Amari's Point of View

People will show you their true colors if you tell them no, or if they get angry and unleash their venom.

"Wait- wait a damn minute! So, suh a dis a weh yuh do? Yuh have, white bloodclaat man a drop yuh off now? Mi see eh pree man."

My heart starts up in my chest. I had to think if it was there all along.

What is he coming at?

My anger flips on at him.

"Don't you dare try actin' like you some saint, Cals! You always tryna make me feel like shit! First, you gaslight me, then you wanna pull this. I let a man drop me off? You need to get a grip, Cals. Dominic didn't do nothing but help me out. He ain't got no reason to act like some weak-ass, jealous punk, unlike you, who wanna play games with me all the damn time!"

I thought he was a narcissist, but I never thought it would be this bad.

"You think I don't see that? I'm not stupid, Amari. This whole damn thing? It's your fault. You brought this on yourself, letting him treat you like some damn princess while I'm over here bustin' my ass to make sure you got a roof, food, and all this shit! And this is how you repay me? With him?"
He points at me with his index finger.

To bloodclaat Mi?

Mi did a beg him fi tek care a mi?

"Thank you, God, I worked for my nutshells, 'cause if I didn't, I would be ashamed as fuck; you think living under your roof is peace? Mind you, we pay this fucking rent together, I got a fucking apartment where I can go and fucking live. And let me tell you somethin'! Yuh here mad 'bout a man who doesn't even know me as you do! What do you think this is? Yuh think I'm gonna let you treat me like shit while you keep playing me? No! I'm done! Yuh ain't gon' blame mi fi how you feel insecure. Fi di record? You're the problem. I ain't the damn one trippin'."

He's finally showing the beast he is.

Cah believe di man juss insinuate cheating

He basically accused me

My heart breaks in a million pieces at our memories. We had such beautiful memories that's what hurts.

I placed my bag down and removed my phone, checking to see if it needed charge. I got up and walked over to a socket.

MI not even wah deh ina di fucka eyesight

"You think I'm insecure? Yuh think Micah handle - Amari, it's not him-it's you! You think you can run around with any man, and I'll just sit back and take it? You're mine, and you better remember that! Mi bloodclaat own yuh." He's furious, I can smell his anger. Feel it in the air and tension swirls. He starting to sound like a Jamaican man. The real nationality surfaces in his voice.

Then a mi a must breeda cow bout 'You are mine

"Yuh really think you own me? You can't even give me respect, Cals! Maybe if you weren't always tryna put me in a box, maybe then mi wouldn't be out here questioning if I'm even still happy with you! Yuh want to talk 'bout insecurities? Look inna di mirror! Yuh insecure self. You ain't gonna treat me like I'm nothing just because of some damn jealousy. Keep it movin', 'cause this right here? Ain't it."

"All you, man should a just mek yuh bloodclaat gwaan ino, caz nothing weh man do nuh enough fi uno ina dis. "

There he goes playing victim again.

"Cals, mi tell yuh fi stop, but yuh just keep goin', nuh true? Yuh really think mi gonna stand here and let yuh disrespect mi like dat?"

He blew a fuse, "Hear weh yuh a talk bout Disrespect and you mek man some white bwoy bring yuh ina mi fucking house like mi a bloodclaat soft sponge." He kicks away the sofa in front of him, and I mentally roll my eyes.

"Mi woulda burn di whole damn house down an' leave yuh inna it fi yuh foolishness, but mi too calm fi dat right now," I muttered and quickly shot a message to Zendi telling her I am okay.

"See all you? Jah know man. Mi wuk day and night just fi mek yuh comfortable, mi mek yuh family Dem come yah, mi even tell yuh nuh Fi wuk."

So I could stay cooped up and breed?

My anger built as I turned to look at him and remembered how I screamed earlier due to falling down the stairs, and he never even checked on me. So many things, and yet still am living with A man who neglects me.

"Mi tired a yuh, Cals. Tired a dis whole damn act! Yuh think mi don't see through yuh? All yuh do is gaslight mi, make mi feel like mi crazy. Ain't nobody makin' excuses fi you but yuhself! Mi run from hell already, mi survive man pull gun pon mi, Yuh busy all di time actin' like you some damn saint, but yuh ain't nothin' but a man with a big ol' ego an' no time fi no damn family!"

"Don't talk to me like that, Amari. I'm the one holdin' this shit together, not you. You always want someone to feel sorry for you, huh? You think life's so hard, but you ain't ready to face reality. I work hard to keep us safe, and this is what I get? You throwin' tantrums like a child?"

My mouth falls open in shock. I have had enough of this man and his narcissistic ways. My heart pained in my chest that he ignored the fact that I got a man to pull a gun on me.

"Mi a child now? Look at yuh self, Cals. Yuh really think mi ungrateful? Mi man been gone outta di picture, mi a fight fi mi own survival, but you can't see dat! Yuh think mi don't know wah happen, huh? You out here playin' games like mi don't deserve any respect like mi ain't held dis family up while yuh out there busy playin' doctor. Mi gave yuh di best years of my life, and all you got fi mi is excuses!"

Never have we argued like this before. It was bound to happen.

"Yuh don't know a damn thing about me, Cals! You treat mi like mi just here fi your pleasure and nothing more. Talking bout pleasure when last did you 'make love ' to me? Huh? When? All you do is fuck me and mi couldn't tell when mi bloodclaat cum caz yuh selfish. Mi gave birth to your damn daughter, an' still yuh can't see mi need you. Yuh too busy wit' your damn 'doctor work' to even care, but when it's some other man who even looks at mi- di same Dominic who look better than yuh self-you ready fi fight. Is it mi fault yuh can't even show mi love like one time? Mi a not your damn breeeda cow fi you breed an' leave! Mi a human being!"

