just something I thought y'all would like. ✨

introducing ...
brenda schad as older!june swan

THE FLOWER BLOOMS!
alternate ending.

IN THIS IDEALISTIC WORLD, JUNIPER'S LIFE did not end in that cursed meadow when she was only sixteen years old. In this world, June slept like the princess from that children's movie, only to be awoken by the spirits of the Mender's before her. For the power of a Mender was only granted to a girl who chose sacrifice over her own hearts desires. The Third Wife — who June finally learns was named Alua — and Melanie Capote — congratulate her in the in between where the tribe spirits rest forever.

And then they let her wake, stronger, with her powers. With no price. No bruises, no bleeding, no fainting spells. No, that lovely flower girl still blooms. And the flower child lives to become a garden of a woman. Life goes on even when she's been exposed to a world where she knows some beings cannot go on. Where time is stuck for them, frozen.

           A cold and desolate concept to many who are unfamiliar with it entails. Except she's also been exposed to the bright side of it, she's asked them first hand how they grasp reality with they are the epitome of a dream? She learns they surround themselves with other beings who warm up some part of the coldness that forever brings, it makes them believe, even for a tiny moment of their eternity that the next day is worth living.

And the peace slowly comes after that.

          Juniper Swan's peace comes exactly ten years after her brush with those frozen beings who wanted nothing but death for her and her loved ones. June doesn't know exactly when it comes, it more of a feeling, waking up and one day being, okay, this is nice. It doesn't come easy; she's not the same teen spirit as she used to be, she's aged, she knows death and doesn't curse at it anymore. Juniper thinks it's absurd to assume that someone could go through half of their life with death at their door to carry on as if nothing ever happened. Juniper can't tell anyone the exact day or year or month she wakes up and isn't bombarded with the thought of, is someone still trying to kill me and everyone I love? It takes her a long time to make peace with her own mind, to assure herself and take heed of the assurance her thoughts give her.

❀—❀—❀—❀—❀—❀

          WHEN JUNIPER MARRIES JACOB she is twenty-five years on this earth; she doesn't look a day over eighteen and neither does her handsome groom. June's walked down the isle with her dad holding her tight, her eyes the same shade as the something blue flower pin that's sparking in her hair. Her sister is her bridesmaid and June remembers how Bella's eyes couldn't stray from one of Jacob's groomsmen, Quil had only gotten handsomer with each passing year. ( Later, June will realize that's the exact moment that Quil and Bella's story began. ) Everyone in attendance has not a dry eye, for they cry from sheer joy at the couple who've loved each other since they could understand what loving someone meant. It's a beautiful moment. It's love. It's living.

"It's nothing of the fireworks people talk about. It's softer," June will say to those whom ask of her love story with her childhood sweetheart, ask about how she knew that he was the one. "Your heart races and you can barely breathe and everything they do endears you. That's when you know."

Know what? They'll question.

"What I did. That I could wake up every morning and still the feel the same way about him," June will smile softly, but she'll elaborate. "That I knew that there would never be anyone I could love as much as I love him."

Of course, usually, it's not long after the marriage that someone comes along with a baby carriage. But it doesn't come quickly for Juniper — Juniper, who realizes that she's not just a newlywed wife, and Jacob's not just a new husband. She's a Mender and he's a Shape Shifter. Any child of theirs would inherit the burden of their parents ... there was no if's in their situation. Any child of theirs would become something ... Wolf or Mender ... there was so little doubt. And that certainty haunted Juniper as much as the nightmares she endured as a teenager did. June wanted children, she did. But couldn't get over the fear of having a daughter, it ate at her every single time anyone brought up the pressure to give the pack more kids. June was so scared. Terrified by the what if of having daughter and being in the same hell that June put Daphne in, watching her spin into a downwards path that she couldn't return from. June wasn't as emotionally strong as she was back then. She couldn't stomach the thought of having a daughter, a princess doomed to the same fate of a theoretical imprisonment, also the villain of her own story.

                      After much convincing, after Leah has her second baby ( a boy named Nico, who's a younger brother to firstborn Angelo ), and Lyanna her fourth, a boy named Milo ( after twins named Hayley and Heather and after a boy named Abel), and after a pregnant Star ( with two kids already, a nine year old Shelby and two year old Jamie ) assures her that she has a whole tribe behind her, is when Juniper finally decides to become a mother. Jacob's smile is so wonderful when she tells him, let's make a baby, baby. He loves her so much he almost cries when he holds her, whispers sweet nothings in her ear, kisses her moans and silenced her fears with each grip on her waist.

