Chapter 11

Taking a deep breath, Amy let the cool, morning air fill her lungs.  How long had it been since she started her vacation?  Just two days ago, but it felt like forever.  Already, she was beginning to forget the small worries she had back at home, but then again, she had made sure the major responsibilities were taken care of.  Her dog was staying with her parents, something she wished she wouldn’t have allowed.  Her mother had been the one to convince Amy to leave her dog, most likely because her mother wanted to spoil the thing to no end.  Her bills for the entire month were paid off; thanks to the small check she had just received to announce the end of the school year.  So, she was allowed to forget the things that usually plagued her. 

The only problem was that where those worries left, new ones formed.  Even if she wanted to have a stress free couple of weeks, where she only had to worry about fixing her problems, she couldn’t.  As soon as she made the decision to help Jaxon, the peacefulness was snatched from her plans.  She wouldn’t go back on her word, not when she knew Jaxon was the same man she had wanted to help from the beginning.  He had made bad choices in his life, had done horrible things, but could she blame him? 

A small part of her did.  A small part of her wanted to demand why he didn’t save those people, why he would allow that man in the suit and all the others to do what they did.  Another part of her realized that if he had tried to stop them then, he wouldn’t be here now.  She wouldn’t have even known about the horrors he faced, about those men who were on his videos, and they would have kept doing the harmful things that they were doing.  With Jaxon’s evidence, they would be put away; something that most likely wouldn’t happen if Jaxon had gotten himself killed trying to save another.

The man’s pleading eyes flashed in Amy’s mind, making her take another breath of the cool air surrounding her.  She shouldn’t blame Jaxon for his actions.  Undercover cops did the same to keep their cover.  Hell, Logan himself had done worse on his tour.  She knew he did by the haunted look that would shadow his eyes, the way he kept everyone’s questions at bay by only telling them the humorous parts of his time away.  How could she think any differently of Jaxon when she accepted Logan without question?

It’s different, she told herself, but knew it was a lie.  Just because Jaxon was a stranger and Logan was her brother, it didn’t change the facts.  Jaxon was a good man.  In the small amount of time she had known him, that was clear.  He went after the people who harmed his brother with passion that even she admired.  When was the last time she had felt that strongly about anything?  Felt so passionate about something that she was willing to put her life on the line for it?  Never.

Logan had his computers, Asher his firm, Carson his cases, and hell, even Spencer put his life on the line every time he went surfing.  She stuck with kindergarteners, what could be safer than that?  She saw her brothers’ eyes light up each time they talked about their careers.  Even with Asher working himself to complete exhaustion every day, he was still passionate about his job.  She loved her children, but was teaching what she wanted to do for the rest of her life?  Could she see herself being happy with her career, no matter where it took her?

A door slammed, making her jump slightly.  The arms that were wrapped around her body eased as she stood from her seat on the small porch.  She glanced at the black car parked next to hers and her brother’s and berated herself for not paying more attention.  How could the Marshal have drove up without her hearing?  She had been so caught up in her own thoughts that only the sound of his slamming door had brought her back to reality.

Attempting to put a smile on her face, she knew she failed when the Marshal frowned at her.  “Get any sleep?” he called out as he walked closer towards her.

“Not really,” she admitted while motioning towards her brother’s car.  “But with my brother here, I think I’ll be able to get more sleep than usual.”

The Marshal followed her gaze with a nod.  “It’s good to have someone up here to watch out for you.  He’ll be here for the rest of your stay?”

“Afraid so,” she said with a genuine smile this time.  Truth be told, she couldn’t be happier that Logan was now staying with her.  It would keep her feelings for Jaxon at bay, keep her from feeling more than she should. 

The Marshal chuckled slightly as he stood on the ground near the porch.  With his hand on the railing, he leaned closer towards her.  “I don’t think I ever got your name.”

“Amy,” she supplied.  “Don’t think I ever got yours either.”

She didn’t tell the man that Logan had already supplied his last name.  It was just his first that she was lacking.  He fidgeted on his feet as a small amount of red formed on his cheeks.  “You promise not to laugh?”

“Yeah,” she agreed in confusion. 

His eyes darted towards the ground, and the easy manner he always seemed to have slipped slightly.  “My name is Marshal,” he said with a shrug.  “Marshal Grant.”

A small laugh escaped her lips before she could stop it, but instead of him glaring at her as she thought he would, he smiled at her.  “It’s really not that funny,” she said, a small giggle slipping out once more.

“Hey, if it can make that haunted look leave your eyes for a second, laugh it up.”

