sorry if i scared anyone with the notification lmao im just getting a start on prepping chaos theory for the rewrite teehee 

TW: vomit, everyone is sad, angst x10000, kinda assault(?) (not from Lloyd dw dw)

• Set after the events of chapter 65 (tbe)

• This is so very not canon to tbe to the extent that I never even entertained the idea of this while planning last year lmfao

• It is just that bad

• Also remember the TBE 500k one shot where I warned y'all to find somewhere comfy because it was 12,000 words?

• Yeah. This one shot is 24,200 words. So.

• Settle in? :)

"Are you sure this is something that you want to go through with? Once it's in place, there will be no going back."

I thought I had cried all the tears I could've over the past month, but I found my eyes stinging with more all the same. I balled my fists at my sides and gave a determined, albeit shaky, nod.
Neuro's crestfallen face deepened further into a look of pitied remorse as he eyed me, trembling on the rooftop of my home. I was beyond distraught, anyone could tell, with my sunken eyes, greasy hair and general misery. I was terrified of what I was asking for, but I was terrified more of what would happen if I continued living the way I had been.
A lot of people go through break ups and a lot of the time, they hurt. I understood this - trust me, I did - but somehow, this felt different than your everyday, run-of-the-mill dreary end. It was more than just a piece of me being ripped out and feeling hollow. It was more than feeling like I'd never be able to recover from my high school ex-boyfriend's dumping. It was so much worse.
Because not everybody had their relationship dictated by prophecies, and not everybody had their emotions ruled by an incessant, universe-driven yearn to be by their loved one's side. Not the way we did.

And that made Lloyd's decision hurt all the more. It wasn't a measly 'block the number and never talk to them again.' It was irreversible, finalising. It was a universal-level restraining order of the highest kind;
Because for me to be removed from the prophecies was to never, never see Lloyd again.
And that's what he wanted.

I cried when I learnt that. Of course I did. Ever since the stupid fight where my emotions and doubt lead me blindly through a raging fire, I'd been crying in regret and pain. I was trying to protect myself and all that I did was hurt myself and the person most precious to me.
It was the stupidest fucking thing I ever did. But I did it, and now I had to live with my monumental mistake.
I tried to distract myself, tried to wait for the pain to lessen, but it never did subside. It was forever coursing through my veins like poison, calling for Lloyd, crying for him, screaming his name. I could only stand aside and respect his wishes.
Every atom of me ached. I ached for Lloyd.
Yes, I knew that I deserved it. I did. What I inflicted on Lloyd was unforgivable and sickening and haunted my every breath. I felt it in the back of my head, hounding me, berating me, calling me weak and cowardly and stupid and dumb.
I was dumb. A moron. A total idiot. I knew this. I knew this. They wouldn't stop telling me. It was a record on repeat.

And it was painful. I was in pain from trying to stay away, but I was more in pain living with what I did to Lloyd. He wanted to move on, live a life without me. He left me behind to cry and wallow and generally be a miserable heap of useless flesh. And I couldn't blame him.
But it'd been three months. Twelve weeks. Ninety-one days. The pain hadn't lessened. I struggled to breathe on the daily. I just wanted to move on and forget, because that's clearly what Lloyd wanted to do.

So I intended it for myself, too.

"I don't know how effectively this will work on you," Neuro warned. "Your powers resist me as is, and your brain has already been tampered with by Axon. It could cause permanent damage."
"I don't care."
Neuro paused at my tone. It was like any sense of living had seeped from my words. I was but a walking corpse.
"You won't remember anything from these past eight months," he continued, and a hitch in his voice had more tears spilling down my cheeks. "None of the ninja. None of your friends. None of your family. It will be as if you just moved from Jamanakai. Are you- are you sure?"
"I am," I whispered. My throat had swollen. I was drowning on dry land.
Neuro's eyes closed and he held his breath. He didn't want to do it. He didn't want to erase my memories but I was too far gone, and he could see it, too. I didn't want him to suffer like this, but he was my only option.

"I will send a message to the people who need to know," Neuro promised. His voice was stretched thin and I could feel my body beginning to violently shake in fear and apprehension. "I will make it as though you hit your head and got a concussion. Everyone else will be none the wiser."
My voice had completely gone, so I stiffly nodded.
"I- Y/n, there must be another option," Neuro tried desperately as he placed his hands on my shoulders. "Please, reconsider."
'Lloyd wants you out of the prophecy,' Nya choked. It was our final goodbye. 'I can't talk to you anymore. I'm so sorry.'
I gave a shake of my head. The inside of my cheek was already bleeding from how much I had bit down on it, but the pain in comparison was nothing.
"I can't," I managed, words catching in utter despair. "I can't do this anymore."
Neuro sighed brokenly before giving a defeated nod. He raised his head and when his grey eyes latched mine, he said one last thing that I would never remember;

"It was a pleasure knowing you while I had the chance."

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Nya was livid.

She was livid at a lot of things. Livid at Y/n for erasing her memory without talking it over with her, livid at Lloyd for even giving Y/n the chance of doing something like that at all, livid at the fact that because of the prophecies, Nya wasn't allowed to even look at her best friend, and finally, she was livid at the both of them for having absolutely awful communication skills.
The news shook the whole of the monastery to the core. Neuro had visited himself to share the news, and while he promised that Y/n was healthy and fine, it didn't lessen the sting that rippled through all who considered themselves close with the girl.
Lloyd hadn't even been home to hear it.
"How could she do this?" Jay had been crying ever since he learnt about what happened. Kai's shoulder was covered in the lightning master's snot and tears, but the latter didn't even seem to register it. "I thought we were her family."

"It's not as easy as that," Cole said quietly as he stared out the window. The team had migrated to the games room after Neuro had left to process the news. "She was in pain, Jay, and we couldn't even be there for her."
Zane uncrossed his arms and lifted himself from the wall. He held out a box of tissues for Jay.
"I would prefer to see Y/n happy than be as despondent as she has been," Zane admitted carefully. "Either way, we had to cut ties. Is this not a better outcome for us all?"
"You know what would've been a better outcome?" Kai spat, suddenly spurred out of his silence. He rose from the couch and glowered at the team. "If Lloyd hadn't gone ahead and kicked Y/n out of the prophecies without asking us first."
"That's not fair, Kai," Nya murmured. "He's hurting, too. He just shows it differently."
"Yeah, no shit!" Kai exclaimed furiously. A spark of fire flicked from his fists. "But he's Lloyd! He's the one who helps us with our issues, he's the one who's always saying that forgiveness is better than grudges, he's the one that's supposed to know how to fix things!"

Kai collapsed back onto the couch and dug his hands through his hair. He was frazzled, distressed, outwardly and inwardly horrified.
"He won't be able to fix this one."
"Fix what?"
The team all glanced up with watery eyes and grief-stricken grimaces. The solemnity was thick and difficult to breathe through, and it clouded them each in a shadow of gloom and disarray.
Lloyd stood in the doorway, heart picking up in stress at his team's reactions. He glanced amongst them all, trying to pick apart what it could be that drove them all so miserable.

"You better take a seat," Nya said in a shallow breath.

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"... a concussion?"

"Yeah, sweetie, a concussion," my mother said in a gentle whisper. My head suddenly pounded sharply, as if to prove her words for myself. Her hand stroked my hair and my eyes fluttered at the pleasant feeling. "You've been out for a week. You're pretty much already healed."
"Oh..."
My mother retreated from hovering beside me, and the space offered me a quick glance around the room I was lying in. It didn't look like a hospital - no where near one. It smelt sharply of thyme and thistle with a hint of lavender, and the dark red drapery walling my small area off certainly didn't resemble hospital curtains. I didn't have a heart rate monitor, nor even an emergency IV needle in my arm.
"Where are we?" I asked with a frown.
"A healer's," mum replied as she quickly texted on her phone. Her thumbs rapidly typed, letting her clean facade of gentle worry give hint to the frantic concern that she tried to conceal from me. "Aunt Rose suggested her."

I let my head slowly sink into the pillow again, falling into the aroma of herbs and laundry detergent. The ceiling of the weird little place was engraved, polished wood, showing an intricate design of dragons and onis. My eyes tried to trace them, but doing so made my head pound deeply. I pulled my gaze away.
"When can I go home?" I asked quietly.
"Soon," a new voice answered and I had to force myself to slowly turn my head. An old lady with braided hair and a stern expression walked into the room, pestle and mortar in hand. The dried plants from inside the ceramic bowl smelt of chamomile and something sharp that I couldn't quite put my finger on. "Then we need to test your memory."
Mum dropped her phone. The clatter against the wooden flooring rang in my ears.
"S- sorry," she stammered and swooped to retrieve it. She immediately returned to typing. She and the old lady shared a look I couldn't decipher.

After a weirdly sweet tea that left a metallic taste in my mouth, the old lady sat before me and went eerily silent. I looked everywhere except for in her eyes, for her eyes held wisdom and ferocity of a long-lived life that left me feeling intimidated and silly.
"Do you remember moving to Ninjago City?"
Her voice made me duly flinch. It pierced through the thick silence that had blanketed the small room and struck me through the head.
"... yes," I said with a hesitant nod.
"Tell me about it."
I swallowed and furrowed my brow as I tried to recall that day. I knew that it involved a lot of driving.
"Anything else?"
My eyes glanced at the lady. I hadn't realised that I'd spoken aloud.
"I... liked the roof of our house," I said slowly as I began to picture our small cottage in the quiet outskirts of a giant, unfamiliar city. "It's flat. I wanted to find a way to get up there so I could watch the stars. We live in a place where there's lots of elderly couples. Dad called it an unofficial retirement village."

Mum rested back against a counter and dipped her chin. She seemed to be holding her breath. The old lady nodded.
"And during summer?" she asked. "How about your first day of school?"
"I..."
Tiny snippets of colour - barely coherent memories - played in such rapid succession within my head that I felt my chest seize with a sudden sense of breathlessness. My hand clasped above my chest, empty and echoey, as I tried desperately to tangle some oxygen back into me. Panic grounded through my lungs.
"Y/n-!" Mum rushed forward, but the old lady just calmly raised her hand.
"It will pass."
My wide eyes regarded the two women with fear as I struggled to regain breath. A sharp, short inhale filled my lungs and I horrifically coughed. My heart and head were pounding.
But the old lady was right - it passed just as suddenly as it came on. I sat on the bed, grasping the sheets in weak fists as I tried to return to my senses.
Mum breathed a sigh of relief.

"What month is it?" the old lady queried with a sharp gaze. Still breathing pretty heavily, I glanced at her in bewilderment.
"Uh... um..." I stammered as I gasped for oxygen. "December?"
The old lady and my mother shared a tentative glance. I watched the exchange with growing concern. They turned their attention back to me and my mother stepped forward to place a hand on my shoulder.
"It's almost November, sweetheart," my mum said carefully.
I raised my brows while my breath caught in my throat.
"Wh- what?" I stammered, glancing between the two women fretfully. I grasped at each of my arms. "You're lying. It's December!"
"I'm sorry, child."
That simple sentence had me spiralling through a kaleidoscope of insecurity. It felt as if the rug I'd only just learnt to stand upon had been pulled out from under my feet and I was sent sprawling back to ground zero. My head was a vinyl on a player, spinning, spinning, spinning.
I felt faint.

"I..."
The old lady hauled up a bucket just in time for me to empty my insides - the lack of food in me had me dry heaving most of it, which was probably worse.
"Y/n!" Mum shrilled as she launched for me, pulling my hair from my face and placing her hand on my back. My limbs felt weak and shivery.
It's almost November?
My brain went blank. It refused to believe that eleven months of my life had gone by and I recalled absolutely nothing from it. I refused to think at all.
"... how..?" I rasped, bowed over the bucket with my arms weakly clutching the rim.
"A nasty fall at the skatepark," my mother chimed in quickly. Her voice dipped in odd places, quickly shivering. The taste of her words were bitter on my tongue. "You're lucky you're alive. What did I say about wearing your helmet?"
I fell off my board?
"Where are the others?" I asked wearily as I raised my head. "Claire, 'n... Nomi?"
"I sent Naomi home," mum replied. Her eyes couldn't find mine. Her throat was cleared with a nervous, jittery fist to her mouth. "She can... fill you in."

My strained eyes crawled up to mum's face in confusion. She continued to refuse to look at me.
I deduced that something bad had happened, and that deduction had a cool, trickling sense of fear twisting down my throat. Something that was worse than my concussion, maybe? Could anything else I've dealt with be worse than losing eleven months of my memory?
Her phone buzzed.
"Chen's checking in again," mum chuckled loosely.
My brow pulled feebly together. "Who?"
She finally managed to look me in the eyes. Mum immediately began tearing up and turned away.

"Nevermind," she whispered.

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After a few days at the healer's and a number of phsyical and mental testing, I was finally permitted to return home.

Dad had returned from duty sometime during my stay there. I could see the frustrated confusion in his eyes and deduced it to being clueless about how to bring back my memories.
Since I woke up, I found a... detached contentness with the eleven-month gap. Sure, I had the occasional worry of schoolwork and exams, but other than that, I realised that I wasn't so fussed. It was as if I was just... okay with it. I was unsure where this matured compliance came from.

Besides, if anything super important happened, my friends would tell me.

I fell into a reoutine while I recovered at home. Dad was my day-to-day buddy when mum went off to work, making sure that my occasional splitting headache didn't leave me floundering helplessly on the floor.
One night, however, while I was grabbing a quick-study packet one of my teachers had prepared for me (I couldn't recall Ms. Collins, but her packet had included hard candy and a note with a bunch of encouraging words on there, so I figured that she had been my favourite teacher), I overheard my mother's weary voice from beyond a partly-closed door.
The downturned, tired drawl to her voice had her words sloping into near incoherency and I took me a few solid seconds before realising that she was on the phone with someone. Clutching the packet close to my chest, I leaned against the door frame and listened in.
"No, she didn't tell me about it," mum murmured to her bodiless conversationalist. Her words were grating with sorrow and it almost had my chest seizing within itself. "... does your son know? He must be taking it pretty hard."
She was silent as whoever on the other line answered. A sigh released from her lips. I peeked around the edge of the door and found her leaning against the window of the laundry.

