I was beginning to hyperventilate again. My body was overheating so quickly I swear I could practically see the steam radiating from off of me. By the look on Mark's face, he was feeling it too. "You know what" I scoffed clenching my teeth. I watched as Mark's eyes widened. He had no idea what was to come and, the fact that I was giving the attitude right back to him seemed to come as a surprise.

"You're not so fucking perfect either! Yes, I got a detention. Yes I skipped class and you're right, I haven't been doing my homework for my own reasons. I also didn't and I repeat, DID NOT smoke off Sam's joint. However, even if I had, why does it matter? You have no right to say anything! You're not my teacher anymore, you're my boyfriend so back off! This is MY life and I will make my own decisions, DAD."

As soon as I shut my mouth that was the moment I realized I had made the plunge that I was fighting so desperately against. I had finally snapped and, that little outburst was exactly what I was trying to avoid knowing it would have serious consequences.

Slamming my binder and sketch book carelessly onto the table, I stood back, now silent just observing him. "Sam's joint? Ah, so you did lie to me. I always thought some of your friends might be bad influences but it was never my position to say anything. I guess I was right."

He appeared to be shaking more than I was and his whole body became tense. His eyes were almost pitch black and his hairline was damp with sweat. Quickly Mark had spun around, placing his hands on the edge of the counter, drawing slow, deep breaths but his arms were trembling. "You're right. It's not your place and neither is this. So for once, stop being my teacher and start acting like my boyfriend."

All of a sudden, Mark began to pound both of his fists against the countertop, just groaning at such a loud frequency it sounded as if he was roaring. This was the first time I had ever seen Mark like this, and without knowing what else to do, I took a feet steps back now almost terrified.

"You don't want me to care? Fine! I won't," he snapped. I watched as he spun back around to me. The veins in his neck and forehead became more pronounced, beginning to bulge and the scowl on his face was alarming. "That's fine. I'd prefer it that way," I hissed through my teeth.

His face flushed a shade of red so deep it almost dared to turn purple. If I had ever seen a fire in his eyes, it was now. Except this time it wasn't from lust but, yet sheer belligerent rage. "You're dad was right," he bellowed back at me, shaking his head. Just like that, he stormed out. Slamming the door behind him, and leaving me to question the context of his statement.

'What does he mean my dad was right?' That question rang again and again in the back of mind. It drew cause for concern and, it was much louder and more clear than anything I had ever heard. Something about that statement hit me where it hurt and, a major reason for that was because Mark left without giving an explanation.

There were many things my dad could have been right about. However, as to what Mark felt was 'right,' I just didn't know and, the more I thought about it, the more it made me sick to my stomach to think about. Too scared to follow him outside and possibly make things worse, I found myself standing in the middle of the kitchen floor. Zoning out and hugging my shoulders in complete disbelief of what just happened.

All couples fight, Mark and I were no exception. I knew for the most part that was normal in maintaining a healthy relationship. However, the outcome of this argument was toxic. This was the first time where Mark was clearly angry enough to go outside and take a breather instead of going back into his office as normal. Something about knowing that, didn't sit right with me and, it was entirely my fault.

So conflicted by what just happened and how it escalated that quickly, I was uncertain how I could make it right. My mind was clouded, my vision was hazy from trying to hold back the uncontrollable tears and, I was trembling. The more and more I questioned how I could make this situation better, I found I kept glancing over at the kitchen table, my work load still strewed across it and it became clear.

This whole argument seemed ridiculous, and it probably could have been avoided if I had kept calm. That was obviously what set him off, not just the homework, deletion or skipping class thing. Still, I've had this conversation with him before-- I'm an adult. I did not appreciate being spoken to like a child, I did not accept being told what to do, and the fact that Mark went against both of those things left a powerful storm building up in my gut. I'm an adult and I will make my own decisions. He needed to understand that, one way or another.

However on the other hand, I knew Mark only wanted the best for me, which included decent grades. Since we were together that meant he was going to take my education more seriously then I would. I knew that from the start but, I never thought something like this would cause such a big fuss. Regardless, I could see now, the only way I was going to be able to fix this would be to get a good a start on my work and apologize like crazy when he cools off and comes back inside. I still didn't feel I was entirely in the wrong but, this just wasn't worth it.

As stubborn as I wanted to be, I forced myself to sit at the table, open my binder and decided best to work on one subject at a time. At least if I had done in that way I wouldn't have been so overwhelmed. When Mark finishes cooling down he could come back inside and hopefully appreciate the effort I was trying to make. By putting my workload off most of week, I knew I was in for a long night. In fact, I was probably going to be at this all weekend but, this was the consequences of own stupidity.

