『 chapter xli : DON'T TAKE WHAT ISN'T YOURS. 』

JUNIPER KNEW IT HAD BEEN A WHILE SINCE she had come quality time with Jacob. Just he and her. Things have been so crazy, the wolves hunting for Victoria and the Cullen's working with them to thwart the still unknown intruder from coming back into the Swan household. June had felt bad. Especially since Jacob overworked himself so much that she knew he hadn't been going to school early enough to get to his second period; all for her. She was in danger and his wolf was restless in trying to eliminate that threat. His wolf side had been taking over much too frequently for his humanity to come out. Any time they got a short span of time together, was Jacob constantly holding her, making sure his scent was on her and his eyes were always a bit darker when she kissed him.

  Not like now. He was sound asleep, on his bed with his arm around her. They were supposed to be watching a movie or just talk, his words, but half way through the film he fell asleep and June promptly turned the tv off, putting a blanket on him. She took the time to remember his features as he slept. The sharp cut of his jaw, her finger traced along up to his nose and the furrow of his brow to the cupids-bow of his lips.

Jacob stirred under her featherlike touch. He opened one eye and saw her soft face; he groaned, realizing he fell asleep, "Shit, June, sorry," He stretched. "What time is it?"

"It's right around," June drawled, pretending to look down at her wrist watch. "give-me-attention o'clock."

Her boyfriend laughed. Jacob pressed a kiss to her lips and pulled her close to him. "I'm sorry." He tells her again.

"Don't apologize," She mumbles against his chest.

"We were supposed to be spending time together," Jacob's voice sounds sad. "I've wasted it."

"You deserve some sleep, puppy," June assures him, hugging him tighter. "I know the patrols have been longer and stuff ... don't apologize, finding the nomad is more important—"

"No, it isn't," Jacob says firmly. He pulls her up so she's face to face with him, more him looking down at her but nevertheless, eye to eye. "You come before everything and everyone, Juniper. Always. You're my imprint. Making sure you're safe is my number one duty but I've neglected your happiness for the sake of my sanity, knowing you're in danger everyday. I'm sorry."

June hears the sincerity in her wolfs voice. She knows how much he hurts when she does and she knows just how much Jacob takes it upon himself to feel like he's responsible for every little thing that makes June unhappy. It tears her apart sometimes, with what she knows will be her ending, how much she can't just be honest with Jacob and let her death be prevented. But June doesn't know what horrible consequences will come from cheating death again, the first time was hell.

"You can't blame yourself for everything that happens to me, puppy," June says softly. She taps his nose. "I told you when we first started dating that there'll be days when I'm sad and that you just gotta let me be sad. It has nothing to do with you."

"Try convincing the animal inside," Jacob replies with a heavy sigh.

June knows as much as she has her own demons, Jacob has his. He struggles with his wolf side so much, "You're so much more than a Shape Shifter, Jake." She reminds him.

"I think you're the only one who sees that," He says softly to her. She runs her hands through his hair. "Sometimes I feel like I'm just gonna fade away; sometimes turning back into myself is hard, the only thing that helps me is the pack saying your name in my head, reminding me that you're here and you need me ..."

"You put too much pressure on yourself," June says with a frown. "I'm okay. I'm not gonna go anywhere ..."

"I don't even think about that," Jacob says. "It fucks me over too much, just the thought of anything happening to you ... that's what makes it harder to turn back. I couldn't deal with those feelings as me ... I'd have to be a wolf forever."

Hearing his words give her that sharp guilt again. "You don't have to worry about that that, puppy," She says softly. "But you also don't need to blame yourself for everything that goes wrong."

"June, you're not a wolf, you can't possibly understand ..." He tells her like she's a child. "We haven't completed the spirit ceremony."

June stills at his words, "Yeah," She nods. "So?"

Jacob chuckles a bit, "So you don't have my scent in your blood. We can't hear each other's thoughts like Sam and Emily can or Star and Jared," He tells her and once he sees her wide eyes, he smiles. "You'd have to have known Star completed the ceremony with Jared, she's carrying his kid."

"She did smell different ..." June realizes, only thinking that it had to do with being an expecting mother, not connecting the fact that she might've completed the spirit ceremony with Jared. "But what does that have to do with us again?"

Jacob cups her face, "Like I said, you don't have my scent in your blood, meaning my wolf is anxious and takes over a lot when it comes to you," He says. "We just want to protect you and it's impossible when we're not bound in every way."

June knows he wants that. She wishes she could give that to him, to assure him better, but binding their souls in the spirit ceremony was far from the best idea. She dies and he dies and June head already decided that she's going to be the furthest from selfish when it came to dying. She wouldn't do that to him. It brought her thoughts to that painful night of reading in her ancient Quileute journals and reading on ways to break the red string that connected Jacob and she. By the timing wasn't right yet, the time would come but it wasn't now. For now he was hers and she was his and that's all that they needed.

