It was a phenomenal feeling to sense the heart breaking atmosphere that surrounded me shift into something so much calmer and soothing. All at once it seemed as if my life was falling back into place. The bigger picture appeared to me that everything I had to endure over that last little while was over, and I could go back to being happy. "Y-you mean it," Mark slurred in order to get reassurance. I stepped up from off the couch with a large playful grin trying to pull him up from off the sofa and motioned my head. "Come on, let's go snuggle."

More playful yet, instead of tugging Mark up, he had given me a full force tug which resulting in ending up sitting on his knee. Immediately he had let out a sexy growl and started to ravish my neck in sloppy yet loving kisses. "Mark... Stop," I pleaded near breathless from laughing so hard. However, on the same note. I didn't exactly want him to stop. This was the sense of love, peace and security my heart had been yearning to feel again.

"Your... to... beautiful... I can't... help myself," he muttered in response in between kisses. Finally it was beginning to tickle so I had to force myself to pull away, and what greeted me were bright, loving eyes. Staring backing into his gaze, I could visually see my whole world deep within those cocoa coloured doe eyes. I could sense he had been longing for me, just as much as I had been for him. We both managed to stay silent but our eye contact spoke words from the heart, words we'd never be able to verbally express. It was was a moment of magical bliss, that left butterflies in my stomach and felt as if I were floating on a cloud.

"Oh baby, you have no idea how ha-happy I am." Mark's arms locked tight around my torso and seemed to be holding such a strength that he would never let go. "Me too." Lost in the Heaven in which his eyes were conveying to me, my whole body fell weak. My body felt as if it had been wrapped in a warm velvet blanket and I could feel myself beginning to blush. "No really. I shouldn't have been so hard on you. The things I said and the way I acted disgusted even me." I latched my arms around his neck, and pressed my forehead playfully against his, closing my eyes taking in the moment.

"I felt shit for days, and although I s-stopped mys-self, I continuously beat myself up over almost kissing her but, I'm s-o glad we can move on. I just want to go back to the way t-things were." Subconsciously I began to zone out as I tried to collect my thoughts. 'He almost kisses her?' Attempting to process the thought was a vile sicken feeling. As soon as I chose to believe him, new information had arose and it had me questioning pretty much everything.

Feeling the crushing tightness in my chest grow stronger, I wrestled my way from his firm hold and jumped up from our loving embrace in a frantic panic. "Y-You... You..." I could barely speak. My legs were shaking, hands were trembling, and my head felt as if it were spinning around in circles. "You wanted to kiss her?" My mouth was becoming drier by the second, and my blood had run cold. I could feel the color draining from my face at his confession and my stomach had twisted tightly into a souring knot. This was certainly not what I expected.

"I didn't say I wanted to..."--"No. You said you had to stop yourself," I whimpered back to him trying my damnedest to make sense of what was going on. Somehow the look on his face showed that he was relatively surprised by my actions, and like this was coming out of nowhere. Mark had told me that she had tried to kiss him but, he failed to mention the part about him almost caving in, and I had to wonder why. "I thought I told that..."--"No. No you didn't Mark." Just knowing he wanted to kiss her changed everything for me.

It really started to sink in that my insecurities had nothing to do with any of this, he was guilty. This appeared to be that last part of the puzzle I had been looking for, and now that I had it, it was like a domino effect.Piece by piece I began to put it all together. He was late coming home not once but twice and smelled of perfume on both occasions. Although he did confessed to there being a student he pleaded ignorance, and had plenty of opportunity to tell me what had gone on with her at school but held back.

The more I thought about it, I realized he probably only told me on Monday because he realized he had no other choice and now hearing him confess that he wanted to kiss her, made me question if he had or had possibly done even more that he wasn't owning up to. There was a reason to his denial, but I had come to the conclusion that if he were innocent he'd have nothing to hide.

'Juliet was right...' It was a harsh reality to try and bare but, finally fit hit all into place. I had finally done what I had been desperate to do for the longer time and that was to figure things out. "(Y/N)... baby," Mark whispered reaching out to take a hold of my mine. Quickly I had taken a few steps back, just staring him down and shaking my head in both disbelief and disgust. "I-I not doing this right now. I can't handle it."

