"I have to leave by 5 pm for my plane." Dervik mentioned to Aunt Lou, "So I was thinking that we could all go out for something to eat before I leave."

"That's a wonderful idea! Any special place you want to go?"

"Yea. That little Hawaiian spot near the beach. The Crab Shack or something like that?"

"Oh! I love that place, we'd have to make reservations before-hand though. It gets packed by 7 usually. How about you invite Lola?"

"You have to be kidding me Aunt Lou. We don't even know her and yet you want to invite her to our farewell dinner for Dervik?" I asked, looking up from my dog-eared copy of The Last Lecture.

"It's not your choice Gwen. How many times did you bring Noah along when I didn't want him there?"

"He was part of your band you dimwit! Did you forget about how he helped make your tracks actually sound good and polished off?"

"That wasn't my band. It was Reed's." Dervik walked out of the room, phone in hand. Whatever.

"You really shouldn't act like that to him, Gwen."

"He has a girlfriend already! This is cheating!"

"I know that and you know that, but will he ever see her again? Think about this. I don't think Dervik intends to profess his love for Lola when he's been dating Courtney for almost a year and a half."

"They broke up then got back together so not really a year and a half."

"You know what I mean."

I did. I knew exactly what she meant and I knew exactly how much it hurt to be in Courtney's shoes. Dervik needed to think about her.

Later on that night, we were seated at the restaurant, waiting for Dervik. The door opened and in floated Lola. Her dress was so short, it could be considered as a shirt. It was disgusting. "Oh, what are you doing here?"

How fucking rude. This girl just boils my blood.

"We're Dervik's family. We have a right to be here. So," I coughed looking down at my menu then back up at her, acting all innocent, "Why are you here Lola?"

"I'll ask again." She spoke through clenched teeth directly at me, "What are you doing here, Gwen?" Oh so it's just me she hates. Good to know.

"You're not the only one who gets to say goodbye to Dervik, my brother." I rhetorically spat and opened a menu.

"You're leaving. Now." Lola reached for my wrist

"No. No I'm not. No, I'm not."

"Dervik and I were suppose to have dinner here before he leaves."

"Yea, with his family. Not you." I looked back at the menu

"I get it now." I ignored her. "Dervik told me about the 'accident.'" Lola saw me hide behind the menu, eyes wide. She noticed the crack in my stone-faced facade and she slipped into the crack and hoped to make it bigger. She lowered her voice so the attention of the rest of my family didn't get drawn towards us, "And I think you did kill him. And I'm sure you would have killed that sick girl too, if you hadn't been stopped." I remained silent behind my menu.

"Lola!" She jumped as Dervik called her name, just coming in. She plastered a fake smile on and hugged him, "Gwen! Aunt Lou! Uncle John! Hi! Sorry I'm late! I forgot to get a couple souvenirs for mom and dad." He noticed I was buried in my menu, "Gwenny? Are you okay?" He asked cautiously

"You don't have any right to say those things! Ever!" I threw down the menu and ran out crying.

Aunt Lou stood. I saw from the window that over-looked where I stood outside, crying. People walked past me, ignoring me. I ran toward the beach and fell down onto the sand. I sat there crying, until a little boy came over. "Are you okay lady?"

"No."

"Do you need a hug?"

"You don't have-" He started hugging me, letting me cry on his little shoulder, "I'm Gwen."

"I'm Pat. Why were you crying Gwen?"

"Well, people keep saying I did something I didn't do."

"Tell me about it." So I told him the whole story. I know, why was I telling my life story to a random kid that was younger than me? Where were his guardians? I don't know. I just don't know. "Wow." He said when I was finished, "Can I comment on your story?"

"Go ahead." I pulled my knees to my chest

"Noah loved you. He really wanted to date you. I don't think you would kill someone you love. Why didn't you two date?"

"Well," I began, shocked at his bold words, "I was always dating someone and he was always dating someone and we're just friends."

"Wrong."

"Wrong?"

"Things change, friends leave. And life doesn't stop for anybody." He quoted The Perks Of Being A Wallflower and walked away.

What did he mean?

Things change, friends leave. And life doesn't stop for anybody?

I guess the quote was right. Things change. When Noah died, things did change. Mom and dad got divorced and mom got all the custody. Dervik became secluded most times. Rosie and Kiera decided that I wasn't good enough for their group.

Friends leave. Noah left.

Life doesn't stop for anybody. I can obviously tell. But it's not fair that I could sit on this beach and Noah will miss everything in his life. Getting married, having kids. getting his first real job, growing old, and dying. I'll be able to experiance that. He won't.

Maybe I should just end all of this. Pack up my stuff, head home. Burn all I have and start over. Maybe I could join Noah? Wherever he is, I could go there and listen to emo punk rock and old bands with him. I would scold him for throwing darts and being a goof. And he would sweep me off my feet with his delicious cherry lips.

Just give me back my Noah. Let me join him.

I made a plan. And it will end with my blood on the white sand.