epilogue pt. ii: AFTER THE FLOWER WILTS.

SINCE HER LIFE WAS MUCH MORE THAN SOME statuesque, we won't focus on the funeral they held for the once lively dead girl. We'll dust on how everyone cried, on how her mother could barley keep a second from passing without crying in her husbands arms as she watched her firstborn's nice casket be lowered down in a hole in the earth. The father holds his wife all while trying to ask the gods: why? why his daughter? why his sweet precious little girl? Why why why why—A grieving boyfriend will hold onto his sisters, sister whom came down to care for their brother like they used to all those years ago, as he tries to force himself into waking up from this nightmare. Two best friends weep endlessly, one heavily pregnant and void of emotion and the other clutching her boyfriends hand just to keep standing. A weary cousin will hold his grandmother, the grandmother who saw the flowers unfortunate ending, but even with a thousand glimpses of the future, it'd never prepare her for that day. Mentions of how bellflowers were decorated everywhere will be said, a older sister will be drowned in a cloud of nothingness for a while again, and a baby brother will cry during all hours of the night like he knows there's someone in the house missing from keeping it from feeling whole.

        There's only a handful who know the truth; but courtesy of the girl with blue eyes no one will ever see again, the last thing most will be able to remember is the terminally ill girl named Juniper Swan. Only a few know the Mender of the Quileute pack June Swan, girl almighty, fighter until her last breath. The girl that died with her heart in her hands ...

It was a good way to go.

        •—•—•—•—•

YEARS LATER, five to be exact, her older sister will have chosen a different life for herself. She'll fulfill her little sisters last wish, for her to live. Edward, too racked with guilt for everything, let's her be and it's back to him never existing. Saying goodbye to his family was harder. The Volturi forgets such trivial things, humans die for anything, it's a problem that's diverted. And so Bella will go to Dartmouth, she becomes a girl in her early 20's and by complete happenstance, she ends up loving another person ( much more fiercely than she ever thought she could, anyone ) and it's the most wonderful thing Bella can imagine at the moment.

His name is Ethan, and he's kind, unconditionally so, and when it matters, he can make Bella laugh. There's days that Ethan loves talking about his past, Bella learns. Ethan has the most ridiculous stories about his childhood, dealing with a house of four other brothers and a single mother. He doesn't question why she never visits her family in Washington, or her mother in Florida and the new addition that's there, he just seems to know and doesn't pressure her and Bella loves him a million times more for it.

( Five years more, she'll become Mrs. Isabella Lyle with a PhD in literature; a pleasant surprise will be granted when she she gives birth to a firstborn, a girl, she names Juliet, since Juniper is still too painful to remember. They'll get a nice little house in Ethan's hometown of Oregon and it'll be picturesque.)

But duty calls and when Ethan gets stationed in Afghanistan and all that returns are two soldiers at her doorstep with his uniform and dog tags in their hands, Bella is so accustomed to the pain that she takes the things and shuts the door, sliding down until she's sitting on the floor. She doesn't cry until she hears Juliet's wail crime baby monitor.

Everyone I love leaves.

But it's her husbands memory that convinces her to visit her hometown when Juliet turns five months; Forks hadn't changed, surprisingly enough. Nor did the two story home that Bella's sister used to call a castle — her little brother, who isn't so little anymore at twelve years old, will open the door with the same mop of curly hair he had as an infant and smile grandly. Willie, who goes by Will now, is the one piece of her past that she can't let go of, that she knows June would want her to hold onto. Another figure runs up behind Will. Jonas is ten years old now, his hair is in a mop of blonde curls but his eyes are brown as Charlie's, as brown as Bella's own. Her brothers stare at her in joy. Their hugs are tight and even though she had flown them both out to Oregon on some school breaks, they hugs her like they hadn't seen her for a lifetime.

             "Oh, Bella, wow," Charlie awe as he holds his first grandchild. His hair is littered with strands of white already. He takes in the features. "She ..."

        Daphne, who's blue eyes wrinkle now at the corner when she smiles, will coo at the baby as well. There'll be a flicker of sadness that passes by her stepmothers eyes, as she finishes Charlie's words, "Yeah. She looks like June."