I stared blankly down at the first section of my binder which consisted of a few work sheets for my Business Management class, and scratched my head. This was the smallest workload I had and, thought it best to get the small stuff out of the way first. At least then even if I didn't get my work done tonight, I'd at least be able to show Mark some progress.

Just as I had set my pen to the paper and a small ink mark grazed across  the sheet, I was started by a loud rumbling. It was then followed by lights that beamed brightly through the window, painting the surrounding walls. Immediately I tensed up, and my eyes widened. I knew that sound just as well as I knew the sweet murmur's Mark made in his sleep-- which was very well, and I dropped my pen.

As I got up and rushed to the kitchen counter my blood ran cold and my heart stopped realizing the car keys were nowhere in sight. That's when it hit me. He didn't just step outside to calm down, he was legitimately angry enough to completely take off. Praying I was wrong, I hastily made my way over to the living room window and hesitantly peaked outside of the blinds dreading what I might find. What I seen was precisely what I didn't want.

I got there just in time to witness Mark backing the car out of the driveway and beginning to speed off down the street. I could almost faintly see the tire marks skidding out of the driveway and could still hear the subtle sound of the car's engine as it disappeared further and further down the street until the tail lights finally vanished from view.

That only confirmed for me just how bad this had gotten. Here I was thinking I could suck it up and admit I was wrong, even if I didn't entirely think so and he perhaps would do the same but, no. He was clearly far too angry to even be in the same house as me and that realization brought me to a very insecure place.

All of a sudden the house seemed to settle to an uncomfortable silence, like it was empty... lifeless and I never felt more alone. This wasn't what I wanted nor was it what I expected. Being with Mark for the last several months I was well aware he was hard headed but this... this was all my fault. I really didn't know what I was thinking when I went off on him. He deserved to know how I felt but, not like that.

I found in the moment, I kind of reverted back to the wine scenario from a few months ago. This situation felt so similar to that, that when it was playing out... I was instantly struck with fury. I had gotten enough of being treated like a child while I was at home and, I didn't need it here too. Mark was my boyfriend not my parent and not my teacher. He needed to understand that and unfortunately, I felt the only way to get that across was to act the way I did. However, that caused more trouble than it was worth.

My nerves were completely shot because I was so shaken up. My mouth was watering, eyes were tearing and I knew that if I didn't make it to the toilet quickly, I'd have a real mess to clean up. Swift on my feet, I left everything where it was, hopped over the broom and dustpan laying on the floor and hurried towards the bathroom. I barely managed to make it there and just as I squatted down to the toilet, I buried my face into the bowl and expelled my stomach contents.

The contracting of my stomach as I continued to puke was so painful I felt like I had been kicked in the gut. The smell and taste of my own vomit was much like death and once I had disposed of my stomach contents, the bile coming up was much worse. It burned my throat coming up, and that only made my eyes water even more.

A couple of wretches and few moments later, I had finally finished but now, I just felt weak. My face was hot, my cheeks and forehead were dampened and all my body muscles felt like jelly. Bringing myself up from the toilet and giving it a flush, I could barely stand. My legs were so weak and, my knees were buckling beneath my weight. I had to grab a hold onto the sink for support.

I came around to the front of the sink feeling as if I were going to drop at any moment and ran the faucet. As soon as I was able to, I tore the bottle of mouthwash from off of the back of the sink, opened it and poured myself a cap full. The taste in my mouth was putrid and I needed to relieve myself of it fast before it made me sick again. I never did like the taste of Listetine, it was much too strong for my liking but, anything was better than the taste in my mouth and smell on my breath.

Quickly I brought the cap to my mouth, taking the entire cap full and swishing it around my mouth before spitting it into the sink. While I was in this bent over position, I cupped my hands together under the water and splashed some on my face, hopefully as a means to cool myself down. Still though, I felt sick and disgusting.

I knew my whole plan was to try and get some work done but, I just didn't feel good. As much as I wanted to show Mark that I was trying to make progress, my mind was elsewhere and, rightfully so. I knew if I laid down there was a chance I'd sleep for the rest of the evening and it'd screw up my sleeping schedule but, I didn't care. I was just so mentally, physically and emotionally drained that I just wanted to pass out from exhaustion.

Not caring about the state I left the kitchen in, I shut off the faucet and took a moment to pat my face dry with the towel hanging on the rack before leaving the bathroom and going into the bedroom. The moment I made it in, I slammed the door closed and upon seeing the bed, I reconsidered my decision. However, replaying the events that just occurred I knew I'd be making the right choice by getting some rest. 