Those words were like a cold bucket of water thrown on her.  All her earlier thoughts came crashing down.  Her eyes darted towards the cabin, and a sigh escaped her mouth without her knowledge. 

“Hey,” Marshal mumbled, making her glance back towards him.  “If I’ve caught you at a bad time, I can go.  I just wanted to make sure that your brother was here, and that you weren’t by yourself.  I wasn’t kidding when I said that man could be dangerous, and if he isn’t, the men who are after him are.”

Again, the hairs on the back of her neck stood on end, but she didn’t know if it was because of what Marshal said, or because of the reminder of what Jaxon was caught up in.  “Don’t worry,” she said with a small smile in his direction.  “Logan is making sure that nothing happens to me while I’m here.”

“And who makes sure nothing happens to you while you’re not here?” Marshal asked while wiggling his eyebrows at her.

She laughed at his actions before shaking her head at him.  “Does my entire family count?  I have more brothers than I know what to do with, and they keep me out of trouble whenever they can.”

“When those brothers aren’t around?”  Her mouth stayed shut, and this time, it was him who laughed.  “Fine, I’ll stop beating around the bush.  I was just wondering that if I happened to ask you out to dinner, would there be someone back at home that would protest?”

“Besides those brothers?” she asked with a smile.  “No one.”  The smile slipped slightly.  “I’m going to have to ask for a rain check though.  I don’t think I’d be very good company tonight.  Too much on my mind.”

His eyes looked back towards the cabin, and his eyebrows drew together.  “I understand,” he said with a nod while looking back at her.  With the same charming smile he had shown her the first day they met, he tipped an imaginary hat at her.  “Well, I best get going.  Have a good day, Amy,” he said as he turned his back on her and made his way towards his car.

“You too,” she called out just as he slammed his car door.  With a wave in her direction, one that she returned, he backed out of her driveway.  Just as the back of the black car disappeared from sight, the cabin door opened.  Without turning, she knew who was now standing on the porch.  “I swear if you say a word about me flirting with the Marshal, I’ll scream.”

“I wasn’t going to say anything bad about Marshal Grant,” Logan said with humor in his voice.  “I was going to tell you to go inside and talk to Jaxon.  The man looks like a whipped pup.”

She turned towards him, raising an eyebrow in slight disbelief.  “Why are you even out of the room?”

“Heard the car come up,” he explained with a shrug before walking towards her.  Glancing down the driveway, he shook his head.  “Marshal Grant is actually one of the good guys.  I know; it’s hard to believe.  The man would do anything to get what he wants.”  When she shot him a look, he rolled his eyes at her.  “I mean he’ll cross the line to get what he wants, but at the end of the day, he takes the bad ones down.  Isn’t that all that matters?”

At that point, she had a feeling that it wasn’t Marshal Grant her brother was speaking of.  She looked towards the cabin’s open door, and when her brother pushed her in that direction, she glared at him over her shoulder.  “I don’t want to talk to him right now.”

“So you’re going to mope outside on the porch?  The man went through a lot, Amy.  I just thought since you’ve had troubles of your own, the two of you could have a show and tell.”  He frowned slightly.  “Just don’t do any showing.”

Red hit her cheeks, and she knew her pale skin made her embarrassment seem brighter than it truly was.  “I’m not showing him anything,” she protested, but her feet still took a step in Jaxon’s direction.

Logan gave her another small push, and with an annoyed sigh, she walked into the cabin.  As soon as she entered, her eyes fell on Jaxon.  He was staring at the fireplace, the fire long gone, but ashes remaining.  She took a step closer, and without glancing at her brother, shut the door behind her.  The small noise brought Jaxon’s gaze to her.

“Amy,” he whispered as he jerked to his feet, but when she shook her head at him, he nodded and eased back onto the couch.  “I get it.  You’re not ready to hear what I have to say, but please believe that wasn’t me.  I’m not that man.”

“I believe you,” she admitted, but when he opened him mouth to talk, she shook her head to keep him from saying a word.  “I’ll even let you explain whatever it is that you think you need to.  The way I see it, you were doing whatever you could to bring those men down.  An undercover cop would have done the same; my brothers would have done the same if they were in your position.  How can I blame you when I wouldn’t have blamed them?”

“You mean that?” he asked with slight hesitation in his voice.  When she nodded, a relieved sigh escaped his mouth as he dropped his face in his hands. 

Shifting her weight from one foot to the other, she closed her eyes in determination.  “There is something I want to tell you,” she mumbled as she opened her eyes.  “Since you were honest with me, I think I should be honest with you.”

“You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to, Amy.”

She saw the sincerity in his eyes, but there was curiosity there too.  “You mean you don’t want to know what Logan was talking about earlier?  Okay then,” she joked as she turned to walk towards the kitchen.

