:smugboo:
Wait this is not discord-

My only knowledge is from CDawgVA and prices from different sites. And then I made my own.

Idk how to write. Man this sucks

****

"I do have a boyfriend!"

"Then how come we've never seen him before?!"

"Why is it y'all business?!"

****

Technoblade lays on his bed, contemplating life. He's there wondering what to do and how to get someone to act as his boyfriend because of his friends. He was in a panic, anxious of getting teased for having no lover, so blurt out that he has one when in fact he doesn't.

Now he can't exactly ask for any of his friends to pretend as his boyfriend because everyone was there. They'd never believe the both of them if they were to come out.

"God. Give me a sign. (Hit me baby one more time) Save my soul from this wretched place." As if his prayers were heard, his phone lit up and he picks it up to see it was a Twitter notification with an interesting caption. He decides to open it and reads the post. "Rent a boyfriend? Wait what?" He gets up and puts his glasses on to read the advertisement.

After a few minutes of reading and processing what it meant, he taps on the link and it sent him to the website. "Okay so... I got my account and... Do I have to put my profile picture too? Ah just to be sure then and... I do this and um... Wow. It shows types and sexualities. This is cool." Techno whispers to himself and taps on some tags on the search bar. He presses on submit and the website loads.

After a second or two, it suggests the people according to the tags and in alphabetical order. He checks on a few profiles and he finds a few interesting ones. "I can't decide. Why is this hard? I'm just renting someone to be my boyfriend and choosing someone is hard." Techno complains.

Oh! Oh! Oh!

Scroll back!!!

That green dude! That green dude!!

Techno looks in confusion and decides to scroll back up a few times and look at the profile.

Yes!!! That dude with green freckles!

He's not gonna lie, the dude is pretty cute and handsome so why not check his profile and see if he's alright.

Holy shit he's a creeper!!

He's a what?!

It's a creeper hybrid! Yoooo!!!!

Holy fuck he's hot

Oh no he's hot

Techno coughs in embarrassment and shakes his head. Damn these voices. Seems like a chill dude though. After debating with the voices for an hour, he decides he'll go with this guy and the website sent him to the messages.

Sam: Hello! My name is Sam! It's nice to meet you <3

WITH A FUCKING HEART. I don't think Technoblade's heart can take this. He's the baddest bitch in college, nobody can kill him, yet this cute shit is getting to him. He takes a deep breath as mixed emotions are getting through his head and he needs to calm down.

Technoblade: hi

Pathetic. Techno facepalms.

Sam: hello Techno :D

Technoblade: I've never... Idk what to do

Sam: oh lol. Don't worry, I'll help you.

Technoblade finds a comfortable position on his bed and sighs, trying to relax himself. He's a little glad that only a few voices are talking to him, they're taking it slow and gave as much space for Techno to think about it. Sam seems a patient person and who the fuck is actually up at 12 a.m. other than them.

After a few questions answered and finally settling down, Techno told him about his friends having lovers and him being the only one single. He doesn't really wanna be set up in a blind date or something, so out of panic he blurt out a lie.

Sam is very understanding and patient to get to know him. Techno got to know a little about Sam as well as to calm his anxious heart. It was nearly about 2 a.m. that they've finished.

****

Techno glares at Dream teasing him about not having a boyfriend no matter how many times Techno told him. George and Wilbur were following behind them, talking about anything and thinking of getting Techno a date if he's lying.

"Techno!" That got the three's attention.

Techno blushes and he doesn't know if he's either embarrassed or... He's definitely embarrassed, nothing else definitely. Yeah he's embarrassed. What is the author even doing?

And holy Blood God, Sam is much taller than the four of them. About a few inches taller than Wilbur.

Techno take his arm off of Dream's hands and continues to walk to Sam and hugs him. Sam giggles and hugs him back, quietly asking him if he can pick him up and Techno nods. Sam picks him up and twirls him around. "You're so light, did you eat anything this morning or did you skip again?"

"I'm fine."

Sam sighs. "You should not skip breakfast."

"Whatever..."

"T-Techno?" Techno tense up, completely forgetting that he has friend behind him. "Are these your friends you've been talking about?" Sam asks.