"Can you promise me something?"

Jacob looks at her, "Anything."

"When ... all of this craziness is over," June begins softly, her lips curling into a smile. "That we can just act our age? No wolf stuff or Mender duties. Just us. A couple of sixteen year olds who's worst enemy is the SAT's. Just me, June, who loves you and Jacob the one who isn't burdened all the time."

Jacob seems to want that as well, "I can't think of anything better than that." He says genuinely. "Sounds nice ... picnics, movie nights, driving the Rabbit to Port Angeles and watching the boats sail at sunset."

It's so normal that June an cry, "Stop, my heart hurts."

Jacob kisses her cheek, "We'll get that."

Oh, but will we, handsome?

Jacob stares at her for a long moment. She feels it. He stares at her and it's like he's starting at every single fiber of her body. She knows what's gonna happen. It's something that has been building in the both of them. It's no longer innocent pecks and blushing cheeks. It's passionate kisses and breathless sighs of pleasure when a hand goes too far or touches a place extra sensitive. They're kids. On the edge of sixteen ... it shouldn't be a thought yet, but love is where love is. Their kinda love isn't just some whisper of sweet nothings either. They were soulmates. He belonged to her, everything he was was all hers. But June couldn't. She couldn't give all of herself to him, that was the most selfish thing she might've done.

             She couldn't do that when she had plans; plans that were connected with an ancient book on how to break the best thing that's ever happened to her. She couldn't.

But she didn't want her last and only to be a clumsy and inexperienced time with Mike Newton in his room when he threw a party at his house. June wanted her last time to be with someone she loved ... she didn't care about her virtue or anything, she was far from pure at this moment in her life.

"Jacob?"

"Yeah?" He mumbles, cupping her face.

"If we were to ..." June trails off. Her eyes meet his. "Could you promise me you won't complete the spirit ceremony? Like, during? I know it has something to do with consummation and biting each other but could we wait on that and just ..."

"You ... want me?" Jacob asks cautiously.

In that moment, June's bright blue eyes turn navy, "I always want you," She tells him in a murmur.

"We can wait for that," Jacob tells her about the spirit ceremony. "I know you want a real wedding, everyone there, and I'll give you that."

"I know you will," June smiles.

         "But for now," Jacob pulled her to him, already knowing where she was going with the question. "I can give you anything."

That's all that she needs. he grabbed his face, greedily pulling him toward her, until his lips were against hers, and now she kissed him with abandon, desperately seeking his lips. June closed her eyes, squashing the guilt in her stomach and moved on instinct alone. She needed him, she needed him, she needed him. She had to feel him. Realizing what she wanted, he stood up and pulled his sweatpants and boxers off, and he came back to the bed. Her heart jumped into her throat when she realized how far she was going, how much she wanted him. She was going to do this. She shivered, grabbing at his shoulders, his arms, and his back now. She wanted all of him. Jacob rakes his eyes appreciatively over his mates body, his rough calloused hands going over every inch, causing a pleasured gasp to escape June's lips every time he got to an extra sensitive part of her body. He pulled her down on top of him and rubbed the bundle of nerves that was just begging to be touched. She moaned.

This was it, years of innocent smiles and blushes turned into what was going on. Built up passion had accumulated to this moment.

She gasped as she felt his strong arms on her waist, moving them to the edge of the bed, placing her just above him—Right there. He thrust into her, filling her completely, touching places she'd never even felt before. She couldn't think. She leaned forward, needing something to hold onto, but he pushed her back upright, gripping her hips tightly, rolling his hips into her. She wrapped her legs around his waist and they rocked together, Jacob moving in and out of her, his hips grinding into her, touching all of her. She shivered, clutching at his shoulders, her moans spilling in the air.

She gripped his shoulders for dear life, feeling him around her, against her, inside her...she couldn't feel anything that wasn't Jacob. He whispered in her ear sweet nothings in Quileute, I love you ... you're everything ... so beautiful ... you're an angel to me ... the language sending her into a heated mess as they continued to please each other.

She was gasping now, reeling from the lust that ripped through her. And somehow, though they had never done this before, though she said nothing more than that, he knew exactly what she needed. Of course he did. He turned, pushing her down onto the bed, pinning her underneath him. For the first time, she opened her eyes and looked him full in the face. He was staring straight into her eyes, his face hard, his eyes blazing with adoration and sheer love that she had to shut her eyes before she cried. He captured her lips with his mouth, devouring her. He was everywhere: on top of her, around her, inside of her, and rubbing against her as he drove into her. She could feel him everywhere at the same time, all through her entire body and it was too much. The pleasure flooding through her was so intense it might have been pain except that she'd never felt so good in her entire life.

