『 chapter xliv : WHITE FLAG. 』

LIFE WAS BEGINNING TO INTWINE WITH THOSE tragic novels and poems Juniper's older sister loves so much. Much like Robert Frost did, June was starting to wonder how the world would end—would it end in flame so bright that you'd blink and all was gone? Or in ice, so cold that your last breath freezes midair and drops before your ice statue of a being? Both seemed to have each of its own benefits of their own cataclysmic events. But then June realized how figurative that was. Maybe he didn't mean the world in general ... maybe he meant, his own world. In this case, June's. How would her world end? For as much as her grandmother seemed to know of her death, she was gonna die beautifully. Her heart would be in her hands and diamonds would litter the ground around her and the sun and the moon would be in the sky at the same time.

Quite an end.

But she wasn't ending yet, her story still had pages to go, but if it was a novel, it would leave the reader feeling heavy hearted when they realized just how little more left they had to go before they'd finish the book. For now, the pretty protagonist was figuring it how to make a sequel for the people around her, even when her storyline line would be all written out. For now, she lives. As much as the people in the texts she's currently reading are. Texts about the origins of the vampiric species and just how cursed they were; Jacob had forbade her from spending time with the Cullen's more than she had to, but ever since he decided to go all superhero and bring their pack into a bloody fight, she didn't really give a fuck what he wanted.

June sat with her legs hanging off the counter of the makeshift library that Carlisle had in his office. They had spent pretty much the whole morning trying to figure out if there was any chance that a coven of seven vampires and eight shape shifters could have against an army of freshly turned bloodsuckers. No luck yet, but June had realized jus those little time she had spent with Carlisle by himself. He was handsome that was for sure, it was as obvious as Forks being rainy. But she sees how he looks perpetually tired yet content. It's a strange combination that only works on his face; she wonders what he was like before, what he wanted, as much as Rosalie, Emmett, Edward, Alice, and Jasper considered him a father, she's sure there must've been a time when he was a human and might've wanted children of his own.

"Carlisle?" June chimes as she skims through pages of old texts he has of his kind.

The young doctor looks up from his read; his gold eyes meet hers, "Yes, Juniper?"

She looks down, "Not to be weird but ... you've been alive for a long time, right?"

To her surprise, Carlisle chuckles. "You can say that."

She sets the book to her side and looks back up at him and asks, "Did you ever know anyone else like ... like me?"

Carlisle paused, he looked to be in thought before he set his own book down. "When I was a human, my father was one of those fanatical religious people; his job was hunting vampires and werewolves and accused witches. They don't exist by the way."

"Your dad was a supernatural hunter basically."

"Basically," Carlisle agreed. "And we found little to none until I was turned by a vampire of course. But after I left everything, I studied, I learned more about myself and the world I was raised to despise — the one species that always intrigued me was Mender's, and you're the first one I've ever met."

"Really?" June smiles, she looks so young.

"Oh, yes," He smiles back. "I've never met anyone quite like you, Juniper. Though if I'm correct, you're the third Mender ever to exist, correct?"

"Yeah. I'm the third girl that the tribe will write about but no one will remember my name, just like the Third Wife," June huffs out sarcastically, annoyed.

Carlisle smiles at her, "You're hard to forget."

At that, June asks, "Did you ever really know Melanie Capote that good? I trust you more than anyone else — Edward and Rosalie are biased, they say she's a saint — I know you won't sugarcoat anything."

The man sighs, "Melanie Capote ... that's another unforgettable girl. I say girl because that's what she was. A girl," He smiles a small smile before he continues. "She wasn't a bad person, Juniper. But in my opinion, like many of us, she could've made better choices. Starting with never falling in love with Edward."

"That's hard," June mumbles.

Carlisle's eyes stay on her, "Is it?"

"Yeah," June reluctantly says, using words she once used on her soulmate. "Edward ... he's so terribly easy to love."

         "Esme says the same," Carlisle hums. He'll never understand the connection that June and Edward have; two people that missed their moment, two people that didn't belong to one another. "But you're nothing like her."