"I... Yeah... Well, there's more."

"Hello, my name is Awesamdude but you can call me Sam." Sam flashes a bright smile. Techno swore there was a flash of sun ray and stars sparkling around the man. He thinks the three are blinded by the light too. God.

****

Techno and Sam were holding hands and following behind the group of friends. They were quietly talking about Sam and the pretend boyfriends were pretending not to hear them at all. Sam can tell Techno is getting a little anxious just from the smallest squeeze from him. He gently rubs the back of his palm and slightly leans down. "Hey, it'll be alright. Don't worry too much. You just gotta enjoy the day as the usual you guys do." Techno looks at him and gently smiles, nodding at him.

"Was that a smile?!"

"You saw nothing!" Techno growls at Wilbur and Sam laughs out loud.

They were just having fun and getting to know each other, Sam didn't really brought up his job in the conversation, thinking it might ruin Techno and he doesn't want the pink haired boy to carry some of the teasing. Then Dream brought up the question of where they met. Techno froze from that and tensed up, they didn't really talk about this other than getting to know each other last night. "Oh, we met online. We've played Minecraft a few times and decided to meet up and that's where our history starts." Sam gently pats Techno's back and puts his hand on Techno's waist. "Better love story than Schlatt and Wilbur."

"Oh shut the fuck up Quackity." The group goes back to being lively and watching two idiots banter.

Techno looks up at Sam and the tall creeper just gives him a smile. "I got your back."

"Thank you."

Sam chuckles and Techno lightly hits his arm in embarrassment. "You play Minecraft?"

"I stream sometimes."

"Huh same." And makes his fans suffer waiting for a hundred years for a stream or an upload. "Did you know you're like the fifth person to rent me?"

"Wait really? I thought you'd get more than that."

"Why do you think so?"

"Well you're handsome, tall, you're really cool, you make your customer happy and comfortable, you're very kind-" Techno pauses and covers his mouth, his face turning red when he realized of the words he said. A dark purple blush form on Sam's cheeks and he rubs the back of his neck. "Uh... Thanks. I guess."

Techno clears his throat and tries to puff the heat on his cheeks away.

"How long have we been together?" Techno whispers. Sam looks at the time on his watch and hums. "About 3 hours now..."

"Ahh..." Techno doesn't have much money brought. "You... You can go now." Techno sighs and pulls Sam to the alley way to hide from his friends.

Sam blinks and looks at Techno's group of friends. Techno counts the money in his pocket and folds it neatly. Welp, there goes most of his money. Sam looks down and takes the money from him and shoves it in his own wallet. "I can still go with you."

"What? No. No... I think you've done the job enough. They believed it but um... I'll just tell them in a week or so that we broke up or something. I should've just told the truth." Techno fidgets with the edge of his sleeves and Sam sighs. He never felt this worried for a customer.

They leave the alley to catch up a bit with the others before Sam pulls Techno into a hug. "Good luck." Sam whispers and Techno tightly hugs back. Wilbur watches the two hug for almost a minute before letting each other go and the taller left. Wilbur quietly walks to Techno and gently nudge his shoulder. "You alright? Where is he going?"

"I'm fine. He's just going to work."

"..."

"..."

"Alright. Come on, let's go get something to eat."

****

Techno ended up renting Sam again and again just to shut a few of his friends up but he also enjoys Sam's company. They definitely get to know much more about each other during their dates. Holding hands is definitely not his favorite part. Nope. Wilbur noticed the hours whenever Sam leaves and nobody else. Sam always leaves after an hour or three. It's suspicious that the both of them hide in dim alleys, behind trees, in the bathroom, or anywhere else that blocks everyone's sight of them and then Sam leaves.

Techno and Sam were both glad nobody ask for the both of them to kiss and they also can tell that Wilbur is getting suspicious of them, Sam offered Techno a free hour but it's only a one time use kinda card, so what's the point. After a few months, Techno stopped asking for Sam and he always make an excuse to his friends that he's busy and continue on with his life.

