Anthony hadn't meant the last word of his declaration to sound so... off. He wanted her to relent to him badly, but he was also guarding his own heart.

If she refused him, she should do so not because she was angry, but because she did not want him at all.

The very thought of its possibility almost made Anthony abandon his plans and leave her alone. Is it worth it to risk himself like this? Would it be easier to live with what could have been than to endure her choice of not including  him?

But the promise of what was to come if she said yes was breathtakingly irresistible.

Charlotte was right. No one could ever know the state of things if one doesn't ask, and yet even with this truth, Anthony could feel his mouth going dry.

"I..."

He stopped and looked for something to hold on to in case she rejects him. Anthony could not pretend to be strong any longer. He was very close to begging, and he hadn't even gotten around asking.

"What is it, Anthony?" She asked, her eyes filled with mistrust that made his heart ache.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, was all he wanted to say, but no words came out.

In their prolonged silence, she relaxed, but maintained an impassive stare as he stood by the foot of the bed. "Whatever you are about to say, please, I beg of you, do not break me any further. I don't know how much more I could take."

"I apologize." He muttered quickly, resisting the way his knees wanted to buckle. "I had not meant to keep the information from you. I did not realize that I would hurt you by doing exactly what we thought you wanted."

His hands shook, his heart bearing itself through his eyes. "Please don't leave me. I can't bear it." His eyes stared at her rosy mouth as it parted and took hurried breaths as she calmed her emotions.

"There were many things, many secrets left unshared. And then it was too late because I only wanted you. I wanted you so much it kept me awake at night. It hurt, Sarah, it hurt very badly. I wanted to kiss you, to ravish you, and then I wanted to stare at you, touch your hair..."

He closed his eyes, swallowing convulsively.

When his eyes opened, they were bloodshot, blue cobalt stones staring with an intense emotion that has yet to be discovered. "I did not betray you. I held the information because I want you for myself. I could not bear the thought of you being taken from me. I wanted... I want... I want too much."

He exhaled loudly, suddenly unable to settle his heart as his eyes searched her room.

Suddenly, his eyes found a curious-looking pillow that had a swirly embroidery that could not be the work of anyone older than six.

Sarah Jane followed his gaze to the pillow she practiced her embroidery on. It had many different stitches of his name, Anthony, Killsworth... the biggest one being, My lord Killsworth.

Embarrassed, she stretched over the bed, flipping the pillow over to cover the evidence of her heart.

Emboldened and filled with hope, Anthony tried again.

"I want you to be mine."

His gaze was focused on her now, piercing blue eyes digging through her soul. The ring in his pocket bearing its weight heavier than what he had purchased.

She watched him, her heart jumped for joy as her mind kept silent and distrustful. For how long he stood there waiting and hoping for her positive response, he didn't know, but it felt like an eternity.

"My lord, why did you follow me?"

Bewildered, Antony shrank back, hitting the brass post from the foot of her bed.

"Why did you follow me? I told you to leave me alone."

He was terrified now. Was this it, the culmination of his proposal? Was this how it will end?

"You are a lying idiot." She stood and walked an inch closer to him.

Hurt beyond words, Anthony strode to leave her room and wrestled the lock with an impressive force that could have knocked the door to the ground.

But Sarah Jane could not have let him leave without an explanation. She ran towards the door, her body covering the lock and shoved his hands away.

"Why do you keep lying to me?"

"I just told you that I did not lie to you!" He shouted, pushing her away from the door and working on the lock once again.

The jamb unhinged with a click. Escape was near, but she was in the way.

"You bloody arse!" She pushed him again, covering the lock with her back. "I saw you with my two eyes! How could you tell me you want me when you obviously wanted someone else?"

He froze, unable to comprehend what this was about.

"You were with Ravensdale's wife this morning! You took her shopping and I don't know what else!"

That was it? Shopping?

"What do you want, Sarah? Do you want me to take you shopping tomorrow?" his voice was laced with disgust and hate that it was impressive that Sarah Jane did not shrink back.

"What do you want?" He demanded hotly, his voice descending lowly and more menacing but did not seem to belie any defensive anger. "I will strangle you, if you don't tell me at once!"

"I'm not afraid of you. I can strangle you too!"

Sarah Jane watched him closely, every second revealing himself and his intentions more clearly. He wasn't being manipulative or defensive at her accusation. He could not even look at her.

He looked...

He looked almost like he was embarrassed, and in pain.

Sarah Jane didn't move.

He was hurting; she could see it so clearly that it was a surprise she wasn't beside him and embracing him the minute she saw the grief on his face. Could it be that he actually wanted her? But why was he with duchess Ravensdale this morning?

Then for what devil that possessed her, Sarah Jane remembered the rumors.

Very well, she heard the rumor from one person, but Anne Hastings was so much in the sidelines and present at every event of consequence that she couldn't have been wrong about this story. Anne was very direct, and she didn't embellish on stories, she told them as it was.

"You met with her grace because of Lady Edward, didn't you?" She asked silently. It didn't matter that it did not make sense, but it was all that she could think about.

"You have no idea what you are talking about. What do you want?" He repeated grimly and tried to stare her down.

Maybe then, she'll remember her female sensibilities and allow him to leave. "I'm growing old here, Sarah." He said more firmly.

Sarah Jane stopped breathing. There was something utterly wrong about their situation.

Why won't he just deny that he was with the duchess this morning? If he denies it, she could have every reason to feel betrayed, and she may call him a liar, a bastard, an arse, and shove him out of door and out of her life forever.