           "No?" June says with a small smile.

           "I'm sure you're not used to hearing that."

           "My face seems to tell people otherwise," June sighs, messing with her bracelets. "The Elders look at me and I can see they're reminded of the fact that they missed a chance to phase because of Melanie — because she didn't do her duty."

           "I'm sure they don't blame you."

           "No, but it's easy to," June says hen feels her heart clench a bit. "I always ruin things."

           Carlisle stands, going over to her. He looks to see emotions flicker over June's young face and starts to notice the strange bruises that litter her legs and arms. "I think you're a very brave girl." He says as he lays a cold hand on her shoulder. "You've gone through things that most people, vampire, wolf, couldn't imagine surviving. You did that. I know when you're gone from this world, no ones gonna remember you as the Third Girl. They're gonna remember Juniper Swan."

                     June looks up at the sincere eyes of the vampire. Something in his expression makes her crumble and she starts sobbing, throwing her arms around him. She feels him return the embrace. He rubs her back soothingly and his cool hand lessens the pain of the bruising she has on it.

          "Juniper—are you alright? Should I call Jacob—"

          "No!" She says a little too quickly. "Don't call Jacob, he'll just freak out and try to fix everything but he can't fix this, he can't fix what I did—no one can ..."

           "Juniper," Carlisle pulls away to look at her face. He sees the complete helpless and utter distress. "You can tell me."

          She's past the point of trying to save herself. She knows it's too late. But maybe she can save herself emotionally; she's not doing herself any good keeping all this bottled up and the second someone mentions her looking a little down she snaps and starts sobbing and that isn't the best thing right now.  So when Carlisle tells her that, she can't help but blurt out:

         "I'm dying," June tells him.

         Carlisle pauses. Quickly, his eyes meet hers. "What?"

          "I'm dying, Carlisle."

          He echoes and she nods, wiping her tears. "Dying? Juniper ... of what exactly—"

         "My powers," She coughs a bit, tears welling her eyes as she speaks. "Whatever's changed about me since the magic awoke in the pack and the phased ... it's killing me. It's too much. Every time I use it, I get bruises all on my body and I bleed from my nose and my head feels like it's on fire. I'm dying. I can feel the earth and the things living on it but I can also feel myself dying, Carlisle."

              Carlisle looks at her, then shifts his gaze down to her heart. He listens to her breathing and the beating of the organ in there. "Your heart is beating unusually, I don't know I didn't listen before ... " he says and then pauses as if he's listening again. "Juniper, you're gravely ill. If any patient of mine had this problem, they'd be rushed into intensive care, a heart transplant would be the only—"

               June was prepared to hear the worst. "Which is why no one knows, which is why I've been masking my scent and heartbeat from everyone." She says loftily. She looks up at him, deciding then. "Carlisle? I need you to do me a favor."

               Carlisle blinked softly, hoping he wouldn't hear the plea her sister had been asking his son for, "If it's in my power, of course."

             "It should be," June smiles sadly.

             "Go ahead."

             "I need you to let me die."

The Cullen patriarch stiffened at the young girls words. Let me die. In all his years, in all his lives he had always made it to keep life going. He had heard countless pleas of people begging him to save their lives and turn them immortal. He had heard the same voice and the same face, skin a shade or two darker, richer, holding his sons hand as she begged for immortality. Then came June Swan, just as beautiful and just as lovely ... wanting to die.

            "June–?" He questions. "I'm afraid I don't follow."

            "My sister. Bella," June answers simply. "She'll want you to turn me. I know, deep down, she's always wanted to me to be like you, like how she'll be. To live with her forever. You know I love your family like they're my own, especially Rosalie ... but I also know the price. I don't want to pay it."

            "If any one of us had the chance, I doubt any of us would pay it." Carlisle says just as sadly and understands then.

            "I know you never asked to be this way ..."

            "You want me to make sure Bella doesn't convince any of my children to turn you?" Carlisle repeats.