"... I just don't know what to do," mum said as she lifted her free hand to curl through her hair and leave it there. She looked downtrodden and as if she'd been thrown through the wringer. The exhaustion was palpable and I felt it seeping through to even myself. "I wish there was something, Misako, anything. I just don't understand any of this stuff. I barely understand my own heritage."
The conversation took a turn from what I had expected it to be about. My brow tightened in confusion.
"... I know," my mum whispered. The hand that was in her hair dropped to rest in the tight crook of her other elbow. "Has Lloyd said anything about the patrols? She can't stay inside forever."
My brain wracked for whoever Lloyd could be, let alone Misako. Maybe a co-worker that mum became close with during the past year at her new job? The more I tried to think of who these faceless people could be, the more a small, budding pain at the base of my skull began to grow.

"Ow," I squeaked as a sharp drag of soreness crossed between my eyes and slapped my hand over the bridge of my nose, as if cupping the area with my palm could stop the pain. Mum stopped mid-sentence.
I scattered once I heard her feet crossing the linoleum flooring of the laundry and made it just in time to flop myself onto my bed and look busy when she knocked on the door frame.
"Darling?" I looked up at her gentle call. The phone was dangling from her fingertips and even her hair looked tired. "Are you okay?"
I nodded. A flash of pain had me wincing.
"Is it the headaches again? Do you want me to get you that painkiller tea Mistaké gave you?"
I pulled a face. "No, thank you." I would rather deal with the pain than drink that boiled garbage. Even my father would poke fun at the smell of it while watching me pinch my nose and down the medical beverage as fast as I could.
Mum gave a distracted kind of nod before turning away and lifting her phone back to her ear. The conversation resumed.
"Yeah, that was her just now..."

I dropped the packet to the ground and clutched at my head as the spikes of pain reared their frequent, ugly heads. The echoing, joint thrumming of concrete against bone, the flushed of agonising heat under skin, these headaches forsaken me practically immobile.
"Papa," I cried to myself, quiet enough to not actually rouse my parents, uttering just loud enough to fuel the cold, scared, tired child in the back of my head that made her appearance more often than I appreciated. The visceral, child-like need to call for my parents left a pang in my chest.

Perhaps the garbage tea wasn't a bad idea.

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"Okay, so remember; do not talk to Claire or Aaliyah."

I frowned, tightening my grip over my bag straps as I walked beside Naomi. A pang had been echoing within my chest ever since my best friend informed me of our whole friend group situation last week, though I was sure she was leaving a lot out. It still had my head reeling; how could Claire and Aaliyah turn on me like that?
At least I had Naomi. Pure, wonderful, enigmatic Naomi; steadfast and unyielding in her stance beside me. If there was only one thing I was sure about from the past eleven months it was this - we'd certainly gotten tighter.
"So, these people all know me?" I murmured to my best friend as she lead me down the unfamiliar hall. "More or less."
Naomi nodded. Eyes stared at me and I could almost hear the thoughts behind them:
'Here comes the girl with amnesia.'
The mental pity almost sounded real enough for me to flush with embarrassment.
"Was I popular?"
Naomi hesitated. She raised her hand and made a so/so motion.
I sighed in defeat. Seemed like the entire thing was only getting worse.

Naomi knew where my class was, which was a relief because I didn't want to add to my embarrassment by having to consult with a map towards the end of October. The teachers were kind, if not erratic due to end-of-year stress. The students were silent towards me but ogled shamelessly. I could still catch my name floating in their whispered conversations.
After staying behind in psych to pick up some extra worksheets that I missed (and a cheat sheet full of quick notes the teacher had taken for me, bless her), I finally managed to leave.
My head was swimming with all this new information and I tried to make sense of it as I walked through the nearly empty corridors. Everybody would be in the cafeteria, I deduced, which was different than my last school because-
Wait... where was the cafeteria?
I stopped in my tracks and looked around the hallway.
Where am I?
Oh, brilliant. How cliché. I was lost on my first day back in an unfamiliar school that I had attended for the entire year. Even I was beginning to pity myself, and not in the genuine way.
This is so fucked.

I turned in a circle, desperately looking for some kind of landmark so I could pinpoint my location on the school map. It was just like orienteering, which is great, because I never took orienteering so I was as good as stranded.
Why did the school grounds have to be so fucking large?
"Are... you okay?"
I spun around, crushing the school map to my chest. Before me stood a tall, athletic boy with chestnut hair, standing unsurely in the middle of the hallway. His brown eyes couldn't decide between staring at me or looking at everything except for me.
"Uh, yeah, actually!" I stammered. I looked around me awkwardly. "I can't, uh, I can't find the cafeteria."
The chestnut-haired boy smiled. There was a twinge of utter sobriety in his expression that had my heart aching.
"I'll walk you there."
"Oh, really!" I gushed in appreciation. "Thank you so much!"

The boy led the way through the winding corridors and I tried to memorise as much as I could. He kept glancing at me, but I pretended not to notice.
"So, uh... did I know you?" I decided to ask the burning question, glancing at him. His eyes jumped away.
"... yep," he murmured. "We were good friends."
Ah. Fuck. I couldn't recall a single thing about him.
"Let me guess," I chirped, trying to break the somber mood. "Is it... Jared?"
"Chen," he answered with a small half-smirk. "Chen Daniels."
"You know what," I said airily, tilting my head and raising my brows. "That was going to be my second guess."
Chen barked a laugh. "As if!"
"It's true!" I insisted.
By the time we made it to the cafeteria, we were chatting and laughing like we were old pals. Which, in a way, I guess we were.
I hesitated at the entrance, looking at all the tables filled with groups of rambunctious teens. Everyone had their place. I used to have mine. Where was I going to sit now?

Chen ruffled my hair with a smirk.
"Don't look so distraught," he snickered. "You're with me, L/n."
I sent him a grateful smile and he placed his arm around my shoulders, hauling me across the cafeteria floor delightedly.
His expression darkened when his eyes caught sight of something. I peeked around him to try and spot what it was, but all I saw were rows upon rows of groups at tables.
Chen lead me to his table, where I got (re)acquainted with the cheerleader team. They were nice enough, if a little dazed in the eyes when they looked at me. I didn't think too much of it. Maybe it was the stress of the exams - it hadn't hit me yet, with all this blissful ignorance of literally everything.
"Where's Nomes?" Chen asked as he popped a blueberry in his mouth. A few of the other girls were being shown a tiktok from someone else.
"Catching up on notes, apparently," I said with a grimace. "I have no idea what I'm going to do. I can't remember anything from the last eleven months, let alone any schoolwork."
"Maybe you'll get let off from exams," Chen grinned. My own smile was half-hearted in response.

Chen then got distracted by one of his teammates asking about cheer practise and routines and other stuff. I dazed, looking around the cafeteria with not a thought in my head.
My eyes fell to a table where a girl with black hair was staring at me. She quickly looked away, saying something to the table. Nobody else looked over.
She looked stressed. Exams did that to people, I guess.

There was an empty seat at their table.

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The boys beside me in maths were weirdly quiet. Then again, I didn't know if that was usual for them or not - maybe my desk buddies were actually striving students?

Perhaps not though, as the auburn haired boy was sombrely doodling little cartoon lightnings on the wood and the brunet was staring with glassy, vacant eyes at his textbook. I couldn't blame them. Trig was boring.
The bell rang and everybody began swiftly packing up, eager to get the hell out of school for the day. I packed a little slower, nursing a sudden headache that had occurred as soon as I sat down for class.
"Y/n, just the person I wanted to see," the teacher grinned. He held out a pile of booklets. "The courses we've been over this year."
"Thanks," I smiled back. Mentally, I was curling into a ball and wanting to die. Did all my teachers really expect me to learn and revise an entire year's worth of curriculum? Just for one class, that would be impossible - but five?
Astronomically unattainable was more like it.
I turned back towards my desk and found the two boys slowly packing their things, one of the few remaining stragglers. The brunet glanced up and finally made eye contact for the first time before swiftly ripping his gaze away.

I was taken aback by his eyes - they were such an intense colour. Like amber, or the colour of fire sizzling over wood. I'd never see anything quite like them before.
Turning back to my task, I shoved my booklets into my bag and hauled it up. Just as I pulled it over my shoulder, the booklets slipped from the unzipped mouth. In my haste to leave, I forgot to close the bag.
I watched in despair as the booklets were sent scattering across the class floor. With a groan, I dropped to my knees and began gathering them up again.
A hand held out a sizeable chunk of the booklets.
I blinked in surprise before glancing up. The auburn haired boy was holding out half of the booklets I'd dropped. His eyes were interesting, too. Like an ocean in the thunderstorm, dark blue and grey and shocking, entirely shocking.
"Thanks," I said, stunned. He gave a nod. His friend was watching the exchange with a troubled frown before bending to help me gather the remaining booklets.
"Thank you so much," I said as I shoved them into my bag and made sure that I zipped it all the way up this time. I turned back to the boys. "I'm-"
My words died on my lips as I stared at the empty classroom. They had disappeared.

Perplexed, I left the school grounds and began making my way home. I had google maps open on my phone just in case I forgot the way.
Naomi had football practise. She offered to walk me home afterwards, but I just really wanted to get home and sleep as soon as I could. The headaches only made me drowsy and cranky.

As I turned the corner of second and third, I swore I saw a flash of red on the rooftops.

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"Hey, amnesia girl."

"Hey, Claire," I said, resigned. It'd been a week since my return and Claire and Aaliyah had taken it upon themselves to remind me of what Naomi had said - we were definitely not friends anymore.
"How's the studying going?" Aaliyah asked as she and Claire hooked their arms through mine as we walked through the halls, trapping me entirely.
"It's fine," I sighed.
"No wonder you forgot the entire year," Claire cruelly sneered. "You've always been such an airhead, haven't you, Y/n? Totally clueless."
"Dumb bitch," Aaliyah coed sweetly.
"Ah-ha-ha-ha, wow, you guys sure are a riot," I laughed fakely. I turned to my locker and slid my arms from theirs. "I have to get to class."
Claire slammed my locker door shut as soon as I opened it. I stared at her. She stared back, challenging.
I turned my gaze back to my locker and opened it. She pushed her weight onto her hand and shoved it closed again.
"Is there something you want, Claire?" I asked wearily. She smiled.
"No."
"Can you... let me open my locker, then?"
Her grin deepened.
"No."
I sighed. It was like dealing with children.

It would go on like this everyday I found myself without Chen or Naomi. Claire, Aaliyah and the rest of my old friend group would take it upon themselves to make even just walking down the halls a hassle. They would make even the most minor inconveniences enough to ruin my mood and put a sour note on the rest of the day.
In retrospect, I should've told one of them, but Naomi was already hovering like a worried parent and Chen was chill enough with me that talking felt like a little slice of normal. I didn't want to worry him, either.
But one morning, it was worse than usual.
It started out normal. I entered school, they heckled me, I grabbed my things from my locker, they heckled me some more.
But as I was walking to class, I met someone's eyes.
They were standing in a group by the lockers, six of them. I recognised them from my classes, but we never spoke. There always seemed to be a quiet ferocity about them, as if speaking a single word to me would rip the fabric of the universe apart - and their unsubtle glances while the teacher would lecture wasn't easy to miss, either.
But the eyes I met belonged to somebody I hadn't seen before. My walking slowed as I stared at him curiously.

Even from the distance, I could make out the intense, dark green of his eyes. It took a lot to read the colour of someone's eyes when you first meet them, but his were an unmistakable basil. His brown eyebrows were thick and pulled taut across his forehead. He wore a dark green hoody that matched his gaze.
His messy blond hair looked like the colour of gold and wheat infused and looked softer than velvet. His jaw was squared with tension, his eyes narrowed in hostility, and he was death-glaring right at me.
I'd never seen him before, but he either clearly knew me or he was having an equally terrible - if not, worse - day as me. I was surprised by the twitch in my hands as I stared at him, as if my fingers subconsciously wanted to run through his tousled hair. I balled them into fists.
I turned away when his intense scowl got too much and the rapid movement made my head swim. I hadn't realised that I'd been holding my breath until I had to force myself to sip an inhale between my teeth while the edges of my vision went black. I stared hard at the ground as I tried to reorientate myself.
Claire shoved me, careening into the lockers.
"Making eyes with Garmaboy?" she coed. "One social reject to another. You'd make quite the couple, don't you think?"

Garmaboy. I heard about him from the whisperings of students; Lord Garmadon's son. It made me feel uneasy and a little bit lightheaded that he went to my school from what rumours I overheard, but I hadn't seen him before.
Now that I had, I could see why people didn't like him. Though his face may be beautiful, his scowl was terrifying, and if he was anything like how his father was...
The lightness behind my eyes made me stagger to a halt and I had to raise a hand to my forehead to make sure that it wasn't a lolling of my head that was making my vision turn. Claire's jests sounded watery and far away. The pounding of a migraine began to make itself apparent.
No, no, not now! Please not now.
My legs were weakening and the darkness clouding the edge of my vision was growing. I was going to faint. It'd happen before because of the headaches, but I never expected it to happen at school.
"Move!"
I was faintly aware of Claire being shoved to the side and pulled a weak smile - haha, take that, Claire. The next thing my foggy brain became aware of was the ground rushing to meet me. Or was I rushing to meet the ground?
Either way, the collision was missed by two arms catching me.

I blearily blinked back the darkness, trying to force it to leave.
"Are you okay?"
I sluggishly looked up and noted with some surprise that my saviour was the boy from English class - the one with his black hair pulled back from his face in a bun and eyes the colour of wood bark and chocolate.
I narrowed my eyes as I stared at them. I could swear that there was a hint of purple hidden in his irises, decorating them with flicks of amethyst...
"You don't look too good," the boy said with a worried frown. "Let's get you to the nurse's office."
My stomach was left behind as I was swiftly swept into his arms with ease. Holy fuck.
Then he shifted my weight into one arm and discreetly pulled out his phone, stride not breaking as he careened down the hallway. Holy fuck.
Was this guy Hercules reincarnated or something?
Naomi must've been the person he was texting because she was already at the nurse's office when we arrived, fretfully wringing her hands. She yelped my name when she saw me.