And everyone agrees, even if no one says a word of agreement. They all just stare at the little life that's treasured in the arms of her grandfather. She looks like her aunt. And it's the whole truth. But for that moment, life is truly okay, the sadness is gone and they take in the fact that there's this new life that needs celebrating. The dead can rest peacefully and remain a fond memory. Nothing more. Nothing less.

                 "April Black just had her third," Daphne will softly inform Bella as they sit out on the porch. The elder woman rocking Juliet in her arms while Charlie, Will, and Jonas grill out in the back. "Another girl. The two other girls already steal hearts around the Rez Sam tells me ..."

             The heaviness in Bella's heart returns, "Oh. That's good."

       Daphne must sense her unease; there was always that lingering resentment for April, but it was unfair to the woman to bring up a dead girl she'd never compare to. Everyone knew it though. It was the unspoken statement that anyone who knew June and Jacob and his current wife would say the former pair had more of something. If you ask what that something was though, no one could tell.

                      "Jacob and the others on the Rez help Will and Jonas with a whole lot, too," Daphne goes on. "They fixed up these bikes for them, no, not motorcycles but just bikes that help them get around town."

            "That's nice," Bella says flippantly.

"You know how long it took for him to finally be himself again," Daphne reminds.

"Yeah," Bella mumbles.

"That April is a saint, as well. Poor girl, it must've not been easy living up to the shadow that your sister life," Daphne says softly. "It took years before she finally gave Jacob the time of day, and then those little girls came along and it got easier."

"June could've been a better mom."

"Oh, Bella, you must be happy for him," Daphne insists, her voice soft and even. "It's always the hardest for him ... he never misses her birthday, there's always bellflowers waiting for us each anniversary."

"I know," Bella mumbles. The hidden, it's more than you've done in the past decade, is present. "It's just ... a lot to hear. Jacob living on while ... I shouldn't think that way."

      Daphne outstretched her hand and took Bella's. "She'd want you to be okay, Bella." There's tears in Daphne's eyes as she speaks. "I mean, look at this little one! Look at the life you made, the love you created," They both look down at baby Juliet, her rich colored skin beautiful in the light of the sunset. "Juniper would be so proud of you, happier, too."

Bella visits her sisters headstone on her last day in Forks. Somehow it's more pristine than all the other gravestones. It's like a centerpiece in a museum; the grand finale. The words: sister, daughter, friend, weigh heavy on the stone as they do on Bella's heart.

                     "Hey, Watson." Bella sits down on the grass. "It's been too long right?" Silence. As expected. "Right. I have no explanation on why it took me so long to come back here ... I needed time. I'm sorry." Bella goes on. "A bunch has happened, but I'm sure you know, you did promise you'd watch out for me. Maybe that's why things have been going so good; nothing ever stopped you. Oh! Well, um, I have a daughter — I named her Juliet, for the play, yeah, I know, big surprise. She's so amazing, June, I swear she just burps and I'm smiling like some dork ... I wish you could've met her ... I wish I could've seen you meet Ethan. You two are probably watching over us. He wanted another. I kinda do, too. But I wanted to wait till Julie's about two and a half. Just to us a break or something ... but it's too late for that I guess." Bella wipes the tears the fall from her cheeks. "God, I miss you so much, June. You don't ... I don't know what I would've done if I never met Ethan or if Juliet was never here ... I would've been ... I can't even imagine. I miss you everyday, I wish ... I wish a lot of things ..."

"Bella." A voice comes out of nowhere.

Bella stands immediately but sees it's only him; her sister's first love, the one that June died holding the hand of. Jacob. He must be about twenty-six but he doesn't look a day over nineteen. He must still be phasing ... he's still as broad as ever.

"Bella," Jacob greets. He looks at her. "You got old."

"Oh, nice to see you too, Jake," Bella retorts dryly.

Jacob pulls her into a hug before anything else. She hugs him back. He knows. She does too. "You know I'm only kidding. It's good to see you older. How've you been?" He asks right away. "Heard you were in town, thought I'd come by." He seems to see the question in her eyes. "I always visit when I have the chance ..."

    Bella nods, understanding. "I'm good, yeah, just visiting my parents. Charlie and Daphne hadn't met my daughter yet, she just turned five months," Bella pulls out her phone to show her lock-screen, which has a gummy smiled Juliet on it.