Beginning to tear up, I turned away from him, running my hand back through my hair completely broken and frustrated. It seemed every time I thought we took a step forward, we took two step back and by now we were just going in circles. Having been heartbroken and confused like I was earlier then to be soothed by tender tranquility only to have it ripped away and leave me entirely devastated was too much. My poor heart just couldn't take it.

"Babe..."--"Please, not right now. I need to lay done, I feel sick." The looming sense of dread that hung in the air caused me to break into a bit of a sweat and I was having the hardest time attempting to catch my breath. I finally had something to latch onto that I felt was concrete and the feeling it left behind was absolutely vile. My heart had jumped into the back of my throat causing a lump that I just couldn't swallow away, and very quickly I had gotten tunnel vision. At least when I had though Mark giving into this student of his was only a possibility, sure it upset me but, it never felt quite like this. Now that I had a sense of confirmation, all my worst fears were realized and I felt faint.

"Okay. Okay let's go to bed then." It amazed me, and not in a good way, how calm he was being for how drunk he was. A part of me wondered if maybe that was because it hadn't clicked for him what just happened. I had always heard the saying 'a drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts' and, that seemed to hold some truth to it. I just found it somewhat interesting that impaired Mark told me more than sober Mark did, as if there was something that needed to be hidden.

The more I thought about it, the more it both upset and angered me. I was starting to see that it was very possible Juliet was correct when saying I may not have been the first or last of his students that he had ever been involved with. After all, he had been teaching for the last three years. Maybe, just maybe, there was a girl or a number of girls before me. Now more than ever my thoughts and doubts were getting the best of me and for the first time in our entire relationship I was regretting ever having gotten involved with Mark. Had I ignored the attraction the first time around, I wouldn't have been in this mess. I could have spared myself the heartache and might have been able to live my life happily.

Seeing how urgent it seemed, Mark was quick to finally get off the sofa, and upon his approach he had this oblivious yet emotionless expression. Just his facial expression and body language told me he knew something was right. I couldn't help but wonder what might have been going through his mind. I had a feeling that he was kicking himself in the ass for revealing something he clearly tried to keep a secret from me while sober. What I couldn't put my finger on though was if this were all an act.

I didn't like thinking that perhaps he didn't want to lose me, but for the wrong reasons. More than ever the thought was burned deep into the back of my mind that maybe he was only over emotional because he was under the influence and not because he was actually an emotional wreck from losing me. Although that thought was deeply upsetting, I tried my best to shake it. I was tired of making excuses for him and tired of making excuses for myself why I kept hanging on. Figuring the best thing to do in the moment was to get some shut eye and continue this discussion in the morning, I had begun my walk upstairs and Mark followed close by behind me in silence.

As soon as we got to my bedroom, the air surrounding us had become thin and unsettled. Every breath taken felt like it took quite a bit of effort and having difficulty breathing just added to the flood of panic that I was feeling. I flicked on the ceiling light, motioned my hand towards the bed that had still been left unmade since this morning but, at the moment I didn't exactly care. I was so much more concerned with what it was I could say, or rather, if there were anything at all to say at the time. Of course then again, the last thing I wanted was to deal with situation and both of our emotions, especially right before bed.

Mark's reluctant footsteps into my room suggested to me that, in a way, he was just as uncertain as I was when it came to what to do or say. Just the way his body moved seemed drained, slowed down and he appeared defeated somehow. Feeling the need to still take care of him, I had played the bigger person and fluffed up the pillows attempting to make a comfortable environment even though in my mind, he didn't deserve it. I could have been bitter and screamed my lungs out, blamed all the issues I had to endure on him or the product of our relationship but, I just couldn't. I loved him. He could hurt me again and again and in the end, I'd always be there for him much like I was trying to be in the moment.

When I was satisfied with the effort I put into making the bed more inviting, I had backed up and out of the way allowing him to crawl in and get comfortable. Just the look of guilt that washed over his face as he looked up at me, still trying to take care of him nor me to bits. I could no longer be in this room with him. I was trying my best to do the right thing but, this was much more difficult than I thought it would be and needed to escape the situation desperately.