"Oh, my god, are you okay?!" she fretted as the boy laid me down on the gurney. I sat up and immediately regretted it as the room began to sway.
"Y- yeah," I nodded and blanched at the pain that caused my headache. "Just... just a migraine."
"Again?" Naomi asked worriedly. "They should've subsided by now!"
"Maybe you were trying to remember something."
Naomi and I glanced at the boy. His eyes were to the side and downcast, as if in the midst of sorrow. Maybe he was a drama student.
"Cole," Naomi hissed. Cole shot the girl a look.
"What?"
"A word?"
I nursed my head as Naomi dragged the much taller boy out of earshot and began whispering. Earshot wasn't out of eyeshot, however, and I noticed that their hands were still holding and that they were awfully comfortable to be that close while whispering. Cole's thumb began rubbing the back of her hand.
I gasped. Headache be damned, I sat up straight and pointed at Naomi. They whirled around, first worried and then confused.
"You have a boyfriend!" I accused with a massive grin. "You have a boyfriend and you didn't tell me?!"
"Wha-?" Naomi's face flushed bright red before finally realising that her hand was still being gingerly cradled by Cole's massive one. She tore her hand away as if burnt. "I-"

"Hi!" I chirped as the black began to crowd my vision again. I stubbornly batted it back. "I'm Y/n!"
Cole's face turned in pain. Naomi gave him a worried look.
"Hey," Cole replied quietly. My smile faded.
"Did, uh... did we used to know each other?"
"No!" Cole exclaimed before reeling himself back in. "I- I mean, yeah! Just- just a little- I have to go."
He swept out of the room in a speed that left me stunned. Naomi called his name but he didn't return, and she slumped onto the bed beside me.
"He's uh... he's taking it hard," Naomi murmured.
"It's all my fault," I murmured. "If I wasn't so damn clumsy-"
"It's not your fault for-" Naomi stopped herself short and looked away. "For- for getting injured. I'm just happy that you're here."
"Oh, Nomes," I whimpered. "You're going to make me cry."
"Maybe you can use that to your advantage and get out of class, then," she joked, pulling a laugh from me.

My two quiet desk neighbours weren't in class during maths. An alert pinged on my phone and I subtly pulled it out to check the notification. It was a secret ninja force stan account.
Confused, I pressed on the notification and it took me to the tweet. It was a photo of the ninja mid-battle on the outskirts of the city.
Why do I have notifications on for a ninja stan account? Why was I following one in the first place?
I guess I did have that giant green ninja plushie in my bedroom, but I just assumed that it was a joke buy or a massive winning from Mega Monster Amusement Park. But maybe I actually did become a fan of the ninja during the past eleven months?
Hold on... I pulled out my home keys from my bag and stared at the green ninja keychain.
"I hope you're paying attention, Y/n," the teacher reminded, so I shoved everything back into my bag and nodded.
I returned to my work, but my mind was still on the team of ninja and the memorabilia I seemed to have amassed.

Odd...

The nights were getting warmer, so that evening I decided to do my homework on the roof. I was ecstatic when I found out that there was an old ladder next to my window that lead to the roof, which was largely flat enough before curving.
I spread out my snacks, my books and myself before delving into studying, but I was barely five minutes in when a loud explosion from the city had me looking up.
Dragons were circling some place in downtown Ninjago and I watched, entranced at the mythical beasts. Now, I could believe myself becoming a fan. Dragons are fucking cool.
I quickly pulled out my phone just as a notification came in from the ninja stan account. I blinked. That was fast.

My night of studying turned into a night of refreshing the Twitter thread focusing on the ninja's current battle, curtesy of @grnnxnja.

I dreamt of a forest.

🍃🍂🍁🍂🍃

I awoke one night to shouting outside my house.

At first, I was paralysed in bed. My hair prickled in panic. But then, finally, when my curiosity overwhelmed my fear, I peeked my head through my curtains and peered at the street.
A truck was parked a couple of houses down, buzzing with criminals. The ninja were already on them for doing whatever illegal thing it was. The battle was loud and fierce, and each shout woke me up just that little bit more.
I stared out my window in awe, heart thumping. The ninja were so close! It seemed like the bad guys were putting up a pretty good fight, though, as it was dragging on for quite a while. Weren't fights usually meant to be fast? Have the ninja finally met their match?
I couldn't quite see past the trees that lined my neighbour's yard and I suddenly found myself arguing the pros and cons of getting a closer view while shoving my shoes into my slippers and pulling a jacket on.
Pro: better view of the ninja kicking ass.
Con: could possibly get caught.
Pro: but ninja, bro. Ninjaaa.

The pro's were in favour, clearly.

I shut the door to my house behind me gingerly and darted across the lawn, sticking close to the fence. The moon was bright and full, illuminating the shadows that the streetlights couldn't reach. It made it easier for me to see what was happening.
The truck's back was open and spilling some kind of weird tech, obviously stolen. A number of thieves guarded their haul desperately but while they had the numbers on the ninja (it was almost three-to-one, definitely a crime syndicate), it was the ninjas who were the ones with the skill.
I crouched behind my fence and peered over the edge, watching with wide eyes as flashes of fire, sparks of lightning, the rumbling of earth, the cracking of ice and the swiftness of water aided the ninja in fighting the thieves. My eyes scoured the scene for the green ninja, trying to locate him. His powers mystified me, even more so than the others did - and despite my deep-dive on the internet, there was very little known about the team leader's epic powers.
I wanted to see him in action.
I got my wish as the green ninja appeared from behind the truck, in the midst of an intense battle with a thief holding a metal pipe. The thief was good, obviously well-trained, but the green ninja was better.

I watched in awe as his powers illuminated the entire street in a vibrant green. The thief was knocked out cold.

The ninja began clearing up, shoving the tech back into the truck and talking quietly amongst themselves. I wanted to get closer but didn't want to risk them noticing me, so I stayed where I was, silently observing.
"... get home." I managed to catch the water ninja say as she crossed her arms.
"... but... dragon..." the earth ninja said as he shut the truck's roller door. I strained my ears, trying to catch their conversation. I told myself that this wasn't stalking. I told myself it enough to believe it.
"I'm fine!" the green ninja suddenly snarled, taking me aback. He was angry.
The rest of his team didn't seem to like his attitude. I was glued to my spot, watching this unfold like some kind of soap opera.
A green dragon suddenly burst into life, making me inhale a sharp squeak in shock. He was equally angry, maw pulled tight and growling. The dragon's furious growl shook the very ground.
I slowly raised myself from behind my fence, eyes wide as I stared at the dragon. It was... well, it was terrifying and angry, but it was gorgeous and impossible and literally what dreams are made of.
Seriously - a dragon. A dragon! Right in front of me!

I took an unconscious step forward. A stick broke beneath my shoe.

Oh god. I felt myself wilt inwards as seven pairs of eyes - including the dragon's - snapped to me.
There was an angry dragon right in front of me.
My elation at being so close to such a magnificent, magical being suddenly twisted into horrific fear as the dragon growled and bounded towards me. A shout came from one of the ninja as I scrambled back with a scream, arms raised in defence.
A body collided with mine, sucking the air from my chest as I was swept right across the yard whilst being held in a pair of arms. Somebody had dived into me, taking me right out of the direct course to the dragon's jaw.
We rolled to a stop. The beast snorted in confusion and my eyes snapped open in my own frightened bewilderment.
Red eyes - dark red eyes, the colour of deep blood and chilli powder - stared down at me. The green ninja had just thrown me out of the way. He had red eyes. The green ninja had red eyes.
That's... certainly news to me. I always thought that they were green. Why wasn't this spoken about more? Red eyes weren't a common eye colour, from what I know of.
The green ninja was still hovering over me.

... still hovering over me.

"... thanks," I breathed with a dry throat. His long stare finally broke when the dragon's growl began up again and the ground began to shake as he stomped forward, advancing once more.
"What the hell do you think you were doing?" the green ninja finally snapped as he got to his feet. I sat up and guiltily looked away. "You could've been killed!"
Well, this was embarrassing. Getting yelled at by the leader of the ninja team. I would've preferred to have just been eaten by the dragon thank you, it would've been less painful.
"Sorry," I whispered.
The dragon stopped behind the green ninja and both stared at me. I felt like I was melting in vinegar; even the dragon was judging me. I should've stayed in bed - this humiliation was hardly worth seeing the ninja up close and personal.
The dragon made a slow, whining sound that had my eyebrows furrowing and lifting my head. The green ninja was still staring at me, as if he were unsure of what to do or say. The dragon, however, lowered his head and crept forth.
I flinched, eyeing the beast warily. He stopped. Then, with a tiny mewl that seemed better fitted to a kitten, he edged forth again.

I seized in fear as the dragon's muzzle stopped at my feet, snuffling. I glanced unsurely between the dragon and the ninja, but the leader seemed to still be lost in whatever thoughts he was clearly drowning in. He didn't even seem to register that his pet was giving me puppy dog eyes.
I swallowed dryly. Was this normal?
The dragon rolled his head onto his cheek and whined once more. I stared at him helplessly. His large eyes were trained solely on my face and nothing else. Can you get stage fright from a dragon? Because I think I was getting that.
I slowly lifted a hand and grimaced when the dragon eagerly shoved his large muzzle into my palm. A giant, rumbling sensation vibrated from his throat - a massive purr, I realised - as he dragged his gargantuan, scaly head under my palm. An enchanted, perplexed smile pulled at my lips.
I patted his face again, and he was absolutely delighted. His tail thumped, bringing with it a mist of green. A bewildered giggle pulled from my lips. The green ninja still stood there, watching the scene vacantly.
"Is, uh-" I was cut off by the dragon pressing his snout against my cheek. "Is he usually like this?"
The green ninja didn't reply. I glanced at him.
"What's your dragon's name?"

The dragon's purrs rumbled through my body when he gently rested his chin on my lap. I thought that my second question would be ignored as well, but I was mistaken.
"Bentley," the green ninja choked out. "His name's Bentley."
"Bentley!" I chirped with a grin and ignored the fact that the green ninja suddenly sounded incredibly dehydrated. Clearly, he was going through something. The dragon perked up at my call, obviously knowing his name. "You suit your name, Bentley. It's very fitting."
A grumbly coo came from the dragon's throat.
I found the rest of the ninja team staring from where they stood by the truck, murmuring to one another. My face burst aflame from being in the centre of attention and decided that it was definitely my time to leave.
I awkwardly leapt to my feet and brushed down my pyjamas - oh, fuck, I'm in my pyjamas, that's beyond embarrassing. Bentley eagerly followed, winding his head around me and giving a giant purr.
"I, uh- I should go," I muttered, cheeks red, but I suddenly found myself trapped by Bentley's affectionate nuzzling. He was keeping me from returning home.

"Wait!" the green ninja exclaimed. He held out his hand before shoving it back to his side and clearing his throat. "I- I mean, what were you, uh... what were you doing out here?"
I stared at the green ninja as his dragon rubbed his forehead along my torso. His red eyes couldn't hold my own, looking away. Maybe he couldn't hold direct eye contact?
"I... wanted to see the fight, I guess," I murmured. "It's stupid."
"Um. Yeah," the ninja nodded. "You should, uh... not do that."
I pulled a puzzled frown at his stunted sentences. He looked awkward. Did he not like talking to people? Or did he just not like talking to me? His dragon certainly liked me.
"Noted..." I said slowly.
The green ninja suddenly turned and marched away, gait jolted and stiff. I watched him worriedly before slowly unwinding myself from Bentley's neck and tail and gave the now sweet dragon one last pat on the nose.
"I forgive you for scaring me," I said. Bentley showed his appreciation with a gentle push of his snout into my stomach.

I returned to my bedroom and watched as the ninja quickly packed up the scene and drove off - some on dragons, some in the truck, going to return the stolen goods.
I laid down and tried to get to sleep, but I couldn't. My head was pounding with a migraine and busy thinking of dragons and green ninjas and sticks snapping.

So naturally, I was incredibly drowsy the next day for school.

I didn't notice the staring from my desk neighbour, usually so interested (and angry-looking) in art class until halfway through the lesson while stretching. Lloyd Garmadon's green eyes watched me as I yawned for the third time in ten minutes.
I glanced at him. He quickly looked away.
I was too tired to mentally comment on how weird that was.

"Ready to go?" Naomi chirped as she waited for me outside of class. I nodded. It was the end of the school day and we had agreed to go to the mall to do some therapy window shopping to destress from our constant studying. It was her mother's birthday coming up soon, too, so she wanted to grab a present while she was there.
Naomi's blue eyes latched onto something over my shoulder. I turned my head and spotted the back of Lloyd Garmadon as he ducked his head and shuffled through the crowded halls.
A felt a pang of sympathy for him as I watched students' faces twist in disgust as he passed. It wasn't his fault that his father had done what he did.
"Okay," Naomi grinned, grabbing my attention once more. "Let's go."
We spent the better part of the afternoon perusing the mall, joking about our ex-friends and talking about our crushes. We'd just made it to Hot Topic when I decided to tell her about my accidental meeting with the ninja force the night before.
"Naomi?" I asked as she slowly flicked through a rack of graphic tees. I'd just finished telling her about how the green ninja's dragon was acting more like an over-affectionate cat. She was uncharacteristically quiet, and it unnerved me. Her face was somber. "Are you okay?"

