Chapter 18

“This is ridiculous,” Amy mumbled beneath her breath as Spencer threw an arm around her shoulder.  He laughed at her disgruntled expression, but wisely didn’t say a word.  “I can’t believe you won’t let me ride with him.”

Spencer steered her towards her own car, where Logan was sitting behind the wheel, tapping the dashboard with impatience.  Well, he could wait.  Her eyes narrowed on him, and when he looked up and saw her expression, he winked at her.  “Jerk.”

Bumping his side against hers, Spencer grabbed her attention.  “Come on.  You know why they won’t let you ride with them.  It’s dangerous.  What if someone found out which car Jaxon was in?  We can’t risk having something happen to you when all they want is him.”

“Do you honestly think letting Marshal take him into our town is smart?  You were the one that just said you didn’t trust him.  What if he drives off with Jaxon and never returns?”

Spencer stopped walking.  Dropping his arm from her shoulder, he stepped in front of her.  He bent down a little to make eye contact, a gesture he had been doing for as long as Amy could remember.  Out of all of her brothers, he was the only one that would lower himself so that he could see her eyes, and for that reason alone, Amy couldn’t keep a thing from Spencer no matter how hard she tried.  “Amy,” he whispered.  “Is the reason why you want to ride with Jaxon because you’re afraid Marshal is going to take off with him, or is it because you don’t want to ride with Logan?”

She tried to glance away, but Spencer simply moved his head with her.  The urge to kick him made her foot twitch, but she pushed back the feeling.  “He hurt me, Spence.  I know that I didn’t let him know it, but I wish he would have had more confidence in me.  If he thought that I would share those things with Marshal, why hadn’t he just let Marshal ask me?”

“He’s you’re older brother, Amy.  We do stupid things like that because we think it’ll help you in the long run, but we forget that the best way to help you is to let you make your own mistakes.”

“You should have been a counselor,” she mumbled while pushing him away slightly.

By the smile on his face, she knew that he had taken her comment for what it was, a diversion.  Talking about her life wasn’t at the top of her priorities right now.  She understood that her brothers never acted out of anything but love, but there were those few times when they drove her insane with their persistence, and right then was one of those times.

Spencer swung an arm back around her shoulder, but instead of leading her towards her car, where Logan was waiting, he walked her towards Asher’s.  “Let me fight one more battle for you, and then I promise to consult you beforehand,” he whispered before making his voice overly loud.  “Please don’t make me ride with Asher,” he begged with wide eyes.  Cutting a short glare towards their older brother, Spencer released Amy before clasping his hands together.  “If I have to ride hours home with him, he’ll convince me to let his special client stay for another two weeks.”

Everyone around them laughed, buying into her brother’s theatrics, but Amy knew better.  Once again, he was doing what he always did best; he was keeping the peace between the family, because no matter how much Spencer denied the fact, he was their glue.  He was the person who pushed them together when they didn’t want to talk to one another, and he was the one who kept them apart when talking would only make matters worse. 

With a sigh, Amy glanced towards her car with fake longing.  “Fine,” she said in exasperation, “but you’ll owe me one, especially if I have to hear Asher’s lecture the entire way home.”

From the corner of her eye, she saw Carson shutter and had to bite her cheek to keep back a laugh.  Out of all of them, Carson had heard the longest and most frequent lectures from their older brother.  Carson must have saw her glancing at him, because he sent her a pitying look before reaching into his pocket and tossing a key ring towards Spencer.  “Drive my car, Logan can take Amy’s, I’ll ride with the marshal, and Asher wouldn’t let anyone else but him behind the wheel even if we begged.”  He turned back towards her and frowned.  “You could ride with Spencer or Logan if you wanted to.”

“No,” Asher interrupted before any of them could say a word.  “A nice, long lecture is beginning to sound fun.”

A groan left her lips and this time, when she glanced back at her car, the longing on her face wasn’t fake.  Everyone laughed at her before slipping into their vehicles, leaving her standing beside Asher’s Batmobile, and wishing that she wouldn’t have been a coward.

“Don’t worry,” Asher said as he pulled the driver’s door open.  “I’m not giving you a lecture.”

His door slammed right before hers popped open.  With mumbled thanks, Amy slipped into the car and sighed when she settled into the seat.  “This car is definitely worth what you paid.”  When he didn’t make a sound in agreement, just simply started the engine and pulled out of the parking lot, Amy snapped on her seatbelt and turned towards him.  “I’d rather have a lecture than the silent treatment.”

“I’m not giving you the silent treatment,” Asher said with humor in his voice.  “That’s Logan’s specialty.”

A laugh escaped her mouth before she could hold it back.  Flopping back into her seat, her laughter turned into a sigh.  “What about my stuff back at Uncle Bernie’s cabin?”

“I’ll have someone bring it back to your apartment.  Until then, we locked up before we left.”  He glanced at her briefly before turning back towards the road.  “I’m guessing you have the flash drive?”

“Spencer has it.”

“Good,” Asher said as silence settled into the car. 

Glancing at him, she knew that he was holding something back.  Others may have thought that Asher was the hardest out of them all to read, but Amy knew better.  When he had something on his mind, his eyes clouded a little, and a small crinkle formed between his eyebrows, and at that exact moment, both were predominant.

“What?”

He glanced at her, showing mild surprise on his face before he smiled.  “I don’t know why I’m ever surprised when you know I’m keeping something from you.  None of us have ever been able to hide anything from you.  You’re our little secret keeper.”  She frowned at the old nickname, making his smile widen even further.  “Are you really mad at Logan?”