After having seen Mark settle into bed, it was time for me to leave. I was quick to turn the bedroom light off once again and made an attempt to leave the room, only to be pulled back by a soft whisper. "I thought we were going to cuddle." Those words caused the hair on my arms to stand up on ends and I felt a chill that was much like pins and needles shoot across my body. It was than I realized, he still hadn't had the slightest idea what just happened. I continued to stand at the doorway, peering into the darkened room unsure how to response. He had finally calmed down and the last thing I wanted was to see or hear him cry again.

"Aren't you gonna lay with me?" It seemed crazy but, despite my aching heart, I really wanted to although, I couldn't. I couldn't continue doing this to myself. I was through with constantly going against my better judgement. I was done with bouncing back and forth between feeling as if I were right one minute and wrong the next and above all else, I was tired of hurting myself which I was doing in every passing second I spent with him over the last week. I could no longer think straight. Both my head and heart were caught in a never ending web of countless scenarios and different beliefs that I had finally had enough. Love is not a game but yet in my heart I knew, I was being played and I was tired of losing.

Not wanting to upset Mark again, I thought for a moment, giving me enough time to choose my words carefully. I knew if I were to harsh or said something wrong he'd go back to that same disheveled mess that ripped my very soul apart not so long ago and if that were to happen, I didn't think I could keep strong and stand my ground. "I'll be back in a bit, I have to do something." The silence that greeted me was evidence that he understood and declined to protest my absence. Being satisfied with the outcome, I took one last look into the darkened room and stood there briefly, just long enough to see the form of his body and face. Before closing the door I blew a kiss in his direction, knowing it'd be the last one I'd ever give him.

With Mark occupying my bed, I let out a breathy sigh, shaking my head at all that had transpired trying to come up with a sleeping solution for myself. Out of the corner of my eye, I could a glimpse of the door that was the next room over from mine and decided taking my parent's bed for the night would be the best solution. I wasn't exactly happy about it, as after that make up earlier I was looking forward to the snuggling that my body was yearning for but, I no longer had a choice.

I tiptoed quietly from just outside my bedroom, and into my parents room and such the door behind me trying my best to not make a sound. My hopes were that Mark would fall asleep before he realized that I wasn't coming back and the plan seemed flawless in my mind. Through the pitch black, I shuffled my way across the floor feeling for the edge of the bed and once found it wasn't long before I found my way snug under the warm quilted blanket. So eager for this terrible nightmare to be over, I had turned over onto my side and clutched tightly onto a pillow and closed my eyes just waiting anxiously for sleep to take it's toll.

Several minutes of laying in bed proved to be a futile effort in terms of falling asleep, as my mind just couldn't stop. I had replayed every single thing said and done over the last couple of days a number of times, reliving each individual moment. I could still feel my body when it went cold and number after having smelled the perfume off of his shirt. I could still hear the tone of voice and how upset he seemed when I asked him what took him so long to come how. I could still see the daggers Mark had shot me when he said my dad may have been right however, above everything else, I still felt love for him which made this one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.

I couldn't understand why Mark was hiding the fact that he wanted to kiss this girl if he didn't actually kiss her or possibly do more. If he had nothing to hide, he should have been straight forward with me from the beginning and he wasn't, for one reason or another. So despite his 'genuine' performance, I knew deep in my heart that it I couldn't say with one hundred percent certainty that not only I believe him but that I trust him, than as painful as it may be... it was time to say goodbye.

It seemed after I had spent quite some time figuring the puzzle and realizing what I needed to do that was best for me, finally my mind had stopped racing. I wasn't looking forward to the conversation that would come tomorrow, in fact I was dreading it. However looking back on all that we as a couple, and I as an individual had to endure, it was plain to see that perhaps this was a failed relationship before it had even begun. I knew letting go wouldn't be easy but, I couldn't handle battling myself over my emotions versus what my heart wanted to believe. I knew it'd hurt for a long time but, I refused to keep holding onto something that now felt like it could have been all a lie all this time.

