Tuesday

Y/n PoV

I continue to tamper with the taps, turning the water on then off, on then off, again and again until bored. I've been sat in the bathroom for an hour now just passing the time.

Last night hit me hard. Jungkook fleed not just from the room but the house. He hasn't returned yet. I've called Jin, Namjoon, even Jimin but no one's heard anything or seen anything of him.

Jin offered to stay with me tonight, but it's his anniversary with Jisoo so I forced him to go out.

Wednesday

Still no sign of him.

I slept in his hoodie last night just so I'd be reminded of his scent and warmth, but neither have helped me get to sleep.

He's gone when I need him most.

My whole childhood has been a lie. A man I once held on a pedestal has now been knocked from it.

I didn't want to believe it. But it all makes perfect sense.

That time Jungkook attacked Jin. He was wearing the same cologne as my father.

When he had that panic attack in my bedroom. We were folding away some of my fathers old clothes.

And now the belt...

It's knocks me sick to my stomach. Suddenly I find myself racing to the bathroom ready to spew, my body collapsing over the sink before I let it out.

Thursday

So todays here.

I didn't bring any balloons or cake.

But...happy 50th birthday dad.

"Feels strange. I can't even look at you right now." I continue to rip the grass out of the ground with my back leaning against my fathers grave stone. "I don't even know what to say. Your grave is so bare compared to others. There's no flowers, it's dirty..and yet I'm finding it hard to feel bad." I cover my face as tears rolls down my cheeks, my body rocking back and forth before I hug my knees. "All this time I felt guilty for your death. I took blame and punished myself thinking there was something I could have done to prevent it. But it wasn't my fault. Nor was it his. It was all you."

Using Jungkooks hoodie sleeve I wipe my tears, sniffling slightly before turning to look at the grave stone. "And I'll never forgive you for hurting him dad. Never."

Later that evening

I enter the house and call out for Jin, but he must still be at work. I kick my shoes off to the side, about to head into the kitchen when I see a figure step out from the top of the stairs.

It's him.

He came back.

I'm relieved until I notice the duffle bag he holds in his hands. My heart thuds quicker at the sight.

"I was just leaving." He says, a little taken back it seems.

"For how long this time?"

"For good."

I smile and shake my head.

"What's with the smile?" He asks.

Chewing my lip I try to hold back my anger. "I haven't slept in 3 days...all because I've been worried about you. I've come home after visiting my so called fathers grave. And I see you, only to find out you're leaving again."

I sigh, my hands not knowing whether to slap at my sides or grip my hair in frustration. "Kooks you're all I have left."

With a guilty expression he looks down. "You shouldn't want me around after what I did."

"After what you did??" I begin walking up the stairs.

"It's my fault he's gone Y/n."

"I can't believe you're accepting full blame right now." I look at him in shock. "Kooks I'm the one who should feel guilt here. All I've ever done is talk about how great my father was. For so long I've looked up to a man who was the cause of your panic attacks. Your nightmares. Your pain. Your fear and now I too am scared because now I feel like you're gonna look at me and see a monster like him—."

Dropping his duffle bag Jungkook pulls me close enough that my hands touch his chest. "You're not him Y/n. I could never see you the way I saw him."

My lips quiver as I weakly sniffle. "Then why can't you stay with me?"

With those big doe eyes he stares at me intensely, almost like he's trying to figure out why I'm crying the way I am. He doesn't realise how much I actually need him. He must think that because his safety depends on me, I don't rely on him too but oh god if anything I need him more.

"Jungkook you're now the most important person in my life. That role used to be owned by two people but now it's only you and if you leave I'll have nothing so please—." My breath hitches slightly. "Please stay with me. P-please please please—."

I'm silenced when he rests his forehead against mine, his eyes closing, a sigh escaping from his lips. "All you had to do was say the words nuisance." He lets out a laugh. "I just needed to know you still wanted me here."

"S-so you'll stay?"

"And I'll never leave again."

9:08pm

Y/n PoV

I stare at the wall, a towel wrapped around me and a bath full of cold water beneath me. I was meant to leave over half an hour ago to get changed but I can't move.

How can it be that a man I once felt safe around was harming another child behind closed doors?

"Y/n." Jungkook knocks on the door before entering. "You were taking a while and I started to get concerned—." He pauses for a moment. "Why are you crying?"

I keep my eyes glued on the wall. "I told him about you." I admit.

He crouches down before me.

"I told him so many stories. He knew how important you were to me and yet he still..." I press my lips shut to avoid my voice from squeaking. "It's my fault he even knew about you."

"Y/n." He takes hold of my hands. "I would have still been abused even if your dad was absent."

"That doesn't change how terrible I feel." I say sniffling. "It doesn't stop me from feeling sick every time I picture his face—." As though able to tell I'm about to lose it, Jungkook pulls me down and into his hold, his arms secured around me as he rests to lean against the bathroom door.