***

As I opened my eyes, it felt like I had just gotten to sleep only moments ago. When I noticed the alarm clock flashing '12:13 am,' I was shocked to find I had actually been sleeping for quite some time. I rolled over and stretched my arms out flat across the bed, hoping to feel Mark's warm, strong body at my side. However, all that greeted me was the cold emptiness of the imprint his body permanently left on his side of the bed. He wasn't there.

Something about this didn't feel right. Staying out this late wasn't entirely against his disposition, but it was a school night. The more that played on my mind, the more it worried me. I couldn't hold back anymore. I submitted to my pained heart full of guilt and regret realizing, this was clearly worse than I thought. As soon as the first tear began to swell, I found comfort in inching myself over to his side of the bed, taking in his scent as my head rested against his vacant pillow.

Just as I had felt like I was beginning to drift back off to asleep, I had been awakened once again to the bedroom door creaking open. My eyes shot wide open and, I clung to the blanket while I observed the shadowed figure begin to trail into the room. Soon enough the bedroom light was switched on, and a staggering Mark closed the door with his foot, beginning to pull off his shirt. Realizing he was getting ready for bed, I wiggled my way back over to my side of the bed and, just quietly observed him.

As much as I wanted to ask him of his whereabouts, it really didn't matter. The main thing was although he was coming in rather late, he was home and he was safe. As soon as his shirt it the floor, and he bent down to remove his pants, that was the moment our eyes met and my heart collapsed. The warm chocolate gaze I knew so well was nowhere to be seen. Instead his glare was a shade darker, glazed over and instead it was replaced with a vile feeling of the bitter cold.

As quickly as our eyes met, the moment was over and his head hung back down to the floor as he stepped out of his pants, kicking them off to the side. It was clear Mark just didn't want to talk to me, and by the looks of it, he didn't want to look at me either. "Where'd you go? I-I've been worried about you," I choked trying my very best not to break.

He switched off the bedroom light and paced his way reluctantly to his of the bed. Just the way his body moved was stiff and unnatural and that on it's own made me uneasy. "I went to the bar and had a drink, MOTHER," he huffed, lowering himself onto the bed, falling back and rolling over with his back towards me. Our two warm bodies in our bed but yet it never seemed more empty. We shared one strong united love but it never seemed so cold. 'What have I done.'

Although it was very clear Mark wasn't in the mood to communicate I knew if I didn't say my piece, I wouldn't get back to sleep. More than anything I didn't want him to go to bed angry. Even if he wasn't willing to listen right now at least I could feel better in knowing I tried. From there, the ball would be in his court. I just didn't understand where this was all coming from. I made a few mistakes, said a few things I regret, but he did too. He once said we can always work out are problems and this, should be nothing for a love like we have.

"I'm sorry," I muttered inching my way towards him, throwing my arm over his torso. Something about trying to snuggle up with him right now felt wrong. I got the scene that we were like complete strangers and, more then anything that was ripping me apart. "I'm gonna make this right. I'm gonna get all my homework done for Monday and go to my detention tomorrow, okay?"

I tried to cuddle up closer only to have him scoot over. At first I thought perhaps he was trying to make himself comfortable but, when I leaned in and kissed his shoulder once again, he shuffled further away before throwing my hand off of him. I could almost hear the faint huffing in his breathing but, what shook me the most was having him so mentally, physically and emotionally distant away from from me.

"Mark... please, will you just talk to me." His mouth never opened but yet his actions spoke louder than he could. Now that my eyes had time to adjust to the amount of lighting in the room I was easily able to make out what he did. I watched as he curled the side of his pillow against his ear and nestled his head deeper into, clearly in an attempts to shut me out. That one single action was enough to completely shatter me.

I had always been a rather rational person but sometimes I crack]and, I was beginning to feel cornered and was growing desperate. I rolled over, flicking on the lamp on my nightstand and took in how it illuminated the room. Even it's warm, gentle glow wasn't enough. I still felt like I was in a place of cold, bitter darkness, entirely alone and that was my undoing.

"Baby please! I'm sorry," I cried out, sitting up in bed and clutching tightly onto the blanket that was now settled in my lap. I looked over to him with watery eyes seeing the veins in his hand bulging out as he pressed his pillow more firm against his ear. Trembling, so full of different powerful emotions sweeping me into such a dark place, finally I had begun to get loud. "Jesus Christ, Mark. Like what do you want from me!"