Jacob smiles widely, "I heard that. Wow, she's a pretty girl." He tells her softly. "She looks like ..."

Bella nods but smiles back, happy. "Yeah, she sorta does. Crazy," She stuffs her phone back in her pocket.

"I'm sorry about your husband," Jacob says his voice thick with emotion. "Quil told me."

"Oh. It's been hard," Bella admits and he looks surprised to hear the truth. "But I've got Juliet, she's always there to remind me I can't fully lose my mind."

"Yeah I get you."

"And you? Heard you're already dad to number ... three, is it?"

Bella knows she shouldn't have expected some shame, or anything, that would've been wrong of her. Jacob's face is pure joy and happiness as she mentions his children and the heaviness in Bella's heart grows as she only imagines those children coming from the girl who's headstone they talk over, with eyes as blue as she had. But they're not. And Bella knows that's okay.

"Yup," Jacob says genuinely. "I think Rachel is getting baby fever now. Every time April got pregnant she'd get that look in her eyes. She lives here now, thankfully, she's such a great help; but Paul and she spoil the girls too much."

"Rachel and Paul, huh?" Bella grins, putting the dots together.

Jacob nods, sighing dramatically. "Unfortunately. The imprint stuff still goes on ... but it's been a while now. Actually, right around when Rach came down for the funeral," He stops himself momentarily, his jaw clenched a bit before he continued. "It just happened. They've been inseparable ever since, but I'm glad, my dad's happy. Especially since he has Dana, Kali, and now Alisa."

Bella smiles at the names of Jacob's daughter; she knows how much pressure poor April Black must have with giving Jacob a son to carry on the Black family line. With the once and a lifetime chance of Leah Clearwater phasing, there wasn't any more chances for Quileute girls to phase which meant that Billy Black was probably sulking in his place and it must've frustrated April to no end that she's had three children and none of them were boys.

"Nice names," Bella chimes.

"April picked them," Jacob nods. "I never really had a knack for picking names anyway — plus, everyone only ever suggests boy names each time April was pregnant."

"Iris said she knew they'd be girls," Bella says, the talk she had with June's grandmother still fresh in her mind.

April Black will never have anything but girls. The Black family line of spirit warriors will fade but he will be happy and that's all Juniper ever wanted.

"So she tells me every time." Jacob sighs.

"At least they're healthy," Bella says in defense of her own child's gender. "Besides, girls take care of their daddies when they get old. Boys leave and go take care of their own families. You're lucky you got three."

"I am." Jacob agrees.

"How's Star and Jared by the way? Is that still a thing—"

"As if they could leave each other," Jacob snorts in amusement. "Star just had her second kid, a boy too, named him Jamie. And you already know about Shelby; that girls' all grown now. Being Star Levinson's daughter and firstborn gives her an ego mania — she's already raising hell on the Rez."

"I'm sure," Bella chuckles fondly. "I'm glad everything on the Rez is good. That's good, Jake, I'm—" Bella pauses, smiling sadly. "I'm really happy for you."

"To be honest ... it's always hard to be completely happy," Jacob admits to Bella because there isn't anyone else who could resonate with the level of pain he feels. "But my family's always there, making it bearable, making another day worth it ... Charlie and Daphne and Will have always been so genuine with April and the girls, they're really one of a kind."

"They know how much June loved you," Bella explains with a small sigh, smiling. "How could they not be genuinely happy for you? They know it's what she would've wanted, for you to be happy."

That seems to mean the world to Jacob because his eyes get a bit brighter and he nods, "I owe everything to June. I never would've ... her putting the imprint on April just so I would've follow her to death ... in the early days, it was hard to come to terms with. My mind didn't want anyone else but June. But then April was there. She really saved me," Jacob says with nostalgia in his words. "Its been a long while but now, now I can look back at all the memories now and I don't feel so sad anymore. It's a different kinda sad, though, if you get what I mean."

Bella doesn't say anything. She lets the chilly air she used to be so familiar with run through her hair. She takes a breath, shaking asking, "How's Quil? I haven't heard from him in a few weeks."

That was another part of a story she didn't want to get into. But she can't help but ask; Bella remembers the day she left and Quil finally had the courage to go to the airport and plead for her to stay. But she couldn't; at the time, it had only been four months since June died and the rawness of staying in Forks, of living on the Rez June had deserved to live on, Bella just couldn't take Quil's offer.

