October- I wrote Gwen a letter. I miss her.

Gwen, I think it's best if we went on a trip together. Please say yes. Don't be mad at me. Please Gwen Please. -Noah

Noah, I'd prefer a vacation from you. not with. Begging won't help. -Gwendolyn

Gwen(dolyn), Please. Can we at least go to the FP and get ice cream? -Noah

Noah, Fine. -Gwen

Gwen, Really? -Noah

Noah, Don't make me regret it. -Gwen

A couple of weeks later, Gwen came over for dinner. Mom started a new conversation about how her and my dad hate me. "Noah, you really should be more religious."

"It would be funny if you married a girl named Joan." Dad started chuckling at Gwen's horrible Noah of Arc/Joan of Arc joke.

"It's my life, I can do what I want."

"Not when you're under this roof. And not until you're 18, mister." Dad chimed in, all laughter gone from his voice

"Also your music is a little too loud and how to put it..."

"Not in your tastes?"

"I suppose." Mom cut up her chicken, "If you want to put it that way...."

"I like Noah's music. Not only is he good at editing it but the music he listens to has deep messages underlined within." Gwen put in

Dad noticed I hadn't put anything on my plate but mashed potatoes, "Why only-"

"Did you guys forget that I don't eat meat?" I asked

"Cows were put on this Earth to eat. Chickens, to eat. Sheep, to eat. Pigs-"

"I get it. If you guys want to fill yourselves with chemicals and things that will take weeks to digest, be my guest. Not to mention the chicken that you're eating was probably fattened up and placed on a truck with dozens of other chickens in close quarters only to be driven with no rest breaks, to be boiled, plucked, and slaughtered. Then placed on your friendly neighborhood buttery shop. Bon appetit." I stood, threw my plate into the sink, and walked to my room. They weren't eating anymore tonight, that's for sure. But for good measure, I threw in one last statement, "And all the male baby chickens are slaughtered as soon as they are born. The meat and egg industry has no use for them. So they're dropped in a meat grinder, alive."  

Gwen came up to my room after she, like a good best friend, helped clean up the dishes. I don't think best friends do that, I think girl friends do that. But it's in her beautifully sweet nature.

She actually got dressed up tonight, or so she claims. Boot-cut jeans, a v-neck shirt, and her hair in a braid. She still wears the necklace even though she's suppose to hate me. I can see it peaking out from under her shirt. She denys it but I know it's true.

We took our usual positions, her by the large stereo, and I on the bed. Unless if it's a movie, then we both lay on the bed, and watch it from the small crappy black and white TV I salvaged that resides in my room. I love when we watch movies together. I would, if I could, just scoop her up and cuddle with her all night watching movies and eating popcorn or ice cream. If I could. Which I can't.

I remember one time when Gwen first came over and I casually walked upstairs to my room and told her to wait outside my door so I could tidy-up a bit. And when I told her she could come in, the door, like always, was jammed and she freaked out almost calling the fire department to let me out. The good thing about my door sticking when you try to push it open is that it gives you time to clean or finish/put away whatever you are doing/working on.

"Hey Noah?" Gwen turned her back to me, trying to balance on the chair while attempting to reach a CD, the way she was sitting gave me a perfect view of her and her lovely bum. Not that I would look. No siree. Never. "Def Leppard, Falling in Reverse, or Panic! At The Disco?"

"Whatever you want." I subconsciously was throwing darts again

"Quit with the darts."

"Sorry, mom."

"Oh shut up, asshole."

"Hey! I'm only calling you mom cause I care about you." I flashed a knowing look her way causing her to roll her eyes

"Shut up!" She playfully threw a pillow at me and an all out pillow war commenced under the song, Write Sins Not Tragedies.

The real killer of the fight was when she threw a pillow at me and I did a backflip onto the bed, then I threw a pillow at her, of which, hit her in the stomach. We ended up finishing the pillow fight with her throwing the final pillow at my head and then putting on the movie A Beautiful Mind. As I put the movie in, she made a mini pillow fort, "What's this?" I questioned

"It is our pillow fort to prevent future attacks from any barbaric pillow fighting peoples." She turned her back to me, fixing one part of it. I dove onto the bed, scooping her up in the process and causing several pillows to fall on us. "Hey! Knock down my hard work why don't you!"

"That's okay, you can fix it later." We settled down and nuzzled her head into my chest. She ended up sighing and fell asleep. She looked like an angel. A beautiful perfect strawberry-blonde haired angel.

Gwen woke when the movie was half-way over with, "Huh? Oh! I'm so sorry." She went to stand up but I stopped her. Her necklace slipped out of her shirt. At first she didn't realize it but then she quickly tucked it back in.

I acted surprised, "You-you kept it?!"

"Yea. I guess I did."

I sat up and placed my hands on her shoulders, "Gwen, as long as I've known you, I have-" Her phone buzzed causing us both to jump. She looked down at the phone and back at me, torn.

"Noah." She was torn between whoever was calling and me

"Go answer it."