❀—❀—❀—❀—❀—❀

         BLESSED BY THE SPIRITS, JUNIPER BLACK gets the chance at being a mother. She gets that beautiful possibility she always dreamed about. June loves her baby so much, she doesn't know how much until she feels him stir inside her.. Until he kicks at the sound of her voice and Jacob's. She says he because she knows it's a boy. Every night of her pregnancy she's met with the dream of a boy with her eyes and a heart of a wolf.

He is a boy, to relief of Juniper. He comes into the world screaming, a head of brown tufts on russet skin was definitely a sight. He has his father's dark locks, but when he opens his eyes, they're a rich ultramarine, darker than June's. They name him Bellamy, because why not (June always did say she'd name a kid after her sister) and it's got a great ring to it. Bellamy Black. His middle name is Charles. ( He likes Charlie, better.)

Juniper couldn't stop crying when Sue handed her the baby boy, putting him on her chest, his cries ceasing when he came in contact with his mothers skin. Forgive me if my hands shake when I hold you because you are the most beautiful thing I've touched. He's the boy from her dreams when she was just a girl; before it all. She made him. He came from her, he was little more than a bean at one time and now was a living and breathing embodiment of Juniper and Jacob's love.

If anyone ever has to ask where June's heart is, they'll find it in Bellamy.

    He's worth the past trauma of her teenage years. He's worth the past, before, when she fought for her life. Before she almost died for love. Looking at Bellamy in her arms, she gets that little bit of peace again.

Maybe, June decides, Maybe this isn't so scary.

Bellamy is the light of the tribe; he smiles at everyone and wants to be carried by anyone who'd pick him up, which is almost all of the tribe because they could scarcely deny his baby pout and his large blue eyes. He can really make June and Jacob laugh sometimes and it's such a joy that nestled in her heart that she knows makes all the fear with it. Daphne thinks her grandson will be a flirt, just by the way he bats his eyes and thick lashes at anyone and by one, Charlie already thinks it's time for his first fishing trip with his grandson.

Jacob doesn't object when she says she wants another. But June gets a fear older than life itself when she throws up everything she eats right around the time Bellamy turns two.

She remembers the feeling quite well. Before she knows it, she has another boy, with a head of golden curls, much smaller than Bellamy had been. June names him Augustus. Her second boy is not a second anything, she finds while Bellamy is vocal and jolly, Augustus is more shy and quicker to giggle than let out a loud laugh. He has his father's eyes, which shine like mocha when he's happy, which is all time and June would admit she spoils him into oblivion more for it.

The next one comes quicker than Augustus, he's barely eight months when she finds herself stricken with the familiar nauseousness again. The fear is present the entire pregnancy, the fear of having a girl, another Mender, another girl who'll be tested to see if she can make a sacrifice. To nobody's surprise, it's another boy, or boys, rather. Twins; one is named Julian, affectionately named for the J of his parents, the other is named Micah, because she's always been a lover of that name.

          By the time she's thirty one she's a mother of four boys and the fear is gone—fear has transferred into immense joy that are brought into tangible beings; Bellamy, Augustus, Julian and Micah, the son's of Juniper.

They'll run up to her and call her, "Momma." And her heart clenches contently each time.

June will catch Jacob in the meadow with their sons, picking bellflowers for their mother with their little hands, their childish smiles directed at her with adoration. Sometimes Jacob will be cuddled with their boys on their bed, all of them asleep and beautiful, and each time she'll send a thank you up to the spirits who let her live. Jacob will wink at her and pat the empty space beside him and his lips will capture hers. 

Yes, June smiles. This is enough.

❀—❀—❀—❀—❀—❀

          PERFECTION IS NEVER ENOUGH. This holds worth when she's thrown for a loop when Bellamy's birthday comes around, he's celebrating his fifth birthday. She wonders when the time had flown by so fast? Her boys are getting older. Juniper throat burns when she realizes how quickly they've grown — they run around the Reservation with their little feet and infectious laughter, the chase after Jared and Paul's own sons and are charming to Embry's daughters and are as thick as thieves with Leah's sons, too. They're doted upon by any and all whom meet them.