With my eyes beginning to feel significantly more heavy than they did a few minutes prior I hiked the heavy blanket up to my neck and snuggled deeper into the stack of pillows beneath my head. With my mind having finally calmed down it seemed as if the whole world felt into a still silence. Hearing nothing but the ticking of the alarm clock on the bedside table was almost unsettling but soon came a sound that had drown the clock out entirely. At first I found this particular noise to be quite curious and couldn't put my finger on what it was until it became louder.

It seemed very quickly the entire room was filled with the heartbreaking sound of falling tears, which were not my own. They were Mark's which were coming from the room next door. Just listening to his every sniffle, every sorrow filled sob and whimper dragged me under into a place in which I had never been. Somewhere so desperate and dark that, as strong as I was trying to be, made me break. 

I clung to the pillow between my arms tighter and held it close to my body, and quietly sobbed into it. I couldn't imagine what was going through his mind and perhaps it was best that I didn't know but hearing the man I love cry and know there was nothing I could do was absolutely gut wrenching. 'I know. This is hard on me too Mark but, I'm sorry.'

***

"Mark?" I tapped gently on my bedroom door trying to wake him as quietly as possible. Figuring he probably had a hangover, I had two aspirin and a glass of water for him in hand. When my knocks went unanswered I lightly opened the door and the sight that greeted me was something I was unprepared for. Mark was drooling on my pillow which was no surprise however, clutched in his unconscious grasp was a swear of mine that I had hung over the bedrail.

Instantly I got a crashing pain weighing down upon me because I realized what must have happened. He probably realized I wasn't coming back last night, and cried himself to sleep using my sweater as a substitution in replace of me. I took a moment to compose myself before making another move. Knowing Mark only drools when he's in a seep sleep somehow got me to smile a bit. Not that I was happy, but I was just glad to know he at least had a peaceful night's sleep, at least that made one of us.

With softened eyes I looked down upon my sleeping lover and more a split moment I had flashbacks of a happier time when I'd wake him up to see his heavenly gaze and bright beautiful smile. It brought me back to a night when we'd literally lay in bed all morning cuddling and telling silly jokes or stories. I had to wonder if those tines meant as much to him at one point as they meant to me. However, unfortunately those times were gone and as quickly as I realized that, the small smile I had managed from the thought had disappeared.

I took a single step closer to the bed and reached out with a trembling hand, lightly grasping onto his shoulder and began to shake. "Mark..." I heard a deep inhale but still my attempts to wake him proved to be a fruitless effort. "Come on. Time to get up," I whispered softly while beginning to shake him just a little bit harder. This time however, my efforts dis not go unnoticed, and soon enough his heavy eyes fluttered open, taking in the world around him.

"Ow, my... head," he exclaimed letting go of my sweater, and using both of his hands to message his skull. "Well, that tends to happen. Here, sit up. I brought you some aspirin." The look in his eyes read 'oblivious,' and he looked off at me, squinting his eyes together. "(YN,)" he slurred in the mix of his groggy state focusing his sight me briefly before attempting to sit up. Just hear him say my names caused my heart to fall into the pit of my stomach and trying to hide how torn up I still was, I handed him the glass of water and aspirin.

"What happened? I feel like I got hit by a truck." Slowly he hung his head down to the glass off water in hand and swirled it around as if it were a glass of wine, occasionally glancing over to the aspirin in his other hand. "What do you mean what happened? You don't remember?" While placing the pills into his mouth and bringing the glass to his lips, he appeared to be concentrating relative hard, attempting to recollect memories or the night prior but, as the silence settled in it, it dawned on me that he doesn't remember a single thing.

"The last thing I remember, I was sitting at home and I had a few drinks but, after that, it's all a blur. You wanna fill me in?" Knowing he didn't remember anything somehow made this confrontation easier. He wouldn't remember the conversation we had and he wouldn't remember the makeup either. I decided it may be best to use that to my advantage. I didn't want to lie to him but, there were certain things he was just better off not knowing. It was just a lot easier if I didn't tell him absolutely everything.