She gave me a quick peck on the cheek, "Thanks." And answered, "Hey babe... No I could.... Tomorrow....Okay. Yea.....Can't talk.....Hanging with a friend...Okay... Love you too. Bye." She called me a friend. Just a friend. She then put it on silent and tossed it near her bag, "I'm sorry, what were you saying?"

"Nothing. But I have a question."

"Shoot." She laid back down next to me. I stayed sitting, causing her to have to look up at me. Damn, she looks so cute when she's looking up at me.

"Are you dating anyone? I know someone who really likes you. I mean not like obsessive stalker but dating wise."

She laughed, "Yea, actually, I am. Have been for a couple of weeks."

"Oh." That sucked. It really did.

"Who is it?" she asked curious, sitting up and leaning toward me

"It's..." my hands started getting clammy. I was nervous. "You look beautiful." I mumbled changing the topic

"Oh really..." She mumbled, her face inches from mine, "Noah, tell me."

I tilted her chin up and she closed her eyes. Our lips met with what felt like seconds later. Her soft lips met with mine and it was like two puzzle pieces that fit together. It was nice and slow. Nice and soft. But as soon as it happened, it stopped. Just. Like. That.

I think, if I could, I would marry Gwen. If I could. But I can't.

I was surprised that she didn't pull away from the kiss as soon as it happened. And after the kiss she bit her lower lip slightly. "What?" I asked

"Nothing."

"Nothing means something. Nothing is something."

"It's nothing."

"No what tell me!" I demanded

"I refuse!" She smiled, "I refuse to tell you and you can't do anything about it!"

"Oh really?" I smirked at her and then crawled a little closer. She looked at me wearily. I tackled her onto her back and started tickling her.

"Stop! Stop! I'm begging you! Stop!"

"Tell me or I'll tickle you again." I warned

"You wouldn't dare." I gave her a look and raised my hands, waggling my fingers about to tickle her again, "Okay! Okay! I'll talk!" She put her hands up in surrender, "You taste like cherries."

"Cherries, eh?"

"Cherries."

"Do you like cherries?"

"Yes. Yes I do." As soon as she said that, Boom! Our lips met again, more forceful this time. Like we were starving and only each other's lips could satisfy our hunger. This second kiss was significantly longer than the first. Which I didn't mind at all. Not one bit. "Shit! I'm sorry!"

"Hey it's okay." I gathered her up in a hug

"No. No, it's not!" She pushed me away and kept her head down, "I'm dating someone and we're friends! We're not suppose to be anything more!" That hurt.

I pulled her into my lap, lifted her chin, and kissed her again gently, "It's okay to be more." Hope hidden but laced in my voice.

"Noah, I just- I can't do this to an amazing guy like you. I care about you too much. I-I have to go." She quickly got up from sitting in my lap, jumped off the bed, and grabbed her bag. She saw my face and walked back towards me, "Noah, I'm sorry."

"I love you." I whispered looking down

"I would say the same to you Noah, but I use those words like water. They don't deserve you. I don't deserve you." She gave me a kiss on the cheek and left.

When I snapped out of it, I realized what had went down and I ran after Gwen who was half-way out the door. "Gwen, wait!" I ran after her but I was too late. She was gone. "Gwen..."

Maybe it's for the best that Gwen is dating someone. Maybe it's better for Gwen to date someone she knows almost nothing about. Maybe it's good she doesn't love me. But she said it herself, I mean more than an 'I love you.' to her. I guess it's best to say what mom told me last night, when Gwen ran out.

She had tricked me into helping her with dishes, so while we were washing, she asked, "Noah, what happened? And don't give me that, 'none of your fucking buisness' crap."

"Fine. Gwen said that she loved me too much to tell me that she loves me since she says I love you so much that I'm worth more then that to her. Then I kissed her, she kissed me, and I kissed her again. So yea that's the gist."

"Gists give the basic plot and some details. That was not a gist. That is not what I want. That's not what you did. Now tell me all. I'm your mother, you can trust me."

"You hate me."  

"No I don't."

"Okay fine, whatever." I turned and blew a strand of hair from my face

"Tell me Noah."

"I can't."

"You're being unreasonable."

"You're being nosy!"

"I'm your mother, it is my job!"

"Ugh! You're so difficult!"

"Just tell me dammit Noah!"

"Fine!" I yelled slamming a plate down on the counter, almost cracking it, and turned to look at my mom, "We had a pillow fight, then watched A Beautiful Mind, then she fell asleep on my chest, then she woke up, and I kissed her. She said she loves me more than an 'I love you', whatever that means. And then she left and I tried to run after her but she was gone." I placed a dried plate on the counter-top

"Wow." Mom handed me another plate, "It's so unfortunate to fall in love at your age."

"You're just quoting the book, If I Stay."

"Honey," She stopped the water, "Gwen is your true love. Your Mia. And you're her Adam."

"No more romance novels for you!" I pointed at her and walked away, "No more!"