“Wait!” he called out with a small chuckle.  “I do want to know, but only if you want to tell me.”

Turning back towards him, she smiled.  “It’s really nothing as big as your troubles.  To be honest, when I even start to compare the two of them, I feel silly for letting mine keep me down for so long.”

“Your problems aren’t any less important than mine, no matter how large or small they may be.”  A smile curled the corner of his lips as he patted the empty cushion next to him.  “Now come put me out of my misery and tell me what it is that you went through last year.”

She walked towards the couch, and when she reached it, she sat facing him.  He turned also, and she immediately made eye contact with him.  His brown eyes were filled with compassion and warmth, making her want to share more than just secrets. “I was with him for two years,” she started, watching Jaxon wince slightly at her words.  “After the first year, he proposed, and I thought that we would get married, have two children, a white picket fence, a dog, and live happily ever after.”

She laughed slightly, but it was devoid of all humor.  “I was even more naïve then than I am now.  I was in love, or what I thought love was.  Nothing could make me believe he wasn’t the man for me.”

“He cheated on you,” Jaxon guessed. 

Amy nodded, but a genuine smile formed as she heard the anger in his voice.  “Yeah, but after the first time I caught him, he promised me that it would never happen again.  I believed him, of course, but after that, things changed.  I was so afraid that he was going to leave me, and I think he was afraid I was going to do the same to him.  We didn’t fight, if anything we avoided fighting in fear that it would break us up.  After a couple of weeks of walking on eggshells, after trying to fix that thing in our relationship, he came up with an idea.  Looking back, I know that even if we were successful, it wouldn’t have changed a thing.  If anything, it would have made our relationship more tense.  I tried though,” she whispered, feeling tears form in her eyes as her voice cracked slightly.  “I tried so hard to get pregnant.”

Arms circled her, pulling her into a tight hug.  Jaxon’s hand ran up and down her back in a comforting gesture as he eased her head onto his chest.  “You don’t have to tell me more,” he whispered.  “I don’t need to know more.”

She pulled away from him while shaking his head.  “No.  I’m going to finish,” she said as she angrily swiped at the tears running down her cheeks.  She had thought she was finished crying, finished feeling sorry for herself.  “We knew that it would take me a while to get pregnant.  It’s not like you see on TV.  The couple doesn’t suddenly decide it’s what they want and a couple days later, bam.  But after a couple of months his patience started to run thin, and when he suggested I go to the doctor, I didn’t think twice.”

“Amy,” Jaxon said, interrupting her story.  “The guy is an ass.  No matter how the story ends, he’s a complete idiot for letting you get away from him.”

A small laugh escaped her mouth.  “Funny, that’s exactly what Spence said when I came crying to him that day.”  She pursed her lips slightly.  “The rest of them just went out and beat the hell out of him.”

Jaxon laughed, making Amy smile at the sound.  “I wish I could have helped them.”

“You don’t even know why he left me.”

All the humor left his eyes as he stared at her.  “It doesn’t matter why he left; he’s an idiot.”

“I can’t have children,” she blurted.  Relief hit her when he didn’t wince, didn’t draw away from her as her ex had done when he heard the news.  “When the doctor gave us the news, I was so broken.  He just slipped his ring off his finger, laid it down on the chair and walked away.”

“An idiot,” Jaxon repeated, his tone hard with anger.  When she didn’t look at him, he placed both hands on her cheeks and carefully raised her face until her eyes connected with his.  “Anyone willing to let you go over something like that is the stupidest man on the earth.”  When she didn’t say a word, he dropped his hands and pulled her into a hug.  “Even I know how much you love children, Amy, but something like this shouldn’t stop you from having a couple of your own.  Adopt, and if that doesn’t work, I’ll kidnap a few for you.”

She laughed against his chest.  “Would you really?”

He drew back slightly and stared down at her with an unknown emotion in his eyes.  “Of course I would,” he whispered as he pressed a kiss to her forehead.  “Right after I find that jerk and beat the hell out of him one more time.”

Smiling at his words, she allowed him to pull her into his arms once more.  She laid her head on his chest, listening to the comforting beat of his heart.  She wished she had met him years ago, before both of their lives had changed.  Snuggling deeper into his arms, she let out a sigh.  Because if she had, she knew she could have fallen in love with this man, but now, the time wasn’t right.  She couldn’t allow herself to feel anything towards him but friendship.  Closing her eyes, she pushed the thoughts to the back of her mind.  It didn’t matter how she felt; what mattered was Jaxon and finding him and his brother the justice they both deserved.