Angst

I like angst.

Ship: Dreamnoblade (unrequited)

I'm not good with titles.

****

Techno stares at his long pink strands on his hands covered with dried blood. He shivers from the growing cold in his bathroom and quickly washes off the blood on the bathtub. He washes his golden crown clean and makes sure it is clear as a diamond. He takes off his blouse and pants and let it soak in the bathtub.

Cold, suffocating, feeling.

He puts his crown on the window ledge and dries his hand with a towel. He walks around the house with only his underwear on, placing stuff on the right place. Philza, Tommy, and Ranboo are out to visit Tubbo right now, so he isn't worrying about wearing nothing at all. He takes a bite on the golden carrot while he waits for the water breathing potion to be finished.

He did not expect someone to just barge in his home and let the cold arctic wind to come in and freeze his skin. "What the hell?" Techno turns to look who barged in. Well, guess who? The homeless green teletubby. "Techno, I- oh."

Techno sighs and pulls his cape to hide his body. "What do you want, Dream?" He faces the brew stands and picks up a bottle of potion that is finished. "I need help."

"Are you asking for that favor?"

"What? No, no. I just... Do you know a disease about uhh flowers? People spitting flowers?" Techno hums and puts the bottle in the chest. "I'll see." He climbs up the ladders to his room and puts some clothes on first. He already knows what the disease is.

He picks up a book and climbs back down the ladder. "Hanahaki disease." He starts and continues explaining the disease. Dream listens carefully and his worry grew when it got to the point of not confessing their feelings and death.

"Thank you, Techno. I owe you a favor!" Dream run out the door and Steve closes the door for Techno. Techno puts the book down and sits on the floor nearby the fire. Steve growls and lays down behind Techno, curling up to cuddle him.

Techno groans, his lungs burning and his throat feeling more dry, he coughs out violently and he spits out blood at the fire. He gags and quickly picks out the green leaves in his mouth. He throws it in the fire and leans on the polar bear.

"Mmm. Should I get surgery?"

****

Techno was giving Steve a walk around the arctic place. There was no path, just a random line he follows in his brain.

Ranboo quietly following beside him, sometimes bringing up a small topic to talk about and going back to a comfortable silence. They don't know how they can actually end a conversation and fall into a comfy silence. There was no awkwardness in the air.

"Hey, umm... Techno?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you take care of Michael?"

Techno blinks and looks at Ranboo with a look that says "what". Ranboo knows that Techno hates orphans but he is also an orphan. "I mean uhh... You uhh... Nevermind. We just umm... Me and Tubbo don't know how to take care of a baby piglin. A double dead one at that. Uhh Michael. So umm.."

Techno shakes his head and chuckles. "You want me to take care of Michael... hmm... Yeah. Sure."

"Thank you." Ranboo giggles and gently pats Steve's head when it nuzzled its head on his hand. Techno suddenly coughs violently and falls to his knees, choking on his own blood and it slowly drips down on the snow white land. "Techno!" Ranboo kneels down beside Techno and gently pats his back while he looks for a healing potion in his inventory. "Uhh uhh.. Uhh." Ranboo drops his enderchest and opens it to find a healing potion. "I got one!"

Techno takes it from his hand and immediately chugs it down his throat. He can feel the thorns scraping inside and disappearing quickly when the potion touched it. He groans and takes the green leaves out of his mouth. "Ugh."

"Techno...?"

"Don't worry."

"But... Dadza will... I... How long?"

"3 months. The longest to survive, 18 months the rarest. Everyday is death day."

"Damn." Ranboo whispers and runs a hand through his hair, his tail slightly wagging with worry. "No wonder you always throw yourself infront of the line." Techno chuckles and covers up the blood with the snow. "Yeah."

"Wait... Who is it? Who do you have feelings for?"

"Hm... Dream."

****

3 months, 16 days.

That's how long Techno is living with the hanahaki disease. He was planning on getting rid of it with surgery or let it kill him slowly so he doesn't have to deal with the problems on the land. But he will have to leave Philza, Tommy, and Ranboo. Of course Tommy is a bitch boy but he cared for the kid no matter how many times he has been betrayed.

The countless problems and a never ending war keeps on coming and coming in their lives that would have probably got the child unstable and uneasy of everything. Confused. Forever fighting against fear and horror.

Ranboo is platonically married with Tubbo so he has someone to hold on. He doesn't know if Philza will be alright alone. Is that why it still hasn't taken him yet? The fear of leaving and the pain in his lungs fighting each other and keeping him alive?

He sighs and throws the last leaf in the fire.

Everyday is death day.

Technoblade Never Dies.

Is it a curse or a blessing? Techno doesn't know.

"Techno. I made you some hot coco." Techno looks at the inviting warm drink made by Phil. He carefully takes it and nods his head. "Thank you." He takes a sip and let the warm soothe the pain in his throat.

"Should I book an appointment?"

"Uh... Not now. Maybe... Just in a few weeks. I'll be fine."