"... oh, yeah," she said with a chuckle and a nod. "Sorry, I was just in my head for a bit."
I frowned. "Are you feeling alright? We can go home."
"No, no!" Naomi reassured. "I'm fine, honest! I was just thinking about exams."
"Stop it, then!" I demanded with a grin. "We went out to not think about exams!"
Naomi sheepishly chuckled.
"Hey, do you mind if we go to that jewellery place on fifth?" she asked, looking up from the tees. "I still need to get mum a present and I haven't found anything yet."
"Sure," I said with a nod. There was nothing keeping me at the mall any longer, anyway.
We grabbed something to snack on from the food court before we left and our conversation turned to her and Cole's relationship. I was digging for details on him, as all good friends do, just to make sure that he was good enough for my Naomi.
What she told, amidst blushing and stuttering, was enough to satisfy me. I grilled her a little more about him, though, just because seeing her act like a lovesick schoolgirl was incredibly funny.

Naomi um'd and ah'd as she peered over the cabinet full of earrings once we got to the shop. I wandered towards the rings section and contently browsed.
My eyes stopped when I got to a glittering, gold ring with a dragon's side profile. In between its teeth was a small diamond.
I tilted my head. I had no idea why, but there was something about a dragon on a ring that had a major feeling of déjà vu wash over me. I felt out of place and out of time, exisiting outside of where I was before I saw the ring.
Just as I was leaning in to get a closer look, the door to the store opened and a scared gasp had my neck prickling.

"Everybody on the floor!"

Holy shit holy shit. I dove behind the cabinet before I could even think about what to do and curled into a ball. Figures - the one afternoon we go shopping, there's a fucking armed robbery.
This is just so cliché.
Not that I would say it to the guy's face, of course. I'd had training on how to handle an opponent with a gun - courtesy of my father, of course - but that was in a controlled environment. The real deal was a lot more terrifying.
The guy was yelling orders to the store employees. My nerves were on fire, heart thumping as fear coursed through me. I hoped that Naomi was safe - I didn't get to see where she was before I hid. I didn't want to risk giving her a text. I couldn't be sure that her phone was on silent or that she was out of sight.

"Now, now," I heard the green ninja's voice speak up. "And I was having such a quiet evening, too."

My eyes bulged. How did he even get in? I didn't hear the door open. Apparently, the thief didn't either, as he made a sound of surprise before yelling a warning.
"A jewellery store robbery?" the green ninja sighed. "Isn't this overused?"
I jumped when the gun went off.
"Missed me."
Another gunshot.
"Missed again."
Another gunshot.
"Missed. Are you even trying?"
I bit my tongue. At least he was having fun? Seriously, though, could he wrap it up? I didn't want to stay hostage any longer than I had to.
"Stay still!" the guy yelled.
"Oh, sure, of course," the green ninja said. "My bad."
Bam!
I held my breath.

"Oh, my god," the green ninja laughed. "And I actually did stay still for that one!"

Was he being serious? I wanted to groan. Wrap it up, you jerk!
The thief must've had enough with the green ninja's toying, as he begun shooting bullet after bullet. A body leapt behind the counter and landed right next to mine.
I stifled a gasp with my fist between my teeth. The green ninja's eyes widened in surprise. They were green, now, the back of my head noticed in interest. I watched, fascinated, as they turned that same startling shade of red that they had the night before.
"Come out, you green bug!"
The green ninja glanced at the top of the cabinet. His eyes dropped back down to me. He seemed suddenly anxious again, agitated and unable to look me in the eye but kept doing it, anyway. He wasn't joking around, now.
I raised my brows. Wasn't he, I dunno, going to do something? He kind of came in to save everyone and now he was just sitting her, staring at me but also not really, like a toddler who didn't know how to tell their mother that they threw up.
"Are you scared, little wuss?" the thief cruelly coed. "I always knew that you were a little bitch!"
The green ninja tore his eyes away and clenched them shut. With a deep inhale he turned back to me.

"Do you trust me?" he asked so very, very quietly that I almost didn't hear him.
I stared at him. Did I trust the green ninja, the man who saved Ninjago time and time again? The man who was now, embarrassingly, my phone's screensaver?
I nodded firmly. Yes, I did trust him. There was no doubt.
His eyes softened. He quickly shook his head.
"I need you to crawl to the other end of the cabinet and make a sound," he whispered, and I had to lean in to hear him. "I'll take him by surprise."
I didn't trust myself to be as quiet as I needed to, so just nodded again. Being this close to the ninja, however, brought a sense alive that I didn't realise when we first met.
He smells like a forest. Like tree bark and wet soil and fresh grass and sunlight. It was such an odd, unusual scent that it made my head reel for a second - but then I reckoned that it made sense for him.
I quietly, slowly began crawling my way towards the end of the long cabinet, grimacing with each placing of my hands and knees. It felt like my silent breathing was raspy and loud, it felt like every movement of muscle was ringing a bell and pointing a neon sign at me.

I finally made it to the end without alerting the man. I glanced back at the ninja, who nodded, and I pulled my arm back and knocked my elbow into the wood.
The guy scurried, laughing loudly and purring threats. I didn't hear the green ninja leave his spot or approach the guy or anything until the thump of a body made me grimace.
"Alright, everyone," the green ninja said. "It's okay, now."
I was the first to rise, peeking over the cabinet and finding the man out cold, gun already in the green ninja's hand and being disarmed. I sighed in relief. He must've knocked him out without even fighting. That was pretty slick.
Naomi straightened from where she was hunched in the corner. I saw her in the corner of my eyes, staring at me as I stared at the green ninja with a perplexed, lost expression. He avoided my gaze completely, even when the police arrived and he handed over the weapon. He didn't stay to make a statement. I watched him leave as fast as he could.

After I gave an officer my statement, I got home and nursed my migraine.

🍃🍂🍁🍂🍃

Mum forced me to take the day off from school after she heard about what happened at the jewellery store.

I insisted that I was fine, but she was adamant and called the school to inform them that I wasn't going to be heading in for that day. I guess that she had a pretty good idea, being a psychologist and all.
I spent the day studying. It was boring. And long.
The day after that, I was back at school. I walked through the halls to my first class and faltered at seeing Lloyd Garmadon, Cole and the rest of their group staring at me. They quickly looked away, all in different directions, pretending to be busy.
I frowned. Was everyone always this weird, or was it just because of my amnesia?

I wanted to ask the brunet and auburn boys on my table during maths class, but couldn't figure out what was the best way to ask whether or not they were talking about me. I decided to let it slide. I was too tired to be awkwardly prying like that.
"Here's the forms you need to extend your study period," my maths teacher said to me in the middle of class. I was granted an extension before sitting my exams due to my... particular circumstance. "You need to sign it and drop it off at your head of year's office before the end of class."
I nodded and quickly signed the three pieces of paper. While doing so, I caught the auburn boy's gaze. He meekly smiled, small and timid. I smiled back.
I quickly hurried down the empty halls, clutching the papers in a loose grip. I scrolled through my phone while I had the chance - I'd gotten a few pings from ninja stan twitter during the night and hadn't been able to look through them yet.
I turned the corner and bumped into somebody. Startled, my paper went sliding across the linoleum floor. I looked up and found the green eyes of Lloyd Garmadon, and for some reason that I was too distracted to compute, my head began to pound.
"Oh, sorry-"
"Watch where you're going," he snapped, eyes narrowed.

I blinked, taken aback by his cruel snark. I think my mouth even dropped open in shock. He stepped past me with a scowl and shoved his hands deep into his hoody pockets.
"Excuse me?" I shrilled, turning on my heel. My head began to throb and it only stoked my tired irritation. "You bumped into me, too!"
Lloyd Garmadon ignored me. My face scrunched in frustration.
"Hey!" I exclaimed, but continued being ignored. "Dude! You could at least apologise as well!"
I tsked when he didn't reply and bent down to gather my papers. I wasn't in the mood for some prissy teenage boy bullshit, and my migraine was only getting worse the more my irritation grew.
"Typical. What's your problem?" I grumbled under my breath. When I stood and adjusted my papers, I squeaked in surprise when I noticed that Lloyd was standing right in front me, glaring down his nose. He really liked to use his height over me to his advantage, it seemed.
"How did you-!" I gasped. I hadn't even heard him return. He looked even more pissed than before - he must've heard my spiteful little comment, but how? From that far away?

"My problem is you."

My eyes bulged and a small little scoff of a laugh slipped from my lips. I readjusted the papers in my arm as I rolled his words again and again in my head, just to make sure that I heard him properly.
"Huh?" was all I managed to say. I laughed again, because this situation was just entirely ridiculous - and to think that I felt bad for the guy!
"Stay out of my way."
"You stay out of mine!" I snapped. I was surprised by the sudden fury that had overtaken me, but with the indignation of the whole ordeal, I couldn't find it in me to be the bigger person and walk away. "How hard is it to own up and say sorry? I said sorry!"
"Because it wasn't my fault," he sneered. I pulled a 'are you kidding me?' face
"Are you serious?" I said. This was plain ridiculous and getting out of hand, but I refused to let him walk away with the way he was talking to me. "Why are you such a dick?"
Lloyd crossed his arms and licked his teeth. I would've found it hot if he wasn't an asshole and I wasn't so pissed off at him.
"Maybe you should look in the mirror."
What the fuck?? What did I ever do to him? The incredulous of it all was making my sore head spin. I tightened my grip on my papers and they began to crumple.

"That's rich, coming from you," I shot back. "I don't even know you!"

Lloyd Garmadon's angered face suddenly dropped into a look of surprise, as if just remembering the fact that I couldn't recall shit from the past eleven months. He turned away and almost seemed to deflate, which made me equally as surprised. Maybe I did know him before I hit my head and lost my memories. Did I touch a nerve? A sad one?
He was somber, now, and the change in emotion was giving me whiplash. We were just yelling at each other in an empty hall and now I felt almost compelled to pat him on the back and ask about his problems.
I didn't, though, because whether I knew him or not, I didn't now, and that meant I didn't know how to console him, anyway.
He was practically a stranger to me, regardless of his memories.
I heard him swallow. I stood there awkwardly, not knowing whether it'd be rude or relieving if I slipped away and left him to deal with... whatever the guy was going through. He certainly was projecting onto me about something that I didn't know about.
He placed his hands in his pockets again and unlike before, when he did it in cool nonchalance, this time he did it to curl in on himself. He refused to let me see his face.

"... yeah," he murmured, finally breaking the silence. I watched him owlishly. "You don't."

I watched him, perplexed, as he slowly walked away from me. I looked around the hallway and back at his retreating figure, trying to work out what the everloving fuck just took place.

These people just keep getting weirder and weirder.

🍃🍂🍁🍂🍃

It was a warm Saturday when I was left to my own devices. Mum had gone into work for some last-minute rescheduling and I had the entire day to do whatever I wanted.

Part of me told me to study, but that's what I'd been doing for the past three weeks without a break. I'd wake up, go to school, study after class and then sleep. I deserved a single day to relax.
I decided to reacquaint myself with the city. I was sure that I'd grown accustomed to the large metropolis during the past eight months of living there, but without those memories, I had nothing to go on. I considered calling up Naomi to accompany me, but thought better of it. She was probably busy completing her mechanics project.
With my phone at full charge, I locked the door behind me and began my day adventure.
First, I started with the tourist spots - the look-outs, the monuments, the old heritage buildings that remained from periods before modern-day civilisation. I was thoroughly enjoying myself.
As I grabbed some lunch from a street vendor, I noticed a poster for the Ninjago Natural History Museum. They were holding an exhibit on the history of Ninja - both the secret ninja force and generations of ninja eons before.
After eating, I made my way to the museum. The exhibition took me an hour and a half to get through and I soaked up each bit of information I could get my grubby hands on. I adored the museum, and it was only better whenever they had new exhibits.

As I was perusing the last of the tour - a room dedicated entirely to the current ninja that protected the city - I found something that made me pause. It was a photo of Stiix, but what really caused me shock was a large image of what looked to be the aftermath of a battle - the military were there. I could recognise the small medical shelters and army trucks anywhere.
But that didn't make sense. The military hated the ninja. They thought they were uncouth and disillusioned the citizens to the true danger of living in Ninjago. I argued that it wasn't the team's fault that the internet treated them as a boyband, but my father would never budge on his opinion.
Clearly, something had shifted.
What was it that made him change his mind?
I furrowed my brow in deep thought as I stepped back from the image. Unfortunately, I backed right into someone.
I leapt forward and whirled around, holding my hands to my face in shock. A clipboard clattered to the ground.
"Oh, my goodness, I'm so sorry!" I apologised, stooping down to sweep the clipboard back up and hold it out to the middle-aged lady with a sheepish smile. "I wasn't looking where I was going."

When the lady didn't take the clipboard, my grin began to fade. Her brown eyes were vacantly staring at me, face slack. I pulled my brows together.
"Uh... ma'am?" I asked, tilting my head. "Are you okay?"
The woman jolted back to her senses with a shallow gasp. She cleared her throat and took the clipboard with a strained smile.
"M- my apologises," she chuckled awkwardly as she pulled her long, grey plait over her beige blouse. "I also wasn't looking where I was going."
I smiled and glanced around the exhibit. "It's hard not to be distracted when all this is around you."
The lady paused. She seemed to hover, hesitating, before she stepped an inch closer.
"You enjoyed it?" she asked. "The exhibit, I mean."
"Oh, yes," I gushed with a beam. "I adore history. Did you know that Ninjago City was named after its massive ninja dojo that was based here over a thousand years ago?"
The lady seemed impressed. I wilted in on myself - of course she knew that, she looked to be like somebody who worked at the museum.
"Not many people know that one," she said, pleased with my knowledge. "You're quite the history buff."

I bashfully smiled.

After that pleasant encounter, I decided that it was time for me to go home. I spent more time than I intended to in the museum and the sky was beginning to darken. Not to mention that I was hungry.
"Alright, alright," I muttered as my stomach complained. I hurried down the streets, crowd thinning. It was that weird lull between afternoon pedestrian and nighttime partygoers, making the city seem a lot more quiet than it actually was.
"Okay..." I hummed to myself as I pulled out my phone in the middle of a deserted street. "Where am I..?"
Maps told me that it was only a thirty minute walk to my house, so I could afford the time to grab something easy to eat for the journey home. I must've taken a back way, though, as it seemed that I was just smack bang in the middle of a warehouse district.
I shivered as I looked around the massive buildings. I shouldn't hover. While the street lights illuminated the area pretty well, it still looked like a place where people would get murdered.

