(This might be a filler or something. I guess-enjoy.)

Chapter 11: An  Outing

"We should go out!" Nate announced earlier whilst we ate .I knew he asked me previously but I just could not wrap my head around it so I gaped so wide a fly could have flown in.

"Really where?" I asked, my voice rose to an exited octave. In reality, why after everything I had done, you still want to hang out.

"Sure, why not." He mused, slightly amused as the sunbathed on his face. Red dots dotted his forehead, but his smile was the sun. He looked into the clouds, eyes closed and deep in thought. "Well," he started, "I know. Let's go ice skating."

I gaped at him even wider then I smiled. "Sure." but inside I was dying of surprise.

I pondered on our conversation. 

My mother and I sat on the table with a bible propped open, scattered with materials but we studied despite my dad's protests.

"Mom," I asked, about two months earlier.

"Yes," She responded, her voice sweet and calm. She cocked her head with a sad, small smile.

"Why are you still with dad?" I asked with wide eyes. "Why haven't you divorce?" Every word I said got me furious and curious.

She sighed heavily and bowed her head. Then with a quick look at the cross and fingered her rosary. "Thalia," she started her voice frustrated and breathless, "I-It's not that simple. It is not that easy. I just can't."

My mouth opened, horrified. "What do you mean you just can't. Why do you love him? How can you ? After all the things he said and done. He has cheated on you, hit you and probably assaulted you numerous times and yet you sit here and defend him. Mom we can start over and file him. We can report him."I screamed my voice loud and wavered and desperate as tears stung my eyes. I didn't care if he heard or even the whole damn neighbourhood. They worshipped the ground he walked on for no reason. I didn't care that I disrespected my mom even though she had been disrespected by her own husband. If this was love? I want nothing to do with it.

"Thalia .I know you are mad but hear this marriages are rocky." she answered, her voice calm but her eyes were glossy with potential tears as her forehead rolled with apparent dimples. She aged."M-Mom," I shrieked. "Do you hear yourself?"If this was the way marriages were , I hated it. That she stayed with an abusive spouse. "He's abusive. He is weed, a bad seed that chokes on good wheat. That's you, mom."My breathe was ragged, my heart was beating, my vision was blurry and never noticed I was on my feet. That I glared at my mom hard. I clenched my fist and glared at my father---a lazy piece of crap who stared idly at the television .He watched an ice Hockey match as he drank on is fourth or fourteenth bottle of beer. Then he belched, long and loud.

This was the man my mother fell for?

I began storm off the house only to be stopped, my mom's fingers squeezed tightly as she stared me with wide, wet eyes. "Thalia, please. My darling----Let's chat." she begged, her voice soft. I yanked my wrist and ran into the porch. Anger boiled from deep within me. I sat on the porch, the sun hid behind the clouds. Soon, my anger dissolved then replaced with sadness as tears streamed down my eyes. My heart was heavy with bottled up anger, frustration and curiosity and now it deflated as I let everything out. My father seemed to tolerate my dad's abusive behaviour. I knew that their agreements were common but my mother always won. With my mom quiet, tired and wet with tears. Or she was covered in bruises, beatings and she whimpered. He always got his way. My father was a parasite. He sucked the bold, strong, confident version of my mother day by day.She was a flickering flame, and yet my father threatened to extinguish her.

I sighed heavily, wiped my tears and pulled my thin legs to my chest. The air chilled the neighbourhood quiet and the familiar darkness that surrounded our house caved in.

"I-I wish I could it," she began the next day, her eyes whimsical and longing, "but I just can't. You won't understand. You can't."She defended, shoulders dropped and sprits dead.

"I do, "I spat. "You're weak." did I regret my outburst. No, but I felt guilty eat me up. Yes, did I resent my mom? Yes, a little. But would I do anything to save her. I will. Did I deserve a slap? Maybe I did. Did I apologise to her? No.

Dear mother, why forsake me than drag me with you. My father did horrible and unmentionable things to me when you were gone. The memories still burnt fresh in my mind leaving a strong ashy, rubbery smell in its wake. He placed me on his lap and exposed the bare skin of my back then he lit a match and let it burn. I screamed in agony as he calmly smirked. Or he lit a cigarette and let the butts scorch my skin. Some parts of skin was patchy or just dotted.