Phil gently pats his head and goes to clean the dishes. Techno was glad Phil didn't push him to get surgery but he also feels bad for making him worry everytime. It's painful to watch Phil worry about him.

Ghostbur knocks on the window and Techno opens it to let him inside. "Hi, Ghostbur." Ghostbur waves at Techno and tightly hugs. "Hello, my brother, Techno! How are you?"

"I'm fine."

"Dadza! How are you?"

Phil chuckles at Ghostbur's cheery self and let him hug him. "I'm alright, Ghostbur. How is your day?" Ghostbur floats around the around and lands on the couch, sitting beside Technoblade. "It's wonderful! Have some blue Techno!" Techno puts his mug down and takes the blue dye from Ghostbur. "Thank you."

He gasps in pain and drops the dye on the floor, he takes deep rapid breaths and coughs in a dangerous level. "Techno?!" Ghostbur pats his back hard. Blood covered leaves fall out of his mouth and he throws up more, making a small pile of bloody green leaves with the blue dye as a puddle. Phil throws an instant health potion on the ground and Techno sighs in relief, picking the few ones left in his mouth.

"Techno... Oh my god..." Ghostbur gently rubs circles on Techno's back. "I'll clean it up. Just lay down Techno." Techno lays down on his stomach and let Ghostbur keep patting his back. "Please Brother... Just let your feelings out."

"The moment I get rejected is the moment I will die."

****

4 months, 3 days.

Techno feels cursed with his phrase.

Technoblade never dies.

Yeah, as if. He just magically survives and saves himself because who will? No one. He would dig his way out of his grave if Philza ever thinks of sacrificing his immortality for him. He would also probably tell Wilbur to lock him up until he gets himself together.

He's with Dream right now, just walking around the forest like friends. The masked boy ranting about people's problems and then go on to talking about how he should confess to George. Techno suggested not taking those public confession or else he's gonna be a fool if he gets rejected. "Just do it when it's your proposal da-" Techno coughs and faces away from Dream.

"What the- Techno are you alright?" Dream pats his back. He freezes when he sees blood dripping on the winter grounds. "Techno what the hell?" Techno spits out the green leaf and immediately kicks snow on it to hide it. "It's nothing. Don't worry about it."

"What the hell, it's definitely something! You're coughing out blood and leaves-" Dream pauses, "leaves. You're coughing out leaves. Techno who do you have feelings with? You gotta tell her or uh uhh him!"

"Easy for you to say." Techno scoffs and wipes the blood off on his chin with his cape. "It can't be THAT hard. Come on. Who is it?"

"I'm not telling who it is Dream. I'm getting a surgery next week."

"But Techno. You'll never know if they actually like you back unless you tell them, yeah?"

"Dream. Just leave." Techno walks back to his home and dare not to look back or listen to Dream at all. Dream keeps on calling him and catching up to him, stupidly bumping to a tree and tripping on rocks and roots. "Technoblade! Just tell! Seriously!"

"It's you, Dream! It's you! Okay?! I love you!" Techno snaps at him, surprising the both of them. Techno did not mean to yell it out but he never knew he could break easily this way. "Wh-what...? Techno..."

"Just say it Dream. Just say that you don't love me back and this," rotten green leaves fall out of Techno's mouth, "this will be over."

"I don't... like you... that way."

Techno holds back his coughing as long as he can and gasps a breath out. "Fuck." Techno falls to the snow.

His world crumbled.

****

Screaming.

Confused.

Chanting.

E.

L.

Beep...

Beep...

Beep...

Beep...

Philza sighs in relief and bumps his forehead on Techno's warm and limp hand. They managed to save the boy in time. Phil was so glad Ranboo followed them for safety and immediately teleported Techno to Phil then carried Techno to the only hospital in the land.

The doctor was glad the disease didn't spread out too fast and handled the situation without a problem.

Techno won't feel love anymore.

Phil sighs and sleeps on his arm pillow, still holding Techno's hand and gently rubbing the back of the palm. Ghostbur tells Ranboo to get some sleep on the couch and he'll watch them. Ghostbur is sad to almost lose a friend, a brother.

He swears he will get Dream first if he thinks reviving him to whatever he desires is gonna help him. He will not leave a history of blowing up a nation but to leave a side story of breaking a heart like shattering an unbreakable glass. He will make him pay for manipulating their little brother, for traumatizing a child, for controlling an innocent enderman. He will make him pay for all it.

****

Jesus Christ, Wilbur, chill.

Techno was making TNT with his brother, Ghostbur, in his basement. The old man, Philza, is relaxing in his own home and having a nice conversation with Ranboo.

Techno had complicated feelings when Phil decided to get rid of the hanahaki disease with surgery to save him. Though, whoever he loved must have been a big asshole to give his father panic and stress, and pressure the old man out to make a last second decision to save him rather than letting him die.

Maybe he's a little glad that Phil saved him since he has more things to do in the land. Like saving Tommy's ass again and going on Ranboo's platonic wedding with Tubbo, watch Tommy's hotel or [Redacted] and George's wedding. Wait... Who?

Who...?