           "Yes." June nods firmly. "Because If I'm one of you ..." She trails off with a soft sob, covering her mouth. "Jacob won't love me anymore. I'd be the enemy. I wouldn't be a Mender anymore ... my magic would be gone forever, I don't know who I was was before it and I don't know who I'll be without it."

                "Maybe there's another way ..." Carlisle says, his mind already refusing to have a world without a soul like June Swan in it. "A cure of some sorts, have you consulted your grandmother maybe—?"

              "I already talked to my grandma." She nods, standing up and looking out of the window. "Some sacrifices are worth dying for. They're my people. My pack. If my death helps them in some way ... I would die a thousand times over."

            "A sacrifice?" Carlisle repeats somberly.

            June nods, "Its what every Mender goes through ... what Melanie ran away from," She reveals. "A white flag of surrender."

           "I didn't know this."

           "No one does," June says sadly. "It's a way to thank the spirits for allowing us to use their magic. But there's a price; some precious almighty blood has to be spilled."

           "Mender's."

           "We're sacred to the pack for a reason," She says, revealing all she knows. "We make sure the mates of the wolves deliver children safely. We ensure the wolves learn how to phase. We help the Elders communicate with the spirits of our ancestors. The Third Wife died to protect her husband and the tribe. A sacrifice. Melanie killed herself because she didn't want to be a sacrifice. Her magic is still unpaid."

           "And you have to pay it." Carlisle realizes.

           June paused for a moment. "I do. I will."

          "Why you?"

          "Who else?" She shakes her head. "My pack will suffer. The spirits made it clear; the nightmares I have, the death, they were warnings. Star's child will die. Any child Emily, Lyanna, Leah have will die. My pack won't be as strong. My death has a meaning and it's for them."

              "Juniper," Carlisle says frantically. "There has to be another way—"

             "There isn't," She smiles sadly. "Before I knew all I know now, I might've wanted that. To live. But there's too much at stake. I'm not Melanie. I won't be selfish."

           "What about your family? Your — Jacob?"

            "I've got everything planned," She says calmly. "Trust me. I know what I'm doing. All you have to do, is let me die."

            "June, your father."

             That's when the sixteen year old began to cry again and the doctors heart clenched with emotion, "Some goodbyes are gonna be harder than others." She wipes her cheeks and looks at him in the eye. "Just do that for me, won't you, Carlisle? Can you give me your word?"

Carlisle knows he'll regret it until the end of time. He knows Edward will never forgive him if he knew, he would have to shield his thoughts more. But June was begging him. He only ever turned the willing, those without a choice. June has made her choice. She made it clear and Carlisle was damned so much, he wouldn't condemn himself more if it meant June would hate him and her existence as a creature of the night. June Swan was prepared to die. Carlisle lamented in the thought of another beauty of soul lost to the world. Melanie Capote had a beautiful soul too, but it was intangible. June's was real and raw and you could feel it. Melanie only ever cared about a life that would benefit her and everyone else be damned. June is nothing like Melanie, though. He knows now.

           "I give you my word, June." Carlisle tells her.

His words make June smile. It's such a beautiful sight that he swears he can see the girl she used to be in that smile. The youthful cheerleader who had a smile on her laughing blue eyes. The one who didn't have such a burden on her shoulders. The one who wanted to live. It almost wipes his doubt, as she nods to him and walks out the door and shuts it behind her.

Almost.

•—•—•—•—•—•

IT HAD BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE IT WAS JUST June and Charlie together. Since Bella came to Forks to live with them. Since Daphne promptly came right after and subsequently got pregnant. Since Willie was born and his delighted childlike screams took up the space of the house. It's kinda hard for her to remember; it seems like such a distant memory, it doesn't feel real sometimes. All she knows now is Bella across the hall from her. Toy trucks and building blocks litter the stairs and Daphne's amateur photographs are hung all over the walls of the two story castle. Mornings were changed from simple and quiet exchanges and pop tarts to bustling late wake up calls and bacon and eggs being thrown at you on a plate while kid cartoons play in the background.

"JOON! JOON!" Willie tries to get her attention as he pushes his toy airplane at her. "Look!"