I was abstract---not normal. I was not pottery or a beautiful untouched oil painting. I was defiled and disgusting. I snorted, hiccupped as tears streamed down my face and I touched the raised, broken skin on my arms and waist. Every scar had a story.

In my reflection was me: A stick. My body was strange, puberty delayed so much and my boyish appearance didn't help. Instances, when people called me a boy or lad only to find out I'm a girl in corn rolls, baggy T-shirt or a tank top.

My mom said I have hormone imbalance, premature genes as a baby or delayed puberty. My chest was flat .I wore tubes to enhance it and my hips were narrow—but in due time. My mother said I shouldn't be jealous but I couldn't help it.

"What the hell are you doing in there?"My father's voice rose to a shrill from downstairs.

A shudder ran through me, staggered and quickly replied, "N-Nothing." I pressed my back against the wall startled.

He huffed and chuckled loud, "Yo, mati. "Yes, I heard. He drawled the yoo in a way he didn't believe me in a tense voice in one of our local dialect, Twi.

There were numerous times were he showed his downright disgust on me."I have raised a white daughter!"He joked, anger at its peak. He raked me up from head to toe with a fuming look when I was eleven when I first gauged my ears.

He threw his hands up in frustration and paced around the room. "I raised a boy instead of a girl. What is next? Will she bring a girlfriend?"He shrieked and pointed at me his tone livid. Back when I had a bit of spunk and confidence, I braided my hair, wore baggy shirts and clothes .I was prone to doing graffiti and a lame excuse for a skateboarder. It was a phase, I guess. So now, I wore leggings, long sleeves and baggy shirts then I avoided the shake park and all my friends.

***

I left the house without a proper meal. Cornflakes seemed dry, bland and just uninviting and or a stupid old, dusted granola seemed even more uninviting needed my pills and more pills but I was just not in the mood to do so. My stomach rumbled ,long and loud but I ingnored it.I needed to out of this house. Pronto. With one last glance at the house. I suddenly felt it's unsettling nature. The thick heavy feeling of being crashed, the constricting pain of my lungs and the darkness that bathed in the walls of the old house----but our house wasn't that old. A shudder ran through me as I shrugged on a jacket as I was hit with cold air.

The house was quiet. Good. I checked my cell and sighed at the location. I took about thirty minutes to get her.

Central Toronto Skating Park

Luckily, it was an indoor since none of the outdoor ones would open until late November and early December until the outdoor officially opens. A sigh escaped my lips as I merely expected to see people, kids and adult's praticing , training or just shaking for leisure or whatever but instead it was barely alive with a few trickles of people her and there. It was eleven in the morning on a Saturday as I gasped surprised.

Small shops were already opened, the thin tower contrasted to the pale blue sky of the bustling and thriving city of Toronto. Just when I was about to ask about the lack of people and collect my ice skates inside the arena, the strong smell of hot buttery oil and popping corn kernels aroused my senses and caused my stomach to growl and overtook my nostril.

I stared at the popcorn machine with want as I fumbled with my pockets for loose cash or change.

Popcorn for breakfast? Are you stupid.

Stupidly hungry.

This is not healthy, you idiot.

Breakfast, breakfast, breakfast. My brain chanted.

Man, I was starving. I could eat a horse. This is not a balance, healthy or a suitable or even nutritionous. Would you even survive till noon? My gloved hand clenched on some change. Jackpot.

Should've eaten dinner, you duumbass.

I took a deep breath, avoided it and walked away only to be attacked by the strong smell of corndogs. My tongue watered. I shook my head and stared longing at the food. I had money but the temptation.

Where I stood and at the other side was chairs and a silver of ice on the rink and decorated like a Hockey pitch. There sat Nate outside the glass and sat attentively on his chair. A smile formed on my lips as I skipped over, waved and greeted, "I ,buddy!"I scrunch my nose in confusion and felt my cheeks warm.

Buddy ?Really? Since when did we go that far?

He turned his body and smiled. Over his head were a dark grey beanie and a black glove. I was taken aback when I saw that beanie. I gulped. Strange, it wasn't that cold but I could be over thinking it.

"Hello!"He yelled back, cheeks pink and ears too."Glad you actually made it." I nodded glumly as I observed the surroundings. Still half full as the sound of smacks and slams echoed from within the rink. Nate smiled and laughed as he gestured me to sit beside him.Relunctantly as I stared at the chair and sat. "Man, I honestly think you wouldn't come but beats me. You wouldn't leave me hangin' right?"Nate joked and nudged my elbow.