That's when Quackity spotted Sam with someone else, that someone else was named Ponk and they know him in college. Quackity was almost too quick to tell Techno to look out the window and ignore the food for now. Niki and Karl stared in disbelief as Sam and Ponk walk down the street holding hands and laughing something they said, and Techno... Techno just shakes his head and said to ignore them. Tommy got up to confront the dude but Sapnap holds him down and Niki had to explain about the situation. "I'll talk to him later... Just let me handle this. Please don't tell the others, I don't want any trouble."

They all nodded and continue with their food, though there was a thick awkward sense in the air and Techno really doesn't like that. Quackity brought up something funny and the atmosphere calms down a bit. Tommy tries his best to cheer up the mood in the table and it worked.

Niki walked Techno home, a few stories are shared occasionally and Techno is glad for Niki's best of helping him get distracted for a while. He trusts Niki and maybe he could tell her about Sam. When they got near Techno's home, he asks Niki if she could come in for a moment to talk. "Oh sure."

Niki steps inside the house and takes a seat on the couch, waiting for Techno to finish whatever he's doing. Techno sits down on a chair and takes a few minutes to choose his words wisely. "What's wrong?"

"Sam is not really my boyfriend."

"Oh."

"I'm... Sorry."

"No, no. It's alright. But may I ask why?"

"It's um... I just feel a little left out when you guys start talking about your partners... I don't really like people teasing me for being single, it always makes me feel so alone in the group, thinking I'm such a hopeless idiot, making feel I won't be loved in the future. So uh... I rented Sam."

"Rented?!"

"Wait! He works as a Rental Boyfriend and that's why he's... Ya know?"

"Oh my." A click on Niki's head of the memory when she spotted Sam with Ponk.

And then silence because the author is feeling like shit, thinking this oneshot is not good enough. Don't worry, it's very normal, he still publishes the dumb shots anyway.

Techno shifts on the couch and Niki sighs.

"Well, um... I promise I won't tell anyone."

"Thank you, Niki."

"But we eventually have to tell the others or we might uh um, cause some trouble to Sam."

"Yeah. That's what I'm worried about. I just..."

"I know it's hard but I'm sure everyone will understand." Techno nods and let out a heavy sigh that he has been holding for a while. Niki stands up and offers Techno a hug. Techno gladly accepted it and calms himself down, putting his worries aside for now.

****
Narrator: I'd be surprise if you're still reading up till here.

Author: *having a mental breakdown because I really want this oneshot and it looks like sht*

Narrator: .... Moving on to a few months.
****

Techno locks his fingers with Sam and leans close to his arm, half hiding himself behind the taller hybrid. It was just the two of them, under the calm winter and snow covered streets. Slow cars passing by at random times, green freckled hands gently warming up a paler hand, an arm would wrap around their shoulder to pull them close for warmth. Techno sighs and flinch at the cold mist of his frozen breath hitting his face. Sam chuckles and takes his scarf off to wrap it around Techno's. "Feel better?"

Techno nods and Sam gently smiles.

"Hey guys. Took you guys long." The two turn their heads to locate the voice and finds Wilbur waving at them with a cup of Starbucks coffee. "Hey Wil." Techno smiles and Wilbur chuckles. "Come on, the mosts are waiting. The others want to get to know Sam."

"Yeah. We're coming."

Wilbur shrugs and goes on ahead of them.

"Are you alright Techno?"

"I just can't believe we got here."

"It sure is pretty cold."

"No... I mean... Uh us."

"Oh... Yeah it was a pretty comedic romance journey of our life." A grin stretch on Sam's lips and Techno chuckles.

"If it weren't for that God Tweet, I wouldn't have met you."

"You found the website through Twitter? Why did you just tell me now?"

"I thought I already told you."

"You didn't."

"Aww... Well, now you know." Sam leans down and kisses his forehead. "Whatever. Come on." Techno grips the collar of his coat and pulls him down to a kiss. "I'm very glad I've resigned or else I wouldn't be able to feel this." That made Techno laugh.

It was cute.
His laugh is adorable. We love it. Not as much as Fanfiction Sam right now, but whatever.

****

Narrator: you suck

Me: I know