“I’m more hurt,” she said with a sigh as she closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the seat.  “But I can’t really blame any of you for always trying to fight my battles for me, for always trying to get me out of trouble.  You’ve done it for so long, that it’s second nature to all of you, and I’ve always sat back and let you do it for me.  I think before I can expect any of you to let me make my own mistakes, I need to stop relying on all of you so much.”

“Hey,” Asher whispered, making her open her eyes and glance at her oldest brother.  The caring expression on his face, so full of love, made her eyes fill with tears.  “We never want you to stop relying on us, Amy.  We’re a family. Family sticks together, they help one another whenever they can, and if you think for one minute that you’re the only one that relies on the family too much, you’re mistaken.  How many times have you gotten us out of our problems?”

She shrugged.  “Not once that I can think of.”

A shocked laugh escaped Asher’s mouth.  “Do you remember the first time Spencer almost got written up at school?  Something about him disrupting class, being a class clown.  You went up the teacher and told the woman that if she wrote Spencer up, he would be grounded.  If he was grounded, he’d never be able to take you to the park, and then you would be lonely.  The entire time, you had these huge crocodile tears running down your face.  You were such a cute kid that all you had to do was blink at someone to get them to do what you wanted them to, but those tears.”  He shook his head.  “The teacher ripped up the form right then and there.”

“Mom and Dad found out about it though.”

“How old were you though?  Five?  Even if Mom and Dad found out about it, that’s not the point, Amy.  You’ve been fighting our battles for us since you were born.  Don’t expect us not to return the favor.”

She stared at her brother’s profile and felt a large smile kick up the corner of her mouth.  “You know, I never thought of it that way.”  She paused for a moment, and despite the triumphant grin on Asher’s face, she reached out and squeezed his arm.  “I guess when you put it that way, I can’t really complain, can I?”

“Nope,” he said, ending the conversation, but again, Amy knew that he was holding something back.  He wanted to say something else, but what that something was, she didn’t have a clue.

“Come on, Asher.  Spit it out.”

He mumbled something beneath his breath about her being a brat, but the smile on his face didn’t slip until he began speaking.  “What you’re doing for the marshal is amazing, Amy, but are you ready for this?”

“It’s been a while now, Asher.  If I’m not ready for it now, when will I be?  And like I said, I’m not only doing it for Marshal.”

“That’s another thing I don’t understand.”  Asher sighed.  “You want to help Jaxon.  I get that, but how will this solve any of his problems.  If anything, it only complicates things more.”

She glanced out the window, watching as the trees flashed by.  How could she explain this to her brother when she herself didn’t completely understand?  How could she explain to Asher that she just knew that for some reason, this was important to Jaxon?  “I don’t think he wants to just hand over the information to the cops and walk away,” she began.  “He wants to make sure that they all pay, that they all go away for their crimes, and if I can help, I will.”

“I know what you’re thinking, and it’s dangerous.”

“I know,” she agreed before looking away from the speeding trees and back towards Asher, “but you heard Marshal.  There’s an entire list with names on it, a list of all the bad apples in our town, but no evidence.  What are the cops going to do?”

“Bust them, just like you plan to do with the doctor, but they have the training to do so.”

She shook her head at him.  “As soon as these guys hear that the cops are running investigations, they’ll leave.  Plus, what if the cops are the bad guys?”

Asher ran a hand over his face, and for the first time, Amy saw how tired her brother really was.  She couldn’t blame him.  He had rode hours to get to her, and now, he was driving a couple more to get her home.  The sun was already beginning to drop, and even she could feel the fatigue slipping through her body. 

“We have a list, right?”  When she nodded, he continued to speak.  “When we get home, we’ll pull up the list, check the names, and then make a decision.  For now, let’s just get home.”

“You’re right.  There’s nothing we can do right now, nothing to worry about.  When we get home, then we can start worrying, until then, let’s talk about something else.”

A small smile flashed onto Asher’s face.  “How about we talk about the elephant in the car?”

“What elephant?” she asked, while jerking to look in the back seat.

Just as she thought he would, her brother laughed at the stupid joke.  “Well, this elephant is a male by the name of Jaxon.”  He cut her a look.  “I think I know the real reason why you want to help him.”

Heat flushed across her cheeks, and she pressed the back of her hands to her face to cool them down.  “I’m not blushing.”

“Sure, you aren’t,” he agreed with a laugh.  “And I’m sure that you’re not helping him because you might have feelings for the man.”

She smacked his arm, smiling when he winced.  “Hey, why are you so darn cheery?  I thought you were supposed to be all overprotective brother when it came to things like this.”

Again, he shot her a look, but this one showed the overprotective expression that he had patented.  “Believe me.  If he makes one wrong move, he’s done for, but until then, I agree with Spencer.  You need to have a little fun.  You need to forget about what happened last year.  If Jaxon can help you do that, I’ll keep my homicidal tendencies to a minimum.”

She laughed at his words, even though she wasn’t quite sure that he was joking.  “There’s only one problem with that.”  When he stopped at a red light and turned towards her with a questioning glance, she looked away.  “How am I supposed to forget my past when I have to run to it for help?”

He didn’t say a word, and she knew it was because he didn’t have an answer.  This was one thing that her brothers couldn’t fight for her.  They couldn’t make her forget what her past held; they couldn’t chase away the demons that were her memories.  No, that was all on her shoulders.  She had to learn that she didn’t need to forget what had happened.  She needed to remember, she needed to face her past, but what she needed above all else was to move on.  And for that, Spencer and Asher may have been right. 

Maybe, Jaxon was the person who could make her move on, maybe he was the one who could help  her look back not with sadness but with happiness, because no matter what she had gone though, she was lucky.  She was lucky to have a large family that loved her, that would fight for her no matter what.  And she was lucky to have a chance at a new beginning, and a new happiness in life, one that she had a feeling would start and end with Jaxon, if only she would let it.