Although I still stood by almost everything I had said earlier, my biggest regret was letting it get this far and now it was spiralling out of control. Mark didn't want to look at me, talk to me or clearly even listen to me. I just didn't understand how I could make things right when he wouldn't give me the chance. Too scared to allow this to continue any longer, I made a vigorous attempt to peel his grasp away from the pillow which came up as a futile effort but, finally he spoke.

"You just don't get it, do you," Mark snapped springing up into a sitting position, legs dangling over the bedside. Hearing him even speak in the moment caused my heart to flutter, not from happiness but from anxiety. 'I-I thought I did...'

Just the way he turned to look back at me, pain hidden deep within his gaze, made my heart stop, sink into my stomach and it all of a sudden became difficult to breath. There was a pounding pressure in my temples that seemed to be mimicking how brutal my pulse was racing and I had no idea what to expect from this. "It's not just about the homework, the detention or skipping class. Sure I was angry at first but, there's a whole new set of problems now."

There was something so unsettling about not only his choice of words but his eyes. They almost seemed lifeless, loveless even and, the longer I stared into them the more I felt as if my still beating heart was being ripped apart piece by piece. "So then what are they," I cried on the verge of tears, reaching over and clutching onto his upper arm.

He turned his head away from me, completely voiding me. I could still see his nostrils flailing, lip buckling but, I could no longer see his eyes. It was as if he would have preferred to focus his attention on anything else besides me. I felt his arm tense up within my grasp, and still he refused to look at me. His gaze staring off blindly at the bedroom door and face beginning to get red. The easiest way to describe it was, though his body might have been warm, he wasn't.

"Right now, you'd be best not to talk to me." My eyes shot open wide and immediately began to swell even more so with a wet consistency. I choked on my shallow breath and instantly began to sweat. "H-how are we supposed to move past this when you won't even tell me what's wrong!" Finally I had all I could take. I was mentally and emotionally beginning to shatter and, it wasn't something I was gonna be able to prevent.

I was forced to let go of my restraint on his arm when he ripped it away from me. Instead he picked up his pillow, stood up and trailed towards the bedroom door with his pillow in hand just shaking his head. I watched through my burly vision as he swung the bedroom wide open and then, stopped in his place.

"You wanna know what the problem is? How about the fact you lied to me? How about the fact that you tried to hide something as small as a detention from me? How about the fact that you spoke down to me, and treated me as if I were beneath you when all I wanted was what was best for you? Or how about this..."

He slowly turned around with eyes so dark and cold. He just looked at me as if I weren't even human. "You compared me to your father, several times. How dare you. If I recall he was the one to trash your room and he was the one to kick you out. He's the reason we're in this position in the first place. Him and I are nothing alike and I'm quite upset, disappointed and offended that you think so. If you can compare me to a man like that, I'm obviously not doing my job as a boyfriend."

Now it all made sense. This wasn't just about what I did, this was about pride. I hadn't seen it the way he did. Now I could tell he wasn't just angry, he was hurt clearly beyond belief and, I was to blame. "This is who I am and if you can't respect that then maybe your father was right. Maybe we shouldn't be together." Although Mark was standing mere feet away, he never seemed so distant.

Just looking at him replaying his last sentence over and over to myself made me sick. I felt like I had been hit by a train. I had a tidal wave of many emotions flood over me. I felt hopeless, despondent and desperate, a type of pain I had never felt before. Not like this at least. In that very moment it felt as if the whole world stopped spinning, and seemed to be crumbling down around me. 'There's no way he means that.'

I continued to just stare at him hoping he would take back what he said. Still, he seemed holo, empty and much like ice. Even though I still had a hard time trying to wrap my mind around what he had said, I opened my mouth to speak only to be cut off when Mark immediately scoffed. "Save it."

As I watched him leave, I just couldn't get passed what he had said. I understood he was hurt but he had no idea how much his words scarred me. I had a clenching pain in my chest and other then that it seemed as if my whole body went numb, like I was trying to block everything out.

Sure it wasn't a break up but, just knowing he was questioning our relationship pained me more then anything physical ever could. In the moment I would have much rather had Mark hit me. At least physical wounds have a chance to heal. The last thing I seen before he walked out of the room, shutting the door behind him was his body language. His eyes spoke to me what his words couldn't, he was in just as much pain as I was.

"Mark, please tell me you don't mean that," I screamed at full volume now with full tears streaming down my heated cheeks. The fact that he didn't come back said it all. Instead I could hear his heavy footsteps trailing down the hallway was only confirmation that, he meant it and, I was completely devastated.