"You shouldn't be here at night," called a voice. Startled, I glanced up and spotted a figure crouching on the roof. "It's dangerous."

The green ninja leapt from the roof to the fire escape and then to the street before me in a smooth sweep. He made it look effortless.
"Hi," I said, still reeling from surprise. What had it been since the jewellery store incident, a week? I kept thinking back to how his green eyes turned red - it was equally gorgeous and terrifying. I wondered if any of the other ninja could change their appearance like he.
The green ninja gave a stiff nod in greeting. He looked around the street before finally looking back at me. He looked guarded and hesitant.
"Are you alone?"
I nodded.
He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. I watched him as his eyes went through a range of motions - it was like I could read his thoughts.
"I'll, uh... walk you home," he offered.
"Oh, you don't have to," I said quickly, cheeks warm. Could I handle being walked home by the green ninja? Probably not. I preferred the silence, anyway, and trying to make conversation was one of my worser skills. "I'm fine, really."
The green eyes of the ninja narrowed slightly - in consideration, it seemed, before they glanced at the cloudy sky. It was almost night.
"How long of a walk is it for you to get home?" he asked.
"Half an hour, give or take," I answered. His gaze dropped back down to me.
"It's almost dark."
"I can see that."
Now his eyes did truly squint, but the lift of his cheeks indicated his amusement at my bluntness.

"Non-negotiable," he finally decided, much to my disbelief. "I'm not letting a young girl walk home alone on a Saturday night."
"'Young girl!'" I spluttered, offended. "I'm almost eighteen, thank you very much."
"My mistake," the green ninja said with a raise of his palms. "Now, lead the way, grandma."
I gasped in amused outrage. He eyed me, beguiling and taking great joy in teasing.
"You're awful!" I exclaimed, making him chuckle. "I don't want to keep you busy, though. I swear that I'll be fine."
The green ninja shrugged. "It was only patrol. If something happens, my team can contact me."
He was steadfast, it seemed. I relented with a sigh and began walking in the direction of my home. The sooner I got back, the less time of his I'd take up.
The green ninja kept pace beside me. He seemed to be content with walking in silence, which suited me just fine, because I certainly wasn't going to attempt a conversation starter. I knew how those ended up as, and I'd rather not embarrass myself in front of a celebrity like him anymore than I already have.
I watched him out of the corner of my vision as we walked down the empty streets. His eyes had gone red again, melting to a bright cherry when the street lamps illuminated them, darkening to a blood burgundy when in shadow. I wondered how often they changed between red and green, what bought it on, how they changed.
Mans was an enigma, one that I found myself wanting to solve more and more with each time we spent.

I clutched my belly awkwardly when it loudly growled. I'd forgotten that my original plan was to grab something to eat, and my stomach was getting its revenge for being ignored.
I prayed that the green ninja didn't hear, but given his soft, amused huff, my prayer went ignored.
"Sorry," I apologised, severely embarrassed as I ducked behind my hair so he couldn't see my mortified expression. I felt my ears turn hot.
"Are you hungry?"
"A little," I admitted.
The green ninja hummed and looked around, taking note of our surroundings. He spotted a building and nodded his head toward it. I found myself blindly following him up the fire escape and onto the roof.
"What are we doing?" I asked. The ninja pointed down at the street on the other side of the building we'd climbed; it was strung across with lanterns and filled with music, food trucks and people laughing and dancing. I felt myself gasp in delight.
"Oh, wow," I gushed as I leant on the concrete rim. A paper dragon was ran down the street, piloted by children. I laughed. "That's amazing!"
I glanced up and found him staring at me. He quickly looked back down at the street.
"I'll grab you something to eat," he said, planting a foot onto the concrete edge. I straightened and tilted my head, looking him up and down.
"But you're..." like, super famous, dude. You're gonna get swarmed.

The green ninja smugly cocked his head to the side. He pulled the robe of his gi off, leaving him in the black turtleneck he wore underneath.
"Funny how taking off my mask and robe makes it look like I'm not one of the ninja," he said, throwing me the robe. I caught it, barely. "Promise me you won't look for me in the street."
I made a show of placing my hands over my eyes. I had slung the robe over my shoulders prior.
And well, yeah, he did look pretty inconspicuous with his black pants and black turtleneck, I still had the vaguest sense that this was a very shitty plan. What, just to get me something to eat? Who knew that the legendary green ninja liked to play delivery boy.
I wonder if he does this for every girl he walks home?
My lips raised in amusement at the thought. Maybe the idea of the red ninja being the team flirt wasn't actually true - maybe it was the leader of the group who was the ladies man. Imagine that.
I still had my hands over my eyes when the green ninja returned. I smelt the fried street food before I could hear him.
"Okay," he chuckled. "You didn't need to keep your hands over your eyes for the entire time."
I hesitantly pulled them away from my face and sent him a half-hearted shrug.
"Just wanted to make sure."

He was holding two boxes of take out in his hands and I already felt my mouth watering from the enticing smell. He handed me a box and chopsticks, and hesitantly watched as I pried open the cardboard lid. I was just beginning to stir the noodles when a thought hit me.
The green ninja was going to eat dinner with me.
Alone.
On a rooftop.
While music drifted from the street below.
My gaze fluttered to the green ninja, engrossed in his own dinner. He leant back against the concrete barrier, legs crossed, as he stirred his food with his eyes squinted in concentration. His robe was still slung over my shoulder and I didn't make a move to place it anywhere else. I liked the intimacy of it, if you could call it that. It felt like we were close friends.
And he looked really good in the skin-tight turtleneck. My mouth was almost watering for something else - namely the notable dip from his pecs to his abs, or the firmness of his shoulders that led to his biceps.
Oh, his biceps. They were almost the size of my head.

I quickly turned my head back to my food and took the first bite, eager to stomp out the sin that had invaded my mind. I shouldn't be thinking like that about the protector of Ninjago City. He was a hero, not someone to drool over.
My eyes jumped back to him. His hands. Oh, fuck. His hands, holding the box and the chopsticks, moving languidly as he moved them. The tendons, the knuckles, the fingers. Each interlocking joint, somehow so attractive. I wanted to run my fingertips across his scarred knuckles. I wanted to press kisses to his finger joints.
He was just one big, giant masterpiece, a living artwork.
Jesus Christ, Y/n. I shook my head and stuffed some more noodles into my mouth. Don't be so desperate. It's pathetic.
Besides, he's the stuff of legends and prophecies - what would he want to do with a plain girl like me?
Well, he did buy you dinner.
But he's just being chivalrous. His momma raised him right, that's all.

I decided to focus on the food for once - actually focus. I tasted the noddles in my mouth and sighed contentedly through my nose. Street food may be unhealthy, but damn did it taste good.
"I love these kinds of noodles," I said when I'd finished my mouthful. The green ninja froze. "How'd you know?"
"Lucky guess," he murmured after a short, tense silence.
When my dinner was finished, I leant on the concrete barrier and watched the street festival below. A small, content smile crossed my face. After my day adventuring through the city, I never thought I'd end up here; on a rooftop with the green ninja.
"I like it up here," I said as I rested my chin on my arms. The green ninja copied my position, leaning his elbows on the concrete as he watched the dancing below with me.
"Yeah?" he hummed. "Why?"
"Everyone looks so small," I said, voice quiet from the gentle breeze that carried it away. "It puts things into perspective."
I felt his questioning gaze turn to me, so I continued voicing my wandering thoughts,
"I mean, look at everyone," I said, gesturing to the street. "There's so many. But then you think about how everyone feels the same as us, they're driving their own lives and are in the centre of their own narratives. Each person has their own story, ones that we have no idea about. They look through their own eyes, they think their own thoughts, they feel their own feelings. It's so much. It's amazing."

The green ninja slowly turned his eyes back to the street. His silence was thoughtful.
"What do you see down there?" I asked.
"People who need protecting," he replied. "People who rely on me. What do you see?"
I smiled ruefully, aware that I wasn't quite the same martyr that the green ninja was.
"I see a reminder that my problems are always only temporary," I slowly mused. "I see a reminder that life is short and to make mistakes every chance you get. It's the only way we learn. Don't you agree?"
The green ninja stared at me again. I ignored his gaze in favour of watching a couple dance to the music, their actions smooth and romantic. I softly smiled at their display.

"Yeah," he breathed. "Yeah, I do."

🍃🍂🍁🍂🍃

After dropping Y/n off at home, Lloyd quickly finished his sweep of the city and returned home late. The monastery was quiet and dark, occupants already asleep.
He was just stepping into his room to take his ninjitsu gear off, when-

"I know you were with her."

Lloyd wasn't one to get started easily, but Nya's voice had him shooting almost six feet into the air. He whipped around and found the ninja in the shadows of his darkened bedroom, arms crossed and face crosser.
Lloyd's face twisted. Nya held up a hand, demanding silence.
"I don't care what excuse you're going to try and come up with," she muttered darkly. "You were with her, Lloyd. Are you suddenly the only exemption to the 'stay away from Y/n' rule?"
Lloyd swallowed. He wracked his brains, trying to find a reason viable enough that would let him walk away from this with his dignity intact.
His chances didn't look very high.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Nya hissed. "What's this, the second time you've spoken to her? Even more? It's been three weeks, Lloyd! Not even a month!"
"I-"
"Why are you getting close to her again?!"
"Like Cole hasn't spoken to her!" Lloyd shot back.

"Oh, bullshit," Nya scoffed. "He's Naomi's boyfriend and he's not the one who royally fucked up. You are, and you're doing worse by Y/n more than anyone else here!"
Lloyd was infuriated and speechless. It was just a quick dinner and walk home, it wasn't like he was professing his love.
It may as well have been the same thing, according to Nya. She silently slipped past Lloyd, arms crossed and fingers clenched. Angry, furious, indignant-on-behalf-of tears were brimming in her eyes as she shot him a glare from his bedroom door. He started at her, unable to form even a single word.

"You prohibited us from speaking to her," she quietly spat. "You took away my best friend. So for fuck's sake, start pulling your own weight."

🍃🍂🍁🍂🍃

"Okay, I wanted to try to keep this to myself, but it's so crazy that I had to tell someone," I firmly said as slammed my lunch tray onto the table.

Chen and Naomi looked up at me from where they were seated, taken aback. I dropped to my seat and leant in close, eyeing our surroundings to make sure that nobody was within hearing range. My two friends, still confused, shared a quick look before leaning in, too.
"I met the green ninja last night," I whispered. Chen sharply inhaled through his nose. "I was out late in the city after visiting the museum and he walked me home. He bought me dinner, too."
I leant back and raised my hands. Naomi looked like she didn't know how to react, which was relatable, because that's exactly how I also felt.
"What the fuck is going on?" I questioned with a bewildered smile. "That's the third time we've bumped into each other. Is it always like this in Ninjago City?"
Chen's brown eyes drifted to Naomi. His brows were furrowed, as were hers.
"W- wow, that's..." Naomi began as she straightened in her seat and fiddled with her tray. "That's pretty cool, Y/n. How lucky."
"I just..." I broke off, at a loss for words. "I just don't get it. He's the green ninja. The green ninja - the heartthrob of the nation! It's like... it's like meeting a celebrity, it's so weird."
Chen laughed. It sounded hallow and odd, like he was trying to breathe in water.
"That is weird," he agreed under his breath.

Over Chen's shoulder, I spotted Lloyd Garmadon entering the cafeteria with his group. He looked detached, trailing behind while the others, all talking amongst each other and frowning, crowded up ahead.
As if feeling my stare, Lloyd Garmadon glanced at me.
Still miffed from what occurred in the hallway the week before, I lifted my chin and turned away.

"The green ninja's so sweet," I gushed as I picked at my food, hating the way that I could still feel Lloyd's stare. "Lloyd Garmadon, however, is an asshole."
"You don't say," Chen muttered. Naomi leant forward, blue eyes piercing.
"What happened?" she asked seriously. I blinked at her reaction, not expecting such interest, and shrugged.
"It was weird," I answered airily, playing nonchalant while, truthfully, what occurred still bothered me. "We walked into each other in the hall one time and he just started being a dick. Said I was his 'problem' or whatever. Then he got real sad real quick. He's strange."

"Yeah," Naomi snarled. I looked to her in shock at her vicious tone. "That is strange."

🍃🍂🍁🍂🍃

"You're a selfish fucking prick, you know that?"

Lloyd looked up at Naomi from where he was grabbing his textbooks from the locker. His green eyes glanced to the hallway and back at the furious girl. He slowly closed the locker door.
Usually, Naomi wasn't one for violence. She didn't like to go picking fights - it was the pacifist in her. But put her loved ones in an unsavoury situation, and she could change tunes faster than Lloyd could unsheathe his katana.
"Hey, Nomes," he said slowly, greeting his old-time friend with what he hoped was a soothing voice. He knew that once Naomi was angry, it was pretty much game over for him, green ninja or not.
"Don't 'hey Nomes' me, asshole!" she shrilled. Lloyd grimaced and took another look around the hallway. It was almost empty, thankfully. "I can't believe you have the gall to treat her like this!"
His gaze jumped back to Naomi, meekness gone.
"What?" he asked, eyes narrowing in confusion. "What are you talking about?"
"Don't play dumb, Garmadon!" Naomi scorned as she shoved against his chest. He didn't even move an inch. "Y/n!"

