob, I may be your imprint but you're not mine, I'm the Mender of the pack besides ... I belong to myself."

        "I didn't mean to say it like your my property, June, don't start," Jacob shakes his head. "After all we've been through you're really gonna play the you don't own me, card?"

       "Just because you've fucked me doesn't mean anything," June spat.

      Edward looks away and Jacob's eyes darken at her words. "Oh really? That's what you want to call it?"

    Make him hate you, you're gonna die soon, it's okay, it's okay, make him hate you. Hurt him to save him.

       June stood her ground, "What else?"

      Jacob looked like he had been slapped. His eyes narrow and he points to her, "We didn't make that child just by fucking," He gestures to her stomach.

     The earth is swept out from under her. She isn't pregnant. Not anymore. She spent a whole day and a half bleeding out her pregnancy in a bathtub. She felt numb. She knew she didn't have a child. June suddenly sees Edward's eyes lower, he's trying to hear a heartbeat most likely, she waits for his expression and when he finally looks up at her, there's a tragic dread in them. Before she can respond, she's interrupted by a howl. Then there's several more howls and the dread is more present than ever.

      "You're staying here," Jacob says suddenly, softness in his eyes. "You're not fighting — I wanted to talk to you about it before all of this ... you could've told me."

     June is teary eyes, she shakes her head, "Jacob, no, no, you don't understand—"

      "I don't blame you for the kiss. I just wish you would've told me about the baby. We're gonna be fine, I mean look at Jared and Star. Don't worry," He interrupts. "We'll talk more later. Seth's gonna here to stand guard for you."

The young wolf in question appears in his massive form behind the snowy trees and bows his head in a childish manner. She looks back to Jacob, "Jacob, please, listen to me—"

       "The newborns are coming," Edward says, urgent suddenly. "I've got to go guard Bella."

       "Go," Jacob orders darkly.

        Edward nods, despite the irritation at being given an order, he looks to June, "You're gonna be okay." Then he's off before she blinks.

       "I've got to go, too." Jacob kisses her and goes to pull away. "I love you—"

       "No, listen to me, fuck, why aren't you listening to me, Jacob?!" She cries out. "Let me go with you!"

       "Juniper you're pregnant, no—"

       "That's what I have to talk to you about—"

       "Yes, I'm happy, so happy I could drop to my knees for you, but right now I gotta do anything to keep the mother of my child and my child, safe." He smiles and he looks so happy that she cries more.

      "Jacob, please, don't go." June pleads.

       "I will be back," He vows, tenderly. "And I then I won't leave your side ever again." He looks to Seth and nods, "I'm counting on you, don't let me down."

  Seth trots his way over and nuzzles up his giant body protectively over June. She holds the wolf because of the loss of contact with Jacob. Her boyfriend leans in to give her a goodbye kiss and holds her tight. She doesn't want to let go but his strength overpowers hers and he steps back with a reluctant look on his face.

      "I love you." He says, jogging off before phasing mid-run.

a/n: I think I have morbid problems lmao