"What? Wow! It's soooo cool!" She says in exaggerated enthusiasm but it's what kids live for so she does it. "Who gave it to you, cutie?"

       Willie smiles his two toothed smile and points to Charlie who's watching them fondly. "Dada dada," He babbles away confidently.

At one and a half, William's a steady walker and heavy talker. His vocabulary stretches to about fifteen words but the boy understands much more than he can speak; she can sometimes see his baby face frown in frustration when he can't express what he wants. Willie's favorite words are no and peas which is please and mine. He's very expressive in what he doesn't like and what he does and he can really make June laugh sometimes. He's much like his older sister in the fact that he feels the need to have the attention on him. If you give him a crayon, you'll have different colors of lines and strange circles and whatnot along the walls but Daphne and Charlie never seem to mind.

"It's crazy to see how fast you all grow," Charlie's voice is nostalgic. "One day you're like this," He chucks a finger under Willie's chubby chin which makes the boy laugh a bit. "And the next thing you know, you're like Bella. Graduating."

June looks at her dad, "Did you think you'd ever have three kids? After Bella?"

              Charlie shakes his head, "No. Bella was a surprise. After I married Renee, she didn't want a whole bunch of kids, even if I did, I agreed for her. Because love is compromising." He sighed. "But then Bella came and I could start to see the doubt Renée's eyes about everything ... but then your mother was there. Daphne was always there."

"Did you know mom liked you?" June grins, pulling Willie up so he can sit on her lap.

"Billy, Quil's father, Quil, and Harry would always joke about it," He says with a small smile. "Here comes Daphne underfoot, they'd call her. But I didn't know for sure. I was twenty-three when Renée left and Daphne had just turned eighteen but when I saw her at Harry's house for the first time in a year since everything happened ... I just knew."

"Knew what?" June was interested.

"—Knew it's best to love what's good for you," Charlie said distantly, tapping her nose. "Daphne has always been the most beautiful woman, but after she came back from staying with her cousins over in the Makah Rez, she wasn't an underfoot anymore. She was grown. She listened and knew what to say and I realized how in love I was. Especially after she told me she was gonna have you. I was happier than I had been since I lost your grandparents."

June smiles, "I'm happy you're my parents." She tells him honestly.

Charlie softens. He kissed her hair and looked at her with those brown eyes that she wished she had, "The best part of my life, June, is yours." Charlie replies. "Being your dad. And Bella's. And this little ones'." He tickles Willie under the chin and the baby giggles. "I'm happy."

"Do you think mom will want more?"

"I don't think three is enough for her," He says with a small laugh, his eyes bright. "She considers Bella her own but she told me that she wouldn't mind another."

Good. Good, have another. Have however many it's gonna take for it to not hurt as much when I go. Have a dozen and be the happiest people to ever live, dad, because you and mom deserve that—

"I think that's perfect." June gushes. "Willie's already growing. He could use a friend, there isn't really any other babies his age that we know."

Charlie's eyes become nervous, "Well, then, kiddo, I have some news for you." He says happily. "Your mom hadn't told anyone, not even you, she just thought she was sick but then she had problems at the wedding with her dress and she was sick the whole time on the honeymoon—"

June can only smile because she can't describe he extreme elation that floods her system. She can't tell someone what a relief it is that this castle won't be reduced to one child living here and growing here and being happy here. There'll be another, and from what June dreams, will be the last but certainly not for a poor reason.

       •—•—•—•—•

JUNE DOESN'T KNOW WHY SHE ENDS UP AT HIS house of all places to go. But maybe it's because her chapters are dwindling, she needs to throw in her white flag and surrender to time and surrender to things she can't control. She doesn't mean to visit Edward on a subject of romance; she just wants to talk. Before all the dreams, before all the lies and the schemes and the distance and regret, they would just talk. They could talk for hours on end and each still have a proper thing to say to each other that made actual sense. And maybe that's just what Juniper needs — some common sense, a person to talk to. Who better can understand what it's like to die than a person who's already dead? She only feels ugly about coming to Edward because of what she promised her sister. That she'd stop whatever control or whatever something she had with Edward. Which was ridiculous because June hadn't loved Edward since James almost killed her about two years ago, when she was nothing more than some fourteen year old girl trying to die.