I want to bash his face in so bad.

"Don't you ever talk to me like that again. You think I'm out here working for you? I'm working to make sure we don't fall apart, and this is how you repay me? Do you think any man would put up with all your baggage? And that fucking licckle bit a money yuh a wuk? All that drama wid yuh friends dem? You gettin' yourself into shit, and I'm the one out here pickin' up the pieces."

Den a weh di bloodclaat coulda cause dis?

Afta him kip things from me with Brie?

He probably all like Har and cah get har

"Mi don't need no protection from you, Cals! Ain't nobody need protection from someone who is too damn busy tryna make yuh feel like mi need to bow down fi get respect. You ain't no damn hero! Mi been through hell already, mi don't need you try fi make mi feel small, like mi ain't been doin' everything mi can to survive. You ain't di man you used to be. Yuh full of shit, an' mi ain't takin' no more of your lies!" I screamed at him.

"Look pan yuhself a trip ova fuckry, yuh still nah focus pan weh mi a seh."

He's right, I am tripping because I've had enough, not because of tripping in vain; I am tripping because he wants me to question my sanity and manipulate me into telling him sorry or blaming myself.

"Trip? Mi ain't trippin', mi done tired a this, Cals! Mek mi fucking trip mek mi repeat it so yuh know seh MI have sense. Every damn time, yuh tell mi di same thing-dat yuh too busy fi mi, busy fi yuh work. Mi cya't take dat no more! Every time yuh gone, an' mi left here alone, yuh act like mi should just accept it. Mi ain't no fool! An' di worst part, yuh still think yuh can tell mi anything an' mi go sit down inna di corner, quiet quiet, huh?"

The fuck him feel like?

"Mi ain't some breeeda cow! You want me fi be a baby maker an' just sit back while you out here playin' doctor, come whenever you fucking like. Mi feel like a damn fool waitin' pon you all these damn years, when you can't even show me the same love mi give yuh. Di man weh di want mi first seems like him bloodclaat dead. But memba seh mi love mi daughta and mi love miself, yuh can sleep out Fi all one fucking year! Every time wid yuh excuses!"

Am seething. The frustration that's been building inside of me finally is bursting out, and I'm done holding it in.

My throat might be sore in a few hours, but I can't stop shouting. I want to dislocate his jaw and knock him over the head with a vase.

He grabs my arm, but I shrug him off forcefully.

"Excuses? No excuses. I'm working hard, and this is how I gotta provide. You are acting like I'm doing this on purpose like I don't care about you. I'm doing what I gotta do."

Den what can go so eh?

"Provide?! Is dat what you call it, huh? You think yuh providing when mi sittin' here feelin' like mi nothin'? Mi gave you everything, Cals. Mi carry your child, oh God man, mi hold this house down when yuh gone, but what do I get? Nothin' but excuses an' cold shoulders! An' yuh don't even see mi struggle!"

"I don't see your struggle? You serious, Amari? You think I'm out here actin' like I don't know what you go through? You think I don't see what you do? You always got a problem with me, always got something to say about how I ain't good enough for you. Mi don't need this right now!"

"Mi glad mi nuh beat man, but yuh wouldn't wah be di first, Mr. Renard, "I have enough to my neck.
"Yuh think mi just here fi you to come an' go as yuh, please? You are too busy. You can't even make time for one person who's here! I gave up my time for you, Cals, an' now you treat mi like mi don't matter no more!"

"I don't matter? You think just caz I work I don't care? You think that's all I'm about?" He huffed and puff like a cow, rubbing his hands down his face.

That's why women shoot men ino caz Dem fi dead sometimes man

He's a manipulative ass, don't let him get to your head Amari

"Yuh not gon' control mi! Not today! Mi ain't gon' sit here an' take your shit no more, Cals. Yuh so caught up in yourself, you can't see how much mi need yuh. Mi need more than just a paycheck and you a fucking care when yuh feel like care! Mi need yuh fi be here, fi hold mi down when mi need it, but you ain't been there. Mi could've done better, mi know dat now, an' you ain't gonna keep tellin' mi otherwise."

He has been bashing me back and forth for the past hour, and I do understand his point, but never will I let a man gaslight me or brainwash me because of love. I have done so many things for love and the only good thing I got was memories to haunt me and my daughter. What type of lesson could this be?

I haven't learned shit from it.
I grabbed my handbag, unplugged my phone, and went to the guest's side of the house.

I entered the shower and stood under with my clothes in, allowing the water drops to hit me all over.
I cried in my hand and called upon God. I've never been a Christian, but I believe that there's a ruler, and if that ruler has put me through so much, what is People?

I turned the shower hot and stood allowing the steam to break from me.
I could hear Cals breaking things in the kitchen. He's one angry man, and he deserves every anger that floods through his veins. He should be miserable, but it pains me to see Paris feather go through so much.

Mi too soft man dats why him tek mi Fi idiot

Dear God

Is it even right to call on God after I've been So lustful?

Demonic scent was all over my body, and the steam rose it, causing me to remember what it felt like in his arms. That man is so hot. He's spicy sex on a stick.

Touching my breasts; I imagined his fingers on them, and I almost melted.
I've felt his body on mine when he lifts me, and I could feel him on me if I closed my eyes and picture it. This man is crawling in my head.

The da ja vu feeling of where I've seen him before crosses my mind.
_______________________________________

Thoughts?- Let me hear yours.

This chapter was the longest. Damn. That was a ride. I just wanted to get that out of the way because I keep losing my work. I have them copied somewhere in notes. 🙄

Click that STAR icon to VOTE!!!