So they settled for the protector route of the whole imprint thing; Quil visited her every so often and although it was strange for Ethan at first, he gradually became comfortable, but then again Ethan could never hate anyone, especially not someone who loved Bella. But after Ethan died, Quil had come more frequently and Bella had to admit she had grown so fond of having him around.

"He's okay," Jacob smirks.

"It's not like that," Bella sighs. "You know that."

"It could be."

"I lost my husband. And I have daughter."

"Quil's always wanted a big family," Jacob shrugs. "He'd love any kid, it's half of you—"

"Not all of us can be selfish." Bella says before she can think. It's not his fault. He never asked for June to do that for him. "I'm sorry."

        "I get it, you love your husband," Jacob nods, more understanding then. "Call me selfish if I just want to see Quil happy? Not that he isn't happy guarding you and checking up on you all the time."

      "I wish I could've been more for him."

      "He understands," Jacob says.

     "It's just ... we might've missed our time."

     "You think so?" He asks curiously. "Would there have been a chance between you and him?"

     "I don't know," Bella says truthfully. "I wish I met him before, or even after, somewhere in between ... not now. I'm in no position to love anyone but my daughter."

       "Quil has loads of time," He smiles. "He's kept phasing just so he can stay younger. The rest of us ... it's been two years since I've ran."

      "There's really no need now," Bella feel shy, talking about her old life. "Any danger is gone now."

      "Pretty much."

     "How long does it take?"

"What?" Jacob asks softly.

"The sadness," Bella says, tears welling up in her eyes. "How long does did it take to go away?"

Jacob relaxed then, he softens. "Bells." He touches her arm, his eyes softening more. "I like to tell you that it goes away completely, that you'll never feel it again, but I won't lie; it doesn't ever really go away. But you know, that's okay. That's being ... human. I'm glad for it. The pain. It reminds me how much she meant to me, to everyone. I don't want to forget."

The truth was, it didn't matter. No matter how long June had been gone, Jacob wouldn't forget her. He'd never forget her eyes, a shade or two above lapis lazuli that shone like diamonds in the sunlight that peaked from his bedroom window. He'd never forget the way her untamable curly blonde hair spilled from every ponytail she ever made.He'd never be able to get that fleeting moment out of his head — when June was existence itself under his touch, how his whole life was planned out in flashes before his eyes. June, happy. June, content. The picture of June, kissing him in the morning while they smiled at a bright eyed toddlers in their arms. June, a mother. June, his wife. June, alive. It was a pain that made a permanent residence in his heart, though he had gave it a shelter regardless. A boundless mountain of what ifs and maybes. But Jacob loved his life, now. His wife and his kids. Nothing was without cost; but he thinks everyone had paid it already, a thousand times over. The mourning was coming to an end and the acceptance was settling in.

Bella looks at the headstone one more time. "She really was something..." She says a heavy smile. "I'm forever grateful, Jacob, for you. You're the only one who really brought her happiness during her last few months ..."

"That's not true, it was you too. And Will and Daphne and Charlie," Jacob nudged her a bit. He smiles his grand smile and helps a her stand. "I'm just glad I got to love her."

"I know she was glad, too."

Jacob stares at her for a moment. He nods then. "We're all gonna be okay, Bella." They look at June's headstone. "It's always gonna be hard. It's gonna hurt. But that's okay, too."

So Bella becomes okay. More than okay. She becomes that teenage girl again who thought she was gonna live forever one day. The point wasn't about living forever anymore though. Sometimes it's better when you go. What's important, Bella's learned, is who you spend your life with that makes you feel immortal. What connections did you make? Did you smile? Love? Did you laugh too much? Were you young before you were old? Did you hold on tight? And did you learn to let go?

•—•—•—•

Juniper's older sister returns home, with a promise of returning more often. Bella knows how much June would be angry at her for not seeing their brothers that much. She buys a little house near Charlie and Daphne's neighborhood. It's white and it's almost a castle, and Bella can finally say she's home for once.

             And it helps that Quil's there. He's always there. He's there on bad days and good days and he always seems to know what to say and Bella finds her cold heart warming the tiniest bit when she catches Quil rocking Juliet to sleep some nights that she wakes up fussy.