Why so energetic ?

"Why are you suddenndely cheery?"I asked, destroying our lively atmosphere he created. Way to go Thalia. Way to go.I down casted my eyes to my boots and spread them out.

He stared at me with wide eyes and huge grin. He spread his hands high above his head and smiled. I reeled away so confused.Creeped and lost about his oddly cheery tone. He intertwined his fingers behind his curly head ,closed his eyes and grinned slightly.

"Why not? The sun is shining, the cars are honking and the roads are bustling. What a time to be alive. People are alive. Am alive."I raised a brow confused.

"Are you sure you're okay?"I questioned, shuffled away with a look of concern and maybe a bit of fear. His smile was stretched so wide his face and hurt his cheek muscles. His eyes were so wide and dilated and wrinkles formed on his glassy, burgled eyes. I wanted to scream. He cocked his head and laughed, so forced and so fake."Sure, everything thing is fine."Then to ruin the creepy tension. My stomach lurched and growled. All the fake cheeriness melted off him, his skinny shoulders sagged his hands were limp and he was quiet.

"Why wouldn't I not be happy?"He said, eyes dropped .His fair lashes chapped to his pale face and chapped pink lips. I wanted to squeeze his palms and reassure him but I couldn't do it. He rested his head on the cold plastic and sighed. "Of course, I am okay. Everything is fine. Why wouldn't I be ?Look the sun."

"You didn't eat?"he asked surprised. I nodded as he looked at me through his lashes. He smiled again, genuine and not forced."So did I."I slipped out of my fingers and fingered a chap stick. I felt ashamed. What was wrong with me?

"Are you okay? Your eyes are dilated. Did any drug?"I pointed out.He shook his head and scoffed, "Of couse not. Pst.I don't need drugs. I'm not hundred percent me but I have too. I am the golden boy. The comedian. The dumbass in sitcoms. The one who dies first. The stereotypical white jock. I need to be sane. But anyway. I don't need drugs to be high anyway as far as I am concerned. I am high."

I tensed as he shrugged. My stomach rumbled again. He stared at my stomach."You sure--- "

"Not hungry." I stated but then again. I rarely allowed it to win. He pursued his lip, sat up and looked toward the glass. Then I noticed how shiny and thin looked from his turtleneck and jeans. From my side-glances, his legs shook, teeth clattered and in odd intervals, he would rub his rams and fingers. Nate was cold and shivering.

"You're cold."I said.

He nodded, wrapped his arms around him."Yeah, I am."He went on. "Nowadays. I feel cold. Devoid and hollow and freezing. Like I was shoved in a freezer. Even with the sun and all.it does nothing. It's so weird but what hasn't been weird about all whole affair." He spoke, long and thoughtful as he went deep in thought I gripped his wrist, feeling sad only to recoil. The bitterness of the chill numbed my fingers. God, he was cold and even through the gloves I felt it.

"I-I think you need to see a doctor ."I suggested, stammered and confused as the cold spread throughout my body like ice on a lake. Nate smiled his lips white with frost and ears pink.

He scoffed, shivering and rubbing his sweater."Hah, no shit. But hey. Who would believe melanoma will think I'm a nut job or something. "He joked, dry and humourlessly.

Then his real plan unfolded as I clenched and unclenched my fist. He smiled when I noticed. From beside him, he pulled out a large, whiteboard and a marker. He popped out open with his mouth and scribbled something as now the sounds of laughter, screaming and people trickled into the rink and spread to the other parts to skate but smacking, hitting and shouting seemed louder now.

I sent him a withering look, as he seemed deep in concentration echoed from our front row seat.

What is your real plan, Nathanial Rayeas?

On the ice was five guys dressed in helmets, shakes and oversized shirts as the skidded along the rink and rest in formation and one stood in the goal, ready and agile. They all held sticks and hit the puck as it slid on the ice.

"Why are we really here?"I asked, feeling stupid and aware of the answer. Nate had a dumb plan and roped me into it. "Nate,"I pressured,hands on my hips.

"Nothing."He replied with a smile. I glared at him even harder. He sighed, walked down the stairs and grabbed the marker.He placed twio fingers into his lips and whistled ,long and loud as one opf the guys snapped his head to his direction and dripped his stick.All the others stopped and called him out.

