Michonne's P.O.V

I gently tapped the wet cloth around Carl's eye socket as he gasped in pain.

"Michonne, go easy!" he pleaded

"Be a man." I joked

He hit my leg, softly and sighed,
"You seen dad?" he asked

"No."

I haven't seen Rick in about 4 days. He doesn't come home anymore, he just sits in the guard tower, all day all by himself.
He hasn't been well and I am worried about him.

I'm going to talk to him though, I haven't been well without him by my side anyway.

Carl sighed again, but this time longer and more depressingly,
"I hope he comes home soon. Me and Judith miss him. Do you miss him, Michonne?" He asked. His voice got lower and lower as he spoke.

"Yes.."

"Well get him. If you miss him, get him home for us!" he said

"I will." I murmured

I finished patching up Carl's eye, which was getting better and better everyday, and sat him up.

"how does it feel? Too much pressure? Too loose?" I asked

"It's okay." he responded

"Good. Now, if you watch Judith, I'll go get your dad." I bargained

"She's still with Glenn and Maggie. They claim to be practicing for when theirs arrive."

I shot him a confounded look and he shrugged his shoulders, "I don't know. I think it's weird that they're having a newborn but they are practicing with a toddler."

I giggled and hit him on the shoulder, "grab me a water, would ya? I'll take it to Rick."
I said

Carl got up and fetched me a water and sooner than later, I was out the door and on my way to the tower.

What do I say to him?
'Stop acting like an asshole and get home.'
Orrrr
'We miss you, and we hope you are okay. Take as long as you need?"

Nah, too pushy and too nice.

As I climbed the stairs to the tower, I found my self shaking. God I haven't been this nervous in a while.

Rick sat with his back toward me and his face downward.

"Go home Tara, I got shift." he said, without looking up.

He sounded tired, and sick. Like he was on his death bed.

"Rick? It's Michonne.."

He looked up and then back down.
I wish I could see his face. Everything from his cold blue eyes and his chin dimple made me smile.

"What do you want?" he asked, cold toned. He made it sound a bit harsh but that's okay... I'll brush it off this time.

"I wanna talk." I demanded

"Not happening so you can go back home 'mchone."

Oh hell no. Don't tell me what I can and can't do.

"Not taking no for an answer."
I went over and sat down near him.

"Here," I handed him the water "you haven't been home to eat or drink."

He silently took the water and still held his head down.

"Why are you out here?" I nearly whispered, only loud enough for us to hear.

"I need to be alone. I just need time to think. Okay? So go home." he demanded

"Look, Rick, I get it. You're not mentally stable. But that doesn't mean you go isolate yourself from us. We are your family Rick, we want to help you." I said

"Help me?" he did a small laugh that sounded so weak and fake, "You want to help me? I'm a damn train wreck."

This made me angry.

"Rick! Why are you like this?" I whispered/ shouted, which was basically a loud whisper.

"You wanna know why?" he asked

This time he stared at me dead in my eyes and although I couldn't see him in the dark night, I could feel the rush he always gave me when he looked at me.

"I mess everything up. I'm probably hated by everyone right now. I caused everything," his voice began to get shaky now, like he was going to cry.

"I miss Deanna.. and Hershel and Andrea and Jessie and everyone else I killed."

"Rick! You didn't kill them! Get ahold of yourself!" I said

"No, I did. I make one mistake and I mess up everything..."

There was a moment of silence.

"Michonne?" he whispered

"Yes?"

".......I kissed Jessie."

I know, I know, I know. I shouldn't care and I should tell him that It'll be okay. But I couldn't. Deep down, I wanted to kiss Rick. I would be lying if I said I didn't. But he didn't know her! I guess that doesn't matter now though, she's dead.

"Oh.."

"But... you know, I felt like I wanted Jessie, but then again I didn't. I just wanted to love again and open up that side of me. I wasn't ready. Lori told me that I wasn't. She told me since I kissed her, the bad days were going to come. And they did." He said

More and more as he spoke, his voice got creepier and creepier..

"Are you listening to yourself?" I asked

"Yes. I listen to myself. I tell myself It's my fault. It's my fault the walls fell, It's my fault Deanna died, It's my--"

"Stop!" I yelled

He was standing up now, looking all big and bad. And as intimidating as he was, I stood up to him.
I don't know what he will do, he's been out here for 4 days telling himself he's a killer. But I had faith in Rick. He wouldn't dare hit me...

"And its my fault Jessie died! And Sam died and Ron died! Its my fault Carl's missing an eye. It's my fault! I DON'T DESERVE TO BE HERE!" he shouted now, and I could feel his spit hit my face.

Some of the town residents even came out their houses.

"Now you listen here and you listen closely! You did not kill them, Rick. YOU ARE A GOOD GUY, and if I have to punch you in your face again, I will!" I threatened

He stepped a bit closer, "I don't want to hurt you. Go home." he whispered

"No! You need to know that Andrea and Deanna and Hershel and Beth and Jessie And Lori all died for a reason! They died so you could live. They are in heaven now, they are fine." I said

"You don't under--"

I pressed my lips against his and we just stood there, kissing, until I pulled myself away.

"It was just a kiss Rick! Like that! Get over yourself. Your son is alive, Judith is healthy and you're still here. You must understand that these are the good days!" I lectured

I turned to walk away, until he pulled me back to him and into a hug.

"I'm sorry." he whispered

I hugged him back and I don't
know why, but I began crying.
____________________________________

After I got Rick home, Carl and I made him food. We cooked what we had for him. To make sure he ate and got all the nutrients he needed.

I helped him to his room since he had a limp and I tucked him into bed.

Carl and I sat at the edge of the bed and watched him get comfortable.

"Goodnight, Carl... Michonne."
He looked at me this time, so much worry in his eyes, but yet so much faith.

"Goodnight asshole." Carl said

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