Just the sound of her name sent a bolt of conflicted feelings through him. Each time, it was like when Nya told him about how she went and erased her memories; regret, anger, despair, frustration. Everything that they had, gone, like it never existed.
Maybe it was better that way. For her, at least. She'd get to live on without anything tethering her to him, to his life.
But Lloyd found that he couldn't live with that. He couldn't rest easy, watching her treat him like a stranger - because that's what he was to her. What he did was rash and cruel, a product of being mortally wounded himself, but he didn't ever think that it would lead to this.
He hated himself for it with each breath.
"Look, I respected your opinion about wanting her out of the prophecy. I get it, okay?" Naomi cried. Her voice echoed in the empty hallway and it was like her words were attacking him for every side. "But she finally has a chance to grow from this and you're not even letting her! It's like you're spitting on her for trying to walk away - like what YOU wanted!!"
Lloyd stared at Naomi with a distant, distraught look in his eyes. He knew that she was right; he was being selfish, indulging himself in Y/n's presence like a drunk man. But a much larger part of him was craving, craving her touch, her smile, her warmth, her humour.
It'd been long since she accused him of ruining her life and he dropped her from his. He knew about her friends - Nya had told him all about that happened, spitting out the words like venom after she found out that the team was no longer permitted to speak to Y/n.

He'd been too hurt to weigh that into what happened back then, but time had moved on. His pain had healed, his mind had calmed.
And when she returned to school, devoid of anything that they once had, it stoked the fury he held for himself. It hurt to even look at her, yet that was all he could seem to do.
"She's happy, Lloyd," Naomi said. She sounded a lot less angry, now, more so sad. Just as sad as Lloyd was himself. It's all anyone felt after Neuro erased Y/n's memories. "This was what you wanted and she's happy. So let her be."

He intended to do just that. He accepted what had happened, accepted the results, accepted the fact that Y/n must've hated him so much that she couldn't bear to live with the memories of him and went on with his life. And she went on with hers.
He lasted a week.
Lloyd's incredible strategy of staying away was to not look at her. Avoid her. Pretend she doesn't exist.
You've handled harder, Lloyd would repeatedly tell himself as he lay in bed at night, unable to sleep, haunted by the phantom breath of her lying next to him, the shuffle of covers, the tired 'good night, I love you' before slumber. It felt wrong that she wasn't there, so vividly, awfully wrong.

But no matter what he said, no matter his actions prior, he loves her.
So that's why he agreed to do exactly what Naomi said.
"She's happy. So let her be."
Wasn't that all that mattered? Her happiness? That was all he ever wanted for her; for her to smile, to laugh, to be healthy.
He lasted a week.
A week of purposefully not looking at her, a week of avoiding the patrol route that passed her house, a week of pretending that the person sitting next to him in art class was somebody else.
He looked at her. Just once. Just one quick glance.

He was at her house that night, throwing a small stone at her window.

It felt weird to announce his presence and ask permission. He hadn't ever had to do it before.
You're being selfish, and a prick and an asshole, Lloyd thought to himself as he saw Y/n's light switch on from behind her curtains. You're everything Naomi says and more.
Her window wasn't open a smidge like it always had been, what once was always an open invitation to let himself inside existed no longer. He should've taken it as a metaphor. He should've seen it as a sign.
Selfish. Asshole. Selfish.
You only lasted a week.
Y/n opened the door, hair messy. A bright smile was sent down at the green ninja, the same boy who broke her heart, who'd found his way back to her like a wounded dog.

Asshole. Selfish.
Lloyd smiled back.

🍃🍂🍁🍂🍃

I was distracted the entire day during school.

My mind kept jumping back to the night before, when the green ninja made his return via throwing a pebble at my window (swoon). It was like every 2000s pop music video, except that my main character was a ninja and not the boy next door.
We didn't do much. We just sat on the roof of my house and talked. Funnily enough, I found it easy to talk to him - something I usually had trouble with. Making conversation was as easy as breathing around him.
I wanted to know more about him. I wanted to know what his favourite season was, his favourite dog. Was he a noodle person or rice? Was he active on social media? What was his favourite flavour of milkshake?
Another migraine lived in my head when I woke up that morning. It continued on throughout my classes, clogging my ears, pounding my eyes, storming my ears.
It was straight agony.

I found a photo on Twitter during lunch.

The girl in it was eerily familiar before I realised with a start that the girl was me. Me, with the green ninja, being hauled through a hospital. Me, in a grainy image that was both indistinguishable and also impossible to not realise it's me. It felt like I had found a photo of a doppelgänger.
I swallowed dryly, cradling my phone with dry eyes.
I knew the green ninja before amnesia stole my memories.
It made sense, though. As to why he was interested in me so quickly, why he kept stopping by, why he insisted on walking me home. We were friends before.
Did he know about my amnesia?
He must've, because he acted so weird that first night. Like he didn't know what to say, like he didn't know how much I knew.
How much did I know about him before the last eight months of my life were cruelly ripped away?
I wish I knew.

The longer I looked at the photo, the worse my migraine became.

I stayed behind late at school to finish off some studying in the library. At first I wasn't alone, multiple desks filled with students at varying stages of stress, but after three hours, I seemed to be the last one remaining.
I stretched my arms over my head and winced at the aches my body gave in protest of being stationary for so long. I'd achieved a lot in those three hours, though, so while I may regret it on my body hating me, I didn't regret it on how much studying I got done.
It was late afternoon when I started heading home. I knew the area well. Unfortunately, that wasn't enough for me to notice the figure hiding in the shadows.
I'd just shoved my phone into my pocket when an arm shot around my neck and I was hauled back into somebody's chest. I gasped shallowly in alarm, straining for breath beyond the tight chokehold the person had me in.
I clawed at their arm, desperately trying to grab ahold and tear them off so I could get some oxygen into my lungs. I jammed my elbows into their ribs, stomped my heel onto their feet, knocked my head back into theirs, but it did nothing.
My vision was starting to go hazy. My fear skyrocketed.
I don't want to die.

"If you press your home button for three seconds, it'll send you straight to our emergency comm links."

My bugling eyes shot open as the voice - a girl's - floated through the hectic, survival yelling inside of my head. My hand slipped to my pocket and I held down on the button.
I had no clue where I learn that and I had no clue who it'd connect me to, but anything to get me breathing again.
My head was growing woozy and light. I had an awful, horrible feeling that I was close to passing out.
A voice - so tiny, so quiet - came from my phone in my pocket. The only sound I could make was a ragged, choking, desperate attempt for air. It wouldn't work. Whoever picked up wouldn't be able to do anything. I'm going to pass out.

"Y/n!"

I couldn't open my eyes to see who called, but I knew his voice well enough to know that it was the green ninja. Relief crashed through me so hard that I thought that I was about to faint from that, and the pressure was released so fast that I got whiplash.
I crumpled to my knees and hacked air, crouched on the concrete while I hauled and heaved and tried everything I could to get as much breath into me as I could.
I glanced up just in time to notice a figure in black and red sprinting away. If I had it in me, I would've given chase. I didn't. I didn't.
"Y/n," Greenie said as he knelt before me. His worry was palpable, smothering me in thick, lucid waves. His hands fretted, holding my shoulders, lifting my chin, swiping my hair from my face. He looked scared. "It's okay, you're okay."
The tears came fast and without warning. My head was ringing, pounding, my chest was burning, my neck ached. Greenie let me hold his arms as I sobbed out of the pure fear that had left me shivering on the ground before him.
"Let's get you home," he said after my crying had somewhat subsided. I nodded listlessly, letting him help me to my feet. "Is there anyone at home?"

"Mum's... n' Jamanakai," I spoke. My voice was raspy and croaky and it felt like I was rubbing my throat along sandpaper just to talk. I was still struggling bringing in deep breaths. "Visit... dad."
Greenie nodded. His arm was tight around my waist, and if it weren't for the fact that I was still trying to convince my instincts that I was not dying, I would've been focused on that a lot more.
We arrived at my home almost thirty minutes later. My walking was slow and shocked, but Greenie didn't seem to mind. He was probably used to having to treat people like they were about to shatter. I didn't expect that I would be one of them, too.
"... how did you know to press the home button on your phone?" he asked as I hobbled to grab a drink of water. I rubbed my neck anxiously, skin tender. This just confirmed even further that we knew each other before.
"I don't know," I whispered. "I'm glad I did."
"Me, too," Greenie murmured. He sounded a little bit like he was lost in his head. I couldn't blame him.
The cold water sharpened me. I leant back against the kitchen bench and fiddled with the glass, staring at my fingers encircling the rim.
"We knew each other before," I murmured. His green eyes shot to mine. "I saw a photo of us in the hospital."

I lifted my gaze to him. He looked more frightened than before, and it shocked me. I don't think I'd ever seen the green ninja frightened. Not even when we were caught in the jewellery store.
"Yes," he whispered.
"How much did I know?" I asked, voice barely above a murmur.
"... a lot."
"Did I know who you are?"
He swallowed sharply. His hands were switching between clenched and unclenched, jaw tense. I watched him hesitantly, both awaiting and dreading what he'd say.
"... yeah," he answered.
I sucked in a breath. It was like being kicked in the back of the head - I was stunned, frozen, unable to think or do. The glass slipped from my fingertips and it was only Greenie's quick reflexes that saved it from shattering across the floor.
"Y/n?"
I stared at him, brain miles and miles and miles away. It explained so much, yet raised twice as many questions.
I used to know who the green ninja was.
"Were we friends?" I asked. He reeled back, eyes wide. "How did I find out who you are?"
"Y/n, I can't..."
I knew before. What difference is it now? But I held my tongue, less I sounded like a whiny child having a tantrum. It all confused me to no end. A migraine was building, and this time, I was sure that it was his fault.

"You should get some rest," Greenie murmured, before giving an awkward-kind of farewell nod and leaving my house.

🍃🍂🍁🍂🍃

Greenie stopped by a few times after that, always with a few days in between. I never knew when he was arriving, so I looked forward to every evening just in case it was the night that he was going to stop by.

Questions hovered in my mind like flies ever since the reveal. From simple curiosities came a thirst for knowledge - I wanted to know everything that I used to know about him, and more. I was desperate to know.
Unfortunately, he was still very closed off. It was a miracle I could get him to talk at all.
School was beginning to wrap up and settle into study time, which meant no more classes until I had to return to the grounds to sit my exams. I bade farewell to my friends with promises to meet up after exams, during summer.
I thought less and less about the Lloyd Garmadon boy who had perplexed me oh so very much.
Then, one day, when I was particularly frustrated from studying and then at Greenie's silence despite him coming over, I burst;

"Will you ever let me in like before, or are you just going to keep coming to my house to sulk?"

Greenie glanced up from where he was lounging on the foot of my bed. It was almost comical, how wide his eyes were from my outburst whilst wearing his mask.
"Sulking is good," he said with a shrug.
"What's the point of even coming over when you do nothing but sit on my bed and stare at the ceiling?" I accused, spinning myself around in my desk chair and crossing my arms. "You don't make any sense! It's like you're wanting to be friends but not wanting anything to do with me at the same time!"
Greenie reclined back until he was lying down, staring at the ceiling. It stoked my frustration more and I stood, hands balled into fists at my side. I watched him, vexed. Surely we were close enough friends now to, I dunno, talk? He certainly crashed at my place enough.

"Who am I to you?" I asked boldly.

Greenie kept watching the ceiling. He blinked slowly, almost lazily, but his eyes were racing, chasing, frantic.
I softened my stance, aware that I was pushing. I sat back down at my desk with a sigh and went to study my notes some more, reaching for my pen.
"I'm in love with you."
My hand froze. The bed rustled and I slowly turned my head. He was propped up on his elbows, face devoid of any hint of jest or tease, whilst I was sure that mine was red and clammy with shock.
"... what?" I breathed.
"I'm in love with you," he repeated, voice as clear as day while staring me dead in the eyes. I was suddenly grateful that I was seated.
"Y- you're... in love..."
"With you," Greenie finished with a nod of his head.
"With me?" I whispered.
"With you," he repeated again.
We stared at each other. I waited for the inevitable snicker, the 'lol just kidding!' but it never came. His gaze was unwavering in its genuineness, totally steadfast. Mine, meanwhile, was desperately searching for some kind of teasing spark in his eyes.
Because surely-
Surely-

"Y/n."
His soft voice pulled me out of the state I was just about to drive myself into. My attention snapped back to him.
"Was..." I cleared my throat, breath quickening. I was confused - so very, very taken off course and placed back onto the wrong one. I couldn't tell what was left from right, up from down. He had taken my compass and thrown it away. "Am... am I in love with you?"
He looked away.
"I shouldn't have said anything," he murmured. "I have to go."
"What? No!" I exclaimed, rising to my feet just as he did, too. "You can't just say that and leave!"
"I'm sorry," he pushed. He couldn't look me in the eyes as he planted one foot on my windowsill, preparing to leave. I feared that he wouldn't return at all. "I can't stay."
"Why not?" I trilled. The confusion was only building more and more, making my head spin and pound. I couldn't breathe right - it was like I was being choked again, only this time the air was taken directly from my lungs and I couldn't get it back.
"Because I want to kiss you but I can't."
The chaos in my head paused and we each stilled. The way he said it was breathless and hollow - as if he were in pain. He tensed, like he didn't intend for the words to slip, or as if he wished he could suck them back up as if he'd never spoken at all. But he had. They lay bare between us, hanging in the air like a giant, neon sign. It pulsed brightly, it made my retinas burn. I still couldn't breathe.

"I'm selfish," he murmured, just as I whispered; "kiss me."

I felt my body stiffen on impulse at the words that slipped from my mouth like a quiet plead. He turned to look back at me, eyes red and dark and wanting but holding back.
I stood before him, stiff and flushed, wanting but holding back.
"Kiss me," I repeated, a little more firm, a little more sure.
"You don't know me anymore."
"Kiss me," I said again. Greenie straightened, face distraught and eyes pinched.
"Y/n, I can't - you don't know what we've been through."
"Kiss me," I insisted, fists balled. "If you're selfish, then kiss me."

My demand settled in the empty silence. He stared at me and I stared back. Testing. Waiting.