     "I'm sorry she woke you," Bella says.

     "Super hearing," Quil smiles. "It's really not a problem. I was up anyway."

      Juliet goes back to sleep and Quil is the most gentle giant Bella's seen as he sets her down in her ridiculously expensive cot. Quil and Bella go out until they're in the living room; he sleeps on the couch some nights, it calms him, knowing he's close.

    "Quil?" Bella decides then.

    "Yeah?"

    "You can sleep in the bed." She tells him. His eyes meet hers. She looks away, "It's my bed, so, I'm not going anywhere. But ... you can sleep there too."

     "Alright," Quil says easily, but he's smiling.

     "Just sleep,"

     "Jesus Bella, the baby is in the next room," He snickers.

    She playfully glares at him.

    As they're in bed, Bella speaks, "It's wrong of me. I shouldn't do this to you," She sighs. "I can't expect you not to want more and keep giving you the hope. But I can't imagine you gone. I want you here."

    "I want to be here," Quil tells her.

   Her eyes meet his. "I don't want you to leave."

   "I'm not going anywhere."

   "No, I mean, ever. With ... someone else." She blinks back tears. "It's selfish of me, I know, when I made you watch me be happy and get married and have a baby—"

    "I'd watch it again if it meant you're happy."

   Bella cries then, "Quil."

   He kisses her forehead. "Don't worry. Sleep."

"I won't make you wait forever. I swear."

"I'd do it anyway."

Turns out, neither of them have to wait too long. Juliet is a six year old flower girl at her moms wedding, skipping happily along the isle as she gets to throw flowers all around her. Jacob and April Black give them wide smiles and Charlie doesn't stop crying the whole ceremony. Bella and Quil have themselves a brown-eyed boy a year after that, and life begins to feel okay to live again. She'll be on the couch, Juliet tucked beside Quil as little Quentyn Ateara sleeps in his mothers arms.

Finally, Bella thinks she knows what Jacob meant all those years ago, you just know when you're okay. Quil reaches over to kiss her lips and Quentyn snuggled more in her arms, Juliet hugging Quil tighter as her lavender lids were shut.

Yeah, Bella smiles to herself. This is enough.

•—•—•—•—•

Juniper's mother finally opens the window in her room. Nothing touched, as it was for the last decade and a half. Paints and clothes still litter the ground. Dust faintly collects but it's as is, as if the teen spirit who lived here refused to have her room filthy. A cool wind blows the peach colored curtains as Daphne whispers, I love you, Juniper.

Juniper's father takes a bite of a pop tart for the first time in years. He's drinking coffee, leaning on the porch behind the house as he looks out. Charlie sighs and for the first time, he's not plagued with sadness, it's a sigh that says he's okay. He doesn't even lower down the radio that's beside the bed as he usually would when Billie Holiday's I'll be Seeing You hums through the air. June's favorite song.

Juniper's younger brother stops his jog to recharge at a corner store. Patrick Verona, who's on a leash, barks. He's hungry. Will buys a sandwich. Cutting half and setting the other half down for the dog. He doesn't think twice as he unconsciously buys a bouquet of bellflowers that are on display. But he smiles at it. The memory is a tender, fading thing, but it makes him smile in a way he hadn't been able to before when thinking of his big sister.

Juniper's youngest brother Jonas will be in the living room when a storm brings the tv out — he'll look around the house, bored, and eventually he will find some paint brushes. He runs his finger over the initials J. H. S. engraved on the wood. He knows them too well and almost puts them back. He doesn't know if his parents will be mad about him taking things from the sister he's never knew but heard so much of. Luckily, he doesn't. Jonas will, over a course of time, end up painting a blonde girl in a meadow with eyes as blue as the sky. It's the closest he's felt to Juniper in his life.

                 Somewhere in between, there's a teen spirit that rests, a girl who's ending wasn't grand but middle and beginning were something magnificent, whom watches the lovely spirits of those she left behind with contentment in her soul. Spirits she hopes she doesn't see for a long while. Juniper wants them to live first. When their sun sets for the last time and only then.

Until then, they'll live.

I'll find you
In the morning sun,
And when the night the night is new.
I'll be looking at the moon,
   
                 But I'll be seeing you.

the END.

graphic by my girl🥺