Old women coo at their faces and teen girls sigh in content as they watch the perfect family pass them. At Bellamy's birthday part, a four-year old Augustus is silent on his father's lap, contently eating cake and pushing his little glasses on his nose, but three-year old twins Micah and Julian follow their older sibling around with idolizing eyes while they mischievously sneak a few cookies from the candy table and run around the house recklessly, scheming with their friends Nico Sandoval, Jamie Cameron, Alec Littlesea and Rylan Fuller.

But then it happens.

The plants she bloom to life have little flowers adjoining them — it's only ever happened like that when she's expecting. When she throws up later that night, her doubts trun into reality. This time isn't the same as the others. This time, June feels power not only in her veins but the veins that she and Jacob created. Bellamy, Augustus, Micah and Julian all sit around their parents when the news is given, they're six, five, and four respectively when they get the news about getting another sibling.

  They clap and chatter excitedly amongst themselves and go to their school lessons with their Great-Grandma Iris and tell all their friends, the other magical wolf children the news.

Juniper goes into labor on the warmest day in La Push history. In the history of Washington, maybe. It's hot and humid and the windows are open to pull in some air; June's hair sticks to her skin as she gives birth. Star holds a cool cloth to her best friends forehead. There's a silence after June doesn't feel pressure anymore, then a strong cry bursts from the child she pushed into the world.

          June meets Daphne's aged eyes as the baby continues to cry, taking in air to its new lungs, and her mother's expression tells her all she knows.

A girl.

The wailing baby girl is placed in June's arms and the fear is back; it's back and grander than ever. A girl. Another Capote descendant. June struggles with reality but takes reassurance in the fact that her sons won't be spirit warriors unless vampires come to the area again. No wolves, meant no need for another Mender. This little girl would be safe.

         For the sentimental sake of reviving and keeping the Capote women tradition alive by having the women named after nature and flowers, the baby girl is called Laurel.

She wouldn't know the horrors her mother did.

June could breathe.

And breathe she did. Days were easy again, beautiful. The fear old as life itself was gone and replaced with gratitude. June sits outside on a picnic blanket with her baby daughter in her arms, watching her husband chase after their four boys. June always notices that Jacob's smile never leaves, he's never angry, his life is perfection he says. This is what he's wanted since his wife was only his girlfriend and the children they have together were a misty dream. June watched her eldest sons affectionately chase after their younger brothers. Occasionally, she's blessed to catch the smile of their father on their childish faces.

The baby girl in her arm fusses. June looks down.

Laurel Black is June Swan at a glance. The girl is only six months old but the stark blue eyes hold her as a rarity from the handful of hazel and browns that her brothers have, save Bellamy; Laurel is still all chubby arms and chubby legs and gummy smiles, cooing and being wide eyed at everything. Her blonde hair is the only thing she shares with her second oldest brother beside the deep copper skin. Everything else is June. June's rosebud lips and June's pretty eyes and June's feather lashes and maybe even June's magical blood.

Laurel fusses to get more comfortable in her mothers arms. June situated her head and softly patted her back to soften her cries. She stops fussing when June presses her lips to her chubby cheek, and a babyish smile is granted to the doting mother.

"Aren't you my pretty flower girl," June chuckles fondly, putting a finger on Laurel's chin.

The baby's big blue eyes stare unblinking at her, soft coos escaping her rosebud lips.

June stares at the baby. She almost can't belive she gave birth to something so beautiful. But she might think every mother says that of their baby. But June means it in a more poetic sense than physical appearance. Laurel and her brothers were gems to Juniper. Each time she bore one of them, she cried and cried because she couldn't imagine this much love if she was buried at the age of seventeen. She'd never feel this love, the feel of their little kicks and the pure love of breastfeeding and dressing them. She'd never hear momma come from their lips had she been cursed with a fate she so terribly wanted at one point.

Never never never.

June smiles tenderly down at Laurel, "One day, flower girl, I'm gonna tell you a story." June mumbles to her daughter to looks in her eyes at the sound of her mothers voice. "It's a long one. It's also a bit sad, but before I had you and your brothers, I was very, very, sad. When I tell you the story, you'll know exactly why."

June paused momentarily, hearing Bellamy's distinct laugh blare out in the distance. She smiles before continuing, "But there was a time when I'd never dream of holding something as precious as you ... when I thought I'd have to say goodbye to everyone. Like Grandpa Charlie and Grandma Daphne, your uncle Will and auntie Bells. I thought I'd never see them again. Heavy stuff, I know."