"Fine," he breathed, and the only thing I saw between him reaching for his mask and pulling me in by the waist was a quick flash of blond.
My first thought wasn't about how incredible kissing Greenie felt. It wasn't even about how tightly he was holding me, as if any looser and I'd slip from existence.
No. My first thought was about how familiar this felt.
The crash of butterflies, the mind-boggling intimacy, the warmth of his breath and his body. Yes, we'd definitely kissed before, and I didn't need to have my memories for my body to tell me that. It moved on its own accord, knowing exactly what to do - one arm around his neck, one hand through his hair, chest against chest, heartbeat guiding heartbeat.
The kiss was soft. It sent fire down my spine and sparks to my fingertips. It was an electrical forest fire, consuming me entirely, leaving me choking on the smoke, body blistering. His hands were blowtorches, his lips molten lava. He burnt me and I was chasing after the heat.
The kiss sent me on a frazzled twist, throwing me into the air while my feet remained firmly on the ground. I was floating and sinking. I was extinct and reborn.

He pulled away and the warmth remained, sizzling on my skin like hot oil. His hand caressed my cheek and I leant into his palm, craving his sweetness, craving his touch. His forehead pressed to mine.
"I'm so sorry," he whispered.

By the time my eyes peeled open, drowsy and drunk on post-kiss ecstasy, he was gone.

🍃🍂🍁🍂🍃

I laid awake that night, replaying the kiss over and over in my head. The ceiling of my bedroom was a movie screen and I was an avid watcher, catching every feeling I could and tasting it on my tongue.

The kiss had left me in a haze of bliss, a husk of a body while I floated through the clouds. I couldn't find the ground again. I doubted that I ever would.
His hands, holding my waist so tight. His lips, dancing with mine in a choreography that we both knew well. His breath mingling with mine. Him.
My fingertips brushed against my lips, reminiscing on how soft they were as they pushed against mine. He was gentle, but his desire was understood. He wanted me just as much as I wanted him.
A sigh slipped from my lips. My brain was hurting again, pounding and throbbing in a demand for attention. I closed my eyes, hoping that I could sleep it off.

I held a broken skateboard in my hand.

My lips parted. The throbbing grew in fervour. I winced.
An amusement park. Blood on knuckles. Smashed bricks.

I stuffed my face into my pillow. Sleep, please. Just let me go to sleep.
I thought it would let me do just that.

Lloyd Garmadon.

My eyes shot open as a final, debilitating throb had me gasping in pain and playing eleven months worth of memories before my eyes.
It all came at once - so much fact, so many emotions, such little time to comprehend it before the next image was slamming into my head. It was agony and bliss, screaming and laughing, crying and smiling. Eleven months of life returned in an instance.
Lloyd Garmadon's the green ninja.
I rose to cradle my head.
Lloyd Garmadon was my boyfriend.
A cry ripped from my lips.
Yelling. Crying. The promise ring.
The promise ring.
I erased my memories.

... I erased my memories.

I stilled, eyes wide with my head in my hands. I could barely believe it - surely it wasn't true. Surely this wasn't right.
Lloyd.
Lloyd.
I stared at the ceiling, eyes dry as I cycled through our fight. The doubt, the fear, the thought that I would never be enough, that I was only being used. They'd boiled inside of me until they burst, and Lloyd was in the splash zone of all that negative energy that had been feeding off of me like a parasite.
It's my fault.
He didn't want to see me anymore. He didn't want me in his life.
Neuro.
I couldn't live with the memories of it all, of how far we'd fallen, of how much he hated me. The memories haunted me, kept me awake, kept me from breathing, kept me from moving on.

But Lloyd spoke to me again. Why would he speak to me again? After all that?
Why would he say that he wanted to kiss me?

Fury bloomed from nothing, taking me over in an instant. The nerve! To kick me out of his life with a sense of permanence, only to take advantage of my new-found naivety. Like it was some sick kind of 'restart.'
My body was trembling from the memories and the rage. He was right, he was selfish. At least he was aware of it.
I was too riled up. I couldn't settle. It kept me pacing my room like a caged animal, clawing at the walls, yelling to be let out. My gut was simmering. My nerves were being shocked with electricity.
I was silent in reality, walking from one side of my room to the other while I digested all this new information. I kept glancing out my curtains, weighing my options as rain began to pour. I could stay inside, where it was warm and dry and handle this like a reasonable adult, or...

Or I could take the car and show up at the monastery at two in the morning to chew Lloyd out for whatever the fuck he was thinking.

My unsettled brain could barely keep track of what was happening as I rushed from the cover of the house to the car in the driveway. The rain was heavy and demanding, pelting me with fat drops and threading through my hair.
I was running on autopilot. The need to see Lloyd, to prove this right to myself, to yell at him for treating me like a game level that he could restart - it drove me to make the rash decision in taking the car to the monastery during a torrential downpour. I couldn't think. I just drove.
The rain had only worsened by the time I got to the monastery. I sat in the car and stared at it with parted lips; the place was gorgeous. It was a place that I'd once happily called home.
He made me leave my home.
And my anger returned.
I slammed my car door shut and stormed across the gravel driveway, tearing through the downpour and getting soaked doing it. I was sure that I looked like a furious, drowned rat as I brought my arm down upon the doorway, demanding entry.
After yelling at the red-painted wood for the better half of ten minutes, the door finally swung open.

A bleary-eyed, yawning Dimitri stood at the entranceway, obviously having just come from bed. I hesitated. He blinked.
And then he loudly gasped.
"Y/N!" he exclaimed, totally stunned. "What are you doing here?!"
"I-" the fury that had been driving me had suddenly abandoned, leaving me feeling awkward and empty. Tears welled in my eyes at seeing my friend. How long had it been? My memories were so foggy. "Dim..."
He was still largely confused, but bless his soul, he pulled me in from the rain and helped me out of my drenched jacket. My eyes roved the entrance, taking it all in as I reacquainted myself with the place. The tatami floorboards, the red walls, the wooden arches, the family portraits.
"Come, come," Dimitri ushered as he hung my jacket up. "You look freezing."
I was. I hadn't noticed it, but I was shivering from the rain that had me soaked to my skin. My hands grasped my arms and I grimaced at the wet sleeves of my jersey.
"What on earth are you doing here?" Dimitri asked as he waited for me to absentmindedly push off my shoes with my feet. They squeaked and squelched against the tatami. "And at this hour? I thought your memories were..."

"Not anymore," I chattered sourly. Dimitri's frown deepened. "They came back."
"And Master Lloyd's decision about the prophecy..?"
"Funnily enough, that's what I'm here to talk about," I muttered. The indignation of it all had returned tenfold and I couldn't care less if Lloyd was sleeping like a baby, I had to find out what his motive was - after what he did, I felt that I deserved as much.
Dimitri awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck. He looked like he would rather not be caught in the middle of this dispute, but didn't want to leave me alone, either. I appreciated his loyalty.
"Do you want to get changed into something dry first-?"
I'd spun on my heel before he finished his sentence.
"Nope." We were having this conversation now.
Dimitri awkwardly jogged after my swift pace through the quiet halls. It was entirely and eerily silent, and I'd forgotten just how large the place was. When we reached Lloyd's bedroom, the bravado I'd been using to fuel me had once again vanished.
I hesitated, staring at the closed door with clammy palms. I felt sick. Maybe I should just turn around.
Dimitri glanced between me and the door. A cool draft had me shivering.
"... do you want me to knock?" he asked. When I didn't answer, he continued. "I can knock, if you want. I don't mind. Or, you know, we can go back, grab some hot chocolate from the kitchen, crash in the games room, then a movie marathon~? And you can change into something warm so you don't get sick, of course-"

The door swung open. A mop of messy, blond hair appeared behind it, eyes lidded tiredly with a hand in his locks as he yawned.
"Dim, why are you-"
My feet were stuck to the floor. Lloyd froze. Dimitri slowly edged away and back down the hall.
"... Y/n." Lloyd's hand slowly left his hair and dropped back to his side. His eyes dropped away and a guilty air seemed to settled on his shoulders.
I am going to be calm. I am going to be calm. I am going to be calm.

"You're a fucking hypocrite."
Mission failed.

Lloyd didn't even look surprised by my insult. He nodded.
"I know," he murmured.
"And an asshole," I added, voice shallow and shaky.
"I know."
"You kicked me out of your life."
His red eyes raised to mine, finally taking the risk. His gaze was soft and regretful and sad. So, so sad.
"... I did," he murmured.
"So why?" I cried. "Why play me for a fool? Why visit, why talk to me, why did you have to make me fall in love with you again?!"
Lloyd winced. I could hear him audibly, anxiously gulp. My enraged, hurt tears returned.
"I can't believe how cruel you are," I said with a strangled, strange inhale of air. "You brought me back in just to make me relive all of this hurt! Is this just a game to you? Was it fun to drag me along like an idiot?"
"I- I didn't intend to..."
I scoffed in disbelief and raised my eyes to the ceiling. Lloyd backed into his room and dropped to sit on the edge of his bed. I remained in the doorway, slightly shivering and with my lips in a thin, frustrated line.
"I would've been fine, Lloyd," I whispered. My tears left trails of brief warmth down my cheeks and it was the only thing I could seem to feel. "I would've had a mundane life."
"You should get changed into something dry."
"Don't-!" I stopped myself from snapping and forcefully sighed. "Don't pretend you care."

Lloyd's eyes jumped to mine, full of sorrow and hurt. I swallowed sharply and turned away, afraid that if I looked him in the eyes, I'd throw myself back into his arms.
"I didn't want to forget about everyone," I murmured. "I didn't want to forget about you."
Lloyd stared back down at his feet. His face contorted into something despondent, something desperate.
"Then why? Why choose to erase your memories?" he asked quietly. "Do you know how much hurt you caused?"
"Do you?!" I accused, aghast at him for blaming me for my decision. His head whipped back up to face me, expression twisted in shock at my outburst. "I wasn't allowed to talk to my best friends! I wasn't allowed to talk to you! You chose this for me, Lloyd! Getting my memories erased was a necessity so I wouldn't- wouldn't wither away from misery!"
"Y/n?"
I looked up, breathing erratic and feeling pale. Kai stood at the entrance to his room, eyes wide as he stared at me - I could picture what I reminisced; a drowned rat, maybe, or the ghost of a weeping, drowned widow. He really did look like he'd seen a ghost.
"Why are you..? Do you..?" he murmured, glancing from me to Lloyd.

I turned my gaze back to Lloyd, who was staring at Kai with a distraught expression. My heart still fluttered when I laid my eyes on him and I realised, with some sense of despondency and ironic, spiteful amusement, that I was still wholeheartedly in love with him.
Even after all that he did to you?
"If I was stronger, maybe I could've lived with it, but I'm not," I muttered. "Why did you do it?"
Lloyd sunk further into himself.
"Why did you?" I repeated tiredly. "I just want to know why. I need to know what you're thinking."
He opened his mouth, as if going to explain. I waited for it - for some reason, some excuse, an answer, at least. He couldn't seem to find the words.
"He still loves you."
Kai crossed his arms and sent Lloyd a look of detached scorn. I turned to him in shock.
"He still loves you, but he didn't know how to get you back," he said. His amber eyes drifted to mine. "So this was what he resorted to."
I looked back to Lloyd. My exasperation was palpable, and I bet he could feel it in the air.
"Is this true?"
Lloyd's red eyes looked up from his lashes, brows furrowed in guilt. He looked like a kicked puppy, hurt and whining for forgiveness. I bit my lip - I wouldn't stop to help him. I wouldn't. I wouldn't.
He opened his mouth, eyes searching mine. He seemed to be preparing for some big speech, some heartfelt apology or a reason as to why he did all this - a true reason, one that wasn't as washy as 'love.' He didn't truly love me. He wouldn't treat me like this if he did.

"I'm sorry," he breathed.
"No shit," I laughed shortly. It betrayed the hurt I felt. "You're sorry I got my memories back and that I'm confronting you."
"No, that's not it!" Lloyd said as he stood. "I- I-"
He broke off to groan and hold his head. I watched apathetically. I felt my energy draining more the longer this went on.
"Did you ever really love me?" I whispered. "Or was I just convenient?"
Lloyd's hands dropped from his face. I could tell that my words stung - probably a little more than intended - but my own pain was a driving force that I couldn't control, and I was faced with the one person who cursed me with it in the first place.
"O- of course not!" he exclaimed. "I love you, Y/n, I do!"
And he said it with such conviction, too. I felt another sob build in my chest, but I pushed it down with a swallow. I couldn't face him anymore. Not when he was convincing himself with his own lies - how could anyone treat someone they claim that they love that way?
"I'm going home," I whispered as I went to leave the entrance to Lloyd's room. "I'm going home and I'm calling up Neuro again."
"Y/n, wait!" Lloyd begged. "Erasing your memories like that again can hurt you!"
"Then you should've thought about that before!" I snapped, whipping around to send him a livid glare. "I'm leaving."

Love, I scoffed to myself as I drove myself back home. Yeah, right.

🍃🍂🍁🍂🍃

The next day I felt a little ill, but I soldiered on and continued to study

It probably wasn't the best thing to do considering the stress I was already dealing with, but it was the only way to get my mind off of the heartbroken looks on Lloyd's face.
Maybe he really did love me. But did I want to risk getting hurt like that again? He'd did it once before, and despite the regret he had, he could easily do it again.
At least the migraines had disappeared. It was almost as if my lost memories had been pounding against a door, and now that they were back - the door had opened - it was no longer being abused as such.
I didn't dare let myself cry as I poured over my notes. I'd shed enough tears for him. It was time to move on, leave this part of my life behind. Lloyd was nothing more than a fantastical fling with a solider of fate and I was now destined for the simple, mundane lifestyle.
But he's more than the solider of fate. He's your first love, your prophesied second half. It's not as easy as saying 'oh well.'
"Shut up," I scolded my own thoughts.
The day dragged on drearily. I kept my phone off, not wanting to go through all of my notifications to switch off those ones about the ninja force, but not wanting the constant reminder of him, either. It sat neglected on my bed, probably gathering worried texts.