              Jacob watches her face throughout the entire time; he's convinced he'll never love anything or anyone as much as he loves Juniper. It's her voice he wants to hear whimper his name, her lips he wants to kiss, her body he wants to feel ripple with emotion each time he tells her she's perfect.

          "Just like that, ocean eyes," Jacob says fondly as she rolls her hips into him, holding her for support. This is all for her.

"You're mine," June says in between their kiss.

"I am, baby," He confirms.

"I love you so much," She cries out, throwing her head bark as she holds him tightly. June throws her head back as she was taken over the edge.

              They collapsed in each other's arms, their heavy breathing the only thing that could be heard. June's mind was a fuzzy mess of emotions and desire, she laid back on the bed as Jacob snuggled up next to her. That's when the realization sets in. Fuck, fuck, June! What did you do? How could you—you're selfish, you're the most selfish fucking girl in the world, you're gonna die—

  "You," Jacob says thickly, breathlessly. He pushes her hair back from her face. "Are the most beautiful girl in the world."

           She knows how much he means it, how in love he is with her, how much she messed up. "I'm nothing compared to you," June says just as emotionally.

You're the most selfish girl to live.

•—•—•—•—•

THE PACK WAS HAVING THEIR FIRST OFFICIAL council meeting since Harry Clearwater passed and it was safe to say that it was gonna be an emotional one. For starters, it was gonna be Leah, Seth, Lyanna, and Star's first time hearing the stories of the pack and the tribe. June had her fair share of council meetings. They were usually indoors, at her grandma's usually, and boring as hell. And they didn't have the pack present, not even Jacob was allowed to those meetings, despite being the Mender's mate. Only the elders, alpha of the pack, and the Mender could be at the meetings and since Jacob had so righteously and stupidly let Sam be alpha, that was the consequence of it. H

                    But this council meeting was one of the major ones. Campfire and food and Paul usually eating everything ( though June supposed he'd be fighting the very pregnant Star for that title ) and overall, everyone was invited. Well, those who did know about their super secret supernatural club, of course.

June has her music humming lowly as Patrick Verona eats his dog food in his corner of her room; she pulls out her outfit for the night, catching a small glimpse of herself in the mirror and seeing that most of her bruises had seemingly vanished. A big burst of hope rises in her chest but its interrupted by a knock at her door.

    "It's unlocked, come in," June chimes.

"It's me." Bella pokes her head, her brown eyes shining as she smiles at her younger sister. She shuts the door behind her, then looks at June. "Nice jacket. What's the occasion?"

      "Council meeting," June says with a sigh. "Pack stuff. The newbies are getting to hear the legends for the first time and everything, plus, as the honorary member, it's an obligation. Unfortunately."

Bella nods, "Thought you liked bonfires?"

"Not when I've heard the same stories billions of times."

"Maybe they'll tell a new one?"

"There's only so many," June shakes her head. She looks to her older sister who seems to be uncomfortable about something. "But you came in here for a reason. What's up?"

Bella smiles stiffly, "I just came to ask if you'd be fine with Jasper taking over the next watch here for you," She says tersely.

June blinks, "Sure—I guess? Why's that a question?"

Her sisters face darkens a bit and she looks down at her hands, her posture stiff. "I just thought you'd enjoy seeing Jasper here that's all. Him and Alice have been going through a rough patch, so Edward tells me."

June narrows her eyes, "OK? What's that gotta do with me?" She questions.

Bella got to her feet. "Well, he's basically the spitting image of Edward, despite not even being related, and l know how attracted you are to him." She says and pins June with her dark irises. "I'm not stupid, Juniper, despite what you and my boyfriend might think. I see the looks his family gives him when your name is mentioned—

"Alright, what the fuck is happening?" June snaps, her eyes burning brightly. "What are talking about—"I know how attracted you are to Edward?" Are you fucking joking?"

Bella crosses her arms over her chest, "You told me if I had anything to get off my chest about this whole situation that I could tell you to your face," The elder girl explains plainly, but the hurt in evident in her eyes.

"This situation has been over for weeks. It's been done—"

Her sister laughs coldly, "No, June, it isn't," Bella contra. "Otherwise I wouldn't be wasting my breath on it anymore. But I'm not stupid. I see the way you look at him when you think no one is watching, and god knows he cannot be in the same room as you without staring."

This was information that was all new to June. She didn't think she stared at Edward a certain way and she never paid him much mind after the whole kiss fiasco to see if Edward stared at her the way Bella claims he does.

"Bella, you're blowing this out of proportion," June tries to convince her. "It's just the whole June looks like Melanie thing that has him staring probably. It's freaky. I would be staring too—"

"You're seriously not this dense are you, June?" Bella cuts her off, her voice eerily calm.