June's daughter stares up at her with each word, blinking as if she understands and hears the emotion in her mothers voice.

"There will be things in life that won't come easy to you, my girl. I hate to tell you ... but it's because you're my daughter. Nothing ever came easy for me. Again, heavy stuff. I'm sorry. I don't want to scare you this soon. You still have a whole bunch of happy days before I will even allow a tear to fall from your eyes, sweet girl." June pauses again for a moment, thinking of her own tears and her own sadness.

"You never got the chance to meet him, angel baby, but your great-grandpa Gregory used to tell me something when I was sad all those years ago, "Juniper, do not be afraid to die and you will not be afraid to live. I guess I've been afraid of living for a long time ... scared this can be taken from me ... you and your brothers. Your poppa, too ..."

June smiles tearily, the smile she was smiling once so accustomed to using. The one that was forced. She hadn't cried for a while, it was long overdue.. Her grandfather had been gone for quite some time now. Iris Uley was ailing as the days dragged on too but she was far from death. June visits her grandpa Gregory often, always making sure there's a bloom of bellflowers above the dirt where Gregory Uley's bones rest.

Suddenly, a howl breaks the blissful silence of the Black family's peaceful outing. Jacob meets his wife's eyes from across the field. Nothing is without cost. Her sons hold hands as they follow their fathers stern orders to run to their mother. June stands and with her free hand, smooths the wild curls of Augustus's hair as he clings to her legs. Bellamy pulls Julian and Micah into his arms, comforting the young boys who know what a wolf howl means already.

                  Jacob rushed over and smiles assuringly to his wife. "Leah says it's just a Nomad," He explains with a disappointed tone in his voice. "Probably a passerby but you never know ... duty calls."

"Be safe, handsome." June tells firmly, looking beautiful with a baby in her arms and her blue eyes sparkling.

"Will do, ocean eyes." Jacob kisses her fiercely. After a decade, it still doesn't cease to make her heart skip a beat. He kisses Laurel's head. "See you my angel girl."

He then goes over and hugs their sons who live for seeing their dad phase into a wolf, children without the mindset of what that marvelous transformation truly means and what it costs. "I'll be back boys," He says to them.

"Are you gonna fight the bad guy, dad?" Bellamy asks eagerly, his blue eyes wide as he punches the air.

"B-bad guys?" Augustus murmurs, his doe eyes blinking around.

"Fight bad guy! Fight! Fight!" Micah yells which causes Julian to join in.

"Yes, I gotta take care of some bad guys," She tells his eager sons.

But it's Augustus who doesn't seem that okay with his dad being in danger; he's June's soft boy, quicker to prefer a nice flower over a toy car.

"Hey buddy," Jacob crouches down to meet his sons height. Augustus's fluffy gold curls dust his eyes. "I'll be back soon. Don't worry."

"Are you gonna be okay?" Auggie asks worriedly.

"Don't be a scaredy cat, Auggie—ouch!" Micah goes to say but gets hit up side the head by Bellamy who glares at his younger brother.

Augustus ignores them and looks up at his father, his chubby cheeks puffed to keep himself from crying. June caresses his cheek, "Oh, don't be scared my pretty flower. The wolves protect us."

"B-but who protects them?" Auggie asks.

"Your mom," Jacob says, pride in his eyes.

"Mom?" Julian repeats. "How does mom protect the wolves—"

"Because she's special!" Auggie speaks up for the first time. "Grandmama Iris says so, she says moms special because the spirits blessed her."

"Moms special either way," Bellamy smiles.

Another howl rings up in the air. Jacob frowns again but he hugs Auggie close, "It's okay to be scared, don't let your brothers say otherwise. Everybody needs to be scared sometimes," He tells him softly. "There's braves to admit you're scared."

"What are you scared of, poppa?" Auggie asks, rubbing his big brown eyes that have tears.

June and Jacob look at each other, Jacob kisses Auggie's head and smiles, standing, "Of Anything happening to our family. To you," He says. "I'll be back soon, okay? We'll talk more."

"I love you," Augustus says.

"Love you more, buddy," Jacob tells him. He looks to Bellamy, "Take care of your brothers and sister. And your mom, too."

Bellamy puffs out in pride a little and smiles, nodding loyally, "I will, dad."