"You came over last night, you were drunk and we had a bit of a talk. That's all." I shrugged my shoulders trying to play it off and hung my head finding I couldn't even look at him. I felt terrible for being so vague and not wanting to tell him all that had happened but, if I had, we would have just went back around in a circle and, that'd get us nowhere productive. "Had a chat? Like what?" My heart began to beat faster remember all that had happened and how devastated I was.

I could still so clearly he him say 'I'm so glad I stopped myself' and that caused my heart to recoil, and shut him out even though a small part of me did want to tell him the truth. "You said you were sorry for how you acted and pleaded for me to come back."--"And?" The pounding in my chest was so much louder than the one in my head and very quickly my body began to shake from the rush of powerful emotions sweeping over me. This was the moment I was dreading but. It was time.

My cheeks began to burn like a raging fire, and my eyes began to swell with tears. I knew it was time but, it was something I just wasn't ready for although deep down I knew I had to do. I took a deep breath before gathering enough courage to look up to the love of my life, the eyes that quickly became my world and I began to shake my head from side to side. "I'm s-sorry," I choked. "I love you but, I just can't do this." Simple words had never seemed so difficult.

The look written across Mark's face was that of both sadness and confusion. I had no idea what was going through his mind, but I could imagine. "If you love me then why are you doing this?" My breath hitched in the back of my throat and a numbing sensation took over my entire body hearing his question. He may have hurt me but, I still loved him and wanted to try and handle the situation as delicately as possible. "It's as the saying goes. When you love something set it free. Well although I love you, it's time I set you free."

Mark didn't have much of a response at all for a dew moments. His focus just remind on me, as if waiting for me to change my mind but, when I continued my silence, Mark had slammed the glass down on my bedside table and immediately buried his face into the palms of his hands. I watched as he began to grab at his hair, looking as if he were ready to rip it out and seen his entire body grow tense. He was breaking right before my eyes although this time, I was powerless to stop it.

"This can't be it. Why," he whispered taking in and letting out a few deep breaths. He wanted to kiss her, that fact was clear as say and embedded into my mind. For one reason or another the urge was there and regardless if he did or did not submit to her advances, I'd never know for sure. So because of that, I'd always have my doubts and by extension perhaps insecurities. So long as they existed, there would never be full hearted trust and ergo no truly happy relationship.

"I've just grown to see that maybe my dad was right."--"Is this really what you want?" This wasn't at all what I wanted but I had begun to realize all that this relationship had lead to was beautiful lies and a never ending heartbreak. At this point, we were only wasting each others time. I could live a lie and pretend to be happy just to remain in a relationship that somehow took a wrong turn or I could be truthful to him and myself in hopes of one day finding real happiness.

Hesitantly I began to nod my head unable to answer with words. For just a single moment time felt as if it had froze and the world had stopped spinning. It was still somewhat had to wrap my mind around what was happening but, there was a small ray or light. Hope that one day, a friendship may be possible. Mark had stood up from off my head, and took a few step towards me with a clear cloud of devastation looming over him. "Okay then. I just want you to be happy," he proclaimed bowing his head and reaching into the pocket of his jeans.

Out of curiosity, I watched quietly as he retrieved a small silver box from from out of his pocket, just smiling down at the box. The light shining in through my window produced a glare over the tiny silver package, making whatever was written on it unreadable that was, until he head it out to me. "Go on, take it," he said with a faint smile clearly trying to cover the hurt, and with a shaky hand, I took it. "I want you to remember that there will always be room for you hand in mine. Happy Valentines Day."

Staring down at the metallic coloured box, I allowed my fingertips to trace around the logo recognizing it was from a jewellery story. My heart became heavy as I lifted the top to reveal a white gold heart pendent with something engraved on the front. Upon closer inspection the letters became legible and I was able to make out the phrase 'worth the risk.' As I looked up to Mark to thank him, I discovered he was no longer there and a moment later heard the slam of my front door. 'Happy Valentines Day, Mr. Fischbach.'

----

--I have not editing this chapter yet, so please excuse all errors you find.--

ALSO Just like last time, there is another section after the story. It is more of a behind the scenes look at the TMF series, where I share with you guys some scrapped scenes and what my original idea for both books were. :o Hope you guys enjoy!!