"Hey ,butt face."Nate yelled."Eat shit."It got everyone's attention as others glared and told him to not make noise.

The boy skated closer till he reached the gate and he cried."You son of a bitch!"Alerting people who were in their seats as the other guys skated forward ,paused and moved around to calm him down but he didn't relent and spat more creative words.

Nate lughed as the guy stailked forward and reopveed his helment and flung it.His eyes were livid as his shoulders rose and fell.Then it hiot me---the boy who stood just a few feet from us blocked from the barrier.It was James –Hayley's older boyfriend The smiley blonde-haired boy was now red with his fist clenched and unclenched.

He raised his whiteboard and screamed like a duck, "You are a pedophile. Stop preying on young girls."He chanted, swivelling his card and written on it is.

Paedophiles are gross. Don't be one. Break up with your girlfriend. This guy likes freshmen.

"Nate,"I asked,"What the hell are you doing?"

He breathed in sharply and grabbed a deserted stick. "You !"James screamed, "What the hell is your problem?"He asked ,angry and frustration.He swivelled as his friends slid towards him and tried to console him."Me? Calm down. No ,I'm tired. I'm so fucking tried. This dick over here ha s been harassing me. Annoying me and cockblockng me and insulting. I'm tired."He yelled, he took a deep breath after looking at the floor then he threw his head back and laughed."Oh, I get it then. You like me?"By then, all the team crowded around him, interested and tried to console him as the coach. A skinny man a cap watched with confusion as others went on their business.

Nate looked confused, turned back and screamed louder. "Nope!"he screamed, rose his whiteboard and replied, "I'm straighter than the pole your mom dances on."How badly that I wished the ground gave way and swallowed me completely with that statement.

He yelled taken aback by that reply. He scoffed and turned on his soles as his friends listened attentively.

"Dude, calm down. You're causing a scene!"One of them said loudly. James eyes were frantic and hands clenched at his sides filled with frusation."What the hell is your problem man. Do you have nothing interesting in your life. Are you bored? Attention seeking?"He replied. Eyes tired and heavy.

"Justice."Nate yelled again.

"I can't escape you. You are everywhere. What the hell is your problem? Y-You think you 're finny? You think this a joke?"

Then the realisation dawned in. Nate had been doing this for months and now the poor guy James was sick and tired of this. This was not the first and probably not be the last. I had to step in.

I tugged his jacket heard as he stared at me with confusion."What gives?"He snapped.

"What gives? What gives?"I chided. "Nate stop it .This is harassment."Nate shook his head with full defiance, screamed, and raised the card.

"No!"Nate screamed."I-I won't stop till you break up with Hayley."

His shoulders sagged as he scoffed and rotated in anger."Oh, I get what this is about. You like Hayley instead."

Nate coughed then defended."No, not even close. People like you see girls like Hayley as bets and other creepy shit. You could easily groom, manipulate them and things like that. You're either dating her because it was a bet, you can embarrasses her or talk shit. Guys like you want your way so you could hook up and ran. You love younger girls. At this point is freaking obvious. You are weirdo and creep."

I stood frozen a bit confused as I watched the heated discussion that happened between them both. It attracted a guard and things but they quickly dispersed. He coach watched with a cock head and paid rapt attention. Then Nate continued his annoying, loud chant about pedos, frat boys, seniors and society and other kinds of bull. It got repetitive and I was pretty sure the security as on the lookout. Poor Nate.

The disappointment seemed into my chest as I averted my gaze. I really thought we would hang out, shake and joke and sing kombayaa but I was wrong. Everything was crappy. I thought it would be fun though to hang out but I was dumb and naive to think the boy I made his life hell, turned upside down and downright scarred would genuinely spend time with me. I bought a corndog, apologised to any adult in the area and went on my merry way. James' coach stop the fought and gave James a long lecture on letting Kids trigger you and being mature but buy the raised brow and apparent frown the on the man's wrinkled face he thought about the protest—attempt.. He warned James to not loose hi s cool, cause a scene as James tried to explain his situationship with the guy. The coach benched him as Nate smiled and danced with glee and victory. I sat crossed legged ,ate my popcorn and glared at the Urchin. Back then we got sacked out for public disruption and whatnot.