Jacob kisses each of their heads and ruffles Auggie's curls once more before he's off, phasing in midair, Bellamy's idolizing eyes widening as his father's transformation while Micah and Julian are left speechless as always — Auggie is busy putting little daisies around Laurel's downy blond hair.

The sun is setting, turning to twilight. The day will be over soon. Her sons huddle around her until they see Star and Jared's children, Shelby ( who looks glum at the sight of only the boys ) and Jaime and toddler Asher rush up to them. Paul and Rachel's sons Jonathan and Oliver greet their cousins with big smiles as they arrive. Embry and Lyanna Call's sons Abel and Milo join and noise only increased; their eldest kids Hayley and Heather hold the hand of their two year old sister Maia when she comes rushing along. Shelby Cameron squeals at the sight of her friend Hayley, the girls greeting each other in childish excitement.

Then come Rylan Fuller, Alec Littlesea, and the Sandoval boys, Nico and Angelo.  Shortly after, Thomas Uley, similar in age to Bellamy, comes along as well and just like that, the children of the next generation is gathered.

"Everyone's here! Nico and Angelo said we should go play in the meadows. Can we momma?" Bellamy puts on his best puppy dog eyes. "Pleaseeeeee?"

Juniper smiles, "You're good, my love. But just because those puppy eyes work with your dad doesn't mean it'll work on me—" She shakes her head and Bellamy amps it up. "Ugh, OK, OK. Just please make sure you watch after Auggie, alright? You hear me, Bellamy Black? I'm serious."

"I know, I know," Bellamy nods.

"You know how your other brothers love to prank him." She says with a sigh, knowing how mischievous Micah and Julian were.

        "OK. But mom? I think he's already got someone watching him, look." Bellamy nods but nods to where Augustus is — Rylan Fuller, three years older than five year old Auggie, holds Juniper's sons little hand as he speaks to him softly. 

Auggie is talking brightly, more outgoing than he usually is, and he seems to be passionate about whatever Rylan asked him. Maybe his seashell collection or something ... Auggie goes to raise his hand to push his slipping sunglasses up but Rylan beats him to it, making June's son smile brightly. Her son holds Rylans' hand tighter and it makes the elder boy beam.

June watches with a rush of affection. "It seems he does."

Bellamy smiles as well. "OK, we'll be back soon." He says dutifully. "Love you mom!" He leans over and kisses his baby sisters forehead. "Bye, Laurel, love you angel baby."

"Bubububa," Laurel babbles.

         Juniper watches them all run off together, the children used to having the younger wolves that are in charge of guarding, beside them. They're safe from the horrors of the world their parents know. These children have a tomorrow. And a next and another. They have a thousand tomorrow's. If they're lucky, they'll never know a world where tomorrow isn't guaranteed.

Laurel squirms in her mothers arms again.

Juniper softens. She kisses her daughters chubby cheeks.

"I hope you're not afraid of living, flower girl." Juniper whispers down to Laurel, a soft finger caressing the baby's plump cheek. The baby's eyes start closing, she's tired from being out in the sun all day. "I hope you find happiness sooner than I did."

There's a howl in the air. June has to calm herself, the past is too real. She has to remind herself she's alive. That she's real. That the angel in her arms is her flesh and blood, that those playing little boys with hazel and mocha eyes and her hair were once in her womb, that their smiles are her chosen purpose of living. That she has a husband who loves her completely. That her life is okay. She's okay. She's alive. She hears the laughter of her sons. There's a tomorrow.

Don't be afraid to die, Juniper, and you will not be afraid to live, her grandfather would tell her.

Juniper looks at baby Laurel's sleeping face. She hears the laughter of her children. She's okay.

She looks up at the fading sun, shutting her eyes.

I AM NOT AFRAID TO LIVE.

a/n: a little hunger games epilogue-y but bitch im a sucker for nostalgic endings like that. anyway, hope you liked this version a lil better lmaoo. Before y'all homophobes come at me with "auggies a lil boy what the fuck how is he gay???" bitch it's a sexuality and you don't have to become gay it's just like ur supposedly born with heterosexuality so fuck off its society that's telling u what you should love and in here, boys loving boys is beautiful as it should be irl

but that is the end of teen spirit, officially, it's been such an amazing experience since october of last year and I'm so glad to finish it on such a hopeful note with this alternate ending :) maybe I'll do a "very merry black christmas" or "older!laurel and older!augustus" but we'll see :)