                  Edward invited her in, gesturing her upstairs to a room she knows all too well. "Considering you're here and not at your wolfs house," He smiles a bit as she glares. "I can guess that you have to talk about something he doesn't know?"

               "Mostly everything I say, I don't want Jacob to know," June said dryly as she takes the cup of water he hands her. "But you listen. Jacob acts."

"Yes, I'm quite aware," Edward replies. "So—what's bothering Juniper Swan so much that she comes to me to talk?" He smiles.

That's the thing about June. She'll never really say what's wrong with her but she'll say enough to get some sort of perspective. Edward, with all he complications they have with one another, knows her better when it comes to her mentally. Jacob's there for her emotions — he's sunshine and sunny days and warm air and flowers in bloom while Edward's cloudy days with cold winds and icy fields. He can, more than anyone, know how June is feeling in times of giving up.

"Nothing too heavy," She says with a grin.

Edward raises a brow, he's listening to her thoughts. "If I could get headaches, listening to your mind surely would give me one." He tells her. "It's never going to be clear, it's just static all around—"

"Maybe it'll teach you to mind your damn business until I tell you what I'm talking about," June snapped at him playfully.

He smiles at her tone as she sits down on his makeshift futon and sighs. "From what I'm gathering, your mother is pregnant again?" He guesses.

June doesn't know why the emotion traps itself in her throat but it does anyway, "They want another one." She admits. "My moms young ... it was bound to happen."

There's a subtle silence after that. Two people who are deader than dead ( one on her way ) with hopes and maybe a thousand different life choices whom both would untimely lose any semblance of normalcy. Edward might've been a good father, June thinks, he might've wanted to marry a nice girl who didn't have Melanie's face and have a nice little life with a fence and a dog. Or maybe she was confusing Rosalie's dreams for Edward's. Either way, the want was there but the choice to act on that was gone.

"I never asked you ..." Edward sounds out, his voice unsure. "Does it make you sad that you'll never be a mother? I know you're young, but is that something you eventually wanted?"

"You didn't have to ask," She says. "Not if you don't want to know."

"Are you?"

"Am I what?"

"Sad." Edward asks again.

In her mind, once she got Jacob, there were times when they'd be together and these little possibilities popped up all at once. Small and tiny and completely hers. A young girls dream to marry the boy she eventually grows to love and eventually wants to have a living embodiment of him and her, something of them, made into one thing. But that was ages ago, when she had hope and she wasn't planning on surrendering. Back when he was hers without a doubt.

June sighs, "Sad isn't exactly the right word."

"What is it then?"

"Disappointing ...? No. I don't know."

There's something in his eyes then. He's picking through her mind again. When he eventually pieces together the most bold thoughts, the picture isn't pretty, it's quite upsetting that he feels his eyes shut in dismay. He understands why she's so calm now ... he knows what she's done and he looks at her like she's Joan of Arc or something, when really, all she's done is make sure no one other than her will die. He sees flashes of a girl he saw at Charlie and Daphne's wedding, marks that Juniper currently has on her back appearing on the girls.

"But you wanted to? Be a mother, that is?"

June looks out the window, "I learned that it's better to not wish for things that aren't meant to be." She says simply.

"I hope you live."

She looks at him again. He looks back at her. Before, he had been cursing her when she cursed at him. This girl wasn't Melanie. This girl was her own girl. She wasn't the third girl or the last one or the best one, she was just a girl and it was time people stopped thinking of her as more or less. Edward nodded to her, his eyes genuine, telling her that it was his true wish for her to live longer. But she didn't think hope would save her anymore. No, it was way passed that.

a/n: i listened to cold coffee by ed sheeran while I wrote this,,,,and yes I was taking a shit when I wrote the end of this. 😤😤🤙🏽🤙🏽