I.

Am so stupid.

You know, I can look up to him, see him as a father figure and what not, but he doesn't want to hear that.

He doesn't need me in his life anymore than I already am, which is probably an annoying amount.

What was I thinking when I sent this email?!

What was I expecting, hmm??

"Oh, it's flattering you think of me that way. Sure I'll help you with your problems!"

Is that what I was expecting????

Cuz that's pretty damn far fetched!

Of course he ignored that.  Of course he only replied to my second email saying I left my chromebook there.  He has plenty of damn people and things to worry about, he doesn't need me.  He has his own life, and I am not apart of it.

I am NOTHING.

I am nothing to him.

Do I need a hammer and nail to get that obvious message through my thick skull?

I am fishing for a close relationship with him, but all I'm really doing is just getting the hook caught on his skin til it tears and he shakes it off.

It's hopeless.

I'm hopeless.