But he's not denying anything. He's not particularly answering her either, and she couldn't find the energy to move.

He looked like every bit as dazed as he was when she discovered him in his study two nights before. Anthony looked desperate, almost pleading for escape and grasping for a lifeline.

Sarah Jane thought that he looked rather like her when she had left in Mr. Collins' hired carriage.

Her leg muscles started twitching from the tension, her eyes turning to see if anyone had seen the same revelation that was exposed. There wasn't anyone else in the room, but the tension was too intense that she simply had to look away.

Anthony wasn't looking at her, but instead was staring at the etchings on the ceiling, breathing heavily while heavy hands gripped his hips as he waited for her to step aside, his with eyes glistening in a thin layer of moisture.

Could it be that he loved her as well?

Quickly, Sarah Jane turned to face the door and locked them securely inside. There was only one way to find out.

Anthony snapped out of his muddy senses, "What are you doing? Are you mad?"

His hand shot to the door, but Sarah Jane swatted it urgently.

"What do you want? You accuse me and yet you won't let me leave!"

He frantically looked around the room for another exit. He was desperate, he can't keep himself in this room to further sink in her rejection.

In a final plea, he stumbled upon weak words. "There will be talk, Sarah Jane. If you have any desire for a future, please unlock the door and allow me to see myself out."

"There's already talk." Sarah Jane shook her head and moved closer to him.

"Stop." Anthony dragged his hand through his hair with a loud and trembling breath. "You can't do this to me..."

This seemed to get her attention. She paused, placing her hand on the collar of his coat. Those were her exact sentiments earlier. Nothing could have convinced her more that he loved her.

"Are you determined to kill me?" He whispered like an already dying man.

She touched her lips to him, so softly that he was sure he imagined it. His hands remained in his pockets, unable to trust himself to touch her. She pressed deeper, testing his resolve for a little bit, and then almost too suddenly, pulled away.

"Are you having an affair with the duchess?"

He fell back, bewildered that she could ask him such a question.

"What were you doing with her, then?"

"I was helping her with her boxes!"

She let a large gust of air into her lungs, unaware that she was holding her breath from his response.

Sarah Jane is not going to allow him get off so easily. He was trapped with her, and she'll be able to ask as many questions about his past this way.

"Now that that has been cleared, why don't you tell me about Lady Edward?"

His mouth dropped at the corners. This was a subject he really didn't want to discuss, especially tonight when all his plans of a proposal had just been rejected.

"Now?"

She nodded, standing so close to him that it almost felt like they were still touching.

"Is it true?"

Anthony's eyes focused on Sarah Jane. "What is true?"

"That Lady Edward was once your lover?"

Anthony cringed at the word, shaking his head. No, she hadn't been his lover, she kept him at bay, denying him his pleasures because they weren't married. He had no problems with it because he was assured that soon the day would come, but it never did. He didn't precisely want to bed her now, wretched bitch that she is.

"Did you love her?"

"She is not my lover." He said baldly. "She was my fiancé," He grunted a short sound of distaste and moved away from her, turning his back to her as he strode to the edge of the room and stared out the window.

"To me, she remains as Mariah Borough, that bare wisp of a girl on Westwood Street. She played the innocent for so long, pulling me in her embrace, in her wiles. But when she found me lacking, she moved on and married Edward."

He sighed and motioned for Sarah Jane to sit in her bed. She followed, sitting primly as she watched his back.

"I have heard that she jilted you because her parents had not approved of you." She said quietly.

This was his secret? The whole ton knew this, phrased differently of course, but he thought that she always had faith that he was the real innocent.

"That part is true." He said grimly, his fingers tightening on the sill. "They wanted more."

He spared her a glance, and saw the incomprehension on her face. He sighed again, noting how much of a true innocent she was.

She didn't know how the ton could be an expert in spreading lies. She hadn't felt how painful it was to see how they treated his mother and anyone who remained friends with him after the incident. She hadn't seen how excruciating it was to know the truth but no one had asked him for it, as if the truth didn't matter.

It was all in the past. Anthony had thought Sarah Jane rejected his weak proposal for not being able to forgive him in withholding information, instead, she rejected him in jealousy. If he had only secured her hand, her jealousy would have been adorable enough to purchase himself a smile. But anxiety still pooled in his belly as he needed to gain her trust once again, and he feared that he didn't know exactly how to do just that.

Anthony moved closer to Sarah Jane, kneeling in front of her on one bended knee, taking her hand in his. "Don't you see how this does not concern me any longer?"

She sighed, cupping his face with her cold hands.

"I care for you Anthony, immensely, and you hurt me." She said it so softly that it made his heart ache terribly.

She closed the remaining space between them and took both of his arms around her in a gentle hold, and then she laid her head on his shoulder to seal the comforting embrace.

The last bricks of his wall tumbled down, and all his strength focused on keeping his body rigid.

———
A/N: Hello everyone! A reconciliation is in order! Finally we are seeing some traction in these secrets. I hope everything remains fine between these two!

I wanted to show how miscommunication or the basic failure to communicate with each other causes relationships to crumble. How did I do, do you think I was successful in showing this? I honestly struggled with this chapter because I wanted to capture the emotions of a lovers' quarrel and the risks that it entails. Showing it as realistic as possible was one of the goals, hope I did it justice. :)

Your feedback is important to me kindly let me know in the comments below and consider giving this chapter a vote if you liked it! Thank you so much!