"He would have hugged me after doing it to you."
I cry out the ugliest of sounds but I can't help it, everything feels like it's burning and crashing around me. "He used the same hands to caress and hold me when I was scared."

"You were a little girl who loved her father, you couldn't have known—."

"And you were just a little boy!" I interrupt, my body now shivering from a mixture of anger and the fact that my skin is still damp from my bath.

Rather than saying anything else, Jungkook just continues to hold me close. It's the most comforting he's ever been and yet I can't appreciate it due to how distraught I am.

The sickness of it all! The dark twisted thoughts that must have been running through my fathers head. How could he even look me in the eye afterwards? Knowing he took my best friend away from me.

"You should have done it." I blurt.

"Done what...?"

"You should have killed him when you had the chance."

Later that night

APoV

"So she's finally asleep?"

"I think so."

Both Jin and Jungkook stand outside of the bedroom Y/n was sleeping in, neither of them wanting to wake the girl with their conversation.

"I'm glad you came back Jungkook. Was starting to worry about you myself."  Jin smiles.

"Did she tell you?" The boy asks.

Smile fading, Jin gives a soft nod. "It's more than unfortunate for the both of you."

"She's taking it worse than me." Jungkook says.

"Of course she is. She loved her dad—."

"We've already talked about all of that I don't need to hear it again." He interrupts before leaning back against the door, himself showing signs of distress and exhaustion.

"What's going on with you Jungkook? Talk to me."

Shaking his head the boy rubs his face tiredly. "No. I only talk to Y/n about what's going on in my head. She understands me."

"Then promise me you will talk to her. You both need one another right now. This is a shared trauma."

"I should have never told her though. I should have kept it to myself, she wouldn't be feeling this way if I hadn't of said anything."

"You'd really take all that burden upon yourself?" Jin looks at the male surprised, watching as the boy turns his head slowly to face him, his eyes all dark and his skin pale from a lack of food over the past few days.

"I'd take on the weight of all burdens Jin. As long as it kept my inner demons away from her."

"And why would you? Why would you go through more suffering just for her? What is she to you?"

Despite such harsh questioning, Jin meant no offence to Y/n at all. He was purposely antagonising Jungkook in the hopes of him admitting to something. A confession for how he really felt about the girl.

But Jungkook kept silent.

Y/n PoV

I gasp for breath and grip the duvet close, my heart now racing like a floor drill and my body is covered in sweat.

"Noona?" Jungkooks voice makes me turn around to see him now entering into the bedroom. He's been calling me Noona more and more lately which is odd considering I'm a few months younger than him. "Did you have a nightmare?" He takes a seat beside me on the bed.

I nod before touching my forehead, shocked by how clammy my skin feels. Jungkook goes to stroke my arm but I back away. He looks at me upset.

"I feel gross right now." I admit.

"Well...do you want me to run you a bath?"

I shake my head and sit up properly, my back now resting against the head board as I hug my knees close. "I feel like I'll throw up if I move."

"Was your nightmare about hi—."

"Mm." I nod. "And I'm glad I woke up before it got to the worst part."

It goes silent for a while. So quiet that I can actually hear the wind and rain outside.

I remain perfectly still, even when feeling Jungkook push the hair away from my shoulders.

"Your bruises have gone darker." He says referring to my neck. "You can tell the outline of my hand now—."

I remove his hand and look at him, shaking my head to signal for him to stop talking about it.
"Don't torment yourself."

"Of course I'm gonna torment myself Y/n I fucking hurt you."

I close my eyes and try to erase his words from my head. It was a close call that day, too close. But I've forgiven him and honestly I just want to forget it ever happened.

"Please just do us both a favour kooks and forgive yourself." I chew my lip to stop myself from crying, but when I feel him nuzzle into the crook of my neck I can't fight the tears. "I don't wanna be reminded of that day ever. It's like your torturing us both by feeling guilty—."

"I'm sorry." He apologises suddenly. "I won't speak of that day ever again, I promise. Just please don't cry anymore Noona I can't bare it."

"I can't bare seeing you in pain anymore."

"It just kills me Jungkook." I sniffle. "I wish I could go back to the first day we met. I wish I could have done something to stop all of it from happening to you. I wish you would have told me what they were doing to you every time you stepped foot in that office because i swear I would have saved you."

"I feel insane almost with how my mind thinks lately. I imagine doing terrible things to them all and it petrifies me to think like that. It's just not like me. And I've been wanting to talk to you about it but I'm scared it will change your opinion of me, like you'll think I'm no longer innocent—."

"Stop talking right now." He cuts me off and turns my face his way, hands now cupping my cheeks as he stares deeply into my eyes. "You will always be my innocent Y/n. You will always be the one good memory I have of that placed do you hear me?"

"You are my taste of sanity."