A knock on my window startled me from my thoughts. Lloyd was crouching at my window with a hopeful, stupid grin. I stared at him in bewilderment.
When I cracked open the frame, he poked his head inside. My chest ached at the goofy way he perched from the second story window to my room, but I reminded myself to stand steadfast.
"What are you doing here?"
Lloyd lifted a wicker basket.
"I brought a picnic basket," he said. He lifted one of the flaps and showed off the hand-made delicacies that he clearly got Zane's help with. "It's filled with, uh... picnic stuff."
I watched his face in disbelief. It was as if he completely ignored everything that had happened. Did he really think that I would let it go that easily?
My thoughts must've been clear as day on face, as Lloyd's smile dropped into a serious frown. He dropped the flap to the picnic basket and set me with a steady gaze.
"I want to talk."
"What makes you think that I want to?" I shot. "What you did to me was fucked up, Lloyd."
"You're right," he murmured, a little quieter. "But I want to explain it to you. Everything I was thinking. It's- it's not a good enough reason for what I did to you, but you wanted to know. Last night I was... not the best with explaining myself."

I shifted uncomfortably, unsure whether to coolly accept or swiftly decline. What was the right answer? What would hurt me less? Seeing his dejected expression or pretending that everything was okay?
"Fine," I said shortly, unable to meet his eyes. I could feel his spirits soar. "But this isn't me forgiving you."
"Of course," Lloyd breathed. "Th- thank you."
I swiftly met his gaze before tearing it away. I gave a short, awkward little nod before closing the window and turning back around.
Bad idea. Bad idea. Bad idea.
Why was I even entertaining something like this? He caused me agony. He shouldn't even be allowed anywhere near me, and here I was, letting him take me out on a picnic date the morning after figuring everything out.
Lloyd was waiting in his car at the driveway by the time I finished getting ready for an outing. He was feverishly checking the picnic basket and sweating, clearly on edge and stressed. That made two of us.
I hesitated outside the shotgun door. I could already predict how tense and silent the drive would be to wherever he wants our picnic to be. I had half the mind to turn back and pretend that he never visited.

"Ready?" Lloyd asked with a nervous smile. Too late. I gave a quiet nod and stepped inside his old, beat-up chevy.
"No Bentley?" I murmured as Lloyd pulled the car out onto the road. He swallowed.
"He's uh... not cooperating again."
The image of Lloyd trying to scold his very large, very magical elemental dragon caused a smile to pull at my face.
"I suppose they don't have any dragon obedience training classes," I mused.
"Not that I know of," Lloyd sighed. His red eyes - still, forever red around me. The emphasis didn't go unnoticed - darted to the side of my face, but I refused to give in and match his stare. I continued watching people walk down the sidewalk. "You'd probably be a pro at it, though, given how they act around you."
I shrugged. "A girl's gotta have her hidden talents."
After that, silence fell in the cab. I could see Lloyd's knuckles whiten each time he anxiously clenched the steering wheel. I tried to amuse myself with the passing scenery, but even that was growing awkward.
We were heading out of the city, taking a road that I hadn't been on before. It swept through the outskirts of the forest and the rims of the Wailing Alps, taking us further and further into unclaimed, natural beauty.

Lloyd pulled onto a bumpy stretch of dirt road that shot through the forest, taking us through meadows and across streams. I watched with serene delight as the sun dappled through the leaves, giving the space underneath the large, thick canopy an orange, hazy fog.
The truck stopped beside a large lake, surrounded on all sides by willow trees. The sun skittered across the rippling surface.
Lloyd hopped out of the chevy and grabbed the basket, bringing it onto the flatbed. I followed slowly, procrastinating the inevitable interactions by taking in the look of the exquisite lake.
By the time I finally mustered up the courage to face him again, he'd set up the flatbed with rugs and a tiny table. The table had a matching, tiny candle, which he was lighting with his fingertip.
The sun's rays dotted him in dripping gold, the colour sliding over him as he moved. I envied the sun at that moment - for being able to caress him the way I used to, to brush his skin and hug his corners like how I longed to. It was unabashed and bold in its affections, whereas I was weary and recovering.
Lloyd looked up, feeling my stare. This entire scene tugged on my heartstrings - so sweet, so perfect and entirely him, but I so wished that this underlying sense of betrayal and mistrust never existed. I wished that things had turned out different.
How could I forgive him?
And, if he truly loved me, how could I love him back?

Lloyd helped me up onto the flatbed, his hands on my waist as he lifted me. His touch lingered far too long - obviously too long - and my cheeks flushed bright red. Could he stop trying to fluster me? Was he even aware?
Lloyd leapt up onto the flatbed with his usual swift grace that could render me astounded no matter how much I'd memorised the way he moved. He busied himself with fussing over the basket, delicately pawing through the contents. We could both tell that he was simply buying time. This was a conversation neither of us wanted to have, but was necessary either way.
It's closure, I told myself as I geared myself up for the final peg, the last exchange, the end to it all. I would listen to what he has to say, reply with my bit, and then ask that we never speak of this again.
And, of course, go our seperate ways. Mutually. Calmly.
Lloyd set the basket on the table with a soft sigh. He pulled out a sandwich - my favoured kind - and handed it to me. I thanked him quietly, the first words exchanged for more than forty minutes.
For a while, we ate in silence. I almost found it mesmerising - the soft swells of the lake, the wind through the willow branches, the warm sun through the leaves. Birds chirped and hopped through the grass. I swore I saw a bunny dart through the trees.
I could tell why he chose this place to have the dreaded conversation - it was soft, romantic, peaceful. It soothed my spikes of negativity and flourished the feeling to contentment within me, and I'm sure it was much the same for himself.
Anything to keep me from wanting to cry again.

I nibbled on a small pastry that tasted to have been made by Zane and looked to have been decorated by Lloyd. I wondered how he managed to convince the master of ice to help him - it didn't seem like the team were all buddy-buddy as they once were.
I shouldn't have agreed to come. The date - because of course it was a date - almost felt like a spit in the face; the sweet, lovely feelings coursing through me were only a product of my naivety. The want to kiss him was purely from a slash of ignorance through my common sense.
Don't forget what he did to you.
But the idea of it was so tempting.
Lloyd finally sighed, placing down his half-eaten pastry and turning to me. I felt a feeling of dread sliver sickly down my spine.
"I... I just want you to know that I meant nothing of what I said when we had that fight," he began quietly. The gentle breeze was almost louder than him. I stared defiantly out at the lake, jaw set.
"You said that you should've let Axon kill me," I murmured. I looked at him and he flinched under my hurt gaze. "How could you say something like that?"
The gentle waves of the lake filled the silence. His breathing was shallow and it looked like he was desperately trying to calm himself. I turned my eyes away.

"I... you know I would never-"
"I know you would never," I interrupted, staring glassily out at the water. "I know you, Lloyd. That's why it hurt so much when you said it."
"I d- I'm so sorry," he breathed choppily. "I- I'd been hurt by people before. I spent our entire relationship assuring myself that you wouldn't hurt me, too."
I didn't turn to him, but my eyes did shift his direction. My frown didn't change. I heard Lloyd inhale deeply.
"So when we had that fight... I lost it," he continued. He shakily ran a hand through his hair. "I ended up hurting you far worse than you hurt me. And I will carry that for the rest of my life."
I swallowed dryly.
"I'm not asking for you to forgive me," he said. The surprise of it made me finally glance at him. His eyes were holding mine in a sense of genuineness that it made my heart throb. "I wouldn't forgive me for what I did to you. But I just want you to know that you mean everything to me. Everything, Y/n."
I felt tears prick at my eyes.
"I shouldn't have said those things to you, either," I murmured. I pulled my knees up to my chest and hugged them tightly, grimacing at the memories of what I yelled at him - accusing him of using me, accusing him of ruining my life, accusing him of never really even loving me. He did, though. It was clear that he did. "I let their words twist me. I was horrible to you."

"I'm sorry about your friends," Lloyd said quietly. I glanced at him.
"You know?"
"Nya told me."
I huffed a hollow, shaky laugh and shook my head.
"I can't believe I let them treat me like that. For years," I said bitterly. I ducked my chin behind my knees. "I was just too blind to see it."
Lloyd reached out a hand, as if to place it on my shoulder or caress my cheek. He thought better of it and left his hand on his lap, fingers curling tightly.
"People are the worst," he murmured. My smile was small.
"Yeah," I quietly agreed.
We sat in silence for a while, and I could feel the unasked question hovering between us; what now? Neither of us had the confidence to ask it, however, so it was just there, existing, waiting for a chance to be answered.
"Do you really think that I ruined your life?" Lloyd mumbled as he picked at a thread on his pants. "I think I did."
I glanced at him in shock. How long ago was the fight when I spat those cruel words? Two months? Three? Did he really take it to heart, even until now?
"Lloyd, no," I reassured, feeling guilt surf me like a tidal wave. "It was Claire that ruined my life, not you. I was just too caught up in my head to figure it out."

Lloyd's red eyes found me. Relief was evident, and I felt horrible for letting him think that he'd made my life a living hell. He hadn't. Even with the fight, I couldn't argue against the fact that having him in my life made it all the more better.
"That's a relief," he sighed. "For the record, I don't find it a hindrance to protect you. But I do think that you're a danger magnet."
I rolled my eyes.
Lloyd turned his gaze to his feet with a small smile. It slowly faded.
"I don't blame you," he murmured. I looked at the side of his face, twisted in regret. "For, y'know, erasing your memories. I would've done it too, I think. I shouldn't have kicked you from the prophecy."
My jaw tensed at the subject breach and I turned my head away so he couldn't see my expression shift to hurt.
"I'm sorry for... talking to you again," he continued. "You're right. I am a hypocrite."
"You still haven't told me why," I muttered, picking at my socks as an excuse to not meet his gaze. "Why you did it."
Lloyd sighed and settled back with his head resting on the cab of the chevy. I peeked a quick look and stilled at the beauty of him, before forcing my eyes back to the lake.

"When I found out that you had erased your memories, I... I hadn't felt that much grief before," Lloyd murmured. "It was nothing like when I thought my father had succumbed to the Overlord, or when you ran out when I told you about the whole age situation. It was so much worse."
A leaf was drifting along the surface of the lake. My gaze tracked it.
"I... I knew that it was my fault," Lloyd continued. "Of course it was my fault. Everyone knew it was. The team already hated me for kicking you from the prophecy, but this was far worse. Nobody blamed you for it, though. We all knew that you were taking it hard."
I swallowed sharply. Not being allowed to talk to my best friends was awful. I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy.
"I wanted to talk to you," he murmured. "I wanted to fix things, but after your erased your memories, I knew that it was too late. I accepted the idea that we were in the past and that I had to move on. I wanted to hate you. It would've been easier that way.
"But then I saw you again," Lloyd said with an exhale and a pained smile. "And then I talked to you that first night. It told myself that it shouldn't happen again, but we just kept bumping into each other. You became an addiction. I couldn't stop myself even though I knew that I was being an asshole by visiting."

I didn't realise that I was staring at him until he smiled at me.
"Naomi chewed me out," Lloyd said. "So did my team. I fully intended on cutting ties, but god, Y/n... I can't stay away from you. I adore you."
I hid behind my hair as my cheeks flushed hot. He always had to say the right thing to make me feel wrong. I was supposed to be furious and hurt, but I could just feel myself slipping more and more back into the easy bliss that we once had.
Lloyd's content smile faded into a sorrowful frown. He settled back against the cab.
"But I understand if you don't want anything to do with me," he said - not in a way that prompted sympathy and guilt-tripping, but rather in a way that just stated the obvious. "Just say the word and I'm gone - for good, this time. I don't want to hurt you again."
I sat in silence, weighing his words. I could very easily send him away, but would I want that? Could I handle never seeing him again?
He hurt me.
But I hurt him, too.
He's trying to make up for it.
I want to make up for it, too.
He loves me.
... and I love him, too.

"Lloyd... we are always going to hurt one another," I murmured. "And we are always going to have arguments. We're not going to agree on everything, that's just how life works."
His head sunk.
"But I adore you, too," I murmured. His eyes shot to mine. "And I would rather learn to communicate with you than never speak to you again. Even if we do have more fights."
I turned my gaze to the dappling sunlight flooding through the willow trees. A true sense of serenity was beginning to fill me, like a large block of guilt and hurt had finally eroded away.
"This isn't me forgiving you yet," I said. "And I'm sure you haven't forgiven me entirely, either. But I'd like to work on it... together."
When I looked over, I found Lloyd eagerly nodding. His face was flushed with relief and amazement, as if he never expected me to consider staying with him. I sent him a small smile.
"But we need ground rules," he said as he shuffled forward across the rugs. "No more doubting each other's feelings."
I huffed through my nose. "No more lying to 'protect me.'"
Lloyd nodded guiltily.
"We talk whenever we're feeling unsure about anything," he added.
"We tell each other everything," I offered.
"And we'll take this slow," Lloyd said as he held out his hand for me to take. I slipped my palm into his with a giddy warmth in my chest. "No rushing back into things."

"We go slow," I agreed as I raised my hand to his cheek, finally allowing myself to brush my thumb over his sun-kissed freckles. He sunk into my touch and his lips parted with a breath, catching my attention. "Slow."
Lloyd swallowed. He nodded. I felt myself edging forward, drawn into him like I always was, as always will be.
"Slow," I breathed, and found Lloyd letting me kiss him, anyway.
I felt my chest jolt as soon as my lips brushed his. It was as if my heart was getting an electric shock, or jumping back to life. We were back on track, back on the right path, and I was so ready to see where it would lead us.
My fingers threaded through his hair as I felt the warmth spread from my chest to my toes, leaving me drenched in honey and heat. It was sweet and pleasant, and kissing him just felt so, so right.
"This isn't slow," Lloyd whispered an amused reminder against the corner of my lips when we parted to breathe. I smiled.
"Whoops," I said in a hushed voice.

Lloyd bent back down to kiss me, cradling me just as I cradled him on the back of his old Chevy in a secret meadow. It was long overdue and it vastly understated just how much I loved him. I couldn't pour it through words, I couldn't express it through action - just how much he meant to me. Just how much I loved him.
We made mistakes. Really, really big ones, and it would take us a while to totally forgive one another, but I believe that we'll get there. Sure, we still had a long way to go, but I felt that this was a pretty good start.

Yeah. It's a pretty good start.