Choked up, June says, "Bella—"

"Edward told me he was in love with you before I ever came into the picture. Since he first moved back." Bella tells her, much to the shock of Juniper. "Esme assured me it would pass once we got married ... it's why I agreed when he proposed." Bella sat down on her bed and gave her a envious look, watching as June sucked in a breath at the revelation. "I am willing to give this person my mortality and yet ... he still cares for you more than me."

June narrowed her eyes at her sisters tone, her lower lip puffed out. "I never led him on, never, not once since you two have been together. He wouldn't even talk to me before you, Bella." She says firmly. "You make it seem like I've slept with him—"

"Oh, I know that," Bella replies, plucking dust from her long sleeve sweater. "Edward is too old school. He has a high price on a woman's dignity."

June glared at her sister, angry now. "Look, I don't have to listen to you accusing me of shit I didn't do—"

"I am not my mother," Bella rushed on, her voice stronger than June had ever heard it, sounding more and more like a woman scorned with each breath. "Maybe she could've turn a blind eye to dad cheating on her with your mom all those years ago but I will not be laughed at in my own home by Emmett or Jasper or any of the Cullen's who much prefer you to me."

"What are you even saying? Fuck, Bella— "

"Let me talk!" Taking a steadying breath, Bella declared, vulnerability creeping into her voice, "I had thought when I came back to Forks that we could finally be true sisters. Not like when we were younger but equals. Not me living in your shadow." Cautiously, she added, "I thought ... with everything you went through, with James—"

June stiffened. "Stop."

"—I thought it would've made you more easy to catch up with, but it only made you better than me." Bella says brokenly. "It's like we're kids all over again and seeing dad prefer you over me."

"Bella ... I don't ..." June felt a peculiar hollowness in her chest at Bella's pained words. Finally she weakly managed, "What do you want me to say?"

"I do not want you to say anything. I just want you to leave him to me." Wiping at a stray tear on her porcelain cheek, Bella spoke out, "As long as you stay with the Cullen's, near my fiancé, you ruin everything."

She nodded as if she understood, as if she agreed, but June was certain she would never understand anything ever again. When she looked at Bella now, she did not see the pretty doe-eyed girl everyone of Forks envied or the absent sister of her youth; for the first time June saw the woman beneath the awkwardness and shy smiles, the girl who would be eternally eighteen soon and who was afraid she was going to lose the person who'd make her immortal to her younger sister, the one who always put her in a shadow of nothingness.

"I loved him too," June found herself confessing for the first time, her voice trembling.

She didn't know how true it might've been until Edward kissed her. She was revolted; how could she loved the same person who caused her great aunts death with his selfishness. But maybe it was the way he saw the world? In a way that Jacob hadn't seen ... it made June's heart clench faintly when she saw the world through those golden eyes. Before, when she was an even younger girl, and she saw a man more beautiful than the porcelain statues in Italy and lived for the way he'd look at her with curiosity and melancholy. Maybe it was love, obviously different from the love she bore Jacob, no, it'd never match what she felt for her wolf. But it was something. And she wouldn't lie to Bella about it anymore.

Blue eyes met brown ones and it was a battle none of them expected. "You have to have known that," June continues, her eyes sad. "In this whole revelation of yours, you'd have to have known, I loved him before it all."

Bella studied her for a moment, eyes saying what couldn't be said before calmly ordering, "Of course, I know that Juniper," Bella says stiffly, getting up to go out the door. "You two have a history I can't ever match. It's not your fault you were born with a familiar face. But if you hold any love for me, you'll stop."

June didn't know what she had to stop? Loving Edward? She didn't love him. Not anymore. Not in an ounce of what she felt for Jacob. She could never, she was gonna die anyway, she couldn't be greedy into what person she loved. There was only one she loved and only one she thought about in some alternate timeline where the flower continues to bloom and never dies. But that isn't this story. And June won't live forever.

"Bella?"

Her older sister stops by the door.

"I'm really sorry."

Bella frowned a bit, "It's gonna be a while before I can think about accepting that apology."

Please don't be too long, June thinks. I don't have a lot of time and I'd be haunted forever if I die without you forgiving me.

June nods, though she can't help but add, "But you'd forgive Edward like that, just so easily?"

"Yes," Bella surprises her with her hypocrisy. "Because he isn't my blood. You're my sister. You hurt me ten thousand times more than whatever heartache he could've given me."

Then Bella goes out the door, shutting it behind her and leaves June there, tears running down her face as she sits down on her bed. Selfish indeed.

A/N: before y'all jump at me lmao yes june loved edward when he first came back to forks bc he was different and mysterious and handsome and she digged that shit; but she doesn't anymore bc she's a good ass person and loves Jake. and oh yeah BAM for that smut scene ;) don't act like sixteen y.o. ain't doing the nasty 😷 anyway